In My Heart

In My Heart

The not-so-palatial estate of 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, came clearly into view as Katie Bell turned left into a narrow street, before pulling the car up, out in front of the house. Just the thought of growing up in that place sent a chill down Katie’s spine. There was nothing actually wrong with the house. The problems all stemmed from the owners.

Even though she had spent most of her own childhood separated from her father, she had, at least, spent those years surrounded by relatives that cared for her and made her feel loved. The same could not be said, however, for the boy whom she desperately wanted to see this bright and clear morning. Thinking about what he had to endure over those formative years only made her marvel more at the person he’d grown into. A boy with whom she’d spent a great deal of time over the summer. A boy whom she’d come to think of as her closest friend.

Which was part of the reason she had such a hard time comprehending last night, and had spent a great deal of time trying to do just that, since they’d parted ways. She’d gotten precious little sleep in the interceding hours, and when the sun had broken through the curtain of darkness, she’d been there, wide awake to welcome the new day. They had already planned to meet up tomorrow, before last night's abrupt ending to their date, but waiting the extra day-and-a-half was not something she felt she could do. One night had been painful enough. She didn’t want to endure another with the words they'd said to each other ringing in her head.

That morning she’d stood in the shower as the water cascaded down her body, cleansing both her physical form as well as washing away the tiredness that was hanging around after the sleepless night. She leaned back against the shower wall, running over in her mind how she’d tipped over the reality that they both knew was there, forever tearing down the illusion that Harry, as well as herself, had been living under.

After drying her body and feeling no more settled about things, she wrote out a short note to her father, hoping that he hadn’t been in urgent need of the car. As a precaution she made sure to mention that she was going to see Harry a few times, to placate him just in case he had planned to use it. She knew just how much her father had been keen on the idea of her dating Harry, and even though he’d joked about it, she could tell that he was very happy with them being together.

Together.

That was the real problem. They couldn’t be together.

No matter how much she (and she was pretty sure) and he felt about it.

The news report blaring out of the car radio told her it had ticked over to 7.00am during the time she’d been running over the events in her mind. Ordinarily she would never have entertained the thought of knocking on someone’s door at such an hour, unless previously arranged. However, the knowledge that Harry was an early riser, and her own impatience, threw aside any qualms she may normally have had.

Hopping out of the car and locking it behind her, she walked purposefully to the front door, ringing the doorbell as she reached her target. After no answer, she was about to reach for the bell again, when she heard the thunderous stomping of heavy feet on the interior staircase, followed by a bellowing that wouldn’t have seemed out of place at the elephant enclosure in London’s Zoo.

Even though she’d only met him a few times, she couldn’t help but recognise the booming tones of one Vernon Dursley, Harry’s less-than-amicable (especially to anyone who was magically-inclined) uncle.

"Did you forget your key, boy?" he roared from inside the house. "You forgot to take Dunkirk for a walk again!" he added as he opened the door to find not his nephew, but a teenage girl standing there.

Before she could say anything, she noticed the look of recognition in his eyes. It wasn’t easy to miss. The eyes, if possible, became even colder squinting down at her, as if he’d just stepped in one of Dunkirk’s little presents.

"What do you want?" he asked steadily. Katie could tell he was not all that comfortable addressing her.

Her previous meetings with him had given Katie plenty of fore knowledge; she knew to expect the tone he’d take with her. But she did feel, considering all the work they had done on his roof, he could've at least weighed that against his ingrained prejudices. Of course, she realised that maybe he had, and this was him being nice. Either way, she was depending on him to answer a question, so with the friendliest smile she could muster, she asked, "Is Harry in?"

She was sure she’d gathered up the correct mixture of politeness, respect, and firmness in asking, but even after that she wasn’t expecting the nature of his response.

"No!" he told her smugly before slamming the door in her face.

Not willing to let such a rebuke faze her, she knocked on the door this time.

"Go away," the voice inside yelled at her, confirming what Katie suspected, that he was waiting just inside the door.

"Mr. Dursley, I’m over seventeen," she told him succinctly.

"So?"

The response wasn’t as full of bravado this time, and Katie suspected he guessed what her meaning was. Harry had already told her about the numerous times he’d held over Harry’s head the fact that he wasn’t allowed to do magic as he wasn’t yet an adult, and could get kicked out of Hogwarts.

That wasn’t applicable to her anymore. "So, if I wanted to, I could just blow the door off its hinges," she replied cheerfully, before lightly rapping her wand across the doorframe, making sure it was loud enough to permeate into the house.

"You wouldn’t dare."

This time the voice was almost timid and Katie had to stop herself from laughing, knowing that it was a fine line she was walking if she wanted any information out of Harry’s uncle. "If you would just open the door I wouldn’t have to," she replied.

"He’s not here." There was an almost-pleading tone to Vernon’s voice now.

"Do you know where he is?" she asked, finding it difficult this time to totally mask her patience running out.

The front door opened slightly, just enough for Vernon to push a small portion of his over-sized head (just the eyes and forehead) through. "He’s probably up at the church," he said quickly, before pulling his head back and closing the door.

As tempting as it was just to blow the door off its hinges, as a thank-you for just how helpful he’d been, she decided it wasn’t worth the effort. With a last stare at the door, Katie turned around and walked back to the car, letting the less-than-kind thoughts she had flow out of her. Getting in and turning the ignition she thought back to when Harry had pointed out the church to her a couple of weeks ago. Of course that time they’d been coming from another direction, but after a few mental maps, she was pretty sure she knew how to get there.

It wasn’t a long drive, and before she thought about it, she saw the church to her left. Arriving at the church brought everything flowing back to the forefront of her thoughts. Being honest with herself, she didn’t have any plan for how to approach the situation with Harry.

The "situation" being her, him, them, or whatever they had.

It’d been so silly. It wasn’t as if either of them were unaware of the respective baggage the carried into this relationship. It was one of the things that had made Katie fall so hard, so quick. They had both been open about it. But for some reason that was all turned around last night, as they were saying goodbye out the front of his home.

She had to ask him.

She had to.

Unfortunately, all attempts at mustering up the courage needed to bring up the subject were negated as Harry’s fingers gently massaged her scalp, as they entwined themselves in her hair. That and the kisses that accompanied his caresses. The last thing she wanted to do, was interrupt what they were doing, but a voice inside her head, kept saying,

‘If not now, when?’ That was, of course, on the few occasions when the more vocal voice wasn’t calling out, ‘Harry’.

But what the other voice lacked it volume, it made up for in persistence. And so, with a great deal of will power, Katie reluctantly pulled her head back slightly, not too quickly, lest Harry thought she’d been upset at something he’d done, but as naturally as possible. Natural or not, it didn’t stop the uneasy feeling she felt, as their lips broke the intimate connection, and Harry’s and her hands returned to their sides.

Once that was done, Katie looked up at Harry, his emerald eyes at once catching hers, and without a doubt, telling her that he was just as worked up as she was. She had to say something now, or she never would.

"What’s going to happen in a few days?" she asked, fighting the feeling of dread that had been rising in her stomach, and now threatened to erupt with a vengeance.

"I’m going to stay with my godfather, remember?" Harry answered, his face clearly showing he wasn’t on the same page as Katie. He leaned forward, his lips poised to re-establish the physical bond they had been locked in moments before.

Katie turned her head slightly, leaning back just enough to avoid the contact. "No Harry, I mean what about us?"

At once, Harry’s expression told her that he didn’t have any answer, and his words, came rather anti-climatically. "I don’t know."

Her face fell. As much as she wanted to hide her emotions from him, she couldn’t. She had fallen hard. Way too hard, if the lost look on her partner’s face was any indication. She couldn’t help feel stupid. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know what he’d been struggling with since they had started dating. But somewhere in her mind, she’d started to believe that he had moved on from his past.

"You can come up and visit me," Harry suggested.

"Yeah," Katie replied without much enthusiasm.

"I’ve still got a year to go, Katie," Harry told her softly.

"Is that the only reason?"

"The only reason for what?" Harry asked, confused at the question.

It wasn’t the answer that Katie was looking for. And it only confirmed her worst fears. "The only reason you don’t seem at all worried that in four days time, you’ll be hundreds of miles away. Something that isn’t going to change for a year."

"It hasn’t been a secret that I’m going back to Scotland…" Harry started, before being stopped by Katie’s words.

"Of course it hasn’t, and I do remember where Hogwarts is, but you don’t seem the slightest bit upset about it."

She was looking for a sign, anything to show her that her biggest fear wasn’t true. But the look of confusion on Harry’s face didn’t give her the answer she wanted.

"Just what am I, Harry? Your summer fling?"

"No…" Harry started to protest, but Katie was too worked up to hear it.

"So now that you’re leaving, you’ll go back to fixating on Ginny?"

"Ginny?…Katie, you know what…" Harry’s confusion did nothing to soothe the pain Katie was feeling in hearing him not say the words she wanted to hear.

"What about me, Harry? Where do I fit in to your life? Do I even fit into it?"

Katie could see that he was rendered speechless at her words, and if she’d been more calm she would’ve given him more time to reply, or at least recognised that he seemed lost by her sudden interrogation. However it took a lot to work up the courage to ask what she did, and she couldn't see straight to stop now. "Just as I thought. Well, I’m glad that I was there for you, Harry. But as the summer’s almost at an end, I’ll say goodbye."

The pleading look on Harry’s face almost tore down her anger, but she kept her resolve, and in a minute, Harry opened his side of the door, still looking dumbstruck, and lost. As soon as he was out of the car, she started the engine, and took off, not registering that Harry had only just managed to close the door before she did.

She hadn’t made it around the first corner, when tears started streaming down her face, and she wondered just what the hell she’d just done.

******

The memory of her words added fuel to Katie’s desire to find Harry and talk it out. It left a sickly, uneasy feeling inside her, as if she’d lost him and now, more than anything else, she wanted that hole to be filled. She was pretty sure she knew where he’d be. Along with being open about their baggage, they’d also spent hours talking about many other things in their lives. One of which was Harry’s parents and the fact that they were buried in the small graveyard that was attached to the local church. And as this was Harry’s last weekend in Little Whinging before heading to Scotland, she was pretty sure he would want to be visiting them one more time.

The graveyard wasn’t large, and as such it didn’t take a long time for Katie to spot him. He was bent over, clearing out some of the weeds and overgrown grass from around the base of the tombstone. She walked silently towards him, surprised that the strength that had been coursing through her bones mere moments earlier had left her. One glimpse of Harry, even if was from a distance, and behind, seemed to bring all of her insecurities to the fore.

So instead of just walking up and saying, "Hi," she stood back a few meters and waited, not wanting to intrude on what might be a special moment he was having. What surprised her, however, was that within a few seconds of her stopping, Harry raised his head, as if he could sense someone had invaded his space, and looked around. When he turned his head, his eyes locked with hers for a moment, although for Katie it seemed like an eternity, waiting to see what his welcome would be like.

The trepidation that she felt evaporated almost immediately as his mouth curved up at the edges and he flashed her one of his genuine smiles, before raising his hand and waving hello to her. That was all the invitation Katie needed to rush over and envelope him in a hug, fulfilling the need she had to re-establish the close bond she now knew they still had. The warmth she felt doubled, when she felt his arms enclose around her and together they stood there, merely holding each other, as if they were both squeezing out the memory of the previous night.

"I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me again," Harry told her, not letting go for even a moment.

After an indeterminate amount of time, she felt him start to slowly let go, and so she did the same. As they both unwound their arms, his eyes caught hers as she backed away a pace. "I’m so sorry," she told him.

Harry brought his hand up to her cheek, lightly cupping it. "You have nothing to apologise for."

"Yes I do," Katie insisted. "To hit you like that…"

Harry shook his head, "I should have said something last night, but I was…"

"Shocked?" Katie said.

"More confused. But if anyone should be saying sorry, it’s me. You were pretty much spot on with what you said last night."

Katie couldn’t help but smile at his words. "Maybe, but I also knew all that when we started going out. You never lied to me."

She couldn’t help but miss the slight look of guilt that flashed across Harry’s face as she said the words. "What?" she asked concerned.

"I didn’t sleep much last night," he told her, as his face broke into a sad smile. "I don’t think I deserved to either."

"What do you mean?" she asked softly.

Instead of answering her, Harry quickly turned his head, as if he was checking something, and then just as quickly turned back around to face Katie.

"Let’s go for a walk," he said to her.

"Sure," she said nodding. As they walked off, she couldn’t help but glance at what had distracted Harry, but only saw his family’s gravestone. She couldn’t understand why he seemed so worried. Then something caught her eye, and she was about to stop and look closer, when she felt Harry take her hand. She let their fingers entwine as they walked slowly down one of the graveyard’s many pathways. After a while the silence was becoming deafening, and while on almost any other occasion Katie could’ve easily let the day slip away in silence, with Harry and her joined by their fingers, there was much to talk about if they were to get back to that point.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

Harry nodded. "Just thinking of where to start."

"You can tell me," she softly urged him.

"I know," he told her back, but behind his words, Katie could sense some sadness. "You were right last night, I’d never really thought about it."

"We hadn’t made any promises," Katie told him.

"No, but I think I was just going along with the flow. I mean I told you about Ginny, but I still kept dating you."

"I didn’t complain," Katie told him assuredly.

Harry grinned a little in reply, the sort of smile that made Katie flutter just a little. "No you didn’t. At least till last night."

Katie couldn’t help feel a little guilty at this, but almost as if Harry had felt her discomfort, he added, "Which I’ve already said you were right to say."

She simply nodded, letting him continue.

"But if we’re being extremely truthful here, than I should admit that there was a part of me that liked the situation. Please don’t think it was consciously deliberate, but being with you took a lot of my worries away. " He paused for a moment, seeming to think about what he wanted to say. "But there were times--there still are times--when I look at you, and I only see you, and I’m thinking long term."

Katie’s heart skipped a few beats, just for a fraction of a second, till she saw the look of guilt that had reappeared on Harry’s face. She knew exactly what it meant.

"Ginny," she said simply, with no malice.

"Yeah," Harry agreed, " and even if she’s with Malfoy, and she chose him over me… repeatedly." Katie could easily detect a slight flash of anger in Harry’s voice, a little edge to it, that she’d rarely heard this summer. He shook his head, as if he was disgusted with himself. "Even after that I still love her and can’t just forget about her."

Katie forced herself to put aside the need she felt to embrace him. As much as she sympathised with him over his plight, they needed to talk it out, no matter how much they each enjoyed the other's embrace. She swallowed and steeled herself to ask him the question that had been on her mind since last night--or, if she was being truly honest, for weeks now.

"Why are you in love with her?"

Harry looked up at her, surprise etched clearly on his face. "What?"

"You say that you’re in love with her, and looking into your eyes I can believe it, but I don’t get it. Infatuation I understand, crushes, obsessions, but this is different. You love her, but I can’t understand how you can love her, like you love her, without being with her."

When she’d finished her words, the first thing she noticed was the look that had floated across his face. She instantly regretted the tone of her words, and wondered if she’d crossed the line. "Oh Harry, I’m sorry," she started to say, stopping when he held his hand up and silenced her, placing a couple of his fingers across her lips for a second.

"You’re right you know," he told her wistfully, and before Katie could say anything he softly, but firmly asked her, "Don’t think I’m crazy, okay?"

"I never will," she replied even though she was no less confused.

She could tell that he was mulling over how exactly to say whatever he was going to tell her, and she was sure he seemed about to say something, but stopped himself. Whatever it was, she knew it was big, and she dare not say anything, less it interrupt his thoughts.

"Ginny and I were together in another life," he told her quickly as if he’d just settled on the best way to tell her. His tone, however, was serious.

"Like a past one?" Katie asked, knowing that a lot of people believed in past lives.

"No…" he responded carefully. "More like a parallel one."

"I don’t understand," Katie told him honestly.

"I’m not explaining it very well," he told her, looking around. He spotted a seat a little distance away and motioned to her to follow him over to it, waiting till they were both seated before he added anything.

"Did it seem to you like I was in another world last year?"

That question was one that had not entered Katie’s mind, and as such she’d never thought about it. But now that he had, she forced herself to remember back to the previous year, trying to recall anything that stood out in her memory. But there was none.

"You were quiet. You seemed to have a lot on your mind," she told him knowing that it wasn’t all that helpful. "But then, there was usually a good reason for that."

"Oh," he responded, and Katie could tell he was a little disappointed.

"But remember Harry, that apart from Quidditch, and Prefect meetings, we had very little to do with each other. And you never seemed all that enthusiastic in the Prefect meetings the year before either."

"They’re one of my favourite things," he protested in a joking tone.

"I wouldn’t try making money off that one," she joked back. "And as for the rest--we knew some of what had happened the year before, and to us it seemed like you were just getting through it."

"According to Hermione, I’d spent most of the year with my head in the clouds as if I was in another world, she told me," he said, as if remembering something at the same time.

Katie could tell that his mind seemed to be wandering, and she brought him back with a question. "Was she right?"

"Yes, well she was right, although she doesn’t know it yet."

His reply did nothing to reduce the puzzlement Katie still felt over the matter. "You’ve lost me again," she told him directly. "Why don’t you just start at the beginning and just let me believe you."

"Well, you know what happened at the end of the fifth year, and after that I didn’t have the best summer. I found it very hard to sleep, and by the end of the summer, I was more tired than after one of Oliver’s legendary practices after he thought we’d been slacking off."

Katie grinned at he reference but didn’t interrupt him.

"To cut the long story a little shorter, while waiting on the platform to get the train to Hogwarts, Voldemort performed some sort of spell and took me back to 1981, on the night my parents were killed. He gave me a choice, stay and listen to them die again, or save my mother."

Katie gave a sharp intake of breath at Harry’s words. The fact that Voldemort had been on the platform when they had all been catching the train and no one knew was just as shocking to her as the way Harry casually dropped his name. But then, after their talks, she had decided that she would follow his lead in that matter.

Almost as if he could sense her worry, Harry’s hand came over and covered hers, squeezing it gently. "I wasn’t in any fit mental state for that, and I gave in to him. And suddenly the world changed, I woke to find myself living with my mother in Hogsmeade, ready to start my sixth year at Hogwarts."

The amount of shock in Harry’s words, Katie felt was palatable. If anyone else had been telling this story, she may have reacted differently, but not once did she think he was telling her anything other that the truth. Besides, it almost answered a burning question she’d been holding onto.

"It was so different in many ways. Since Voldemort hadn’t killed my mother, or tried to kill me, I had no scar. I wasn’t famous. I was just another boy with a family who was attending Hogwarts. It seemed to be almost everything I wanted."

"What about Ginny?" Katie asked.

She could see a smile break out on Harry’s face, as Harry talked. "Funny thing, in that world, I was the one chasing her, stalking her really." He chuckled at the memory. "But she actually liked me and we started dating at the end of my fifth year, and the feelings we had for each other grew over the summer before…" he paused and Katie could sense some great pain behind Harry’s eyes.

"What happened, Harry?" she asked gently.

"She was murdered," he told her, his voice thick with emotion. "And I never got to see her…"

He didn’t get any further before Katie took him into her arms, forgetting about any questions she had. All she cared about was trying to soothe whatever pain Harry was feeling, or at the very least doing what she could. No matter how extraordinary the story he was telling her sounded, it answered the main question she’d asked him. She no longer needed to wonder why Ginny was always on his mind.

"I’m sorry," Harry sputtered into her shirt, before raising his head and taking off his glasses. He wiped them down on his shirt, clearing the fog that had formed on them, as he was breathing into Katie’s chest.

"Don’t," she told him, "Don’t apologise. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like."

"Everything went to hell," he told her. "I just managed to fix it and got back here in May."

"But you were here all that time," Katie told him, confused again.

"I know, but to me, when I returned it took a few days for me to remember everything that had occurred in this time. I know that it happened, but it seemed so strange. I mean suddenly I remembered pursuing Ginny, very strongly, while still going out with Hermione. It felt so right, but…"

"Still strange," she answered his unasked question.

"Yeah," he told her, putting his glasses back on.

"You need to go out with Ginny," she told him, as if it was a new suggestion.

"Yes, that’s what I want to do," Harry answered, not understanding her meaning.

"No, I mean, you need to go out with this Ginny. You need to find out if you’re in love with her," she told him gently.

"Of course I’m in love with her," Harry replied, sounding a little hurt that Katie could suggest something different. "Why would I feel this way if I wasn’t?"

"Hey!" Katie said making sure that he understood where she was coming from. "I’m not suggesting that you don’t love her. But honestly tell me. When you think of Ginny, is it Ginny from this time or Ginny from the previous time?"

He looked as though he was about to answer automatically, but then stopped, drawing his lips closed, as if he was thinking hard about what she’d said. After a while, he shook his head and looked up at her. "I honestly don’t know."

"And that’s why you need to know," she told him straightforwardly.

"I’m scared," he admitted.

"About being rejected?"

"Yes, but also, what if it is different, what if…"

"What if the Ginny you love is truly gone?" Katie asked softly.

"Yes," Harry said sadly.

"I don’t know," Katie told him. "But you won’t know unless you try. And now that you know about Malfoy…"

"No!" Harry replied adamantly, shaking his head. "I’ve made my choice, and good or bad, I have to live with it."

Katie didn’t comment further. They had talked over that particular choice numerous times over the summer, and even though she felt Harry had always kept something back in his reasoning for his decision, she also knew that it had been debated to death. And as such there was no point in pursuing it further.

In the lull in the conversation, Katie got up, and held her hand out for Harry to take. When he did they started walking again, letting the early morning air relax them after everything that had been said. As they did, Katie couldn’t help but lament the now-stark evidence of what stood between her and a permanent relationship with Harry. She always knew that the ‘Ginny Factor’ would have to be addressed if they were to have a future, but it had gone from being just an obstacle to a mountain standing in the middle of that road.

And it was one that Katie knew, no matter how much she may have wished differently, that Harry had to climb alone.

"What are you thinking?"

His voice cut through the bird song that had been their only soundtrack on the walk.

A little embarrassed to admit, she told him. "You, me, things." Her face turned a little red as she tried to cover it.

Harry placed a gently hand on her shoulder, causing her to stop and turn to look at him. The hand had no real pressure, but his touch still electrified her. "Why do you believe me?"

"'Cause I know you wouldn’t lie to me," she told him honestly.

"Oh," Harry replied.

"Plus, it does make sense of your feelings for Ginny."

"Yeah," he agreed. As he started to walk away, Katie stayed still, debating whether or not to bring up one question that she’d kept inside since they had started their walk. Her non-movement stopped Harry in his tracks, and by the look on his face, he had seen the worry on her own.

"What is it, Katie?"

She quickly debated whether she had the right, but her need to be close to Harry overrode any fears she had about intruding further. "I saw the gravestone," she told him a little shakily.

She wasn’t surprised when Harry didn’t respond. He didn’t seem angry, or upset, just a little lost.

"Was Jamie from that world?" she asked, her voice almost breaking. His emerald eyes conveyed to her the answer long before he was able to speak it to her.

"Yes, she was." His voice was so soft, Katie strained to hear it. Seeing a spot of grass off to the left of them, she led him over to it and sat down opposite him. "Can you tell me what she was like?" she asked him after they’d both sat down.

"She…" he started, then as if he was searching for the right words, he paused, before continuing. "She was my best friend, my strongest support."

He paused again and Katie could see how difficult it was for him to talk about it. He looked up at her, as if defying those who had taken her from him. "She was my sister."

He’d said it in a way that left Katie in no doubt as to what he meant. It was a simple answer, but with the emotion of his delivery, plus the love that shone in his eyes, it was worth more than any foot long parchment.

"Tell me about her," she gently probed hoping that her intuition was not leading her down the wrong path. She sensed that Harry needed to talk about it, and hoped that he felt comfortable in doing so with her.

For a while he remained silent, and she feared that she’d been wrong in pushing him, but then she watched as his mouth and then his whole face lit up, as she started sharing various stories of his sister with her. She listened intently as he told her about how the two of them had been there for each other from when they were small, right up till they went to Hogwarts. She laughed when he told her about some of pranks she pulled on him, and was silent as he told her about the time the less than happy times. But one of the biggest shocks came at Harry’s admission of whom her boyfriend was.

"I can’t believe you let him go out with your sister," she told him incredulously.

"Draco and I, well actually the three of us, were best friends," he told her, feeling the warmth of those memories wash over him. "Anyway, if I’d objected too much, Jamie would’ve kicked my arse."

"Is that why you put up with Malfoy here?" she asked, as things became clearer in her mind.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe." He turned and looked up at the sun, while continuing. "It’s funny. Every now and again I see these flashes of the Draco I knew. The Draco who would back me up no matter what, the Draco who my sister loved, and," he looked down at the ground a little shamefaced, "the Draco who sacrificed himself so I had a chance to get back here."

Katie reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently to let him know that she understood. "I think I understand why you want to give Malfoy another chance."

Harry didn’t respond. He simply held Katie’s hand, looking up at the sky. Katie didn’t pursue it any further. She had no doubt as to what happened to Jamie. The markings on the gravestone were clear enough. What amazed her more was that Harry was still functioning, and more surprisingly had led the attack into the forbidden forest at the end of last year. She didn’t want to think about what state she would’ve been in, if it had been her experiencing all that he had.

When she felt him lightly caressing the back of her hand, she turned her head to his direction, seeing that he was now gazing straight at her. His eyes fixed directly on hers. "I’d held that all in for so long," he admitted to her.

"I’m here if you ever need me," she told him sincerely.

"You are wonderful," he told her simply, no hint of sarcasm in his voice. The way his eyes locked on hers again, when he said it, caused Katie to blush and turn slightly away to break the connection their eyes had. As soon as she had, she felt his hand lightly touch her under her chin and turn her back around to face him, so that once again her gaze was filled with his face.

"You are, you know,’ he repeated to her.

Leaning forward Katie brought her lips up to his, lightly pressing them against his. It brought back memories of other more passionate kisses in their recent past, but something was different now. And when she felt Harry pushing forward, applying more pressure, she fought with her own desires and pushed back gently. Even as she watched the look of confusion on his face she had to fight the feeling of loss her lips felt, as they no longer were in contact with his.

She reached up lightly and stroked the back of her hand lightly on his cheek. "You have way too much to work out."

Harry nodded, knowing that she was correct. "I wish I didn’t," he told her, his voice carrying the guilt that he felt in admitting that.

A stifled laugh burst from Katie’s throat as she told him, "I so wish you didn’t."

Suddenly they were both laughing, a little ironically, but together it felt like the right thing. Katie’s head fell down onto Harry’s chest, and he rested his chin on the top of her forehead, wrapping his arms around her, as the laughter stopped and they both sat silently in each others arms.

As Katie breathed in and out, her breath hit Harry’s chest over his heart, the reality of Harry leaving in a little over a day settled on her. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten that fact, it had of course been the spark for her outburst the night before, but now that she was sure their friendship was safe, her sadness at his leaving bubbled its way to the forefront of her concerns.

Of course half the problem was that he wasn’t just going away. Going away to Hogwarts for a year, wasn’t the worse thing in the world, especially with the easy transport options open to her. But for Harry, she knew going away to Hogwarts also meant one more thing. She knew well enough from what she heard, and from what he’d told her, that there was little doubt Voldemort would try and kill Harry again this year. If not most of the other students. And she couldn’t shake the belief that it was going to be more dangerous than before.

When Harry lifted his head off hers, she looked up and couldn’t help but feel as though the universe was a terribly unfair place when someone as nice as Harry Potter seemed to be fated, or cursed, to fight evil each and every year.

"What?" Harry asked seeing the look on her face.

"Something's going to happen, isn’t it?" she asked trying to keep all the trepidation out of her voice.

"What…"

"Voldemort," she said firmly.

"There’s usually something," Harry replied, sounding evasive.

"No, I mean, don’t do that. Don’t cut me out," she told him frustrated. "Something big is going to happen."

"It could be," Harry admitted.

Katie shook her head. "We really had no clue," she told him her voice shaking a little. "I mean we all heard stories, you missed Quidditch games, Professor Dumbledore said things, but apart from the end of last year, we were all pretty sheltered."

"Katie…" Harry’s voice was full of concern.

"…And you’ve been fighting him since you were eleven."

"I wish I hadn’t been," he told her.

"But you have, and you know it’s coming, and…" Katie couldn’t finish her sentence, her thoughts and fears were swirling around in her head too fast for her to articulate them to Harry.

"It’s not something I wanted. I put everyone in danger. I dragged Hermione and Ron into it from day one."

"No you didn’t, Harry. They’re your friends, and they’re Gryffindors," she told him, then after a pause she added, "as am I."

Katie could see that they full meaning of what she’d said took a few moments to sink into Harry’s mind, but once it did, he objected most vehemently. "Katie, no!"

"Why not?" she argued back.

"Cause you’re safer out of it," he answered quickly.

"If this is because I’m a girl…" Katie replied, her eyes showing the fire she’d shown plenty of times on the Quidditch pitch.

"Of course it isn’t," Harry responded.

"Then why?"

"Cause I’ve lost too many people, okay!" Harry shouted back at her. "All those people I loved, Ginny, Jamie, my mother." He shook his head at her. "I can’t lose you, too."

"I don’t want to lose you, either, Harry. But I can’t just sit here and pretend Voldemort doesn’t exist, and you can’t ask me to stick my head in the sand. You’d never tell Ron and Hermione that."

"I wish I could," he admitted. Katie showed her disbelief with her eyes, causing Harry to continue, "Oh, I know they wouldn’t agree, and it would just result in a great big, bloody row. But if it would help, I’d take all the rows in the world, if it kept those I cared about safe."

Katie smiled back at him. "You know what you proposed would never work."

"I know," he replied sadly.

"Besides, it's precisely because you care, I care, Ron cares, Hermione cares, even Malfoy cares, it is because of those feelings, that we must fight. If we don’t oppose him, he wins by default."

"I know," he replied again.

"Anyway, they would never let you leave them out of it."

Harry nodded.

"And neither will I," she told him, making sure that he saw the determination in her eyes.

"Okay," he nodded once again. "Anything else you want to tell me, that I already know, but need reminding of?"

The way he asked her, with the accompanying grin, told Katie he was kidding. "No, I’m done," she replied with a laugh.

"Come on then," Harry said, grabbing her hand pulling her up to her feet. They walked back to where she’d parked the car. When they reached it, he was just about to get into the passenger side, when something she’d said the night before came floating back in his memory.

"You were wrong about one thing last night," he told her.

"What’s that," Katie replied wishing that the argument had been forgotten.

"You have a place in my life," he told her, holding his hand over his heart. His voice had grown softer. "You’re in here. I don’t have a label for it, and I don’t want to give it one, but don’t think you don’t have a place in my life."

The words were some of the most wonderful Katie had ever heard, and before she knew it, she was once again, encased in his strong arms. "No one else has been able to get me to talk about last year, like today," he told her as he rubbed his hands lightly up and down her back. "Thank you."

Katie held him tighter, knowing that he meant what he said, and knowing how much it meant to her. And in the end that was enough. She didn’t know what they had. In reality they’d only really known each other for a month, even though they’d gone to the same school for six years. But in that month, Harry had come to mean more to her than any boy she’d known previously, and she was certain of his feelings for her. And for now, it didn’t matter to her that she really couldn’t say what they were.

She knew Harry had a lot to work out, and while she didn’t like having to, she knew that she had to sit back and see what would happen. But there was one thing she was sure of. One thing that was as secure to her, as anything else currently in her life. Whatever they had, whatever it would become, it was too important to throw away, and both of them felt the same.

After a few minutes, they let go and each got into the car. As they drove away, Katie couldn’t help but think of Scotland and a pleasant memory, which had been occasionally popping into her head whenever she did.

"So, you think I can come and visit you when you go to Scotland?" she asked, with a playful tinge to her voice.

"Of course you can," Harry replied.

"Good, cause I can’t wait to see you in a kilt again," she replied, laughing as she drove, trying to keep the car on the road, and avoid Harry’s half-hearted attempts to swat her.

The End