Irreversible

Irreversible

I wish you never got your memory back. I want us to go back to the times of before, when you loved me and I loved you.

I never wanted to fall in love with you. I loathed you at the very beginning. Loathed you because you were a pain in the arse, at least to my friends and me.

I guess I was somewhat jealous of you. You had parents and a life that seemed much easier than mine. One could go so far as to say that I envied you.

After we finished Hogwarts, we went our separate ways. With the war already in full force, I barely spared you a thought. In fact, I was glad that I was rid of your pestering.

Ten long years and many brave lives later, I defeated Voldemort. When we rounded up the Death Eaters, I was astonished that you were not within their ranks. But I forgot about you soon after.

Several months later, I was sent on a mission to retrieve a stolen Aether Pulse, the only known one of its kind in the world. It was able to restore any living thing to its original condition. However, it required the user to sleep undisturbed for one moon cycle. If disrupted, the healing process would be partially complete, but no magic would be of any use in the rest of the restoration.

I traced the Aether Pulse to a dingy cabin in Iceland. When I finally perfected my plan and entered the residence, I found you slumbering in bed with no other person in sight.

The Aether Pulse I quickly found, but I became worried when you would not be awakened. After trying several spells and failing, I was finally able to rouse you.

What surprised me was that when you awoke, you did not know who I was. Your speech, movements, and even magic were intact, but you had no recollection of anything.

I took you back to England with me because I couldn't leave you, with no clue about anything, at the cabin. After handing the Aether Pulse to the Minister, Mr. Weasley, I took you to St. Mungo's.

I visited everyday because I was concerned. Why? Because I had gotten a glimpse of the real you, the you that I was never supposed to see. And he was beautiful.

When the healers told me that your memory could not be reconstructed, I knew that I could not leave you at St. Mungo's, so I took you to live with me. Of course, back then, I didn't connect anything that I had seen. If I did, perhaps my love and the anguish that resulted from it would never have come into being.

After living with you and learning what I had missed out about you because you were my archnemesis, I fell in love with you. You weren't a git at all. You were selfless, caring, noble, loyal, everything that I never thought anyone of your kind would be.

And you fell in love with me because of my kindness in rescuing you, trying to revive your memory, and keeping you with me. And at that point, I didn't want you to have your memory back because I didn't know if our relationship would be the same if you did. I was only fooling myself, thinking that I could have happiness with only a part of you.

Five years passed by, five years in which we lived happily together with each other. Neither of us wanted you to have your memory back because we both thought we were content.

Then, one day, we were at the Leaky Cauldron, eating pumpkin pie and drinking alcohol in the form of fine wine, the same way we did every year on June 1 because that was the day when I took you out of St. Mungo's and into my home.

As we were leaving, a man came in, and you accidentally bumped into him. You, of course, apologized, and as your eyes met his and I realized who he was, my breath stopped. Blaise Zabini, someone from your former life, someone who would be willing to ruin our happiness by telling you of your past.

Before I could hurry us away from him, he spoke your name, and I had the sinking feeling that all would be lost. "Draco."

You blinked, confused. "Do you know me?" you asked.

Blaise sighed. "Draco, no wonder. I thought you might have moved past it, but..."

"Who are you and how do you know me?" you asked.

"I'm Blaise. Blaise Zabini. Remember?"

You shook your head, and I watched as Blaise took a photograph out of his wallet. He held the photograph out to you, and you stared at it, trembling. I, curious, leaned closer to look at it, and I immediately regretted my action.

The photo was one of you and Blaise together, in more ways than one. The two of you were attired in dress robes, and I watched, heartbroken, as Blaise smirked at the camera before capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.

You stared at it with wide eyes before backing away, fervently shaking your head. "Impossible," you told Blaise, disbelief and panic evident in your eyes. "I love Harry."

Blaise seemed to have just noticed that I was there because he glanced at me the first time during the whole ordeal, though he quickly transferred his gaze back to you.

"Do you remember this, then?" he asked softly, taking out another picture and showing it to you.

You gasped as you looked at the picture. It's one of your father and you, both wearing dress robes and holding the same cold, arrogant, disdainful look on your faces.

You backed away even further, crying, "I don't want to remember!" You sank onto your knees, hands clutching onto your head.

Blaise strode forward and kneeled in front of you, pale hands cupping your cheeks with uncharacteristic gentleness.

"Draco, this is for the best, trust me," he said before engulfing your lips with his own.

Jealous anger arose in my heart, but I was struck dumb by the morbid fascination of the situation. Had I acted, I might not have lost you.

Your eyes widened as Blaise kissed you, but you made no move to push him away. Your beautiful quicksilver orbs turned blank and glassy, and I watched as tears fell out of the empty frames. Blaise did not cease his intimacy with you.

When he drew apart from you finally, your eyes slowly regained their life, and when they were once again mercurial in color, you fell into Blaise's embrace, sobbing quietly. He pressed a sweet kiss onto your forehead, and I knew you would never be mine again.

Blaise helped you stumble back onto your feet, and you pressed his hand apologetically against your cheek. "I'm sorry, Blaise," you murmured. "I...I didn't want to forget you, but when my father came after us and I was forced to set my wand on him...when he fell, eyes bulging forever at what I had done..."

He pressed a finger to your lips, silencing you. "Draco, nothing else matters except that you're once again with me. When I had to leave you because of intrusion at our cabin, I thought that I might never see you again, that you might never regain your memory and would forget me for eternity, but Fate brought us back together."

"And I'm thankful. I can't believe I lived without you, Blaise," you whispered to him. The two of you began to leave, and I stood like a fool, my body still refusing to move. Before you exited, though, you turned to me and said, "Thank you for everything, Harry."

When I arrived back at my flat, all your belongings were gone. I never saw you again.

Now, I realize that you never truly love me, never truly belonged to me. Your love was born out of circumstance, not of true emotion, like what happened to me. Had you possessed your memory during everything, you never would have fallen in love with me because your heart already belonged to another.

I miss you, but I know it's useless to look for you because you won't let me find you. And even if Blaise leaves, you will never come back to me because I don't mean anything to you. I still pine for you like the lovestruck fool I am, though, and nothing can ever replace you in my heart, even though you don't and will never love me back.