Sempre Tu?

The rest of the day had been a flurry of numb motions for James. He'd gone back to the compartment and, after transfiguring a plate into another bench, curled up around Narcissa and held her so tight he feared he would crush her. When the train pulled into station he waited until the last possible second to rouse her. They walked silently to the carriages and spent much of the ride the same way. When they'd parted to go to their separate tables for the Sorting Feast he'd grabbed her hand tightly and held it until Remus begrudgingly told them to move. At the feast they watched each other from across the room, neither gaze wavering for a moment.

It went on like that for the next month or so; stolen glances and touches so quick it was as if the winds were toying with them. They'd watch each other as they walked to classes and purposely brush against each other during Prefects meetings because, really, it was the only option they had. These little interactions were what gave them life in their time of need, these little interactions helped them to breathe, these little interactions were their lifeline...

James and Sirius had had a falling out the first day of the term. Upon hearing the reasons why he was ordered to go home, Sirius had not been pleased. It would only serve to make life harder on all of them if James told Narcissahe loved her, or at least, that's how Sirius felt. She was betrothed and there was no way around it.

"If you, James Potter, make life harder for my little cousin." Sirius had glared at him. "I'll kill you."

To which Remus had countered, "But if she loves him then they can be together!"

Sirius turned his glare on Remus then and hissed, "Don't you get it? She can't get out. It's a wizarding contract. It's perfectly legal and tightly sealed. And if the Malfoy's are anything like my family, which they are, then there will be no loopholes, no way for her to call off the engagement, no way for her to call off the wedding, and no way for her to divorce him. If James tells her how he feels then it'll make her feel like she's betraying him and right now I doubt she can take any more heartache. I won't let you hurt her any more James. I won't."

James had taken Sirius' words to heart and after that day took to loving her from afar where he could hurt no one but himself.

Narcissa, though, had other plans.

She too was still reeling from her recent engagement and needed nothing more than her best friends to kiss away her tears, just as he had for so many years. Only he was no longer just her best friend.

Unlike James, Narcissa was not one for epiphanies. She'd spent the rest of the train ride to Hogwarts in the secure and familiar arms of her lifelong friend. She'd been comforted in the presence of her oldest ally during the carriage ride to the castle. She'd held on urgently to the hand of her favorite boy while trekking to the Great Hall. And she'd stared helplessly from the opposite side of the room at the man she was in love with.

She hadn't realized this until she'd gone to her rooms later that night and wept. She wept not for what was going to happen to her, but for what was not. James would never fumble over his words as he asked her on their first real date or nervously reach into the pocket of his trousers and pull out a delicate diamond ring. They'd never whisper 'I do' in front of a crowded room or breathe deeply in relief as their first child was born. There'd never be a white picket fence or a happily ever after.

It was what she dreamed of her whole life, and now, once the man she would do all those things with finally had a face, it all came crashing down around her.

It was shortly after their first Charms exam of the year that James and Narcissa were finally able to have time to themselves. They were partnered for their test, and upon finishing it first, were able to leave early. Knowing that it would probably be the only chance they had to be alone, the two had wandered to the games-keeper's hut on the edge of the Forbidden Forest to talk.

"Why do they keep this hut?" Narcissa asked as James pulled two dusty chairs from the corner of the room. "All it does is gather dust. Couldn't they put it to a better use?"

"Well they have to put the tools somewhere don't they?" James asked, grinning. "They can't just leave huge, sharp grass cutters laying about. What if a small first-year were to hurt themselves?"

"Well then they deserve it," Narcissa shrugged. "First-years shouldn't be out when visibility is poor anyway. Otherwise, they would see the deadly shears and steer clear. That is, unless they're dumb... Like you."

"Oh I see how it is," James laughed and ruffled Narcissa's blond locks. "I'm as dumb as a first-year?"

"Only the Hufflepuff ones," she giggled.

James raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine." She cocked her head and grinned. "You're not as dumb as a Hufflepuff first-year."

"Well, I'm glad you see it my way." James sighed dramatically. "I mean, I do have more brain cells than you."

"And I suppose it was you who just guaranteed our perfect score on that test?"

"Yes."

"Oh Potter." Narcissa shook her head. "Potter, Potter, Potter, how you make me laugh."

"You seem to need some laughter in your life right now," James said softly. "Tell me what's troubling you."

"It's nothing," Narcissa sighed sadly.

"Oh come on, tell James all your dirty secrets." James waggled his eyebrows.

"My dirty secrets?"

"All of them. I want to hear them all. Even the one where you admit to pillow fighting naked with the other girls in your dormitory," James said and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "And maybe those pillow fights turn into something more, shall we say, intimate?"

"Oh yes, because the sixth year Slytherin girls all get together and pillow fight naked every night," Narcissa said sarcastically. "And then all the Slytherin boys make bets to which one will be the last one standing."

"You let them watch?" James quirked an eyebrow. "Well you know, I would be willing to give up my nightly patrols in order to referee these little fights..."

"Oh James!"

"What?"

"You are so pervy," Narcissa laughed. "I miss this."
"What?"

"This." She held out her hands. "You and me.... Palling around. I miss you."

"Well I'm here," James said with a small smile.

"Always?"

"Always." He looked at her seriously. "I want you to come to me any time you have a problem. Will you?"

"I will," she said. "And you'll do the same?"

"Of course."

____________________________________________________________________________________
So it wasn't a surprise the next week when Peter interrupted James' studying to tell him Narcissa was waiting in the common room for him. He'd slammed his books shut and jumped to his feet instantly and, ignoring the murderous glare coming from Sirius, rushed out of his room. Upon entering the common room, his heart sank. There was Narcissa, standing in the middle of the room as the Gryffindor girls glared and mocked her tears.

"Cissa," James breathed as he reached the bottom step. "What's the..."

She had practically thrown herself in his arms then.

"...matter? Come on. Let's go to my room. We'll clear everyone out. Okay?"

She nodded against his chest and let him lead her up the stairs and into his room. Sirius was on her the moment they stepped foot in the room and practically dragged her to his bed. He sat her down and lifted her chin and wiped her tears with a tissue, then pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Cissa, what's wrong?" Sirius asked softly as fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

She shook her head and snuggled closer to his chest.

"Cissa, tell me what's going on," Sirius said a bit more forcefully.

"It's Bella," Narcissa cried. "She's taken the mark."

"What?" Sirius' voice dipped dangerously low.

"She's joined the Dark Lord Siri." Narcissa pulled away from Sirius and stood up.

"How do you know?"

"Reggie," Narcissa said bitterly. "He's so proud of his cousin. He's waltzing around the common room telling everyone he can't wait to follow in her footsteps. The stupid child... I've had to modify fourteen memories tonight."

"You're sister is a Death Eater?" James asked carefully as he made his way swiftly to Narcissa.

"Yes," she replied sullenly.
"You don't plan to become one as well, do you?" He asked, his eyes like daggers.

"Of course not," she scoffed. "I may believe in his message, but by no means do I believe in his methods. Nor do encourage it."

"So what are you going to do?" James asked.

"What have I to do?"

"You mean you're going to stay in a family that accepts such behavior? Even prides it?" James asked unbelievably.
"They are my family." Narcissa's eyes began to narrow.

"You'd stay true to a family of murderers that care nothing about you when you could just as easily leave and live with a family that does?" James' face was beginning to turn red.

"I can't leave them," Narcissa said incredulously.

"Why not?" James asked and put his hands on her shoulders. "You have Andromeda, you have Sirius... You have me."

"And that's just it," Narcissa hissed. "I agreed, by legal contract, to not terminate my engagement or sever ties with my family under the conditions that no harm is to come to my sister or my cousin. If I leave, then they, and whomever they reside with, will have no protection from the war and the Death Eaters. Andy has a new daughter, and I can't let anything happen to either of them."

"You've bargained yourself?" James asked quietly. "For their protection you've given your freedom?"

Narcissa nodded. "They're my family."