Hunting For The Sun

CHAPTER NINE

Desolate Memory

I drew my finger lightly across his chest. He twitched slightly, but didn´t wake. I smiled to myself. He grunted, sneering in his sleep, and rolled away, holding one arm across his face. I laid my cheek against the hot skin of his chest. His breathing tilted my head evenly, and his heart thrummed softly against my temple. It was much better that way. His arm shifted and slid around to entangle his fingers in my hair.

`You look nice with black hair,´ he murmured, not opening his eyes. I pouted at him. He wasn´t meant to know I was awake. He was supposed to be asleep.

`Go back to sleep,´ I snarled, biting his nipple, the closest thing I could get hold of.

`Don´t get me horny now, dear. It´s two a.m.,´ he chided, swatting at my hand.

I worked up a hot retort, but ended up smiling and lying down again. I had missed him so much.

`Rae? You are still awake aren´t you? I´m still waiting for my sizzling, arse-lashing comment,´ he said, opening his eyes and raising his head to look at me. His hair was all mussed, but you can guess why. I hardly feel the need to relate that. I blew a raspberry on the velvety skin of his stomach.

`I love you, Malfoy,´ I smiled.

`I love you too... What is your surname?´ he frowned, sitting up and pulling me with him. I nestled into his shoulder.

`I don´t think I have one,´ I said. I had never thought about that.

`Well, you have to have one,´ Malfoy said.

`Not everybody has one,´ I said defensively.

`No, but they should,´ he explained.

`Who says?´ I demanded.

`I do. I´m in charge. I call the shots. Surnames for all!´ he announced, spreading his arms and causing me to roll away.

`I don´t want one,´ I pouted.

`Now you´re just being contrary, dear,´ he smiled.

`Humph,´ I said. I rolled with my back to him, and pulled the covers around me.

`Humph?´ Malfoy demanded incredulously. `Humph? Is that the best you can do?´

`Shudurrp,´ I mumbled. He laughed.

`I missed you, my Rae,´ he said, pulling me into a rough hug. Needless to say I complied, and much followed, but my story continues with the morning.

We left the house we had broken into bright and early the next morning. We were both dressed in our now customary black, and Malfoy had discarded the white cape I had left him in. We looked like we were going to a funeral, but we were. It wasn´t anyone we loved, and it was our fault. That made us happy in those good old days. We massacred a street full of people, and Malfoy bought me a ring with the spoils to replace his signet ring.

`Spoils of war,´ he said, a mysterious smile on his face.

I felt like a child eating a lollipop at the seaside. The carnage trail that followed us everywhere paid for a high life. We didn´t live it, though. We travelled across the North like a plague. Soon we were the front pages of every paper. They refused to believe that it was Malfoy, but they had me down. We shot an ice-cream man, and sat on a beach in the moonlight, licking our spoils. Then we ran down the beach as fast as we could, wind in our hair. We could have been any romantic couple, but there was no time for that. We either had to gather our own army, or nick someone else´s. The latter was preferable, but we could always do a bit of both.

We were moving inexorably south. They were hunting us like dogs, but when they reach the scene of the crime, Macavity´s not there. They would never have caught us, no matter what we did. We strolled down high streets, and police didn´t look twice at us unless they were catcalling or wolf-whistling me. Malfoy hung an arm around my shoulders and grinned evilly when this happened. I knew the looks weren´t really mine, but Malfoy told me the switch was irreversible, so they became mine.

I think we were on a ship going south on the East Coast when this next thing happened. Nothing important came between the last thing I told you of and this, so I see no reason to recount the many kills I made on my way. We were lounging around in our cabin, watching the rain pound the tiny glass window. I was un-picking the stitching in the bedcover, and Malfoy was lying on the bed, hands linked behind his head and legs crossed at the ankles.

`I´ve thought of a way to get you a surname,´ he told me, eyes the colour of the sky outside gazing blankly at the tiles of the ceiling.

`Oh?´ I said, not really interested.

`We could get married,´ he said. It had no suggestion, no implication, no real meaning to it other than it was a way to get me a surname. He was just saying. Somehow I felt it was better that way. Much as I loved him, we weren´t formal people. We´d just get bored if we were married. I can´t remember when I lost track of that thought. It just slipped overboard at some stage and was lost in the sea of despair.

`I guess.´

`I think Rae Malfoy is a lovely name,´ he continued, still just musing.

`So is Terminator,´ I smiled faintly. He slipped an arm up the back of my top and rubbed my shoulder blades lovingly.

`That´s my girl,´ he murmured.

`Would I be anyone else´s?´ I said, picking up his other hand and kissing it.

`If you were, you´d have no bloody taste,´ he grinned, pinging my bra-strap.

I bit the hand I was conveniently holding and he flicked his wrist, expertly undoing my bra. I squealed and pulled away.

`No, leave it like that,´ he growled.

I laughed, and allowed him to pull my jumper off then sat patiently while he feigned clumsiness and spent ages trying to do it up again. He snorted, and pulled it off entirely to examine the catch with a sneer on his face. I giggled like a virgin, trying to cover myself with my jumper in case anyone came in.

`I´ve got it!´ he exclaimed, and put it on my head.

`Malfoy,´ I said seriously, failing to convince him, however. I have some suspicions it was something to do with the bra.

`Yes, Potential Malfoy?´ he said, his otherwise perfect solemn face marred by a brief spate of giggling.

`Take this garment off my head this instant,´ I snapped.

`Yes miss,´ he said, grabbing it, my suitcase and my jumper and running out of the room.

`Bastard!´ I squealed. I cast about for something to wear while I chased him down, and spotted the new shirt he had bought. It was massive, and hung down past my knees, but it was a start. I did a few buttons, then kicked the door open and, drawing my guns, ran after him. I caught up with him when I heard a little giggle from the rail on the starboard side.

He was, as I should have known, dangling my clothes over the edge.

`Malfoy!´ I hissed, pointing at the ground, for some reason.

`Rae!´ he grinned. Then he looked me up and down. `Mm, you look hot. Maybe I should drop these in after all, and only let you wear my shirts in future.´

I pulled the shirt off and held it over the edge too.

`I only have two!´ he yelped, forgetting his tease in place of the possibility of having to wear the same shirt for two days.

`Well I only have that case,´ I reasoned.

`Okay, you have a deal,´ he pouted, handing me my case. I put my bra and jumper back on. He snatched his shirt, and nuzzled it; casting dagger looks at me. I laughed at him, and walked away.

I think it was about a day later that our ship reached the Thames estuary. A chilly wind blew foul smoke all the way down that sluggish brown river. I wrinkled my nose.

`Where are we headed, Draco?´ I called, I wasn´t really sure. He was the one buying all the tickets.

`To the Ministry, love,´ he said, snapping his attention away from a rope that he was loosening.

`What are you doing?´ I frowned.

`You´ll see,´ he said, stepping back from it and leaning against a rail as though he had no idea what he had done. A sailor started to climb it to pull up the sails, and when he reached a certain height, Malfoy reached out, whistling innocently and jerked a cord. The sailor plunged off into the sea, accompanied by Malfoy´s little giggle.

Let me clear something up. The nature of this story may not fit just brilliant with this chapter, but this is what goes on. Nobody ever lives a life of total darkness, and even in my darkest days, I was guided. I am happy, not often, but that´s the penalty. This shows to you, I hope, that I am a fun-loving sweetie inside, and so is Draco. Nobody´s that bad. We toiled long and hard to make what we have, and I don´t care what you think. I would lie to you if I cared enough to bother. Right now I couldn´t give a shit if I squeezed with all my might. Heave-ho and etcetera. I don´t like you, and I don´t know you. This is just what I want to do, and if you don´t like it, roll it up and use it to cork your own ass. Stop bugging me about the tightness of mine.

We chugged our way upriver, and stopped occasionally to drop off the cargo. This wasn´t a passenger ship, but we had paid a lot of money to get on it. No need to kill people all the time. You can ignore my bout of sniggering at this point. I had no idea where we were headed or why, or what we would do once we got there. But when we pulled into the London Docklands, and Malfoy passed me my suitcase before vaulting the edge and dropping onto the wet concrete of the dock I began to get some nasty suspicions. He marched away, whistling merrily and swinging his bag. I jumped after him, trying to block out the jarring pain in my limbs as I landed. I jogged down the street, my footsteps echoing disconcertingly in the cool darkness of the alley.

Houses, grey with smoke and pollution, towered over us. The streets caved towards the middle, and a long pool of grimy water coated the patchy tarmac. Old clothes hung out to dry in the air fresh from a shower of rain that was as refreshing as plunging into a sewer, and just as healthy. The windows were all shuttered against the cut-throats and footpads lurking in the night. I huddled into my coat, my hand wrapping around the grip of my gun. Malfoy seemed as happy as Larry, but that didn´t rub off on me. I wondered if our spell had been broken, but I knew too much of my luck to hope. At least his being alive would stop me turning into him. I shuddered, glad that I was free of that unpleasant prospect.

Scared as people were, we didn´t encounter any thieves on our way into the better parts of town. The lights in the streets worked before long, and shops appeared among pleasant houses. I could tell by the path we were taking that we would skirt the wasteland. I didn´t want to. The wasteland was a hard place. Only the most desperate went there, and two richly garbed outsiders would look like easy prey. Plainly not, I thought, as I fingered the blade of the dagger hidden up my sleeve with my free hand. I didn´t want to kill my kin. Regardless of how I had done it, and the fact that it was my own fault in the first place, I had rescued all my friends from certain death. I wasn´t going to put myself in that stress-meriting position again.

Sure enough, before long the horizon was clearing, and all I could see through gaps between buildings was sky. Then we broke out onto the crumpled concrete and empty shells that had once been houses of Muggles. The wizards had all been condensed into the centre of the city, and all the outskirts were destroyed. They had become this wasteland. Some of it was cleared, but not much. The war of ten years ago still burned, and you could feel it in the blood of the people. It wouldn´t be over. I wasn´t sure if it would ever be over, because neither side was `good´. You know how you read stories, and there´s always good and evil, and good always wins out in the end? Well, I hate to break it to you, but life isn´t like that. No one thinks they´re evil unless they´re deranged, and very few will admit to it even then. Both sides always think they´re doing the right thing, and both sides kill innocent people to achieve their goal. You don´t wage war on a man´s army. You wage the war on the people. Anyone knows that. If you kill all the army, then you have nothing left to do. The army´s only there to protect the citizens. The citizens are by nature innocent, no matter who they are, which is why it´s a crime to kill them, but not to kill a soldier in battle, do you follow? Anyway, it´s more of a `them and us´ situation. Neither side is right, because all commit atrocities, and any tale can be bent to glorify its teller.

Sorry. Drifted off course a little there.

Back to the wasteland. It was a staple of my life. As a witch, I had been kept pretty much to my primary school and my friends who were all `like us´. All but one of those is dead now, and I probably killed a few myself. We didn´t see the Muggles much, but as Voldemort began his rise again, when I was... hang on... four years old, we had to stay away from them. It was hard to keep being a rebel, and many times I begged my parents, with tears rolling down my face, to just go over to the other side, and they wouldn´t hunt us any more. They didn´t listen. All this is because of my father. Mother said that we should for my sake, but father stood tall and said `And you would deny all that is good and right and noble in this world to bring evil and temptation upon our child because you can´t be bothered to hide any longer? Is that it?´ He was a tall man, my father, and he drew himself up to his full height.

`I will not bow down to the forces of darkness that threaten to swallow us up. I will fight until my last breath is drawn from my body, and then I will fight some more. We cannot give up, Anna, and we can´t let Meggy give up either.´ So that was my name. I couldn´t remember it. We all assumed names to protect us, and I lost track. Oh well, I know now. I´m sticking with Rae, though. He reached out and ruffled my hair. `Meggy will hold out to the last, and lead our people to victory.´ I wonder what happened to him. Did I kill him? I honestly can´t remember. Things strike me at odd moments, then fly away again like butterflies on the wing.

His words echoed in my head as we picked our way through the rubble streets. I would lead our people to victory. He must have been a leader, my father. All I know is that he was said to have died right at the start of the war. I never even knew his real name. Times were hard. He was just `daddy´ to me. Our people were those who became the rats of the sewer. The ones who gave up and didn´t help me. I could have led them, but they never came for me.

God, this is bringing up a lot of goo from the bottom of the swamp.

I remember that night when I was captured. My father was dead, my mother with me, but she was killed like an animal before she got close. I was crying, but I held a rusty little dagger in my hand, and it was glinting with blood. My hair was tangled, my face was muddy and my clothes were torn, but I was still alive. Against all odds, a little girl was living in the battlefield. They mocked me, and hit me, and said `Where´s your mummy?´ and all those patronising things. Malfoy was there, wrapped in a cloak and tied to a chair. I wonder why they tied him? He´s never said he was anything but willing. I was dragged to a throne and thrown to my knees before Voldemort himself.

`Skinny,´ he noted.

`Will she do, great one?´ a minion snivelled.

`I suppose.´

They had tied me to the other chair, and bound a gag around my mouth. Malfoy looked at me, his eyes full of a kind of pity, but then they slammed those needles into my wrist, and it all went black. Next thing I knew, I was Rae. I had no family, and no one really knew who I was. I had been destined to be queen of the rebels, but they had taken it all away. If they had just said one thing, it might have come back to me. If anyone had looked for me, it might not have been too late. It was an easy blame to cast, but I would cast it anyway. How was I in any control of myself when I didn´t know who I was?

But I still had a duty. I would grow up tall and strong and lead my people against the Death Eaters. I would even use their own leader to strike at them. They didn´t know, but they had put me in the exact place where I could bring them down with a bat of an eyelid. They thought they were hindering me, but I was helping myself.