Finding Yourself

Finding Yourself

Its bitter damp claws can peer into his soul

Depleting him of feeling, a lifeless troll

Sucking out his innocence with screams of pain

Ingesting his very essence, leaving nothing to gain

Time had distorted him, molded him into something almost subhuman. He no longer cared; the thoughts of existence or love no longer animated him. His heart did beat, but his spirit was void and dull. His once striking emerald green eyes had long ago lost even the slightest flicker of hope. He was barely there, he shut off his mind to try to rest the pain and thoughts that screamed and clawed at his aching head.

The memories that haunted him were poison for his veins. The memories of when things were easy, not that they had ever been easy, but when they were easier, at least for him. Times when, his friends still breathed and were able to laugh with him. Everything now seemed utter chaos. His world had been broken, left with only strands of beautiful memories.

Everyone had given up hope, anyone who remained that is. They watched helplessly as Harry destroyed himself from the inside. It had been slow, at first he acted as though he was fine, that none of the pain and death around him affected him. But as the horrid realization of his best friends death hit him, he became more and more withdrawn.

It was in witnessing this that the most unlikely of things happened. As he lost himself, I found him...it was through those dulled and pain filled eyes that I fell in love.

I won't give up on you; I'll fight

I'll end your torture and steal the night

Just give me something, a small sign at least

Then you'll have my all, no more spiritless beast

For Harry time had stopped, the world and everything in it had ceased to exist. And although he never saw me, I watched him through it all. I stood at a distance but my heart always longed to be closer, to feel him, to help him feel. But I had been afraid; afraid to get close, for fear that he might break, being in the state he was in.

"Harry?"

"hmm?"

"Maybe...maybe you should get out, come with me...we can go anywhere you want."

"I don't think so Hermione," his voice dripped with liquid wounds but I shivered at the sound of his voice speaking my name.

"Please, please Harry...for me?" he tilted his head up, letting his messy hair lay across his sullen face and peered into my eyes. I felt a cold prick run down my spin as I realized how truly destroyed he was. It was true, he had defeated Voldermort, but the price had been more then he could cope with. I stared for a moment, not wanting to let his gaze detour from mine.

He opened his mouth slightly and spoke moving his eyes away "Alright, if it will make you happy"

I shook my head in defeat; this had nothing to do with my happiness, although I did get a guilty pleasure from simply being near him. I was surprised he hadn't seen through me yet, I was his lovely destiny masquerading as only a friend. But I couldn't blame him; he hadn't noticed a lot of things. The letter that came informing Harry of Dumbledore's natural demise, hadn't seemed to affect him much, but I was sure it was just another thing silently eating him alive.

"Tomorrow then? I'll make it a surprise, where we are going that is" I said trying to force out enthusiasm, which was hard in the atmosphere Harry seemed to bring.

"k" he murmured glaring away into his forged world. I sighed and walked away, leaving him alone once again, for it was when he seemed happiest.

I'll help you back; I can heal the pain

It will all wash away with a cleansing rain

Be mine, forever; forget all doubt

No more reason, to cry, hide, or shout

Sleep came after hours of tossing and turning, I awoke hearing Harry screaming in his sleep. I held the covers tight as tears dripped from eyes hearing his cries, it hurt so bad knowing him like this, and I was sure...I was positive, I could help him someway...I had to, I needed to.

The next day I woke, my fists still clenched around my covers. I quietly walked to see if Harry had awoke as well. I peered into his room and saw him still sleeping, quietly; he almost looked peaceful lying there, off in a dream world, most likely haunted with those searing memories he tried so desperately to forget.

Suddenly he woke with a freight and sat up abruptly, his eyes meeting mine again. His breathing was heavy as he tried to calm down. My mouth was open but I had no words to speak, the moment seemed to drown us both in anguish. He looked away after a moment and stood to his feet, his broad frame slightly malnourished, but nevertheless gorgeous.

He pretended to look about, as if he had lost something but I knew he was only trying to keep me from asking the question he didn't want to answer what had waken him up? I swallowed quietly and walked away, the silence eating at me.

"You'll be ready soon then?" I called to him, I needed to here some sound other then silence, even if it were only my own voice. He didn't reply but walked into the room and nodded carelessly, his lack of being exasperated me. For I knew how he felt, I felt it to, perhaps not to the same extent but everyone had been there. Everyone had experienced the terror of past times and had loved ones snatched from their fingertips, this was nothing new. Most were able to snap back, force themselves to believe it was for some higher purpose, or just imagined it never happened, but Harry couldn't seem to do that. Everyone said he was lost in is own prison of idealism, when in fact it was quite the opposite, he was lost in the reality most had ignored.

"I wanted to thank you, for this, for all of this. For not pushing, not asking question like everyone else. For being there" Harry said, his voice breaking through its usual monotone gestures and finding new light in those words. I stood for a moment looking at him as a smile slowly spread across my face and tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted to hug him, run to him, feel his embraced, but instead I focused and spoke with words that oozed with glee.

"I don't need thanks, but I do appreciate it. Your welcome of course, I only wish I could help more..."

"You've done more then enough, really...sorry for being so distant, for..." he chocked on his words as he let bricks fall from the wall that covered his closed heart and allowed him to feel pain once again. "...For everything"

I moved closer to him, I could no longer control myself; I was only inches away, feeling his breath on my forehead. " Don't be sorry, you don't know how good it is just to hear you speak, your coming back to me," I whispered in his ear as I embraced him with my arms. I wanted to scream out in sheer joy as he hugged me back with his long-lusted hold.

I fell for him and hit far to hard

I gave him it all and let down my guard

I breathed life into a dead spirit

Holding back, I couldn't, I feared it

Time itself had stopped as neither of us dared move; there was happiness in this moment, a happiness even Harry could feel. It was then that I was awaken to my own dryness, for never before had I realized how damaged I was as well. But feeling happy, and blissful, emotions that had veered from our hearts for so long were returning.

I felt my insides break as our lips met and kissed with enough passion to make Aphrodite gasp. My eyes closed, enveloped in the moment and tears ran down my cheeks. I felt my hands tremble as I reached up behind him and ran my fingers through his hair. My tongue danced on his lips, searching for an opening, and was only satisfied once it was found. This was what I had wanted, what I had yearned for, for so long.

His hands rested in the small of my back as he continued to kiss me, I could feel his heartbeat as he pulled me in closer, as if letting go of all his pain on me. He pulled back and I could hear his sobs, I had never seen him cry, he had always been so silently broken, but this, it was too much for me. I looked into his eyes, and now tear-stained face and kissed him again whispering gently "It's ok, It's ok Harry".

I didn't even notice my own tears until he reached up and wiped them from my face. He breathed deeply and rested his forehead against my own, still holding me in a loving embrace. But what we had now transcended love, it was pure, we were free, both of us, for the first time in a long time, we let ourselves feel, we let our walls fall.

You amaze me in so many ways

You opened my eyes, left me in a daze

Allowed me to see my pain and break through

And for that your cherished, I will forever love you