Crossing the Road

'So how are you and Alicia coping with the new arrival?' the green-eyed godfather asked his red-headed best friend.

'He keeps us up most of the night, so as you can expect Alicia and I are both exhausted. It's just such a surprise,' the red-headed man replied with a smile from ear to ear.

'Surprise? Ron, you and Alicia found out that you were going to have a baby over eight months ago....surely it couldn't have been that much of a surprise?' Harry said with one eyebrow raised and a stupid grin covering his face.

'You know exactly what I mean, Potter. I never thought I could love someone as much as I'm loving my son, it's just so overwhelming,' Ron tried to explain, looking rather dazed.

'Love's always overwhelming, you're one lucky guy Ron,' said Harry, who had never seen Ron this emotional or even happy before and for Ron he was genuinely pleased.

'I know,' Ron admitted and then for the first time that day he looked around Harry and Hermione's kitchen and realized that Harry was doing something that looked a lot like cooking. This obviously equalled to disaster, 'What are you doing?'

'I'm cooking Hermione a nice romantic dinner,' Harry explained proudly, without hesitation, 'it's an Italian dish. Hermione loves Italian food.'

'That she does, hence why I think you should just get a take away or something,' Ron suggested, as he didn't bother to stop Harry from sprinkling sugar on the pasta or the chilli powder on something that definitely did not look like food Hermione would eat.

'Why? Is there something wrong with my cooking?...Don't answer that,' Harry warned, as he carried on cooking as though he was actually enjoying it.

'Well for one thing, that's not salt it's sugar and secondly that's not paprika it's chilli powder! But don't worry I know of this Italian restaurant in town, I'm sure you could order something from there before Hermione gets back from work,' Ron informed a confused Harry.

Just then Hermione apparated into the apartment.

'Or maybe you should just take her out for dinner!' Ron suggested, 'Hey Hermione.'

'Hi, how are Alicia and Sam?' Hermione asked as she made her way into the kitchen.

'They're fine. Alicia's at home at the moment, in fact she was asking after you. I think something's troubling her,' said Ron seriously.

'Oh right. Well, I'll go and see her now then. Do you smell something burning?' Hermione said as she sniffed into the air.

Ron stared at Harry. Harry smiled...and then, 'Damn, that's the bread!'

Ron laughed but Hermione didn't and instead just said, 'I'll be back later then.'

'It's quite cold out there, you could just apparate. Are you okay?' asked Harry, sensing that something was not right.

'I'm fine, I could do with the walk,' she replied simply as she walked through the door and left the two men to wonder in the kitchen.

'What's wrong with Hermione? She didn't seem very fine,' Ron asked curiously.

'I honestly don't know but since we're on the topic of Hermione, I was hoping you could give me some advice...'

******

Hermione folded her arms tightly around her coat as she tried to protect herself from the frosty breeze. Harry was right it was cold but Hermione knew she needed the walk. Hermione loved winter; she loved the snow crunching beneath her feet and she loved to sit near the crackling fire with perhaps a book in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. She looked to the other side of the road and perhaps for the first time that day she smiled as she saw a bunch of kids throwing snowballs at each other while the annoyed Mother was trying to get them to walk ahead.
Before she knew it Hermione had reached the point in the path where she was supposed to cross the road and her heart immediately started to beat faster. She looked carefully to the right then to the left and then to the right again. Feeling slightly uncertain she crossed the road as quickly as possible. Her old fear was catching up with her and she could feel it as the beat of her heart started falling to its normal pace as she nervously knocked on the door to Alicia and Ron's London flat.

'Hermione! Aren't I so glad to see you!' came Alicia's warm yet relieved voice.

'Hey, hope I'm not disturbing you,' Hermione wondered aloud as she entered the warm lounge area.

'Not at all. I just got Sam to sleep and to be honest I've been wanting to have a bit of a chat all week,' Alicia stated with a yawn as she slumped down on the red sofa next to Hermione.

'Is everything okay?' Hermione asked in concern.

'Yes...No..Oh I don't know Hermione,' Alicia cried as she let her head drop into her hands.

'Tell me about it, you know you can tell me anything, right?' Hermione said as she went to the kitchen and brought back Alicia a glass of water.

'I don't know what's been wrong with me lately,' Alicia tried to explain as she let the cool water slip through her gullet, 'I feel like I'm a terrible Mother as I just can't seem to bond with Sam. Today was the first time in three weeks that I was actually able to stop him from crying and that was only because Ron helped me. This is going to sound so stupid but it's as though this little body who I housed for nine months doesn't actually like me.'

'Alicia, this is your first child, surely it's going to take time to get used to everything? This isn't unusual and you're certainly not a terrible mother. You're just a new one. Have you told Ron about how you feel?' Hermione put her arms around Alicia as she asked this, trying to do her best to console her.

'No. I suppose I'm afraid of what he'd think,' Alicia turned to face Hermione as tears welled up in her eyes.

'I've known Ron for a while now and I'm sure the first think he would think of would be of how to help you. He's not going to condemn you for how you're feeling. I think you need to tell him since you never know, perhaps he might be going through the same thing. You could always talk to your Mother or Molly I mean she's got seven children and I'm sure she could help you with what you're going through,' Hermione informed Alicia, trying to be as helpful as she possibly could.
Hermione had only known Alicia properly since she had started dating Ron, which was four years ago now. Besides the ones from work Hermione did not have many women friends and so she was quite close to Ginny and Alicia, especially when she needed to talk to someone who would perhaps understand her problems a little better than Harry or Ron. When Alicia had asked Hermione to be godmother to Sam just three weeks ago, Hermione had not expected for her to be given that honour and she was absolutely certain that she was not godmother material. However, Alicia had refused to believe that and had persuaded Hermione to think otherwise. Hermione had been secretly pleased with this since she quite liked the idea of looking after someone's spiritual welfare.

'Well I guess that's a better idea than any. I just hope Ron understands,' Alicia wondered aloud as she fixed her gaze on Hermione and desired further assurance.

'He will,' Hermione said certainly whilst taking in a sharp breath and trying to avoid Alicia's narrowing eyes.

'Is something the matter? You look a little pale, Herm,' Alicia asked as she sensed something was wrong.

'Oh nothing!' Hermione lied without hesitation, 'Just had a strange day at work that's all.'

'You're a Psychiatrist, Hermione, of course you're going to have a strange day! You do meet some fairly strange people,' Alicia said with a grin as she tried to make Hermione smile, however her comment didn't quite have the effect she was hoping for.

'They're just people, Alicia. My patients are just normal people who have gone through things that aren't so normal...that doesn't make them strange,' said Hermione hotly.

Alicia, who thought that she had touched a nerve, said, 'I'm sorry, Herm, I didn't mean it like that. Now, are you going to tell me what's really going on or do I have to spoon it out of you because you know I am in possession of a lot of spoons!'

******

'Wow!' exclaimed Ron as he sat himself slowly down on the bottle green sofa.

'So what do you think?' Harry asked nervously.

'Wow!'

'You don't think I'm rushing into anything then?' Harry asked seriously.

'Wow!' was all Ron could say.

'Is that all you can say?' Harry asked as he sat himself next to Ron. He was getting slightly irritated.

'Wow!' Harry chose this moment to glare daggers at Ron so Ron decided to add a few more words to his one worded sentences, 'Are you kidding Harry? It's a great idea! I mean you do love her don't you?'

'More than anything in the world,' Harry replied without any doubt.

'Well then it's a brilliant idea. Oh and if you think you're rushing into things then let me just remind you that you have known her for sixteen years! And now as I try to refrain from sounding too much like a girl...Can I see the ring?' Ron asked in obvious excitement, sounding more like a sixteen-year-old girl than a twenty-six year old man.

Harry searched into the pocket of his jeans and presented Ron with the traditional small navy velvet box, which Ron snatched from his hands quickly.

'So what do you think?'

'Me. I don't think anything, I'm a man and I'm not supposed to have any opinions on bits of jewellery,' Ron stated simply.

Harry chose this moment to glare daggers at Ron, again.

'Well okay, it's just right, it's so beautiful that even I wish I had one....And don't you dare tell Alicia I said that,' Ron warned as he couldn't help but comment.

Harry laughed as he took the box from Ron's hand and stared down at the blue sapphire encrusted white gold band, 'It's simple and elegant, just like Hermione. In fact I suppose it was because of this ring that the thought of marriage first popped up in my mind. Hermione was very close to her Grandmother and about two years ago she died. Hermione wouldn't stop crying for days and every time I saw her crying she'd be holding this beautiful wedding ring. She told me that her Grandmother had left it to her. She said it was a ring that symbolized forty years of marriage and eternal love. She had thought it was a shame that the splendid union between her grandparents had to end because one of them had died,' Harry paused for a second and then added slowly, 'at that time I hadn't agreed with her. I always thought that love had to end somewhere and that death would have been an appropriate situation. I don't fully comprehend why I thought that then, perhaps it was because at the time I wasn't in a relationship with Hermione, who I know now is the one whom I'll always love...even after death.'

Ron looked at Harry as perhaps a proud father would look at his son. He tried very hard to prevent tears from building up in his eyes.

'Hermione's Grandmother's ring is very similar to this one so evidently when I saw it I just couldn't help but get it for her!' Harry said thoughtfully.

'It looks as though it was quite expensive.'

'Nothing's too much for Hermione.'

At this point the red headed man looked like he was going to burst into confetti but he did something that no-one including Harry had expected him to do. He said 'Awww!' pulled at Harry's cheek and stated, 'Look at you all grown up, who could have imagined it?'

Harry touched his cheeks, which felt a little torn once Ron had pulled them like an old woman would have done to a little child. 'I'd be careful if I were you Ron,' Harry said apprehensively.

'Why's that?' Ron asked as he was still in amazement at the prospect of Harry proposing to Hermione.

'You might just be turning into your Mum...'

At this comment the red headed man's cheeks became a blaze.

******

Hermione wondered whether Alicia would laugh at her phobia or just accept it. She'd never in her life told anyone this and now she was about to tell Alicia. Hermione felt very vulnerable and she hated that feeling.

'So are we just going to sit in silence or are you going to actually tell me what's going on?' Alicia asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

'When I was only a little girl,' Hermione began uncertainly, 'my Mother would walk me to school everyday and it would always be the same routine every morning. I'd get up at seven thirty, brush my teeth vigorously, get dressed in haste and then eat my cornflakes, which would always be ready for me on the dining table. We'd then leave to go to school about half an hour later and since my school was only two streets away we always walked. This went on for two years and then my Mum started to work again so I would have to walk to school on my own. I must have been about seven years of age then,' Hermione paused.

Alicia listened patiently as she wondered exactly where Hermione's memories were leading her.

'I know this may all sound normal and it was but I hated walking to school on my own. And do you know why?'

'Why?' Alicia asked, intrigued by Hermione's emotional state.

'Because,' she said as she gave a hopeless laugh, 'to get to school I'd have to cross this road and every time I did I'd get scared. My breathing would become heavy and my heart would start beating faster and I'd have a huge rush of adrenaline go through me...'

'Why were you so scared?' Alicia asked gently.

'I suppose when I was little I didn't really understand the concept of drivers actually being able to control cars. I'd always thought that cars were alive and because I couldn't see the vehicles having any eyes I'd always thought that they wouldn't stop when I'd try and cross the road. In fact one day when I was going to school and I had to cross the road there were so many cars going past that none of them would stop and I just started crying my eyes out. I never got to school that day because I'd run back home even though no one was there,' Hermione tried to explain with tears streaming down her cheeks.

'I don't understand, Hermione. This fear was from when you were little, do you still have it?' Alicia asked in surprise; she had never thought that the know-it-all Dr Hermione Granger could be scared of anything, especially something so simple.

'No, as I grew up I slowly realised how things worked and the fear sort of disappeared. Although, just this past week it's been slowly coming up again and it really has shocked me because I'd forgotten that I'd actually once had it. I guess that's why I'm feeling quite shaky at the moment. You must think I'm awfully silly, I mean me, a twenty-six year old woman whose helped her best friend to bring down the Dark Lord has a fear of crossing the road!' Hermione said in haste.

'I don't think your silly at all. I'm just wondering what could have triggered this childhood fear so much so that you're here obviously very upset about it, honey,' Alicia said as she put her arms around Hermione to comfort her.

'I think I know. At the start of this week I had an appointment with a male patient who was only twenty-three so I assumed that the reason he wanted to see me was because he wanted help with a drug problem or an alcohol addiction. But it wasn't anything like that, I felt so ashamed for even thinking so since he had come to see me because he was having a hard time coping with the loss of a loved one and he was quite evidently suffering from depression. He was a wizard, of course, but his wife had been a muggle and so they had lived in muggle London. One day when his wife, who was seven months pregnant, was crossing the road she was run over by a speeding car that was being driven by a drunken idiot and she died on the spot. Just as simple as that,' suddenly Hermione stopped talking, the sobs that had been stuck in her throat overwhelmed her and her body quavered as she cried.

'That's a horrible thing to happen to anyone,' Alicia commented as she did not know what else to say.

'I've met a lot of people who have been through traumatizing experiences in their life, Alicia, but this patient made me think since he was just so young. What if the person being run over by that car wasn't that women but it was my Harry! I don't think I could cope with that loss. Harry means everything to me and I don't think I'd be able to live a day without him,' Hermione said through interrupting sobs.

'But Hermione that woman wasn't Harry,' Alicia said as she deduced that Hermione was upset because she was scared of losing Harry.

'Or what if,' Hermione began, unaware of what Alicia had just said, ' what if that woman was me, what if right now I go out and cross that road and I die. Would the people who I know know how much I cared for them? Would Harry realise that I could have never have loved anyone in my life how I had loved him?'

'Hermione bad things happen to a lot of people in this world and there's very little we can do about it. However, Hermione, we can't put our lives on hold because of what might happen in the distant or near future. We have to live it out no matter how short or long our life is. If you want the people whom you care about to know just how much you care then you go right now and tell them without worrying about what's going to happen when you cross that road!' Alicia said firmly, making Hermione look at her.

Hermione pondered at this and then wiped away the tears from her eyes and felt absolutely ridiculous, 'I'm sorry about this Alicia and you're right. You're really quite correct.'

******

Later that evening when Ron had returned home with a glowing face Hermione had not bothered to ask him what he was so cheerful about. Instead she chose that moment to leave and go back home herself.

Now Alicia was sitting quite comfortably on the sofa with Ron's head resting on her lap. She wondered if this was the right moment to tell Ron about how she had been feeling lately about Sam and motherhood but before she could say anything she heard the cry of a baby from not so far away. 'I'll see to that,' she said as she got up and walked into the nursery that both Ron and her had so animatedly decorated when they did not even know if they were to have a boy or a girl.

Alicia picked up her weeping son but when he would not stop crying she began to quietly sing a song that she had always loved. Ron looked upon his wife and son in silence. He was unable to explain his happiness as his son gradually fell back into slumber.

'You're a natural you know,' he said in a whisper to Alicia as he put his arms around her from behind.

Alicia was surprised at this comment. Had Ron not seen her trouble in handling her own son just now? she thought and so then asked, 'Do you really think so?'

'Of course, I'd have never been able to console him so quickly. It must be that beautiful voice of yours,' Ron said thoughtfully as he nuzzled her neck.

Alicia blushed and then smiled as she gently put her sleeping son back in his cot and said, 'You know lately I haven't been feeling as though I'm such a good Mother and I've been quite jealous of the way you've been able to handle Sam.'

'Really?' said Ron as he turned Alicia around to face him, 'I used to quite admire you before Sam was born but I have to say that seeing you with him now and seeing the way you can handle him, well, that just makes me admire you even more. We're going to make good parents Alicia and you are a good Mother. Please don't let anyone make you doubt that.'

Alicia did not make any further comments to what Ron had just said but instead she just held him tight. His words were simply enough to make her have faith in herself. She always felt warm when she was with him.

And if the children, who were playing in the snow outside, listened carefully they might just have been able to hear a mother singing to her slumbering child as her husband looked upon her in awe.

'Somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
in the land that I heard of once
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.'

******

When Hermione opened the door to her apartment she had not expected it to be covered in candles, which were a live with dancing flames...but that's exactly what she saw as she dared to give a little smile. As soon as the woman with chestnut coloured eyes realised that she was looking into her own reflection in a pair of green eyes, she embraced the green eyed man even before he could say a single word.

'You spent a long time at Alicia's. I missed you. Have you been crying? What's the matter, pumpkin?' Harry asked as he pulled her from him and looked into her eyes.

'It doesn't matter, Harry. All that matters to me is you. I love you Harry Potter and I don't think I'd be able to survive without you, never leave me.' Hermione pleaded as she placed her left hand on his chest.

Harry, who was now feeling snowed in Hermione's loving emotions, said, 'I love you and I could never imagine leaving you, sweetheart. I'm always going to be with you whether you like it or not.'

Hermione smiled not caring about the tears that were threatening to leave her eyes once again that day. She took her hands and placed them on Harry's cheeks and lifted herself on her toes so that she could have the pleasure of kissing the man she loved.

When their lips finally parted she took another look around their home. Her eyes stopped at the dining table and she said, 'You know when I was here earlier today I swear that I really saw you cooking. However, since that table over there seems to have candles on it but no dinner, was I just imagining things?'

'Since I love you so very much I decided that I'd take you out for dinner instead,' Harry said innocently.

'You mean that since you love me so much you wouldn't torture me by making me eat something you cooked?' Hermione teased.

'Something along those lines...' Harry said, not being able to finish his sentence because certain lips were meeting his again and at this point Harry thought it was just the right moment to do what he had been planning for the last two months.

As Hermione pleasured in the comfort of the familiar taste of Harry's mouth she felt a cool breeze blow her hair and she gave a small shiver. Hang on a second, she thought, why is there a breeze in our flat? Just at this thought Hermione parted from Harry and looked at the sight around her for she was no longer in her warm flat with candles all around but instead she was standing on a seaside beach with the night sky staring down at her. She looked questioningly at Harry and said, 'You know the next time you decide to apparate us from a warm and cosy home to a cold and windy seaside beach you could at least warn me.'

As Hermione gave another shiver Harry took a step closer to her and almost apprehensively moved his hands up and down her arms.

Hermione, who was slightly confused about Harry's behaviour and the almost deserted beach, asked gently, 'Why are we here Harry?'

Taking a deep breath Harry said, 'When I was younger I remember the Dursleys always coming here, to Blackpool, for perhaps a week in the summer. I used to go as well, as a sort of liability, and I'd always look at other kids on the beach who were busy making sand castles with their parents smiling and laughing around them. I always dreamed of having a family like that and whenever I was here I'd make sand castles myself but it wouldn't just be any castle, it'd be a home for me and my family. It never lasted though, whenever I would finish building one Dudley would throw buckets full of water at it and it would just all collapse and with it my dreams would collapse too.'

At this point Hermione took Harry's hand, knowing how difficult it must be for him to let her into some of his oldest and deepest memories.

'Look at the sea, Hermione,' Harry carried on after a short pause, 'no matter which angle you look at it from it never seems to end,' Harry turned to Hermione and his teary eyes looked into her inviting chestnut ones, 'Hermione, I want our love to be everlasting just like the seas. I love you so much that the word 'love' just doesn't begin to even describe how I feel.'

Hermione gasped as Harry knelt down on the cold sand and revealed a small box in his hands.

'Hermione, I want to make sand castles again but this time I want to make them with you. To me Hermione you're not just some witch, or a best friend, or even a Doctor, but the first thing you are to me is mine. And I want to make you, Hermione Granger, mine for eternity. Would you please do me the honour of letting me become your Husband?'

Hermione just stood there while the frosty cool breeze whistled in her hair, but she did not feel the cold as she did not feel anything except for the complete and utter joy paralysing her whole body.

'Well...' Harry began, however he could not finish his sentence because Hermione had fell to the sand next to him and was kissing him with such a passion that he knew immediately what her answer would be.

'Yes,' Hermione whispered breathlessly, 'yes! You really want to marry me?'

'I've never been and never will be surer of any decision in my life, Hermione. I want to marry you,' Harry said, not at all surprised at his definite certainty. Harry took Hermione's left hand and placed the ring that would make their union official on Hermione's ring finger.

Hermione smiled and sat herself down on the sand with her legs outstretched in front of her. Harry did the same and put one of his arms around Hermione's back and Hermione let her head fall onto his shoulder. They sat like that for sometime, each one of them pondering how the future was going to turn out now that they had made their decisions.

Hermione, who said ‘I thought you were taking me out for dinner?’ then brought Harry out of his thoughts.

'And I am. In fact it's just a restaurant across the road from here,' Harry informed her as he got up and started to make his way there with Hermione following behind him slowly. When they reached the point where the road had to be crossed Hermione stopped in her tracks. Noticing this Harry turned around and held out his hand to Hermione, who was only a step behind him. She took hold of his hand without hesitation and they crossed the quiet road together.

'I hope this restaurant's Italian,' Hermione commented with her eyes sparkling.

'Don't worry it is. You know I've never been able to work out your fascination with Italian food,' Harry said in a questioning manner.

'Oh! I just like it because it reminds me of sexy Italian men, that's all,' Hermione replied innocently.

'Really? And what do these particular sexy men look like?' Harry pondered as he stopped outside the door to the restaurant.

'Well, you see most of the time I get reminded of this particular man who has messy black hair, green eyes, and an interesting body,' Hermione answered teasingly.

'Hmm, sounds like I might know this bloke,' Harry smiled as he opened the door for Hermione to go through.

'I know him better,' Hermione muttered.

Once they had sat down at their table and while Harry was telling the waiter what they wanted, Hermione started playing around with her new engagement ring. She could hardly get it round her head that she was going to be Harry Potter's wife in the very near future. As she examined the ring closer she realised that the inner part of the ring had an inscription on it that read: even death will not do us apart....

'Where do you think we'll be thirty years from now?' Hermione asked as she smiled from ear to ear.

'I think we'll be so happy that we'll be walking in fields of pumpkins!' Harry replied, as his forehead creased in thought.

'Why fields of Pumpkins?' Hermione asked curiously.

'Just because....'

******
'So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold'
******