Explain The Night

Chapter Four: One

'Leaving, are you?'

Sirius hadn't yet stopped smiling which unnerved Remus greatly.

'Can't get anything past you, can I?'

'Not really.'

Want to bet?

'Very well then.'

Remus turned to walk away from his friend, but a strong hand held him back. He could no longer ignore the tingling in his stomach and the trembling of his knees, so he decided to stand still until he was sure he was calm again.

But there was no way of recomposing. Sirius had slowly walked up from behind him and was staring straight into his eyes.

Remus wasn't sure, but he thought he'd seen a flicker of a shy smile on Sirius' face. Sirius was never shy.

Hesitantly, Sirius scanned his friend, as if to memorise each crease in his robes, every reflected ray of light in his shiny shoes and every lock of hair falling into his eyes. Moving slow enough for Remus to stop him, he took a step closer and put his hands back on the small of Remus' back.

'Sirius, you're drunk, you-'

With a soft but powerful shove, he got them even closer together. Remus couldn't utter a word. Here he was, so close to the man he'd fallen in love with. Sirius' elegant black hair was tickling his right ear ever so slightly, it sent shivers down his spine.

Remus didn't feel like fighting anymore, but he pulled back a little. He slowly put his hands on Sirius' strong shoulders, determined to remember the way they felt. It could be the last time he could touch them like that. Maybe after tonight- after properly realising what he was doing, Sirius wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore.

Maybe it was the absurd amount of alcohol that made Sirius act like this, but Remus liked to believe it was not. His eyes were too alive, too wondrous as they stared into his. Sirius was still watching Remus as if he'd never seen him before. He was still searching every inch of his face, exploring every strand of his hair, discovering every piece of fabric.

Somehow they'd got even closer still. Their faces were next to each other and he could hear and feel Sirius' breath so close to him, it made him wonder if his knees were going to hold out.

And suddenly Remus understood what Lily had told him earlier tonight. He suddenly knew why she had cried when she heard the song. This kind of perfection and happiness she had written about was in Remus' arms right now and the idea of having to let go of it, or even the sheer realisation how right it felt, was a perfectly justifiable reason to cry. And it all made sense.

Sirius' breathing was faster now, his lips were pressed against Remus' hair and ear and Remus noticed that he himself had started breathing faster as well.

He pulled Sirius' chest closer to rest his head against him. Face down, all he could see was bright turquoise and bare chest. All he could smell was cigarettes and something distinctly Sirius. All he could feel was Sirius' nervous breath in his neck and the hands on his back moving ever so slowly down.

Remus didn't protest this time. He couldn't. What mattered most to him was close to him and there was no way denying it.

This was the world where he felt most at home in. This is the only thing he really needed after a rough day or a hard transformation. This could make anything better. This simply was home.

They were hardly dancing anymore. The imperceptible rocking of their hips and the occasional shuffle of their feet was the only thing connecting them to the music and the people around them.

But Remus didn't know, didn't realise there were people around. He didn't register the amazed and happy looks or the whimpering girls, he didn't notice the raised eyebrows or the excited whispers. There was only Sirius, right now, and that was all there ever needed to be.

Sirius was resting his head against his and his breathing was still shallow. After a last quick but powerful shove, they were as close as they could be. They were pressed together with every inch of their body. Remus heard Sirius' breath catch.

And then he noticed the song had almost ended.

Darn you, Frank, why can't you make your songs longer?

He took a deep breath and hid his face in Sirius' neck. He didn't want to let go yet. He wasn't sure if he could let go.

This man he was holding, was everything to him. This man's body fitted him so well. They belonged together, in every way possible. They were more than just two friends, they were one.

Remus smiled and closed his eyes, reciting one of his favourite poems to himself, thinking how those words finally applied to him.

if everything happens that can't be done

(and anything's righter

than books

could plan)

the stupidest teacher will almost guess

(with a run

skip

around we go yes)

there's nothing as something as one

one hasn't a why or because or although

(and buds know better

than books

don't grow)

one's anything old being everything new

(with a what

which

around we go who)

one's everyanything so

so world is a leaf is a tree is a bough

(and birds sing sweeter

than books

tell how)

so here is away and so your is a my

(with a down

up

around again fly)

forever was never till now

now I love you and you love me

(and books are shutter

than books

can be)

and deep in the high that does nothing but fall

(with a shout

each

around we go all)

there's somebody calling who's we

we're everything brighter than even the sun

(we're everything greater

than books

might mean)

we're everyanything more than believe

(with a spin

leap

alive we're alive)

we're wonderful one times one

You were right, old man, books are letters and letters are nothing. Books are theories, and theories are theories because they're proved wrong. There's no book to describe this...

Trying to ignore the last lines of the song to the best of his abilities, Remus raised his head. Sirius followed suit. Remus noticed he'd had his eyes closed too.

They rested their foreheads against each other and Sirius cupped Remus' cheek with his hand. Then he pulled back and looked at him again with that amazed look.

Remus definitely saw a shy smile this time.

Sirius licked and bit his lower lip, as that smile still lingered around it.

He blushed. At the floor, no less. And then he looked back up, straight into Remus' eyes, only to let his gaze flow down to his lips and back to his eyes, as if he were waiting for Remus' approval.

Remus closed his eyes, trying to block out everything. This couldn't be happening. He would be yelled at by James in a few seconds for being a restless sleeper. He would wake up in their dormitory and he would discover Sirius' empty bed, knowing he was out seducing a fifth year Hufflepuff or sixth year Ravenclaw.

But he didn't hear James, he didn't hear the wind hammering around Gryffindor Tower. Instead he heard Frank Sinatra's booming voice and he heard Sirius' breath dangerously nearby.

As he opened his eyes, he saw Sirius coming closer and he felt a soft nose touch his. Their breathing sped up again.

A soft cheek touched his. Soft hair tickled his ear...

Soft, dry lips brushed past his. Yet not long enough for it to be anything but accidental. Sirius slowly ran a hand through Remus' hair and let it rest on the back of his head.

They both closed their eyes, hearing nothing but breathing, feeling nothing but breath on both their lips...

Again, Remus felt the soft brush of Sirius' lips. And it stopped, all too soon. He didn't know if he was going to hold out, he wanted to rush forward and kiss him with all his might. He wanted to touch that bare chest and feel that silky hair between his fingers.

But nothing happened. The breathing was still there, and Sirius' nose softly caressed his, but his lips remained unsealed.

Remus opened his eyes. Sirius didn't. He sighed.

Remus didn't know what he'd done to deserve this, he didn't know why this gorgeous, sexy, perfect man was standing in front of him like that, but he was sure that this was it. Finally, he'd get that kiss he was waiting for.

We're wonderful one times one, Padfoot.

And then-

Someone hit him on the shoulder, a loud laugh made him wince.

'The song's over, boys,' said Peter loudly.

Sirius hastily opened his eyes, pulled back and frowned. Not at Peter and not at Remus. He merely frowned- as if he'd just woken up- and avoided Remus' eyes.

'Sure...'

And without as much as glancing at Remus, he left.