Sweet Dreams

Sweet Dreams

Chapter One:

Nightmare

He ran toward the shrieking shack hoping that he wasn't too late. How had things managed to go so wrong? Reaching the shack seemed to take an eternity but finally he made it. Tilting his head to one side he heard angry, painful sobs floating down the stairs. Not stopping to breathe he ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. He reached the landing with a pain in his side but it didn't matter. There seated on the four-post bed was Sirius. His face was tear streaked and his eyes expressed more pain than he could ever imagine feeling.

"I'm so sorry to disappoint you," Sirius whispered as he began to make the first cut on his arm. He took a step toward him.

"You haven't," He stopped when Sirius looked up again. Sirius lowered the knife and continued.

"I don't belong here. I'm not normal. I'm just a freakish sidekick. I don't do anything the way I'm supposed to,"

"That's not true," he said trying to reassure Sirius.

"I don't want to be here anymore," Sirius said and again he raised the knife.

"NO!!" Remus screamed bolting upright in his bed. The room was dark and Remus blinked frantically in a vain attempt to force his eyes to adjust. He heard movement and turned his head. Sirius was standing beside him and James was behind him.

"Moony, you okay?" Sirius whispered.

Remus only nodded. Sirius sat down on Remus' bed while James sat down on the floor.

"You sure? You were screaming and crying this time," James added, his voice filled with concern.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you guys," Remus said in a shaky voice.

"You were having another dream weren't you?" Sirius asked.

Remus had been having strange dreams since the beginning of the year. At first they were just dreams but slowly they had begun to come true. At first he blamed them on coincidence but those dreams had been simple and innocent. When they had become more involved and some even violent he instinctively told James and Sirius. A few of them he did not tell them about, he guarded them like well kept secrets. The last few dreams had left him shaken or confused but this dream just plain scared him. He looked at the concerned faces of his two best friends. He wanted to cry, this dream had scared him so badly but he couldn't do that without alarming them. When he didn't answer Sirius took his silence as a 'yes.'

"What happened in this one?" James asked.

"No," Remus said violently shaking his head. "No. I don't want to tell you. I don't want to remember," tears sprung into his soft gray eyes and he tried desperately to blink them away.

"Was it that bad?" Sirius asked. When he realized that Remus was crying he wrapped him in a protective hug and began to rock him back and forth.

This happened in a dream too. I know how this is going to end up. Oh god I'm so lost. Do I want to let this happen? Remus asked himself as Sirius rocked him. The answer was yes. Yes he did want to let this dream come true. More than anyone could imagine.

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Chapter Two:

Confession

Remus allowed Sirius to rock him back and forth like a child. He closed his eyes and hugged him back. He remembered this from one of his dreams and knew what was to come of it.

He's going to ask me if I want to go sit in the common's room. Remus thought to himself.

"Want to go sit in the common's room?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. James stood up and stretched.

"You going to be alright?" James asked.

"Yes." Remus said nodding. "You should get back to bed, you've got a Quidditch match tomorrow."

"I know. It'll be a piece of cake, it's against Ravenclaw," James said with a grin.

"Never underestimate your opponent," Sirius joked.

"You're right," James said. Both Sirius and Remus watched him trudge off to bed. Remus remembered from the dream that James would get into bed and knock his clock off the table beside him.

"Watch out for your clock Prongs," Remus warned just as James was about to knock it to the ground.

"Thanks!" James said. He moved it over and within seconds he was asleep. Remus then turned and followed Sirius to the common's room.

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Sirius led the way to the common's room with dozens of thoughts flooding his mind. Why had he wanted to get Remus alone? Was it okay that he felt the way he did? Why had he chosen tonight to tell him? How would Remus react? They sat together in front of the fireplace, neither one speaking. Sirius looked to Remus and smiled. He loved everything about him. His hair hung like a soft curtain of dark brown velvet down his back and he usually pulled it back in a loose ponytail. Despite his attempts to keep his hair out of his eyes he always had that one piece of hair that fell down his face. Sirius usually had to resist the urge to brush it away. He loved Remus' eyes, which were a most unusual shade of gray. You could always tell what Remus was feeling by the color his eyes became. When he was happy or excited they twinkled with an unnatural violet gleam, when he was angry they seemed to turn scarlet and if Remus was content they were that beautiful gray. His eyes reminded Sirius of the sky after a storm.

He's going to tell me he's got something to tell me, something that may bother me. Remus thought to himself. As if Sirius knew what he was thinking he cleared his throat.

"Moony, we're good friends right?" Sirius asked in a pleading tone.

"The best of friends," Remus replied with a grin.

"Well," Sirius began looking back at the fireplace, "I've got something I need to talk to you about. I don't know how you're going to react to it...it might even freak you out,"

"It can't be that bad," Remus reassured him.

"How can you say that you don't even know what it is," Sirius said looking into Remus' eyes.

"Call it a sixth sense," Remus said lightly.

He has probably had a dream about this too. Sirius thought to himself. Taking a deep breath he started talking rapidly. "Well, ummm, I know it's not normal and I know it's probably highly unacceptable but..."

"But what?" Remus said raising an eyebrow. You know exactly what he's going to say. Why don't you just say it for him?

"But I..." Sirius began and he paused again. Why was this so hard? Remus waited patiently for Sirius to continue. He didn't want to risk giving anything away and what if his dream had been wrong? "But I think I'm in love," Sirius finally managed.

"Really? That's cool, who is she?" when Sirius didn't answer he knew his next line was supposed to be 'it's Lily isn't it?' but he decided that this was his chance to change it. "It's not a she at all is it?" Remus said in barely a whisper.

"No." Sirius whispered back. "No. It's you,"

The dream was right. Oh my god. The dream was right. He really does love me. Remus thought. He was unable to hide the smile on his face. "Me?" he asked.

"Yes. I know that's probably the craziest thing you've ever heard and if you think I'm completely bonkers and you want to stay as far away from me as possible that's okay. I know it sounds weird. I...I've been fighting with myself about it for the longest time. I thought I was just mixed up but I realized that I don't feel this way about anyone else and I know that it's more than a friendly feeling." Sirius stopped and looked at Remus as if he expected him to run away screaming.

"It's not crazy," Remus said.

"It's not?"

"No." Remus said shaking his head and smiling. "As a matter of fact, I've been wanting to have this discussion with you for a long time now. I just didn't know how to bring it up or if you felt the same way. I was afraid."

"Really?" Sirius said in an amazed voice.

"Really really," Remus said with a smile. Without warning, Sirius leaned over and kissed Remus on the lips. It was a soft and gentle kiss that neither one wanted to end.

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Chapter Three:

I'll protect you

After the kiss ended both Remus and Sirius sat in silence. Sirius knew that this new development pleased Remus because his eyes had taken on a beautiful violet and twinkled like a bright star.

"I was so scared that this would go so wrong," Sirius revealed.

"I know you were," Remus said looking lovingly at him. "I could see it in your eyes,"

"You could?"

"Absolutely." Remus said. "When you get worried your eyes turn a very dark blue,"

"I should have known you'd notice that," Sirius said turning his head. Again they sat in silence, the only sound being the cracking of the fireplace. "What did you dream about tonight?" he asked suddenly.

"Why?" Remus asked. "Is it important that I tell you?"

"It was about me wasn't it?"

Remus looked at him with surprise. How had he known? "Why do you think that?"

"Because when you sat up you automatically looked in the direction of my bed. And you're avoiding the question," Sirius said. "You've told me about almost all the other ones."

"You're right. It was about you,"

"Was it bad?"

"Yes,"

"Did I get hurt?" Sirius asked.

"In a manner of speaking yes...you were hurting,"

"Please tell me." Sirius pleaded.

"No. No I don't want to worry you. It's not going to come true. I'm not going to let it,"

"Please tell me," Sirius asked again. "I promise I won't get upset or angry."

"I don't know," Remus said. "Why does it mean so much?" This time Sirius was the one to get quiet.

"Because I haven't felt like myself lately. I want to know what's going to happen to me,"

"Padfoot, you can talk to me about anything. I know you've been worried about telling me how you felt about me...so everything is okay now. The dream I had tonight isn't going to happen now."

"Then why won't you tell me what it was?"

"Because thinking about it is what gives it life," Remus said.

"Oh." Sirius said. He smiled at Remus who looked as if he would cry again. "Well, I think I'm okay now though. I was really worried about how you would react to what I told you tonight. You reacted better than I had anticipated." Sirius said. Remus hugged him and ran his fingers through Sirius' long black hair. Sirius pulled away for a moment and looked at Remus. "Does this mean I have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes that's exactly what this means," Remus said with a smile. Kissing Sirius again they lay in each other's arms until just before dawn. They then crept back into their beds and fell asleep wearing smiles of contentment.

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Chapter Four:

Quidditch Catastrophe averted

The sun shone brightly over the Quidditch Pitch as the players circled the field. The game was about to begin and Remus was more nervous than ever. Sirius, sensing his anticipation, wrapped his arm around his thin waist.

"It'll be okay Moony," he said soothingly in his ear. Remus smiled at him and the game began.

"I hope it doesn't come true," Remus said to Sirius. "I don't want it to,"

Sirius nodded. He remembered all too well the night that Remus had awakened from this dream. He had been quite shaken and had not gone back to sleep that night. For Remus' sake he too hoped that the dream in question didn't happen today. Turning his attention back to the Quidditch Match Sirius spotted the Ravenclaw Seeker. She was a small thin sixteen year-old with hair as black as a raven's wing and sparkling blue eyes.

"And Jasmine scores! Way to go Gryffindor!" they heard the commentator roar. The game carried on smoothly and Remus thought for a moment that the dream had been wrong. Listening for the score he heard it was Gryffindor 50, Ravenclaw 30.

"If it's going to happen, it'll be after Damien scores for Ravenclaw," Remus whispered to Sirius. He nodded and they both watched the Ravenclaw Chaser.

"He'll never score, not the way he's flying. He couldn't throw a Quaffle if his life depended on it." Sirius said with a nervous laugh. They looked up in time to see James racing toward the end of the field and he wasn't alone. Isabella, the Ravenclaw Seeker, was right beside him.

"And Damien scores!" the commentator roared.

"No," Remus whispered. He turned his head and watched in horror as Isabella lost control of her broom and began to plummet to the ground below.

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Come on James come on. Remus silently pleaded as he watched Isabella fall. The crowd gasped and James raced to her aid. He swooped down with unnatural ease and gracefully caught Isabella. As if that spectacular save were not enough James also held the Golden Snitch in his hand.

"This'll go straight to his head," Sirius said to Remus.

"Yep, it sure will," Remus agreed. It didn't help that Isabella had seemed to fall head over heels in love with James because he had saved her so daringly.

"You're the bravest Gryffindor I've ever met," she swooned as she followed him across the Quidditch Pitch.

"Thanks," James said with a grin. Everyone was congratulating him on saving Isabella and winning the game for Gryffindor. James seemed to be proud of himself and didn't even attempt to feign modesty. Remus and Sirius rolled their eyes and smiled. At first James enjoyed all the extra attention that he was getting from Isabella and her small entourage but it soon became annoying. By dinnertime he was ready to hang her from one of the many balconies throughout Hogwarts.

"Nice recovery," Sirius joked at dinner that night.

"Couldn't have planned it better myself," Lily said jokingly.

"Oh look, here comes your new fan club," Remus said pointing to the entrance of the Great Hall. James groaned loudly as he saw Isabella and her friends approaching the Gryffindor table.

"I'm out of here," he said jumping up from the table. Running as fast as his legs would carry him he retreated to the Gryffindor Tower.

"That will teach him to be so cocky," Lily said rolling her eyes and laughing. She rose from her seat. "I think I'll go keep Mr. Wonderful company...and remind him that we have a Transfigurations essay due tomorrow,"

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Chapter Five:

Calm before the storm

Things settled down after a few days and James was able to sit in the Great Hall without being bombarded by hormone-happy pre-teens who thought he was the most wonderful wizard alive. Life seemed to return to normal and the mysterious dreams that Remus was having had stopped as suddenly as they had started. His relationship with Sirius bloomed and neither of them could be happier.

"I think it's adorable," Lily said to Sirius one day. He and Remus were curled up together in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor Commons Room. By this time everyone knew that they were a couple. Only people like Severus Snape seemed to think that they didn't deserve each other. Remus was lightly dozing with his head on Sirius' shoulder and Sirius wore a look of contentment unlike anything Lily had ever seen. This tranquil moment was interrupted by James' loud voice.

"You will never guess what happened today!" he said as he entered.

"Well, there goes the silence," Lily said with a groan.

"What happened?" Sirius asked. Remus opened one eye, looked at James, shrugged, and closed his eye again.

"Well, you remember Josh right? Our new Chaser? Well, during practice today someone...I think it was Snape...let one of the Bludgers out and it smacked him right in the back of the head. He's so shaken up that he quit the team! We need to find and train a Chaser by Friday or Slytherin will cream us!"

"So you're telling us this why?" Remus muttered. He really wanted James to be quiet so he could go back to listening to nothing more than Sirius' breathing and the crackling of the fire.

"Because I think that you and Sirius should try out," James said with a grin. "You're both great help when you practice with me...I think you'd be good at it,"

"I don't think I'll be taking my feet off the ground for anything other than Madam Hooch's flying lessons," Remus said smugly. Sirius gave him a gentle squeeze and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Will you come and watch me try out?" Sirius whispered to Remus.

"Abso-tively Posa-lutely," Remus said with a small smile.

"You'll get it for sure," James said with a grin. "Then all we need to do is show Remus flying's not all that bad," Having accomplished his mission to convince his two best friends to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team James ran off to take a shower and then go to sleep.

"Do you really think I've got a chance?" Sirius asked Remus uncertainly.

"Sure. You're good at things like that," Remus said. Deciding that Sirius needed some personal reassurance Remus leaned up and kissed him.

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Chapter Six:

Tryouts

Sirius awoke the next morning anxious and nervous. It was the morning of the emergency Quidditch Tryouts and he desperately wanted to make the team. Dressing quickly he ran down to breakfast. Remus was seated at the Gryffindor table, his nose buried in a book, as usual. He put the book down and hugged Sirius tightly when he sat down.

"Nervous?" Remus asked him.

"A little," he said. As if to demonstrate this he dropped his goblet, which, lucky for him, was still empty. "Okay a lot,"

Remus pushed a strand of his dark hair behind his ear and kissed him on the cheek. "You'll do fine," he said reassuringly. A few moments later James appeared.

"Come on Sirius...The Quidditch Team awaits you," he said with a grin. Sirius and Remus rose from their seats and followed James to the Quidditch Pitch. The Captain of the team, and tall and rather thin boy by the name of Christopher surveyed the small group critically. Nodding as if he knew who would get the coveted spot on the team he began the tryouts.

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Sirius looked at the other people trying out for the team. There weren't many of them, just a small second year named John and a sixth year named Aryana. All of them took to the sky at once, along with James and Jasmine, another Gryffindor Chaser. Christopher stayed on the ground to watch. James nodded at Sirius approvingly every time he completed a pass. After a few minutes of passing Christopher took his spot as Keeper and the most critical part of the tryouts began. Scoring. Neither Aryana or Sirius were worried about John, he could barely fly let alone score against Christopher. Sirius heard Remus cheering for him from the ground and he renewed his efforts despite the fact that he was starting to get tired.

"Okay people that's enough," Christopher said after Sirius had managed to score against him one last time. If he had managed to keep track correctly that gave him one "point" more than Aryana.

"You've got it in the bag," James said to Sirius. Remus ran over to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You did great," he said.

"I'm exhausted,"

"Now you know how I feel," James joked.

"When will we know the results?" Remus asked. He was just as excited as Sirius was.

"Probably later today...or early tomorrow. Chris won't want to waste any time getting our new Chaser into shape." James said.

James, Remus, and Sirius walked across the field laughing and joking. Something about that tryout didn't feel right to Remus but he dismissed the thought. Little did he know his intuition was right.

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Chapter Seven:

Unfair

Lily ran to the Great Hall both angry and upset. She hoped to find Sirius before the tryouts but realized that she was too late. He, Remus, and James were at the Gryffindor table talking about how well Sirius had done when she entered.

"Please tell me tryouts haven't started yet!" she said as she skidded to a halt in front of them.

"You're too late," Sirius told her. "They ended about twenty minutes ago,"

"And he did great! You should have seen him Lil," James said.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Well because...you're not going to get it no matter how good you were," she said sullenly. "A girl tried out didn't she? With blonde hair?"

"Yeah. A sixth year," Remus said remembering Aryana.

"Well, she's Christopher's girlfriend! Not only that but Christopher doesn't like the idea of letting Sirius on the team because he's with Remus and not some girl," Lily said angrily. "I had half a mind to slap him when I heard him tell her that,"

Sirius was about to say something but Peter Pettigrew joined the group. Suddenly feeling sick he excused himself and headed off toward the Gryffindor Tower. Remus was about to follow but decided that he was going to have a talk with McGonagall about what Lily had heard after lunch. The only person who did get up when Sirius left was Severus Snape.

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Chapter Eight:

Beat me when I'm down

Sirius left the Great Hall feeling violated in a strange way. He was vaguely aware that someone was behind him but didn't care whom. He wanted to go to his room and curl up in a ball, maybe even cry. The person began to laugh and Sirius could not resist the urge to turn around. Sirius turned to find Severus Snape sneering at him.

"What do you want?" he demanded. He was tired, hurt, angry, and confused. The last person he wanted to deal with right now was Snape.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Snape sneered. "You're nothing. You're not needed. James is always one step ahead of you. Everyone swoons over him. Everyone likes him. You're nothing more than a sidekick. Second rate. James could walk off without you in an instant and no one would notice. You're nothing. And Remus, you think Remus cares for you? Remus cares for no one but himself. He's a loner. He doesn't need you. He doesn't care for you. They all realize that you are a freak; you can't even love like a normal person. You think Remus loves you? Look at him, sitting over there with James and Peter. They don't even realize you're gone,"

Almost involuntarily Sirius turned and looked in through the doors at Remus. He was in fact sitting with James and Peter and he did seem unaware that Sirius was gone. He smiled and began to laugh at something James had said and Sirius began to feel that what Snape had said was true.

"Nothing. A freak. A sidekick. You're no better than second hand robes," Snape sneered in his ear. Tears began to fall down Sirius' face and he made no motion to wipe them away. Having accomplished what he set out to do Snape strode away a triumphant smile on his pale face.

"He's right. I'm nothing. I don't need to be here." Sirius said aloud to himself. He decided that he had had enough. If they didn't want him or need him he would do them a favor. He would leave.

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Chapter Ten:

Gave it Life

Remus looked up just in time to see Sirius run from the doorway of the Great Hall. He realized in an instant what was to come of today. The confusion, the anger, the hurt from what Lily had discovered and the unknown results of the tryouts would surely lead to the dream. To confirm his thoughts Remus saw Snape saunter back into the Great Hall a triumphant smile gracing his pale lips.

"Oh no," Remus said as he rose from his seat. He was in a panic to get to the tower before Sirius ran to the Shrieking Shack. He needed to make this okay now. Racing toward the door Christopher walked in with Aryana by his side.

"Attention please," he said to the Gryffindor Table. "May I announce that our new Chaser will be..."

"You horrid person!" Remus yelled unable to contain his anger. "If you tell us that she..." he said pointing accusingly at Aryana, "is the new Chaser, then I promise you I'm going to McGonagall! The only reason you gave it to her was because she's your girlfriend!"

Christopher took a step back and Aryana hid behind him. How had Remus found out about that? And what else had he been told?

"Just because Sirius is involved with me and not some bimbo like her doesn't mean that he's not good enough for the Quidditch Team!" Remus screamed in rage. James walked over to him and stood beside him.

"Yes. And if she's the new Chaser...then I quit," James added. Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore walked over to the doorway of the Great Hall to find out why Remus and James, two of their best students, were screaming.

"What's going on here?" McGonagall demanded.

"Well Professor," Remus said angrily. "There were Quidditch Tryouts today for a new Chaser,"

"Yes, we knew that," Dumbledore said.

"Yes well did you know that this girl is Christopher's girlfriend and he gave her the position," James said snidely.

Lily appeared and added, "He also didn't give the position to Sirius because he thinks Sirius is abnormal because he's not involved with a girl,"

"Is this true?" McGonagall asked. She had been watching the tryouts from her office and was sure that Sirius would, without a doubt, be whom Christopher chose.

Christopher could not deny what he had done. Admitting everything to McGonagall she told him he was no longer Captain of the Quidditch team. "James you can take over the position and hold emergency tryouts in two days for a new Keeper,"

Pleased with the results of the confrontation Remus ran to the Gryffindor Tower hoping he wouldn't be too late.

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Remus ran out of the Great Hall and into Snape. He was standing in the entrance watching Remus and James scream at Christopher and hoped it would at least earn them a detention.

"Watch where you're going!" he snapped at Remus.

"What did you do to him! WHAT?!" Remus demanded.

"I haven't the faintest clue as to what you are talking about,"

"Sirius. I saw the way you looked after you walked back into the Great Hall. What did you do to him?"

"I simply made him realize how much of a freak he really is," Snape said. Remus took a step back and blinked. Snape was the catalyst. Snape gave the dream life. Not taking the time to hurt him Remus pushed Snape into a wall and ran not in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower but toward the Whomping Willow tree knowing that Sirius was already there.

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Chapter Eleven:

I'm coming with you

Sirius entered the Shrieking Shack with tears streaming down his face. Snape had managed to convince him that he was nothing more than a freakish sidekick. Remus didn't love him. Nothing mattered if he didn't have that. He was being persecuted for being different. Would anyone realize he was gone? He slowly trudged up the stairs and into the far room of the Shack. Sitting down on the four-post bed that occupied the far wall he sobbed. Sitting in this room made him think of Remus even more than the Gryffindor Tower. He couldn't take this pain and rejection any longer. He decided that this would be the end of his pain. Taking a final look around he took a small pairing knife from his pocket and raised it when he heard footsteps.

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Remus ran toward the shrieking shack hoping that he wasn't too late. How had things managed to go so wrong? Snape and Quidditch that's how. Reaching the shack seemed to take an eternity but finally he made it. Tilting his head to one side he heard angry, painful sobs floating down the stairs. Not stopping to breath he ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. Sirius was all that mattered to him now. He would not let this happen. He reached the landing with a pain in his side but it didn't matter. There seated on the four-post bed was Sirius. His face was tear streaked and his eyes expressed more pain than he could ever imagine feeling.

"I'm so sorry to disappoint you," Sirius whispered as he began to make the first cut on his arm. He took a step toward him.

"You haven't," Remus stopped when Sirius looked up again. Sirius lowered the knife and continued.

"I don't belong here. I'm not normal. I'm just a freakish sidekick. I don't do anything the way I'm supposed to,"

"That's not true," he said trying to reassure Sirius.

"I don't want to be here anymore," Sirius said and again he raised the knife.

"Sirius don't do this, please," Remus pleaded. "Put the knife down and talk to me,"

"What's there to talk about?" Sirius asked angrily. "You don't really love me...James has always been better than me,"

"Now who told you that?" Remus asked. He needed to convince Sirius that Snape was wrong. That Christopher and Aryana were wrong. That everyone was wrong. "Snape told you that didn't he?"

"What does it matter, it's true isn't it?"

"No, no it's not true. Snape just wanted to hurt you. Snape just wants to see you fall. And Christopher...you know what happened to him? McGonagall took him off the team. You are the new Chaser."

"You're just saying that," Sirius said angrily. "Do I look stupid to you? Did you think I wouldn't figure out that you don't care about me at all?"

"You're not stupid and stop saying that! I do care for you...I do love you," Remus said as tears began to fall from his eyes. Sirius looked at him and noticed that his eyes had taken on a strange black color, and he felt as if he were falling down a hole. Remus fell to his knees crying and Sirius could not stand to see him look so hurt. Placing the knife on the bed he went to Remus and sat beside him on the floor. He wrapped his arms around him and Remus continued to cry.

"It'll be okay," Sirius said soothingly in his ear. "Once I'm gone you won't have to cry about me anymore,"

"No! No I don't want you to do this!" Remus said through his sobs. "I can't imagine you not being with me,"

Sirius just looked at him. It was if he were in another place, a dark and cold place and he didn't realize how afraid Remus was for him. Tears began to stream down his face again and he let go of Remus.

"You're just doing this so you can say that you saved me!" Sirius screamed. "Why do you have to be so damn noble?"

"I'm not being noble," Remus said shaking his head. "I don't want you to hurt yourself. I don't want you to leave me like this,"

Sirius shook his head violently from side to side. "No. No you're just saying that. You don't mean anything you're saying. Snape told me you didn't need me around...you're a loner. You can take care of yourself,"

"I don't want to be alone. If you do this," Remus said rising to his feet. "If you do this to yourself, I'll be right behind you. If I can not be with you in life, I will be in death," Remus said. He walked over to the bed and picked up the knife. He rolled back the sleeves of his robes and smiled weakly at Sirius. "See you on the other side I guess,"

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Chapter Twelve:

Love with conviction

Sirius looked in fear as his lover picked up the knife and rolled up the sleeves of his robes. He didn't think he was serious until he said, "See you on the other side I guess," only then did Sirius realize that Remus had been telling the truth.

"No," Sirius said. "No. Don't do it,"

"Why not? You are going to aren't you?"

"No." Sirius said shaking his head. This simple act made him realize that Remus did love him and that he cared for him more than he care for himself. Sirius walked over to Remus and took the knife from his hands. Throwing it across the room he crumbled into a pile of sobs on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he began.

"It's okay,"

"No it's not. I shouldn't listen to what everyone else says. I should believe and trust you. I was just so upset. The Quidditch Tryouts. Being considered abnormal because of who I'm in love with. It was just too much and then Snape had to add his two cents,"

"Snape just wanted to push you down," Remus said soothingly. He and Sirius sat on the bed together and Remus silently prayed that everything was going to be all right.

"He told me that I was just James' sidekick. That no one would care if I was gone,"

"But he was lying to you," Remus said. "I cared. I will always care."

"And I felt so...violated when Lily told us about Christopher. It's okay though...Quidditch isn't worth my life,"

"I have something to tell you about Christopher," Remus began but was interrupted when James burst into the room. He was out of breath and a look of sheer terror was on his face.

"Thank goodness! One of the first years told me you ran out of the tower with a knife and I read the letter on your bed and I freaked out! I didn't know where else you'd go!" James said.

"Remus came to my rescue," Sirius said.

"Snape was in the Great Hall laughing...something about making you upset. You're not my sidekick Padfoot, you're my pal. Mi Amigo. My true blue best friend. And you are now my teammate...did you tell him about Chris?" James asked trying to break the awkwardness the room had taken on.

"No. Would you like to do the honors?" Remus asked. He and Sirius had curled up on the bed together and he held Sirius tightly. The thought of losing him made him want to hold him and never let him go again.

"You got the spot on the team...McGonagall took Chris off the team..."

James continued to talk rapidly but neither Remus or Sirius heard a word of his rambling. Wrapped in each other's arms on the bed they held each other tightly not wanting the moment to end but wanting the hurt, anger, and danger to disappear into the night sky. Stopping in mid sentence James looked to them and smiled. Quietly he snuck back to the Gryffindor Tower leaving them alone.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~

Remus blinked and looked around. Sirius lay motionless in his arms, sleeping soundly. It took him a few seconds to realize where they were and all that had happened the night before. He shuddered to think that he almost lost his love because of closed minded and arrogant people like Christopher, Aryana, and Snape. Never before had he realized just how fragile Sirius was and never before had he realized how much he truly cared for him. Not wanting to wake him Remus settled back down to sleep once more when Sirius began to stir. Smiling at him he ran his fingers through his long dark hair and knew in an instant that he had nothing to look forward to now but a lifetime of love, happiness, and sweet dreams.