The Sleepers Awake

Chapter 8: The Confrontation

Erszhebet decided to take matters into her own hands. As the two women appeared to be quite fascinated with the contents of her wardrobe and cosmetics she doubted whether they would come out for a while yet. It was up to she and Severus to sort things out; they were adults after all. It was their business and no one else's.

Erszhebet was getting herself worked up and was determined to have it out.

She listened at the bathroom door; it seemed awfully quiet aside from the hiss of the shower.

Erszhebet walked into the bathroom past her bathtub. There was a large walk-in shower, a wet room really, on the other side of the room. Instead of going in with pistols blazing she was compelled to sit quietly and watch her lover for a moment. Given what she had just heard about him and what she herself perceived it was an awe-inspiring sight to see him as he was now.

Severus sat under the hot water and steam with his eyes shut, his head against his knees and his arms around his legs. His mind was racing and all he could do was just sit there. He was filled with an overwhelming confusion, anger and upset. He could not help himself; he wept. "I'm, sorry; Severina, I'm sorry," he cried softly. "Gods I have lost her, I have lost her. Why do I destroy anything that is good?"

As for Severina herself; she was fully connected again with Severus' inner turmoil and the turbulent emotions which engulfed him; all she could do in response to her lover's anguish was stare. In the bedroom she had thought she might yell or scream. She had rather imagined a major bust-up. But no, in this moment it was tears which surfaced.

In spite of herself, she walked over to Severus and as she did so she let out a choking sob. The floodgates opened. There were tears of anger and tears of love. She was as confused as he was in many ways. But she still believed in love; there was still something very real and palpable between them. But she was angry. She could not run away from her anger and what had happened.

At the sound of her sobs Severus looked up. He forgot himself seeing his lover standing over him in so much distress. He stood up and faced her.

"Why, why did you do that to me?" she cried shaking her head. "How could you do it, Severus; I guess I don't mean anything to you for you to do such a thing? How could you hurt me?"

She raised her hand and Severus caught it, scowling as he dd so. He was going to tread carefully here - he did not want to hurt her any more than she already had been. For a moment he wondered if she had been ready to strike him. He abhorred domestic violence and would never allow such a thing on either side. He was not to know it just yet, but his beloved felt the same way.

"I did not mean to hurt you; you know that Severina - I would never ever do anything intentionally to hurt you. You said so yourself," replied Severus heatedly, his eyes and face red. Gods I did not intend to sound like that, he thought. "Tell her," said the other small voice. "Tell her or you will loose her."

Severus was breathing hard. "You are everything to me; everything," he said. He lifted her chin up and looked her in the eyes and then held her face in his hands. "I love you, Severina, I really do."

"You didn't give me a chance," said Erszhebet her voice getting louder as she pushed his hands away. "You almost killed me - you don't trust me. What kind of love is it if you do not trust me?! How can you stand there and claim that you love me and yet you do something like that?!"

Despite what she felt from Severus, and for him, she needed to hear it from him - even though she knew he probably would have been content to leave the explanations to his friends.

"It was an accident. I never meant for that to happen," Severus replied. "You have to believe me."

Erszhebet remained silent.

Severus could see that she was hurting and obviously struggling with what he had to say regardless of what he knew to be the truth of her feelings for him.

The silky baritone of Severus' voice took on a harder edge although he had not intended it. "I am sorry, Severina. I don't know what else I can say. I know that I can trust you - you just caught me off guard. I was not expecting to hear that from you. This whole situation was just... it was highly unusual from the start; you said it yourself. Clearly we both have a lot to talk about. Surely you can understand that at least?"

"How do you know, Severus; how do you know you can trust me? That you love me? Is it because of your friends? It's very convenient for you to decide to trust me now that they have turned up," she shouted.

Erszhebet was trying to calm down; however, she was shaking like a leaf in spite of the hot water running over them.

Severus looked at her tenderly and ran a finger along her chin. "I know because I feel it - in here," he said as he placed one of her hands over his heart and placed one of his large hands over her small one. "I knew it the moment you...; the moment that I..." Severus could not bring himself to say it.

Erszhebet could say it for both of them. "You knew it the moment you almost killed me," she said with her eyes flashing and a cold sneer that Severus recognised as she snatched her hand away from him. "How ironic."

"I knew it then and I knew it before. I knew it this morning. I don't want to loose you and I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for this, this accident," he said hoarsely. It was something to see and experience Erszhebet acting like - him; though she did not realise that that was what she was doing. "It was an accident; I need you to believe me and to forgive me."

Erszhebets lips trembled. Severus knew she was crying by the redness in her eyes and face despite her tears mixing with the water from the shower taps in the room. Her face crumpled and her arms fell limply to her sides and she let go of the sheet that had been wrapped around her. She hung her head down and cried - heavy heart-wrenching sobs.

Severus pulled her into his arms and held her as the pulsating hot water and steam washed over them like a wave in tandem with Erszhebets cries.

Erszhebet wrapped her arms around him in spite of herself and let him comfort her. "Severus, I don't know what to do; I don't know what happened," she cried as the reality of what had happened that morning engulfed her. "Please help me; I'm s..so sc..scared."

Severus ran a hand through her wet hair and kissed her as he caressed her face with the other. Their kiss deepened as each sought to comfort the other and themselves. Severus was not sure of what to do any more than she was. But he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He was uniquely qualified to do so, after all.

Severus held Erszhebet trying to comfort her and he thought he must be because doing all right because she held onto him tighter and wrapped her body around his.

Erszhebet pulled away from him suddenly. Severus was getting excited. "How do you know it isn't just sex for you," she asked plainly.

"How do you?" he replied looking at her intensely. Severus' black eyes were filled with questioning. "You ask me and I have every right to demand it of you."

"Because of this," she said putting his hand over her heart without hesitation, "and this," she said placing it over her solar plexus to indicate her soul after she kissed his palm. "And because of everything that you have done for me since we met - it feels like a long time ago...and because I know the difference between a casual fuck and making love. I am not in the habit of the former, and neither are you I would assume; we both know that last night was the latter; at least it was for me."

"Then you have the answer, my love, for both of us," Severus responded gravely. He put his arms around her again and kissed her forehead. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you; if you allow it," he whispered as he closed his eyes. "Allow me to."

"Do you love me, Severus?" Erszhebet asked even though she knew the answer. "Do you really?" She was not going to give voice to the idea of the rest of their lives. No, she knew better than that. But Severus was not to know about that; not just yet.

"Yes, I do - really; Severina," he said softly. Severus opened his eyes and was surprised at how sad and forlorn his lover looked. It was as if a wave of despair had washed over her.

"I love you Severus; please don't doubt me," she said, "and don't make me doubt you."

"I thought I lost you this morning. Twice. It killed me to see what happened to you 'Rina," he said. "More than you will ever understand."

They lted into each other as Severus kissed her again. Erszhebet could not ignore his erection any more. They sank to the floor of the wet room and Severus made love to the only woman in the world he would ever want to love in this way.

Severus kissed her passionately and then held up his head. Erszhebet smoothed back his hair so that she could look at him. The water and steam pouring over them made it difficult. "Everything will be alright, my love; I promise you that...I mean it," he said. "This won't happen again, not if I can help it."

"It had better not, Severus - I swear to the Goddess you won't have another chance if it does." But she knew that it wouldn't and that they would work hard to make sure it didn't. She did not want to loose him anymore than he wanted to loose her. It was reassuring in spite of everything that had happened that afternoon.

Erszhebet pulled him close to her again and Severus kissed her scar as he ran a hand through her hair. Their lovemaking this time was intense as the water and steam flowed over them - It would always be intense whenever they had cause to make up.

In their relationship the love that each had for the other would always be expressed in their lovemaking and the things they did for each other. There would come a time when they would be able to say what they felt for each other more freely. But the physical act of love would always express more than their words and deeds ever could.

For now, there was a yet another difficult conversation which needed to be had.