Out of Place

She feels out of place here. Even after seven years, even after everything that has happened to bring them all together, even still she feels out of place. The letter that came seven years ago still rests on the headboard above her bed at home, set in a place of honor, a place to show how special it is. How special, and how interesting, and how strange.

They hadn't believed it when the letter fell through the letter box. Her parents thought it must be some sort of joke, which her brother thought was very funny, but they certainly hadn't thought it was real. It was too strange to be real.

But it had been real, and seven years later she was done with Hogwarts, finished, and she sat amongst her year mates wondering what to do now. Ernie had been offered a position with the Department of Magical Games and Sports, and Eloise was going to be a cub reporter for the Prophet. Susan was working in her aunt's office at the Ministry, and even Justin had found something to do - he'd be working as the Wizard/Muggle liaison for Gringott's as they expanded out into the Muggle world. But Hannah? Hannah had felt lost, cast adrift all year, and as the Leaving Feast drew to a close the feeling just got worse.

What is she supposed to do now, she wonders, gazing around the room. She doesn't fit in like the rest of them do. The pureblood children had known this world all their lives and even the rest of the Muggleborns had settled into routines and had come to accept the variations of Wizard life. But Hannah still jumps in her seat when the owls come flying into the hall, still starts when the Fat Friar ghosts through the common room, still thinks seeing men in robes is strange.

'Hannah, isn't it fantastic?' Eloise says from her seat between Susan and Hannah. 'Susan and I are going to get a flat in the Wizard side of London. We could have a third flatmate if you wanted.' Her eyes are hopeful and she smiles brightly at her friend. 'What do you say?'

'I don't know.' The idea is foreign to her. She never got used to sharing a room, and while she loves Susan and Eloise very much, she doesn't know what she thinks about living in the Wizard world. She spoke with her parents over the Easter hols about staying with them after school, but even that doesn't feel right to her anymore. She doesn't fit in at home anymore either.

She manages one week with her parents after leaving school. Lying awake one night it becomes more apparent than ever that she doesn't fit in here. The bed, which her ankles hang off of and she can't fall asleep in, is just the most obvious sign. After dinner her mother asks her to fill the dishwasher, and then yells when she does it in the wrong order. 'I can just magic them clean,' she wants to say, but doesn't. Magic is out of place in this plain, ordinary, and oh-so-very Muggle home.

She drops by Susan and Eloise' flat, and accepts when they offer again to let her move in with them. She's not sure she will fit in here either, but she doesn't have any other options.

Things are better with the girls. She still feels out of place, but they are very good at seeing when she is upset and distracting her - keeping her from thinking about it too much. They do most of their housework with magic, but neither looks at her funny when she cooks the Muggle way. Eloise even asks to learn how to cook.

She gets a job in Diagon Alley, working with Madame Malkin, but leaves after the third time she is attacked by the magical measuring tape. She doesn't belong in a magical shop, not when she feels so mundane.

She tries to get a job working in a shop in the Muggle side of London, but no place will take her. She's not got a uni education, no one's ever heard of her school and they wouldn't be able to look at her records even if they had. Besides, what sort of references could her teachers give her?

Hannah was an exemplary student. Very conscientious of the plants' feelings in Herbology, and her wand work is superb.

So back into the Wizard world she goes. After three tries she finds a job she can at least do - working in an apothecary, sorting supplies. She hates it there, but measuring and cutting and keeping the books is simple work and she has the careful attention necessary to keep the ingredients in order.

The shoppers still confuse and frighten her - men in robes, cloaks fluttering about, tall and fancifully decorated witches' hats - but she no longer starts so suddenly, nor trembles so strongly when one of them approaches her to ask a question. Some of the questions, she has found, she can even answer. She knows the difference between sage and rosemary, but also between scarab and horned beetle wings. When a man asks her if the rowan was properly prepared for healing work she can answer, correctly, that it was not picked at full moonlight but that he can improve it's use by adding a small pinch of rose oil.

She's been there a month when Lavender Brown walks through the door of the shop. Hannah barely knew Lavender at school, but recognizing her was never a problem - always the most well dressed and put together of the girls at school, they'd seen each other almost every day in the few classes Gryffindor and Hufflepuff had together.

"Hello, Lavender," Hannah said, quietly. "Can I help you?" Lavender looked startled at being identified, and Hannah wasn't terribly surprised that the girl didn't know her. "I'm Hannah Abbot. We were at school together."

"We were?" Lavender blinked, clearly trying to remember the quiet girl. "I'm sorry..."

"No, don't worry. Did you need something?" She helps Lavender fill her order, quietly marveling at the girl's ease with the ingredients in the shop. Lavender, she remembers, is Muggleborn like Hannah, but she is another one of those who have adapted to their new lives. She looks comfortable in the robes, which Hannah finds too baggy and clearly doesn't have the problem Hannah has with keeping her wand in the pocket.

"How are you doing here?" Lavender asks as Hannah packages up her purchases. "I can't imagine it's very pleasant working here. Although," she adds, having finally remembered Hannah as they moved around the shop, "you always did do better than me in Herbology."

"It's not too bad, I suppose," Hannah says. "I'm useful here, at least, and I can do the work."

Lavender looks at her a little strangely. "I'm sure you could do the work just about anywhere, you got good marks in school. As for being useful..."

"I like being useful," Hannah puts in, and realizes as she says it, that it's true. She might not like much else about her job, but being useful, being able to help even with so small a thing as buying the correct spell ingredients, makes her feel just that little bit more connected.

"Well, I guess if you're happy..." Lavender trails off.

Happy would be an overstatement, Hannah thinks, but she doesn't say it, simply smiles slightly as the ex-Gryffindor gathers her things and heads out of the shop.

Even the smallest things can start to add up when you concentrate on them. And Hannah tries, she tries very hard, to concentrate on the things which make her... content, and in some ways, Hannah decides, that is better than simply being 'happy'.

Living with Eloise and Susan is comfortable - the flat is large enough that they don't have to share bedrooms, and there's very little the other girls expect out of her, nothing at all that she would not willingly do for them even if they never asked. They know each other very well, and Hannah realizes she has become used to them in ways she hadn't noticed before. She knows how Susan is always slow to wake up in the morning, and won't make conversation until she's had at least two cups of tea. She knows how Eloise is forgetful, and can even help and remind her to get everything she needs together before she leaves the flat. And the two of them seem to know how Hannah doesn't want to be bothered when she comes home looking tired and stressed - how she doesn't want to be bothered, but doesn't really want to be alone either. And they all sit together, quietly, and it's comfortable.

Hannah still doesn't feel like she fits in, still gets distressed by the strange things that have taken up residence in her world, or in whose world she has taken up residence, but it has been a while since she felt like she couldn't handle it. It's been more than seven years since she found out about the Wizard world, and now she knows she can handle it, in her own way, and that her own way is just that - hers.