Behind Blue Eyes

Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

From behind my blue eyes I behold the world, it's all strange to me, and still so terribly familiar. I have lived a cursed life ever since I joined him and made my way into his ranks.
They don't know how much I regret my decision. Far too many people know my secret. But no one of them know what it is to be punished for every mistake you make.
No one knows that I have to live my whole life with one error of judgement.
They don't know how it all began, where it all went wrong with me. It was long before I betrayed them, my friends. It's a time that will never come again.

And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated to telling lies

This is my fate. Telling lies. I'm not good at it, but I've fooled my friends, I've fooled Bertha Jorkins, I've fooled many people. I've even faked my own death. It was not like I wanted to. I had no choice. Sirius made sure of that. He made sure that I had to bide my time. That I got myself a safe home to live.
I owe my friends a lot. Without them I wouldn't have been able to do it. But on the other hand I wouldn't be in this predicament either.
I know they hate me now and all I ever wanted was to be loved and respected, without people calling me useless or stupid.
And now I'm on the back and call of You-Know-Who. How many times he has subjected me to the Cruciatus Curse I can't remember. Millions of times I suppose. I never was the brighest person in this universe. My friends were all more intelligent and blessed then me.
But he is a kind master too, he gave me a hand when I willfully amputated my own for his ressurection.
How painful it will be to defy him, and defy him I must. I'm bound, in debt.

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That is never free

I still dream of times when we can all be friends again, where everybody will admire me and worship me. Have them wonder about how I came back from the dead. But I know tthat is not going to happen. All they will see is poor blundering Peter Pettigrew.
So I sit here for hours on end. All alone in the dark. Waiting for my master to call me; waiting to betray him and be tortured for doing so. But I have no other choice. Harry, James's son saved my life. And to defy my master in saving Harry is something I'll probably have to pay for with my life. How I hope it will never have to come to that!