What the Bloody Hell?

Author's Note: This story is set in an alternate universe where Voldemort was actually destoryed by the first Order. So that means Harry's parents are still alive, he knew he was a wizard all along, the Slytherins aren't Death Eaters, etc. I did this because that way I can concentrate more on the relationships of people without having to rack my brain trying to come up with a suitable evil adventure for Harry, Ron, and Hermione seeing as how I am a romance writer at heart, not action/adventure so much. Also, I just like to think how different everything would be if Harry had grown up knowing he was a wizard and not having to deal with Voldemort. Also, I can throw things I want into the story and not start a revolt because it doesn't match the books (I got tired of that with my last stories). I just wanted to explain that right off, so you know. Hope you enjoy it.

What The Bloody Hell Chapter One: I Blame It All On The Plants

Pansy followed the Gryffindor Golden Trio to Herbology class. She still couldn't believe that the three of them had gone almost 7 years and had remained friends. In fact, every Slytherin was. The girls had placed bets on which Hermione would get together with first: Ron or Harry. Pansy had said Ron. All those fights they had would have surely ended up in a fierce make out session.

As it turned out, Hermione wasn't the least interested in either Ron or Harry. Seems Miss Granger didn't even like boys. Pansy giggled as she recalled the way Hermione had taken to following Daphne Greengrass around, trying to convince her to go lesbo so the two of them could get together. Too bad for Hermione that Daphne had been harboring a five year long crush on Terry Boot.

The trio made it to the entrance of Greenhouse Five. Pansy arrived at the door just as they were going through. Ron, surprisingly, held it open for her. Usually he would have slammed it in her face.

Pansy quirked an eyebrow at him. "Such a gentleman," she said.

"Just get in already before I regret being nice to you," Ron muttered.

Pansy brushed past him and hurried to her place next to Draco Malfoy. He was grumbling, as usual. This time to Blaise Zabini. Draco absolutely hated Herbology. He usually threatened not to go to class, but one of the Slytherins always dragged him along.

For his part, Blaise was completely ignoring Draco. He was studying Ron Weasley for some reason.

"Hi," Pansy greeted, dropping her bag.

Draco just grumbled. Blaise said, "Is it just me or does Weasley look really good today?"

Pansy and Draco both stared at him. Pansy looked over at Ron. Studying him for a minute she realized that he did look good. Better than usual. Kind of cute, actually. Interesting.

"I can’t believe you're both ogling Weasley," Draco said. "I now have to find new friends."

"Oh shush," Pansy said. "And Blaise, you're totally right. What's going on?"

"What?" Draco shrieked. "This is not happening! You are not saying that Weasley is cute?!"

He was so loud that everyone looked over at him, including Ron. Pansy noticed he was turning red. She threw him a wink, causing him to turn even redder.

Professor Sprout decided to show up then. "Settle down, class," she called. "Today we will be starting our project for this term. Last class I handed everyone a booklet explaining the project. Today, I will be assigning everyone a partner, and then we will get to work."

The class groaned in unison. They hated being assigned partners.

Sprout took out a sheet of parchment. Holding it up, she announced, "Partners are as followed: Mr. Potter and Mr. Longbottom; Miss Granger and Mr. Finnigan; Mr. Zabini and Mr. Boot; Mr. Malfoy and Miss Abbott; Mr. Weasley and Miss Parkinson; Miss Bones and Miss Brocklehurst."

More groaning from the class. Not everyone was entirely happy with this arrangement. Ron, for instance, was seething that he had to partner up with Pansy.

Sprout simply ignored all protesting, and told them to go sit with their partner and get to work.

Draco patted Pansy sympathetically on the shoulder before bouncing over to Hannah Abbott.

"I would switch you, but you know Daphne would kill me if I didn't let her get this chance to live vicariously through me," Blaise said. He left, grinning widely, to sit by Terry Boot.

Ron walked slowly over to her. He looked so glum it was making Pansy slightly angry. "I'm not that bad, am I?" she asked as he sat down next to her.

"You're a Slytherin," he pointed out.

"Just because there have been a few evil wizards to come out of my house doesn't mean we're all evil," Pansy replied, hotly.

"Uh huh, well if you remember, Parkinson, when You-Know-Who was alive it was all of your parents who supported him. They probably raised you to be evil."

Pansy glared at him. "For your information, Weasley, my parents never supported You-Know-Who. My whole family opposed all he stood for from the beginning. And the only reason Slytherins and Gryffindors don't get along is because it's tradition. It's an old house rivalry that's been going on since Hogwarts was founded. Don't hold stupid things like that against me. You don't even know me."

Ron continued to glare at her, but he didn't say anything more. He silently pulled out his textbook and started flipping through it, looking for their assigned plant. Pansy sighed and did the same. They spent the rest of the lesson working in silence.

~*~

Since Ron and Pansy hadn't gotten much work on their project done in class, they agreed, however reluctantly, to meet each other in the library after dinner to work on it. Ron was already there when Pansy arrived. Sitting next to him was Hermione Granger. As Pansy drew closer, Hermione stood and waved goodbye to Ron.

"Hi, Pansy," she said as she passed Pansy. "You don't happen to know where Daphne is, do you? I have something to give her."

"Um, no, I don't," Pansy replied, eyeing Hermione curiously.

"All right, then. Have fun!" Hermione continued on her way.

Pansy sat at the table next to Ron. "So, how was your dinner, Weasley?"

Ron glared at her.

"What, we can't be civil now?"

"Why bother?"

"Uh, maybe because we have to work together for this project? I think that's a good of reason as any."

Ron turned back to his Herbology book.

Pansy looked him over. There was something different about him this year. The past six years he had always just been Ron Weasley, nobody special. He had always been average. Average looking, average grades, average at Quidditch, average, average, average. But this year he was giving off a different vibe. Blaise had noticed it first, but Pansy saw it too.

He didn't really look different. Sure his haircut was actually rather flattering on him, and he was well built for his height, but he still looked like Ron. He still had his bright red hair, and that smattering of freckles across his nose. He still wore clothes that looked like hand-me-downs, his pants were still too short, his shirts still too small . . . So what was it about him?

Ron looked up and caught her staring at him. "What?" he asked. "Why are you looking at me like that? Suddenly interested?"

"No," Pansy replied quickly. Perhaps too quickly.

"Wondering what it would be like to go slumming then? Wondering what your mummy would say, or better yet, what your precious Malfoy would say?" Ron spat.

"Sorry, redheads have just never done it for me," Pansy replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

"And bitch has never done it for me," Ron replied, icily.

Pansy couldn't help it; she cracked a smile. Ron shook his head at her and looked away. Pansy's gaze drifted to his notes. She saw he had doodled "Chudley Cannons" all over them.

"Still supporting the Cannons?" she asked. "How long has it been since they've won?"

Ron glared at her. "I suppose you support the Falcons then?"

"What would give you that idea?"

"You are a Slytherin."

"Here we go again with those preconceived notions of Slytherins you have. Not all of us support the Falcons. Just because Draco does, and because the Falcons have a reputation for playing violently, doesn't mean Slytherins automatically like them. For your information, I'm quite a fan of the Arrows."

"The Arrows?" Ron wailed. "Why?"

"I could say the same for you and the Cannons," Pansy said, shrugging out of her heavy school robes.

Ron was about to say something when a strangled noise came out instead.

"What?" Pansy asked.

Ron's mouth opened and closed as he gaped at her.

Pansy looked down at herself. She had the first few buttons on her school shirt unbuttoned, but nothing was indecent. "What?" she asked again.

"I can see . . . you know!" Ron muttered.

"See what, Weasley?"

"Your . . . cleavage!" The last word had come out in a whispered hiss.

Pansy laughed. "Big deal, Weasley. Grow up, it's not gonna hurt you."

"Well, put it away. Geez, Hermione would never--"

"Do you think I care if she would show herself off?" Pansy interrupted. "Some girls like to be looked at and I happen to be one of them."

"I don't need to see those bits of you!" Ron cried.

Pansy rolled her eyes. "You're such a baby." She stood up and disappeared into the stacks to search for some more books. She managed to find quite a few on their plant and decided to bring them back to their table before she dropped them everywhere. But when she arrived back at the table, Ron was nowhere to be found. Upon further inspection, Pansy saw that his things were still there, so he must have gotten up to look around.

Sighing, Pansy went to find him. It took her a few minutes, but she finally found him by the wall, up on one of the ladders, trying to reach a book on the tallest shelf. She walked closer, studying him as she did so. He was stretching a long ways rather than simply moving the ladder over. The bottom of his shirt had ridden up slightly and Pansy could make out a thin trail of red hair from his bellybutton down to his pants.

Pansy looked up at him. "All right there, Weasley?"

Ron, startled, dropped the book he had just grabbed. It landed directly on Pansy's head.

She stumbled slightly from the impact. Ron jumped down off the ladder and helped her sit down on the floor. Kneeling beside her, he inspected the top of her head. Pansy looked up at him, tears in her eyes. She refused to cry in front of him, no matter how much pain she was in. His fingers were soothing as he pushed them through her hair and she almost told him to keep going when he stopped.

"You're not bleeding or anything," he said.

"You're such a prat," Pansy said with a groan.

"It's not like I meant to drop the book on your head."

"Maybe if you could actually hold on to something. No wonder you're rubbish at Quidditch."

"Hey, I've gotten a lot better!"

"Is that what Potter's been whispering to you in bed every night?"

Ron glared at her. "I thought we were trying to be civil."

"So did I. And then you went and threw a book at me."

"I did not throw the book at you!"

Pansy rubbed the top of her head. She stood up, using the shelves for support. She spied the book lying on the floor so she went to grab it, only Ron had went for it at the same time, and they smacked their heads together.

"Fuck!" Pansy yelled, not bothering to hold back the tears this time.

Ron rubbed his own head. "Dammit, Parkinson!" Then he saw her crying. He groaned and pulled her into his arms as he gave her a comforting hug.

Pansy struggled to get out of his grip. "Get off of me!" she cried.

"I was only trying to help," Ron said.

"Don't bother, I just keep getting hurt." She sighed. "Maybe we should work on this tomorrow night. I need to go lie down." Ron nodded and Pansy went to go collect her things. She headed quickly back to the Slytherin dormitories.

~*~

That night, Pansy dreamt of Ron. He was the white knight to her damsel in distress, but he kept ruining everything. And then he kissed her, and Pansy's world spun upside down.

She woke up screaming.

"What's wrong?" Daphne murmured from her bed. Millicent groaned.

"I blame it all on the plants," Pansy moaned.