- Rating:
- R
- House:
- Astronomy Tower
- Genres:
- Slash
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 05/19/2002Updated: 05/19/2002Words: 6,739Chapters: 4Hits: 2,418
Silly Git
Mrs Ron Weasley
- Story Summary:
- After pining away for Remus in the privacy of his own somewhat silly imagination, Sirius gets some rather startling news that makes him rethink his quiet stance entirely.
Chapter 04
- Posted:
- 05/19/2002
- Hits:
- 350
- Author's Note:
- This was written as a response to a Lupercalia Challenge over at SBRL back in February. Lupercalia is celebrated on February 15, and the rest you will find out in the story. ;)
Part 4.
The next day was possibly the worst day of Sirius’ life. The night after his proposition, he couldn’t bring himself to face Remus. So, he’d spent the time in the library, trying to write a Transfiguration essay with Lily sympathetically patting his arm every now and then, but he couldn’t write a single word. At least not a word that would be deemed appropriate for a Transfiguration essay. He wanted to blame Lily, he really did, but the truth was that he would have done it anyway, Lupercalia or no. He knew that he couldn’t have held out much longer and it just would have been prolonging the inevitable…
God, how he hated it. He hated himself. He hated the way his heart seemed to have been turned bloodless, and his veins cold. He hated the way he wanted to cry out whenever Remus’ harsh words came back to him, clear, as if they were being spoken at that moment. He wanted to hate Remus for doing this to him. And he hated that he could not.
To make matters worse, that next day was Valentine’s Day. James seemed almost apologetic to Sirius at breakfast as he adorned Lily’s red hair with a single white rose, enchanted to stay in her hair for twenty-four hours and glow pale-silver light. Sirius figured that Lily must have told James something, and even if she didn’t, Prongs could have cottoned on himself that things were not all right between his best friends. A fact easily apparent from complete lack of conversation or eye contact. Or any contact.
The rest of the day passed miserably enough, filled with giggling couples coming out of the woodwork, seemingly just to taunt and laugh at Sirius and his complete lack of reciprocity in the love department.
It hurt so damn much. At first it was a sharp pain, stabbing him endlessly as his eyes would accidentally pass over Remus’ figure. Remus didn’t look at him. He didn’t speak to him. He fled at lunch and at dinner. He couldn’t have made it more obvious and Sirius was getting angry.
Very angry.
How dare Remus not listen to him, at least try to understand? He’s supposed to be a friend – how dare he ignore this?
By nighttime, after he had already scrubbed all the bedpans in the hospital wing without magic, the feeling had become a dull ache, never leaving him once, like a faithful yet cruel shadow, following him wherever he went. He was grateful when eleven o’clock came around, and he could leave all pretense and go to bed. At least he could try and escape it all through sleep…
Lying in his bed, curtains shut tightly around him, Sirius couldn’t sleep. He heard Peter padding from the door to his bed. He heard him muttering to himself as he changed out of his robes to his pajamas. He heard the swish of the curtains as he got into bed. A minute later, he heard snoring.
Rolling over onto his stomach and groaning, Sirius closed his eyes and tried threatening himself to sleep. That didn’t seem to work, either, as it only made him angrier at himself for trying to threaten, well, himself. It was already past midnight…past midnight… With a jolt, Sirius realized that it was Lupercalia.
Damn him.
His ears suddenly picked up a sound. It was unmistakable – those were Remus’ footsteps. No one else had such a light and graceful walk. And those footsteps were getting closer. He stopped breathing and listened as the sound of the footsteps ended abruptly, probably a couple of feet away from his bed. Everything went still.
“Sirius?..” Remus’ voice was hoarse and slightly shaky.
“What?” He found his wasn’t any better.
“Could I…could I talk to you a minute?” Pulling his curtains back automatically, Sirius saw Remus jump at the abruptness of the movement, his face illuminated by the pale light of the waning moon. He was chewing his lip, and his fingers were jerking slightly as they wove strange patterns with one other, but his eyes were fixed steadily on Sirius’. Silently, and quite numbly, Sirius waved his arm inviting Remus to sit on his bed. The other boy didn’t appear to move for a second, then with a seeming effort, made his feet shift and in a few seconds Remus’ weight sank slightly into the bed, moving Sirius’ legs just as slightly towards it. Remus was now facing the window, his fingers still working themselves into a frenzy, his lip still being worried by his teeth.
“Well?” Sirius asked, berating himself for wanting to reach out and comb his hand through Remus’ soft hair.
“I’ve thought about it,” Remus began, rather abruptly, turning to Sirius. Sirius’ heart once again found its new abode in the vicinity of his throat and his voice box shut off entirely. His fingers tingled and he instinctively clutched his sheets with his fists. He waited. “And I…I love you, too, Sirius.”
Remus’ magnificent hazel eyes were looking straight at Sirius’ pale blue ones and Sirius found he couldn’t look away. He felt that something should be said, right about now, but he couldn’t do it, because his voice was gone. His heart was back in his chest and was pounding so loudly, he was sure that Peter could have heard it over his own snoring. His fists clutched the sheets convulsively, and he found himself trembling very slightly. He noticed from somewhere far away that Remus’ lip was being completely destroyed, and his eyes were wider than usual. Finally, Sirius found his voice:
“You…love me.”
“Yes.”
“You do.”
“Yes!”
“So, you…”
“Yes.” The last word was spoken quietly, but with a conviction Sirius couldn’t have mistaken – and he didn’t want to. He ducked his head, and a strange noise escaped his mouth – was it a sob? Was he choking? He couldn’t tell. The only thing he could tell was that a beautiful pale hand was suddenly lifting his chin, and Remus’ face was much closer now. A breath away. Sirius was looking straight into Remus’s eyes, and they were smiling. “Sirius, I love you. I want you to be my mate.”
“Remus…” But whatever he was going to say next was drowned out by a kiss. The slightly chewed up yet still the softest lips he’d ever felt were on his own, hesitantly cajoling him to respond. He did. His hands found themselves entangled in silky light brown hair, and his lips opened up for Remus’. A moan escaped both their throats as their tongues touched, plunging to get in deeper, to feel deeper, to discover more of that taste. Sirius felt trembling fingers cupping his face, thumbs smoothing his cheeks, eyelashes tickling softly just under his eyes. It was all he could do to not stop time.
Finally breaking off the kiss, Sirius refused to let Remus get away, leaving his forehead pressed to his friend’s. Both their breathing was harsh and ragged, and Sirius thought he would melt right with it.
“Moony…”
“Padfoot…”
“Why did you…”
“I was scared, Sirius. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me, I was… You have no idea what it’s like to know that you’ve got no choice.” Remus sat back a little and took Sirius’ hands in his own. His face was set and his eyes seemed to have taken on that haunted look they got in them around the time of the full moon. “To know that you cannot take your time about it. Or that once that choice is made it’s final. Lupercalia is another reminder of my being a beast, a wolf, even if I am human most of the time. It’s unfair and I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to deal with it, Sirius. You bringing it up was…too abrupt, it was too soon.”
“But I told you that I loved you, why didn’t you...”
“Because I didn’t believe it. Because it was too much like the reality I wanted. I have wanted you for so long, that it had become an ingrained fantasy, it just couldn’t be true. For a while there, I thought it might have been a joke…” Sirius began to protest, but Remus silenced him with a hand to his lips. “I know. I then thought that even if it wasn’t, you had no idea what you were doing. This is forever, Sirius, do you understand that? For life.”
“I understand. And I want it, Remus. I want you.”
“I know.”
Sirius breathed out. Remus squeezed his hands a little harder. He cleared his throat: “Sirius…will you be my mate?”
“God, yes!”
Their lips met once again, frantic in their movements, tongues intertwining, caressing, cajoling. Sirius clutched Remus closer to him, his hands wrapping his waist tightly, pulling on the robes for more contact. Remus’ hands were fisted around Sirius’ t-shirt, at his chest. Neither one wanted to break contact, but as air was also essential if they wanted to continue anything later, they pulled away reluctantly.
“Am I your mate, then?” Sirius asked, caressing the small of Remus’ back with his large hand.
“Not yet.”
“Oh?”
“Well…” He saw Remus’ cheeks flush slightly. “You will be. You are sure about this, aren’t you Sirius?”
“Yes.”
“All right then…” Remus closed his eyes halfway and leaned in. His hands wrapped around Sirius’ neck gently, and he brought his mouth down just below Sirius’ jaw. Sirius closed his eyes, waiting. He felt hot breath on his neck and the next moment, a tender bite to the left of his Adam’s apple. No pain, only tenderness. He gave a slight moan as soft lips brushed the spot they’d just bitten and took Remus’ face in his hands, bringing it level with his.
“Am I?” A nod. He sighed and gently kissed Remus’ lips. “God, Remus. Why didn’t you believe me?”
“Why did you want me?” Remus asked in turn.
“God, you silly git, stupid wonderful prat…”
The night had definitely begun to Sirius’ satisfaction, and as clothes left bodies, bodies found sheets, and sheets found themselves tangled, it proved to be more than he ever had dreamed or hoped for. When they made love, they were together, crying out their joy into each other’s joined lips, and feeling like if this was forever, they could certainly live well into eternity.
The next morning, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew awoke to find that one of their number was missing. His bed was untouched and the pieces of parchment that had occupied it last night were still in place. Confused, James padded over to Sirius’ bed, yanking the curtains open with a flourish.
“Oh!..”
He didn’t think his face had ever felt hotter, and that included the first time Lily had kissed him in front of his parents.
“James, would you mind shutting the curtains? It’s too damn bright,” muttered Sirius, who seemed to have been buried under lots of sweaty sheets and a sleeping Remus. A sleeping naked Remus. “Oh, and, by the way, Happy Lupercalia,” he grinned.
“Happy what?!”
“Ask Lily, she’ll know.” With that James Potter was shut off from Sirius by a swish of scarlet curtain. A moment later the whole of Gryffindor Tower was awakened abruptly by a crazed Quidditch Captain’s yell:
“LILY!!!!”
~FIN~