Crush(ed)

Alice has been giving me odd looks all day. She thinks I'm sickening for something. But I'm not. I'm thinking about you. I can't get you out of my head.

I love you.

Alice doesn't think that you're handsome, but what does she know? She fancies Frank Longbottom and everyone says he's so ordinary looking. Besides, Alice doesn't see what I see. I think you're beautiful.

You're always so kind to me. A real gentleman, my mother would say. You hold the doors open for me, and you carried my books for me the day my bag broke. You smile and say 'hello' to me whenever we meet, and you always seem interested in what I have to say when we talk. Do you remember the day I ran out of Potions crying? That was the day I had a letter from home saying that my favourite Uncle had been killed. You came and found me after the lesson and we went for a walk around the lake. You listened to me. That's more than Alice ever did. She just kept telling me to be brave and that everything would be all right in the end, and then started talking about Frank. She didn't see how upset I was. But you did.

I've tried to let you know how much I like you. I always help you in Herbology. Even when your friends give up on you, I still believe in you. I know you're intelligent. I try to talk to you whenever I see you, I flick my hair and I send you smiles across the classroom. I've written love letters too, but I've always been too afraid to send them to you. I'd be humiliated if your friends ever saw them.

I go to bed thinking of you. I dream of you. I dream of us. Sometimes it's our wedding day. Sometimes we're already married. Sometimes we have children, and I wish you could see just how wonderful they are. During the day I watch you constantly. I don't understand why you haven't noticed yet. Alice says men never notice what's right in front of them. She'd know, I suppose. She's been out with plenty of them.

I know you like me.

But do you love me?

I don't suppose it matters.

We can never be together.

Why?

Because you are weak.

The last Hogsmeade trip of the year is coming up. If I don't do something quickly, it'll be the summer holidays and I won't see you for months. I decide I'll be brave. One of us has to be. I finally choose the day that I'll ask you out. I spend ages getting ready in the morning. Alice says I look pretty. It's not as nice as being called beautiful, but I suppose its something. By the time we arrive for breakfast you've gone. I can hardly eat; I feel sick all morning. No wonder there are so few couples in this school. No one would want to go through this!

Finally it's lunchtime. Alice and I spot you as soon as we walk into the Great Hall. Or rather we spotted them. Black and Potter always have to be the centre of attention. You are sitting opposite them; laughing at their jokes, and longing to be like them. The other boy in your group isn't there. Alice says he's ill again.

Alice pushes me over to your table. I tap you on your should and by the time you have turned around I am already going red. I stammer and stutter my way through asking you out. Potter starts to snigger. Black just stares. So does everyone else around us. People never ask you out. It's always Black and Potter who get the girls.

You looked flattered.

Pleased, perhaps.

I feel hope rising inside of me. You do like me! Now you just have to say 'yes'. Please, please say 'yes'.

Then you look at Black and Potter.

And I know I should never have hoped for so much. You always have to do what you think they want. You always have to make them happy. Even if it destroys you. They always come first. Why do you idolise them? Is it because they have power? Is that it? Do you want to be popular? Do you want to look like them? Do you want to be as smart as them? Why can't you be happy being you? Why do you do this to yourself, Peter? Why do you do this to me? I like you for being you. Don't you see that?

You laugh at me. Potter starts to smile. You tease me and Black smirks. Even when I cry and run towards the door of the Great Hall, you have to get the last word in, "Do you really think I'd go out with someone as ugly as you?!" Potter roars with laughter. And you are happy. You are the centre of attention. Black and Potter are pleased with you. And me?

I

cry

for

hours.

Alice has been giving me odd looks all day. She thinks I'm sickening for something. But I'm not. I'm thinking about you. I can't get you out of my head.

I still love you.