Bed of Lies

Bed of Lies

"A heart broken once can be repaired...but never again will it be the same."

-Beky

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm marking it down to learning

I am...

I stared into the emerald green eyes that were gazed at me from across the table and I wondered if my heart was breaking. We had been married for fifteen years, ever since we had gotten out of Hogwarts, and I never thought that this would happen...How could I have not seen this coming? Deep down, I think I must have known...at least known something like this was going to happen...I must have known that our marriage couldn't be perfect...How could it be? With his history...would he survive any marriage?

...Don't think that I can take another empty moment

Don't think that I can fake another

Hollow smile

It's not enough just to be sorry.

Don't think that I could take another talk about it...

I wanted to cry. We had just finished making love...and I realized that that would be our last time. I never thought I would see the day when we would make love for the last time. Even thinking it- it felt so final. The Last Time. I laughed inwardly. That would make a good title for some sappy romance novel.

You honestly never think- on your wedding day, you never imagine that there will be the day, in the near future, when you realise that you will only ever make love to your husband one last time.

They had told me- be careful. I laughed. I was going to grow old with this man! Be careful? Careful of what?

I had no idea...

I felt like my heart had shattered - like a hand had reached into my chest, pulled out my heart and torn it to shreds, bit by broken bit. It was all just too painful. We had promised that we would never fail each other...he had promised that he would never fail me...but obviously I must have failed him a long time ago for something like this to have happened.

...Just like me you got needs

And they're only a whisper away

And we softly surrender

To these lives that we've tendered away...

I wasn't in love anymore. I think that I'd known it for awhile. I loved him, sure...but I wasn't in love with him, just as I knew that he wasn't in love with me. Maybe that was why he had done this. Maybe that was why...We promised that this would never happen! We promised! Whatever happened to promises? I used to believe that they were a sign of love...a sign of hope...a sign of honesty...ha. Does honesty ever really exist in a person? And I had realised what promises really were...they were just lies that were made to look pretty. I had finally realised...

...No I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm marking it down to learning

I am...

The last time that we would make love...it had been beautiful, sure...but it was missing. The it that you had when you made love to someone that you really loved.The it that you needed to really, truly love someone...the it that you need to have a marriage with someone...and we had that it. Well, we used to. He was my soulmate...my forever...my eternity...but eternity had just ended.

It wasn't like we hadn't tried...we did! We tried to save our marriage...but you can't fix something that has shattered beyond repair, can you? And our marriage was beyond repair...

...Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over

Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong

Where it's not enough just be sorry...

Neither of us had wanted to be the one to finish it. We hadn't wanted it to fail! We really did try! Maybe it was just doomed from the beginning...I had realized that it would be hard to have a marriage with him, but this? I guess that I was just too naïve to really see. I was too much in love to think about the reality that would hit me later on.

As much as I loved him...I couldn't do this anymore. I was torn apart. I had loved him more than words could say, loved him an infinite number more than I had ever loved anyone...but now, I don't think I could feel love anymore. I felt so empty...so alone...My heart felt heavy...it ached for the love we once had...his love...

...Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in

Tried to be more than me

And I gave 'til it all went away

And we've only surrendered

To the worst part of these winters we've made...

But it was too late. What was done was done. My heart wretched and I burst into tears and buried my head in my hands. I lay there, sobbing, for a long time before I looked back up into those green eyes...those sparkling green eyes that had long since lost their love...I looked up into those eyes, a hurt-beyond-belief expression sitting on his face.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he whispered, as a tear rolled down his cheek. I couldn't stand it. Not anymore.

...I am all that I'll ever be

When you - lay your hands

Over me

But don't go weak on me now

I know that it's weak

But God help me I need this---

I stood up, brushing my hair out of my eyes and picked up my suitcase, and headed for the door. My hand was on the doorknob when, and for just a moment, I turned back to face him.

"I'm sorry too, Harry," I whispered, pushing the door open. I stepped out and slammed it behind me. I collapsed onto the porch, my head in my hands...

---I will not sleep in this bed of lies!

So toss me out and turn in

And they'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm marking it down to learning

I am...