November

November

"Moony?" Sirius asks softly, without his usual swagger and confidence. "Do you ever feel like you're going insane?"

Remus considers the question carefully and then answers truthfully. "Everyday."

Sirius nods solemnly, licking his lips unconsciously. Something odd stirs in Remus's belly.

"I've felt like I've been going crazy for a while now," Sirius says.

"Hmm," Remus responds, leaning back to gaze at the stars and exposing his neck. Sirius makes a funny gurgling noise.

"I can't tell James," he blurts out abruptly and Remus furrows his brow.

"Can't tell him what?" Remus questions as he lowers his head to look at his friend.

"That there's something wrong with me."

"What's wrong with you?" Remus asks curiously, cocking his head to the side. He shivers as a gust of wind brushes by his body.

"I think that I'm--" Sirius stops and bites his lips hard. Clenching his jaw, he looks away. Remus notices that his friend is shaking quite badly.

"Are you cold, Padfoot?" Remus wonders.

Sirius shakes his head emphatically. "I'm scared," he whispers.

"Of what?"

Sirius clasps and unclasps his fists; he is still shaking. Concerned, Remus raises an arm and places a worried hand on Sirius's shoulder. The boy tenses noticeably. Hurt, Remus quickly withdraws his hand as if burned.

"Sorry," he mutters, shying back. Then, before he can even register what has happened, Sirius shoots his arm out and grabs onto Remus's wrist. He then places the werewolf's hand back on his shoulder.

Confused, Remus remains immobile and is doubly aware of the fact that his hand feels as if it were on fire. He is no longer cold. His insides are dancing excitably.

Inching his way closer to the warmth of Sirius's body, Remus slowly moves his hand across the other boy's back until his entire arm is thrown across Sirius's shoulder. Biting his lip, Remus moves closer until he and Sirius are sitting side by side. They are both shaking but it is no longer from the cold.

And then Sirius, with true aplomb, begins to babble. "I--I don't know what's going on with me la-lately. I--I can't seem to stop th-thinking about y-you and I don't know what's wrong with me or why I c-can't get you out of my head but it's wrong, isn't it? Like, you're a boy and I'm a b-boy and that's not right, right? Because we're boys and we're supposed--I mean, I'm a boy and I'm supposed to like girls because boys like girls and not other boys because that's not r-right...right? I--I don't know what's wrong w-with me and it's freaking me out, but shit, Moony, whenever I look at you it's like my heart won't stop pounding and I forget how to b-breathe and it kinda hurts but at the same time it feels so right and I like you. A lot. And I--I don't know what to do about it and James would probably never speak to me again and you'd--well, you're you and you're perfect so you'd probably still be my f-f-friend but I--I--I--How can what I feel about you be wrong if it feels so right?"

Sirius stops here and lets out a noise combining that of a hiccup and a sob. He is still shaking violently. Remus has not said a word this entire time. His arm is warm and comforting on Sirius's back.

Moments stretch into eternity and Sirius squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn't want to see the horrified look on Moony's face. Then something wet touches Sirius's cheek. Startled, he turns suddenly and his nose runs into Remus's face. His breath hitches in his throat.

"Sirius," Remus murmurs breathlessly and Sirius stops breathing altogether. "It's okay."

Another choked noise makes its way out of Sirius's throat. Remus leans forward slightly and brushes his lips against Sirius's mouth. A jolt of pleasure shoots through Sirius's lips and down his spine and he elicits a soft moan. Remus, spurned on by this, kisses a little harder, a little needier, and presses his body against his friend's while wrapping his other arm around Sirius's well-defined body. Sirius whimpers and, breathing hard through his nose, parts his mouth open slightly and brushes his tongue against the Remus's soft thin lips. The other boy inhales sharply but then immediately parts his own lips, allowing Sirius to enter his mouth, their tongues meeting tentatively and shyly in the middle. Another bolt of electricity shivers down Sirius's spine and a low growl escapes his throat. But all of a sudden it's too much and too fast and Sirius is overwhelmed and dizzy with emotion that he has to pull away.

Gasping, Remus's eyes flutter open and he finds himself gazing into the piercing grey eyes of his best friend. They both swallow thickly.

"It's okay," Remus breathes. Nodding, Sirius's head falls lazily onto Remus's shoulder and nuzzles the boy's neck.

"So...you like me?"

Remus laughs pleasantly. "Yeah, Padfoot, I s'pose I do."

~*~