Imsomnia

Look, I know what you want to hear. That Daddy dearest never loved me and that’s why I am what I am. That it’s all his fault, because he never told me that I’m beautiful inside or any of that crap that you therapists like to babble on about.

This isn’t anything to do with my traumatic childhood. I didn’t have a traumatic childhood, thank you very much.

He never hurt me. He was strict sometimes. Of course he was. That’s what parents are there for, you bloody –

Look, can’t you just give me a potion for this? I haven’t been able to brew anything that works, and I can’t sleep.

Well, if I knew why I’m having problems sleeping I wouldn’t be here, would I? Honestly, are you mentally deficient or something? If I knew why, I’d be sorting it out myself.

Are you going to dissect everything I say? Because it’s getting annoying.

Of course I have anger. I haven’t slept in days, you moron.

Am I afraid of something? What, you mean like monsters? There’s a boogie-man in the wardrobe or under my bed, that sort of crap? I’m a little too old for that nonsense, don’t you think?

Cut out the psychobabble. Are you going to give me the potion or not?

No, I can’t ask my potions master.

I just can’t, okay? What is this, an interrogation?

I’m not scared – look, you don’t know him, okay? He’s not the most pleasant of people.

Does he remind me of my father? You’re obsessed with the daddy issues.

Yeah, I don’t think you can help either. I don’t know why I bothered.

***

I can’t sleep.

I thought you could help.

What, do you want me to grovel? Fine. You’re the smartest person in the whole school, even if you are a Gryffindor and choose to spend your time hanging around with those losers . . .

I’ll call them whatever I want to call them.

So I take it that’s a no, then?

***

Sir?

I need a potion to help me sleep.

I’ve tried. They don’t work.

You know why.

Yeah, you do.

Don’t give me that crap. You can help me. You just don’t want to. You’re a pathetic, sad old man trying to get your revenge on me because you’re still bitter about my father –

You wouldn’t dare touch me again. You know I’ll tell Dumbledore.

He – he will. He’s Dumbledore.

He will believe me! You’re just trying to scare me.

It’s not the truth.

No... don’t...

I said no.

I’ll scream.

You wouldn’t dare.

No...

***

Yeah?

I’m not crying, don’t be stupid.

Just go away. I don’t need Harry-bloody-Potter to come to my rescue.

Yes I’m sure I’m okay, now would you please just go away?

***

Go away, Crabbe.

***

Go away, Goyle.

***

You again? I thought you weren’t going to speak to me ever again.

Well, Harry’s wrong. I wasn’t upset.

I don’t want to talk about it, Hermione, especially not with a mudblood with you.

Why am I so nasty? You sound like a bloody shrink. Why are you so nasty? Get in touch with your inner child. Tell me about your parents. It’s enough to make me want to vomit. Now leave me alone.

***

For fuck’s sake, Potter, what is this? Am I the latest project for you and your friends to work on? Trying to fix me? You’d be better off saving the world again.

Well, I don’t want to talk to you.

Look, Potter, I don’t need you butting into my life. I’m tired and pissed off and I haven’t slept in what feels like forever and everything’s blurred and nothing feels real and if you don’t get lost, I might just kill you because right about now it’s looking like a really good idea.

A different bed? Now I really hate you.

Because that’s the most intelligent piece of advice anyone has offered me in the past week.

No need to look so bloody pleased with yourself. Now I have to go and find someone to swap with.

Your bed? And you’d take mine –

Oh, I see. I should have known there was a reason for that suggestion of yours. Trying to get me into bed with you.

Oh, sure.

I might believe that if you weren’t going so red. See you around, Potter.

***

Sir.

No, I haven’t told Dumbledore.

I won’t. I promise.

***

Potter?

It’s two in the morning.

I just – I remembered what you said earlier. I still can’t sleep.

Thanks.

Yeah, that’s fine.

You don’t need to move, honestly, I have enough room.

Yeah?

I don’t know why.

Well…

Well, I think I might.

Yeah, it’s to do with him.

Yeah. He did.

Today, yeah... and before. I used to – I don’t know, I used to think it was my fault. Because I always, uh…

Yeah.

No, I know that now. I told him to stop, but -

I’ll talk to him soon.

Okay, tomorrow, then. Why do you care so much, anyway?

Oh.

I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

He sounds like a right bastard. Did you ever tell – I don’t know, your aunt?

Oh.

Oh, don’t get all – hey, come here.

Yeah, I can’t believe you’re talking about it to me either.

Of course I’m not going to tell anyone about it.

Oh, you mean the bed thing? Don’t worry. I wouldn’t want it to get around.

Just that I don’t need everyone talking about me being in your bed, Potter, that’s all.

Fine. Harry.

Goodnight.

***

How did you find me?

Please, just go away.

Don’t… I don’t want to…

Once more and that’s it? Do you promise?

I promise not to tell him.

All right, then. Just don’t – don’t hurt me.

No, that’s okay.

Yeah, that’s…

Nice.

Yes…

Oh, please…

I promise.

***

No, not really.

I don’t know. Maybe it was because I was in your bed.

Well, you thought wrong. It didn’t help.

No, I’m not.

I don’t want to tell him, that’s why.

I don’t have to. He’s not going to touch me again. I’m not telling Dumbledore.

I’m not scared.

Don’t touch me, Harry.

I said…

You’re so gentle.

Of course he fucking isn’t. Not most of the time, anyway.

No, he doesn’t do that.

Harry…

Stop. Please.

I was. I – I don’t want you to –

Don’t apologise. Do you always have to be so nice?

I’m not crying.

I’ll see you later.

***

Father?

Of course it’s important. I’d have owled you otherwise.

I want to come home.

Well, obviously now.

I don’t care about my lessons –

Father, please.

Okay. Goodbye.

***

Hermione?

Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Look, I need your help.

You don’t even know what I’m looking for yet.

How good are you at memory charms?

***

Yeah, what do you want?

I should have known she wouldn’t keep her mouth shut. She didn’t help me, I don’t know what you’re worried about.

Oh, so what is the answer, then?

Look, just because we… talked yesterday – it doesn’t mean I’m looking for you to be my knight in shining armour.

Don’t be nice to me. Don’t.

Just stop it, okay?

I know it wasn’t my fault, you idiot, I told you –

I do believe it.

I’m not telling Dumbledore because I don’t want to.

Harry, stop. I’m not going to. Just go away.

Just leave, okay?

***

If I talk, will you give me something to help me sleep?

What do you mean, it depends?

Forget it, I’m not doing this if you can’t help me.

***

What is it?

I told you I wasn’t going to tell, it’s okay.

Yes, I promise.

But you said…

You can’t do that! You promised!

Stop it.

Stop it!

Please…

***

I don’t want to talk about it, Potter.

Don’t look at me like that.

I’m not surprised I look tired. I feel tired.

Honestly, would you just give up! I’m not waiting to be saved. Especially not by you.

Goodbye to you, too.

***

Crabbe? Can I borrow that?

I’ve had trouble sleeping.

Oh, you think? Of course I know that’s what it’s for.

Go and tell him. It’ll be too late by then.

Oh, what are you doing here again, Potter? I thought I told you to leave me alone.

Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing?

It’s been nice knowing you... I'm so tired...