Let Me Count the Ways

Lily leaned back in her chair, her stunning green eyes sparkling with laughter as she watched James' attempt to tickle information out of Hayley.

"Come on," he laughed. "Tell me who he is!"

"No!" she giggled, struggling away from his hands.

He turned towards Lily, grinning and she couldn't help admiring his boyish good looks. "Surely you know," he said. "She tells you everything." She laughed back.

Lily could not believe how much everything had changed. The group dynamic was so much more relaxed as apposed to two years ago when she could hardly stand the sight of him. Everything had changed the day in fifth year when Lily had finally confronted him. He had become less arrogant, as had his friends, and he had even stopped asking her out. The two groups had almost become one and it was not a change any of them regretted. There were still times when Lily found him just as annoying as he had been back then, but the times were few and far between and she believed they were still becoming less frequent.

James raised his eyebrows questioningly at her and she grinned back. "Of course I know, but there's no way on this Earth I'm telling you. If there is anyone more gobby than Sirius, it's you, and so, if wouldn't tell Sirius I am hardly likely to tell you."

James had the decency to look wounded but made a good recovery. "I promise I won't say a word."

"James, I'm not going to tell you," she stated firmly, smiling slightly to soften the blow. "Now, don't you have a Quidditch practise to go to?" she reminded him.

He sighed resignedly. "Yes, I do. I can see I am getting nowhere here. I shall see you both later." He stood up to leave and leaned over, kissing Hayley roughly on the cheek before squeezing Lily's arm and heading out of the portrait hole, calling over his shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll get it out of you when you least expect it. Neither of you two can keep secrets for long."

Hayley laughed and Lily glanced out of the window. The sun was streaming over the grounds and glittering across the lake. The grass was littered with students who were making the most of the sunshine. The two girls were alone in the Common Room. Most of the other students were out in the grounds or had gone to watch the practice.

Lily looked back at Hayley. "What's all this kissy stuff with you and James?" she demanded.

"What do you mean?" Hayley asked, a smile tugging at the edge of her mouth.

"Well, he always kisses you and never kisses me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Lily. Of course he kisses you. You also know that there would never be anything between James and me. That is almost as bad as suggesting there is something between Sirius and me. They're like brothers."

"I love how you didn't mention Remus there," said Lily, now laughing herself.

Hayley grinned sheepishly as a faint blush rose up her cheeks. "You know me too well," said Hayley, shaking her head. "However, that is not going to get you out of this one. Why does it bother you if James never kisses you? Even though he does," she hastily added.

Lily was not so sure herself. It wasn't as though she was jealous; she knew that. How could she possibly like James when all he ever did was annoy her? It was true that the group of teenagers had become a lot closer than previously but though Lily and James were on better terms than ever before, there was a more edgy feel to their relationship. One minute she knew exactly where she stood with James Potter and the next he would change all the rules. It seemed as though it had always been that way.

Hayley was watching her friend as she thought all this and could see through Lily's expression just as easily as her friend had seen though her own. She had a feeling that Lily didn't even know herself how she felt.

After much contemplation, Lily looked up and shrugged. "It doesn't," she answered and was pleasantly surprised when Hayley said nothing in response.

James entered the Common Room, returning from yet another Quidditch practice, and was surprised to find it empty until he noticed, upon taking a few steps forward, that Lily was sat in an armchair by the unlit fire. She was scribbling away on a piece of parchment with that look of concentration on her face that he adored. She was biting her lip and her fiery red hair was tied up in a loose ponytail to stop it getting in her way as she worked. She had apparently not heard him enter.

He took another step forward to go and speak to her when she heard his steps. He watched as her concentration broke, she rolled her eyes and turned around to see who had entered. He smothered a smile. It was times like this that he found it hardest to suppress his feelings for her. He had vowed all the way back in fifth year that he would never mention his feelings for her again until he was sure they were reciprocated. He had grown sick of being made a fool of.

"Oh, it's you," she stated and turned back towards her work.

This time he couldn't help but grin and was glad she had looked away for he was certain she would have been furious. Nope, definitely not reciprocated, he thought ruefully.

He walked towards her anyway and crouched down on the floor in front of her so she that she had no choice but to stop working and look at him. "Where is everyone else?" he asked, puzzled.

She folded her arms crossly and looked at him. There was no point arguing with him when he was in this mood. She would just have to answer his questions and hope he would leave her once she had. "Everyone else is down at dinner but I wanted to finish this essay before I went down so I said I'd meet them down there."

"Oh," he answered tonelessly. There was a pause as he contemplated her. Lily just stared back at him. "Are you nearly finished?" he asked suddenly, shifting slightly on his haunches as his legs were beginning to ache but it was the only way he'd get answers out of her whilst she was trying to work.

"I was until you came in."

"Touché," he murmured before asking in a clearer voice, "How long will you be?"

She raised her eyebrows at him "If you get out of my way now? A couple of minutes."

"Who is it that Hayley likes?" he asked in the same tone as before, hoping to take her by surprise. It had been days since he'd last mentioned it.

"It's-" She watched as a slow smile spread across James' face and concealed a grin. "Nice try, James, but I'm not four. There was no way on this earth that trick was going to work." James frowned sullenly. "And neither will sulking."

"But you were going to say something." Looking at James pretending to pout, Lily could contain it no longer; it was her turn to smile. "Oh," he said as comprehension dawned. She had been winding him up. Damn her.

"I can't believe you fell for that one. You should have seen your face," she laughed and at that moment, James feelings were so powerful he could hardly think, so overcome was he by his emotions.

Lily laughed at James. She couldn't help it. He had looked so hopeful. She was laughing as the spark lit the back of his eyes and before she knew what had hit her she felt his cool mouth on her own. His kiss was hard, intense and intrusive and she knew at once that she was feeling the frustration of seven years of pent up feelings. Lily closed her eyes and went with it, she didn't know what had come over her and knew that she should be pulling back but found she couldn't.

She felt his hand reach the side of her face and then she was hit by the full realisation of what was happening and immediately pulled away.

James looked at her and saw her expression first of embarrassment, quickly followed by anger. He could not believe what he had just done. He had always been in control of his emotions but he had been overcome and had not been able to stop himself. He hadn't been able to think. And yet at the same time a feeling of hope. She had not immediately pulled away which surely meant that she had some feelings for him. She must feel the pull of attraction too.

"I'm...Lily, I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I don't... I didn't mean to," he tried to assure her.

"Mean to?" she shrieked. "Mean to? James, you don't just kiss somebody like that for no apparent reason. You came in here looking for trouble, I could tell you were in a funny mood as soon as I saw you. I can't believe you!"

She was furious, he knew. He had never seen her like this before. Throughout his seven years of knowing her he had never seen her like this. And then he realised that he had. Once. It had been the summer of their fifth year and she was shouting at them for bullying Snape. He couldn't believe it. He had lost her. Two years of not saying anything and then this. He could not believe that he had ruined everything in a matter of minutes. There was nothing he could say. He knew deep down that it was fruitless.

He rose from where he was knelt and began to walk away. "James, don't walk away. We need to-" But he hadn't stopped. He turned just before he reached the portrait hole to see her sat with her head in her hands.

Lily looked up again as the portrait banged shut. If she'd have looked up before, she would have seen him angrily brush his cheek, as though wiping something away, but she hadn't.

She sighed and shakily fell back against the back of the armchair. She was in turmoil. She was feeling so much that she had no way of knowing what was a side effect of the past couple of minutes and what she was truly feeling. She needed time to think.

She stood up suddenly, almost knocking over her ink. She swept her work swiftly into her bag and walked in a daze towards the girls' staircase. As she reached the bottom she glanced back over her shoulder to the place she had just vacated and her hand automatically moved up to touch her lips where James' mouth had been just minutes before. She felt her eyes well with tears of confusion but she refused to cry over James Potter. She tipped her head back and the feeling leave her.

She turned and walked up the stairs to her dormitory, unintentionally slammed the door behind her, and she sank onto her bed. She leaned against the headrest and wrapped her arms around her knees.

She sat there for hours, thinking over what had happened again and again, trying to decipher her feelings. She could not forget the feel of his mouth against hers. She knew that she had enjoyed it and that it was not just the kiss that was puzzling her. Her feelings for James were no longer clear.

Hayley came into the dormitory looking for Lily in the early evening and knew instantly upon seeing Lily's face that something was wrong and realised that she had not seen Lily or James at dinner. She had asked Lily what was wrong but Lily had told her it was nothing and Hayley knew that it would be better to leave it. Lily could be incredibly stubborn and she knew that she would get nothing out of her until Lily wanted to tell her. She went back downstairs after telling Lily to shout her if she wanted to talk.

It soon grew late and Lily got into her pyjamas and into bed as the rest of the girls from her dormitory came upstairs from the common room. She drew the curtains around her four-poster so as not to be disturbed and listened as the giggling died down and the breathing of the other girls slowed. Lily had continued to explore her feelings all evening, and was still unable to come to a conclusion. She couldn't understand how her feelings, before so clear, could now be so incomprehensible. She was restless and unable to get to sleep. She could not get James Potter out of her head.

Her thoughts were going round and round in circles. She thought of how she had once hated him, to the awkward stalemate and more recently the friendship that now existed between them. She knew that it was different between her and James compared to the others but she had always put it down so her own dislike of James' attitude, but she could not pretend not to have noticed the change in him. He had matured a great deal since fifth year and she knew that he was not the same person he had been then.

She thought back to how he had used to ask her to go out with him at every opportunity. She had been surprised the first time it had happened but it had soon become a regular, annoying recurrence. She had noticed that it had stopped at the beginning of sixth year. She could not think of a single occasion since then when James had declared his undying love and asked her to date him. She remembered she had been relieved at the time but it as time went on, she had begun to miss it until she had simply stopped thinking about it.

And then she thought about the kiss again; how sudden it had been. Not a murmur about his feelings for her and then this. She could only put it down to a momentary lapse in judgement.

She glanced at her watch and cringed at the time. She really needed to get some sleep before the morning but try as she might she couldn't. The thoughts and emotions were whizzing around her head making sleep impossible. Irritated beyond belief that he had gotten to her this much, she threw back the covers and crept out of bed, gently opening and closing the door before creeping slowly down stairs so as not to wake anyone.

She turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and ground to a halt. Sat in an armchair gazing into the empty fire grate was James Potter. She couldn't see his face but there was no mistaking that messy, black hair anywhere. She sighed quietly; she couldn't stay downstairs now. She turned around again intending to go back to bed, took a tentative step up the stairs only to almost jump out of her skin when it creaked beneath her foot. She paused, not daring to turn around and praying that he hadn't heard her. But, of course, he had.

"Lily?" he whispered in disbelief. She took a deep breath and moved to continue on her way upstairs, pretending that she hadn't heard him. "Lily, wait!" he called after her so that there was no chance of her not hearing him.

She cringed and slowly turned around to face him. He had moved to the bottom of the stairs and was stood in his boxers and a slightly to large t-shirt looking up at her. She felt herself going red fairly quickly on realising that she herself was wearing only shorts and a strappy top. She knew her hair would be a mess and she probably and dark rings around her eyes. Thank God it's dark!

James was simply stood looking at her and feeling she had better say something, whispered, "I couldn't sleep," in explanation of her presence in the common room at such a late hour whilst taking the few slow steps to the bottom of the staircase.

He looked down at his feet and slowly shook his head. "Me neither." He continued to stare down his feet and not a word passed between the two for what seemed like hours, but in reality, was only a few moments. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lily turn around as though to make her way back upstairs and feeling very brave, he quickly stepped forward and put his arm out to stop her. "I really think we need to talk about this, Lily," he told her. She went to interrupt him but he continued to speak. "We can't pretend it didn't happen and we can't ignore each other for the rest of term." She made to protest again but he put his hand on the small of her back and gently led her over to one of the sofas. His touch sent shivers down her spine and she swallowed. She could not believe what she was feeling. She had previously been so sure of her dislike for this man and now she could not tell either way.

Feeling wrong-footed and wrongly dressed, Lily allowed James to lead her to the cosy sofa in the corner of the dimly lit common room. She sat down and he joined her there, sitting nearly in the middle, facing her and leaning forwards, one leg stretching out in front of her. "Well," he began, his arm resting on the top of the sofa, "we can't carry on like this. Lily, if you still feel as you did before, tell me now and I promise you I will never speak of it again, but I've picked up on a general change."

"To be honest, James, I'm not entirely sure how I feel," she answered wearily. She felt his presence next to her oddly reassuring, if slightly awkward. They were close.

Privately, James felt a glimmer of hope. She had not flat out refused him. "Lily," he continued, "I think maybe earlier was a pretty good indication. I know you felt it too. You didn't pull back from that kiss until you let your head take over your heart again. It took you by surprise and your gut reaction was to respond, not pull away. Surely that tells you something?" he pressed.

Lily was blushing furiously and James once again could not help noticing how beautiful she was. "I don't know." She sighed. "I know my feelings have changed and every cell in my body is telling me this is right, but my head is telling me something completely different. We have the most important examinations of our life this year. What will people think of me? I cannot bear to think that people are thinking ill of me. I don't want to be one of the crowd. Yet another girl that fancies the pants off of James Potter." She smiled weakly and looked down at her hands but James had noticed the change. He knew how she felt, even if she did not realise it yet. He would show her in time.

"Lily, there is never a right time for love," he watched as the breath caught in her throat as slowly lifted his hand towards her face, put a finger under her chin and lightly lifted her face so that she was looking at him. "And Lil, for the record, you could never be one of the crowd," he said, smiling softly at her, his eyes sparkling in the faint light.

She laughed gently but became serious almost immediately. It was as though she had surrendered. She had run out of arguments. "Do you really love me?" she asked him. "It seems rather-"

James cut her off, speaking softly almost whispering. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." She could feel his breath tickle her neck as he spoke.

She smiled again, tilting her head to one side, a quizzical look on her face. "Poetry?" she asked in disbelief.

"Don't look so shocked," he berated. "And I know you were going to say sudden. It isn't and you know it isn't. I loved you when I first set eyes on you. We may fight like cat and dog, but we're destined for each other and you know it as well as I do."

Lily wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but felt she had to get a few things straight first. "But," she frowned, "I thought you didn't like me anymore. When you stopped asking me out I thought you'd simply gone off me. Then when we became friends everything was always so awkward between us. You always kiss Hayley and never me."

James looked into her eyes, still smiling, not quite believing his luck. "I hated touching you when I thought you didn't want me. I was too uncomfortable. I'd given you up for a hopeless cause. You have no idea how hard it's been trying to act normal around you, as though I hadn't a care in the world, when I wanted nothing more than to take you in my arms and never let you go."

"I... I had no idea. Sorry," she mumbled sheepishly.

"Personally, I rather think it was worth the wait. I get you now, don't I?" She nodded and her eyes met his. He hovered timelessly before his gaze slid to her lips. She swallowed but made no protest. He leant ever so slightly towards her, his facing tilting fractionally. Feeling dizzy, she leant towards him and he gave a fraction of a smile. Then he softly brushed her thigh with a warm hand and as their lips met her eyelids flickered shut. His mouth came down on hers like a magnet, his fingers pushed up into the hair at the back of her neck. Lily couldn't move, could hardly breathe, and wanted to stay there forever. James felt as though all the kisses he had never given her were concentrated in that one kiss. He kissed her as though he was never going to stop.

Eventually, breathless, she pulled away. He drew away, taking her hands in his and looked at her as she gazed back, their eyes locked. "I love you too," she told him and leant forward and kissed him lightly on the mouth before sitting back in against the sofa. A smile lit up James' face once more and he felt he must be the happiest man on earth. He leant forward and kissed her again, wave upon wave of beautiful kisses and for the first time she fell asleep, feeling safe and secure in his arms, him lightly stoking her hair, and dreamt of him.