Afraid of Falling

It was late one night towards the beginning of February and Remus and Hayley had not been talking properly for about a month. There had been polite conversations consisting of "hellos" and "goodbyes" and some of the most interesting conversations about the weather to have taken place in a long time, but both avoided meaningful conversation. It was obvious to anyone looking in that they missed each other dearly but the two refused to see it. Remus did not wish to hurt Hayley and she in turn did not want to suffer the humiliation of what happened that dreadful night returning from the Gryffindor common room.

She spent most nights in her own dorm and the rest of her friends complained about not seeing her as much, but Remus hadn't said a word. One night in the first week of not speaking, when Hayley had been in the Gryffindor common room, she found herself wishing to return to her own common room as she had been finding it uncomfortable and was not enjoying herself as much as she usually did.

She had stood up and announced to everyone in general that she needed to go back to her common room. It hadn't been that late. Sirius had replied absentmindedly, "The girls will walk you back." He had been preoccupied. It was a full moon that night. He glanced up and saw the look of disappointment on her face and shot a surreptitious glance at Remus, James and Peter. James gave him a look that said he would walk her back if Sirius wanted him too. Sirius turned back to Hayley and said, "Okay, I'll take you," but again she looked disappointed.

"I wanted Remus to walk me back," she had muttered quietly in response to Sirius unasked question. He was wondering what the hell was going on. Remus looked up at her gravely and caught her eye for the briefest of seconds before turning away again.

Sirius looked at Hayley curiously and, trying to lighten the mood that was seeming to settle over the group, he said, "Rejected for Moony, that's a new one!" but saw the look on Hayley's face and went on, "Moony's a bit busy at the moment Hayls, come on, I'll take you back." He stood up and at that moment decided that he would find out what had happened between Hayley and Remus.

That was what Remus was thinking about as he was walking back from an outing with the other marauders. He couldn't believe how different things were between them and wished the night last month had never occurred. They were on the way back to their common room and were nearing the library. It was late and no one was in the corridors. His friends were laughing loudly at something or other but Remus found himself unable to concentrate. He was missing her so much.

They reached the library and Remus automatically glanced in out of habit but was shocked when he saw Hayley in there. He stood still but the others carried on walking a few feet until they realised that Remus wasn't following them. They turned to see where he was and saw him looking into the library, a mixed expression on his face.

"She looks so peaceful, innocent," he whispered to himself, almost inaudibly. This did not stop his friends picking up on his words in the deserted corridor. They exchanged glances before Remus said louder this time, addressing the group, "Don't you think one of you should tell her she needs to get back to the common room? Padfoot?"

"Nope. If you want to tell her something, you tell her yourself. I am not playing messenger here, and neither are the others," he adds as Remus started to ask James instead.

"Moony, surely it'll do the two of you good to talk?" put in James, and as though the matter was settled, the three of them turned and carried on down the corridor, leaving Remus to stand in bewilderment.

"Guys, we can't just leave her, she'll get in trouble."

"You're right, you can't," laughs Sirius, and so Remus was left alone in the corridor and turned to face the library entrance.

She was sat at a desk in the middle of the otherwise empty library; the librarian had clearly left her to her studying. Piles of books surrounded her and scraps of screwed up parchment littered the desk; she hadn't been able to concentrate either. Her head was on the table and it looked as though she had fallen asleep.

Remus looked at her and saw everything he loved. She had been working hard, he had noticed, and so was not surprised that she had fallen asleep at the table. He would have laughed, except he was not yet sure he was going to wake her, and didn't want to upset her if he did.

He walked as silently as possible towards the desk at which she was laid. He stood above her and watched her sleep. He knew that his feelings had not gone away and had the strange urge to lean down and kiss her gently on the forehead, but he restrained himself. It would be slightly odd, as they weren't even speaking properly yet.

Instead he knelt down beside her and gently touched her arm in an attempt to wake her without startling her too much, though he had the feeling that him simply being there would startle her.

She slowly woke up and stretched a little after having been bent over the desk. Upon her noticing Remus' presence, a strange look passed over face; she was clearly a little confused as to why he was there. "Remus?" she questioned. He simply nodded in reply, not trusting his voice yet. "What are you doing here?" she asked him.

" Well, we were coming back from...I mean, I was just passing and saw that you were asleep and figured you'd be here all night, hunched over the desk, if someone didn't wake you," he babbled, a little unnerved by her expression. She looked quite hurt, and also little embarrassed about being found asleep.

"I would've woken up and gone back to the common room. There was no need for you to stop, I would have been fine." Hayley didn't want Remus to think that she was incapable of looking after herself, though truth be told, it had been a little foolish to fall asleep in the library so late, and she was glad they were at least talking now.

"I know, but to be honest, when I saw you, you looked so peaceful and it made me realise..." He cut himself off. He could not say what he had been about to; it would lead to places he didn't want to go. He tried to convince himself it was for her own good, and that he wasn't just scared of the unknown.

Hayley got the feeling that what he had been about to say was important. But he would not take the leap. He was afraid. Of what, she didn't know, but she was scared too. Scared of losing an important friendship. She would not let him just walk away, not this time.

"You're a coward," she stated furiously. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I know that you're a coward. What's so hard about admitting that you might have feelings for me? Is it that they won't be reciprocated? Because I can assure you that they are. I don't know why it's so hard for you to get close to anyone, but you won't even try. I'm scared too Remus, scared of losing our friendship, but has it never occurred to you that what we might have could be so much better? If you're afraid to fall, you'll never learn to fly." She took a deep breath and bit her lip nervously. She glanced up at his face, saw his stunned expression and looked back down at her feet, all in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, as though he had come to a decision, he took two steps forward and easily closed the distance between them. He stood looking down at her in silence, and Hayley began to get nervous. What was he going to do? She could feel his breath tickling her neck and shivered slightly, though she was not cold. She lifted her head defiantly to meet her gaze, no longer scared, but excited. In that moment, he cupped her face in his hands, leant down slowly and kissed her tentatively, briefly, on the lips. She did not step back or turn her head. Encouraged, he kissed her again, deeply this time, sending her week at the knees. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and kissed him back.

When they paused, Remus felt her lips break into a smile underneath his own. "Don't ever call me a coward again." She nodded gently and he took a step back, taking hold of her hand at the same time. He pulled her gently towards him and started to lead the way back to the Gryffindor common room. "I don't think we'll ever hear the end of this," he laughed quietly and she smiled again. She was so happy she was speechless.

And so they set off towards the Gryffindor common room. Remus felt sure that his friends would be waiting for him to get back. The whole gang would be stunned when they found out what had happened, and angry that they'd missed it.

There was still the matter of Remus' furry little problem, but they would cross that bridge when they got to it.