Truth

Hindi Verse:

'Woh aate to hain, par tan se nahin,

Woh chahte to hain, par man se nahin;

Kaun kehta hai ki woh pyaar nahin karte?

Woh karte to hain, par hum se nahin.'

Rough Translation:

He comes to me, but not with his soul,

He wants me, but not with his mind;

Who says he cannot love?

He is capable of love, but not with me.

"I'm leaving him," she told her best friend wearily.

"What on earth are you talking about?" the other girl asked shrilly. "You two are practically an institution, you can't be breaking up!"

"Yes, well," the former said bitterly, "when the bloody institution has a new, unwanted annexe added to it, I think it's about time to let the damn thing collapse, don't you? Just take a wrecking ball to it?"

Her friend processed this information carefully. "There's someone else, then?"

"Of course there's someone else." More bitterness. "How could anyone have ever thought that I would be enough for him?"

"You're not serious? How could he ever want more than you? You two...you just..." Words of friendly loyalty faded into helplessness.

"Well, one tends to start wondering, really, when all we ever do is fight, and every time we fight, there she is. Quite convenient, you know."

"So you know her?" The friend asked curiously.

"Of course." Silence after that.

"Well," prompted her companion, "who is it?"

"Her," was the curt reply.

"Her?" Momentary bewilderment, then dawning comprehension. "Oh, God, not her!"

"Mm."

"Are you sure?"

"Do I need to be?"

"Do you...do you need to be?" her friend spluttered. "Bloody hell, if you're accusing him of something on this magnitude, you'd better be sure!"

"Mm."

"Good grief! What's wrong with you?"

Eyes flashed, teeth clenched and a fist opened and closed, flexing almost threateningly. "Me? What's wrong with me?"

Well. That sight made swallowing freely a bit difficult, but bravery prevailed. "Yes, you. How can you throw so much away on just a hunch?"

Laughter. Laughter that did not sound remotely amused. "Hunch, huh? More like a certainty. Things...he's...he's not the same...hasn't been ever since she entered the picture." The word was pronounced with such venom.

Her friend winced. "Maybe you can work it out? Sort things out a bit?"

Another bark of laughter. "I don't want to. I just hope he rots in hell. And I hope she goes to heaven."

"Why would you wish her to heaven?" Pure amazement.

"Hell, I may be pissed, but I'll be damned if I'm going to wish them eternity together!"

"Hm, that does make sense."

"Too right it does."

"Does it hurt?" her friend ventured to ask.

"I don't know how you can ask that. Everything hurts. Everything aches, and I just want to give in and break down and bawl like a newborn baby," she said shakily.

"Why don't you?"

"If I start, I'll never stop," she said candidly. "I swear I'll just never stop."

"Sweetheart..." her friend began.

"Don't!"

"Don't what?"

"Don't sweetheart me, don't baby me. Don't pity me. I don't want it."

"Well, what do you want?"

"What do I want? I want you to leave me alone and let me hate her in peace. I want you to understand that I'm going to say a lot of hurtful things right now and that you shouldn't take any of them to heart. I want to die for being stupid enough to trust him. I want to shoot myself for giving so much of myself to him. I want to get back all the time I've lost and all the effort I put into things. I want to fix it so that she never existed. I want to run and cry and scream and break things and lie down and just...die."

"That's an awful lot of wants," her friend observed.

"Aren't you astute?" she sneered.

"I suppose it's futile for me to tell you that you're worth so much more than the bullshit he's giving you, and you'll get through this?"

"Utterly futile. Kindly give up before you even start."

"I think not."

Eyebrows arched cattily. "No?"

Firm resolve. "No. I will waste time in telling you things you already know. That you're worth more than this. That you deserve more than him, if all he can do is run into her arms when things get bad. You deserve his love. You deserve to have her out of your life."

"Yes, well, I'll just forget the last two, shall I?" Oh, the bitter rage. "I'm just going to have to convince myself that it's all for the best."

Her friend was silent.

So she went on. "I don't know what's going to be harder. Thinking about leaving him or imagining him with her."

"Can you actually leave him?" the other girl asked quietly. "I mean, will you have the nerve to walk away and not look back?"

"I don't know. I know he said that if I even thought about it again, it was as good as over. So I guess it means I've already done the deed, eh?"

"Do you want to leave him?"

"The part of me that hates him for being around her does. The other part of me just wants to hold on for dear life."

"You're so..."

"Confused? Depressed? Insane? Stupid?"

"Brave," the friend asserted. "The fact that you know all this, that you let yourself see all this."

"I told you I didn't want you mollycoddling me. Stop trying to make me feel better about myself. My confidence is a little shot to hell right now, so give up already."

"Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't see through that," said her friend with a touch of asperity.

A long, comfortable silence followed, after which, "But you will be alright, won't you?"

"I don't want to be alright, surprisingly. I just want to wallow in all this hurt till...I don't know...till I can't feel anymore, I suppose."

"What if you find out you were wrong? That they're just friends, that he's always been faithful to you, that he loves only you?"

"Then I suppose I'll have no one to blame but myself for leaving him...trust is everything, after all."

"But you want to be with him."

"Of course. But not if she's in the bloody picture."

"Then tell him to choose."

"Are you mad? I'd never do that. If Draco's so bloody happy with her, let him stay with her. I'm not going to be the bitch who gave him an ultimatum. I think I'll be the bigger person if I walk out."

"Bigger...I dunno...unhappier, definitely."

"Mm."

"We're talking serious depression here, and all you can say is 'Mm'?"

"What do you expect me to say? Either way, I weep bucketloads."

"And you're so matter-of-fact about it."

"Yes. Well."

"That's life, eh?"

"I suppose...life. Huh. Feels more like pain. And mutilation. And gut-wrenching hurt."

"You're going to be a little ray of sunshine for a while, aren't you, Hermione?"

"Oh, yes. Can you put up with me?" she asked, half-smiling, already knowing the answer her dearest friend would give her.

The other girl sighed and rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "I suppose I can make do. You being my best friend and all that."

"I thought so, Ginny," came the soft reply. "I thought so."