Infatuation

Confrontation

Ernie had become very good at not being found over the years. Sometimes he just wanted to go off and have some space away from the rest of Hufflepuff house, away from the girls and their giggling, away from everyone. He knew hundreds of places to hide away from the normal student body, and dozens of places to go to get away from the younger Hufflepuffs. There were even a couple of places he could go where Eloise and Susan and Hannah couldn't find him. The problem was that he didn't know anywhere to go that Justin, his best friend and closest confidant, couldn't find him. Which was ok, he wasn't hiding from Justin. Except that it meant that he knew Justin could find him if he wanted to, and maybe if he didn't find him, that meant he didn't want to.

I shouldn't have done that... I really shouldn't have done that. Ernie hadn't gotten past recriminations. Well, that wasn't true. He'd spent a good hour going over the feeling of Justin's lips on his, the way he'd seemed to... Melt is a bad word for it, Ernie told himself. He didn't melt. He was surprised. He relaxed in surprise. I shouldn't have done that.

"Ern?"

At the sound of Justin's voice Ernie straightened up but didn't turn around. "Justin," he said, his voice level and controlled while his heart started beating at a mile a minute. I really shouldn't have done that.

"Mind if I sit?"

"Nope." Ernie still didn't turn to look, even as Justin settled down next to him on the wall.

Neither boy said anything for a minute.

Finally, Justin spoke up. "I was walking around, thinking, and I ran into Finnigan."

"Fuck." Ernie dropped his head into his hands, not wanting to think about what sort of things the Irish boy would have said. "Whatever he said, it probably isn't true. He hates me."

"Yeah, he mentioned." Justin paused. "Probably isn't true?"

Something in Justin's tone got Ernie to turn and look at him at last. "Why? What did he say?"

"Oh, nothing..." Now it was Justin's turn to look away.

"Look, Justin, I should probably apologize for... you know."

"Are you sorry you did it?" Justin still wasn't looking at him.

Ernie paused, unsure if there even was a right answer to that question. "I... That is... Er... Are you sorry I did it?"

Ernie held his breath, waiting as the silence dragged on.

"No," Justin said at last.

The whoosh of expelled air was quite audible and finally got Justin to look over at Ernie. "I'm not... I'm not gay, Ernie. I mean, I've never had a problem with the fact that you were, you know, but I really don't think I am."

"That's fine," Ernie said quickly. "I'm just glad I'm not going to lose you over a stupid mistake. I promise, I'll never..."

And then Ernie's words were cut off as Justin leaned over and kissed him.

Ernie's brain shut off when he registered what was happening and he couldn't even manage to kiss back, but Justin didn't seem upset by that when he pulled away.

"Um..." Ernie managed.

"I just, um, wanted to see what it was really like..." Justin said. "I mean, last time I didn't really have a chance to, I don't know, figure out what was going on before you ran off."

"Um..."

"And Finnigan said I should be honest with you, and that I had to figure out for myself what I wanted."

"Um..."

"And the thing is, I don't really think I know what I want. I mean, you're my best friend, and I never want to lose you, you know?"

"Um..."

"But, um, I mean, it wasn't really something I'd ever considered before, and now I'm kind of thinking about things only I don't know what I think or anything."

"Um..."

"Is that all you're going to say?"

"Would you freak if I kissed you again?" Ernie finally asked.

"Um... no? I mean, um, yeah, no, I won't."

"Oh." Ernie sat there for another couple seconds, while Justin fidgeted.

"So, are you going to?" he finally asked.

"I'm trying to decide if I'd freak," Ernie said, looking thoughtful.

"Oh." Justin seemed to consider this, then shrugged to himself and kissed Ernie again.

Ernie was much more capable of responding this time.

"Um... wow..." Ernie said when he could breath again.

"...Yeah."

"So, um, what does this mean, then?"

"I don't really know," Justin said. "I still need to think."

"Ok. Take your time."

"Thanks. Hey, Ernie?"

"Yeah?"

"This isn't going to change us being friends," Justin said, although it sounded more like a question.

"Of course not."

"Oh, good." Justin smiled.