I Love You...Too

I Love You...Too

I swallow hard because I know
That what comes next will hurt
You more than me
I bite my lip to try to stop it from shaking;
The teeth have broken the skin
And the blood tastes cold to me

"You see!" she screamed at me. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," I said, biting my lip. God, why does she have to do this to me, and here? "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" she said. She grabbed the front of my robes. My heart raced, but I couldn't let it show, I just couldn't. We couldn't be together no matter how much I cared about her.

"And I've told you a million times," I replied, not meeting her eyes but staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor... too dangerous..."

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Molly. Such a hopeless romantic, Molly was. She seemed to think I was being foolish, or selfish. God, being selfish would be me taking her in my arms and never letting go. But I couldn't.

"I am not being ridiculous," I said, keeping my voice steady despite my racing heart. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

She emitted a soft sob.

"But she wants you," said Arthur, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

He gestured to Bill, lying there on the bed. He had narrowly escaped my fate. His face, though now disfigured, still looked peaceful as he lay unconscious. It was different. Entirely different.

"This is...not the moment to discuss it," I said, avoiding everyone's eyes. "Dumbledore is dead...."

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," offered Minerva curtly.

The silence that followed was only temporary, as a moment later everyone began talking with Hagrid, who'd just stumbled in, sobbing and choking.

I didn't hear a word they said. All I heard were the sobs of another. A younger, softer, more feminine sobbing noise. And the shuffle of her feet as she rushed out of the hospital wing, covering her face in her hands. I opened my mouth to shout, "Wait - Tonks! Come back!" but I knew I had to hold my tongue.

After all those nights you kept me warm,
I'd hold my breath just to hear you sleep

I followed Nymphadora outside. Bewildered for a moment, I didn't see her anywhere. But then, near a small tree by the vast lake of Hogwarts, I saw a small figure sitting huddled there, mousy brown hair blowing in the wind. As I came closer, I heard her sobbing more now, and mumbling things to herself. She was crying into her reflection and tossing rocks at it with a soft "plunk!"

Plunk.

"Tonks, I -" I explained as I sat down beside her.

She just looked at me, eyes full of emotion. A hint of anger, fear, sadness. Plunk. She looked like a mess. She was a mess. Ever since Sirius's death, she'd been slowly losing control of her metamorphmagus powers. The once vibrant young woman who could change her hair and eyes and nose at will was now looking older and frailer than ever.

She stared at me. The plunk of the rocks stopped as she turned all her attention into staring at me. It felt as though she was staring into my very soul.

I must admit I saw it coming...
The air between us had gotten harder yet to breathe.
I'd run away if I could help it,
But I can't remember to forget your face

"Tonks, I -" he repeated lamely.

"No! You don't understand!" I cried suddenly, getting to my feet in an instant. "You don't understand! You did this to me!"

He looked puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"My metamorphmagus powers! I lost them because of you!" I screamed at him. "Hadn't you noticed that my hair decided to remain this particular shade of brown? And my eyes? What color are my eyes?"

He looked at me. It dawned on him, and he let out a small "Oh!"

"Yes. Yes. Now you see! You see what you've done! The exact same color as yours!" I spat. I turned to leave but he grabbed my shoulder. I spun around, angry tears in my eyes. "What do you want now?"

"Nymphadora, you know I -" he began.

"I don't answer to that!" I retorted lamely.

"Fine. Tonks then. You know I care about you. I just can't be with you," he explained.

"Why not?" I whined childishly, tears and rain streaking my face.

He sighed. "Because, Tonks. You are young and I am old. You are funny, and interesting, and beautiful. I am a sad, poor werewolf. I am too dangerous for you. Imagine what could happen -"

You can say my heart has changed,
But it's my will you've beaten down
I'd kiss you now, but I fear my caustic tongue would only
Serve to salt your wounds

"I do imagine! Imagine what we could have! I can't forget you; I can't accept these excuses. I love you. The fact that you are an old, poor werewolf doesn't even faze me. I love you for being you. I can't spend my life without you. We need each other. It may be difficult, but I don't care! I love you, Remus Lupin!" she screamed, painfully and desperately.

What could I do? Heaven knows I love her. I couldn't put her life in danger though. I couldn't do that to her.

"You deserve so much better than me." I pleaded. With all my might I tried not to look at her too longingly. I had to be firm in this. We couldn't be together. But looking into her eyes I remembered her beauty. Inside and out. I couldn't just sit there and ignore her. My heart ached for her.

You are as beautiful as ever,
Yet I'm starting to resent your smile
Because it's killing me to say this,
But I'm dying inside to leave

I just stood there, staring into his eyes. The same color that mine mirrored. A tear crept across his cheek. He looked down at the ground, and I used my hand to wipe away his tears. I placed my other hand around the base of his neck. At this, he looked up into my eyes, almost asking me Are you sure you know what you're getting into?

I replied by leaning in close and planting a kiss on his lips. We broke apart, both crying silently now. He let out a small laugh. We kissed again, more deeply. His hands found my waist and we were locked in an embrace, outside in the rain.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too."

It's a place we've never been,
It's a waste to keep it in
It means little to you but the world to me