I See Her

What do I see when the dementors come near?

I see her.

I see her standing on the chair in front of her mother's vanity. She's in one of her sister's white nightgowns painting her cheeks and her lips with far too much rouge. I see her smile turn into a pout as her eyes lock onto mine. I'm not supposed to see her before the wedding she says and goes back to her blue eye shadow. When she finally notices how fidgety I am sitting on the bed she sighs and hops off the vanity.

"Do I look okay?" She asks and I nod vigorously. She takes me by the hand and pulls me down the hall to where her sisters are waiting for us.

"Bout time," they both scoff. And then one of them tells me to stand at the far wall.

When they start the music she walks in, a dandelion clasped in her hands. She slowly walks to where I stand waiting for her. This is when the ceremony begins.

"Do you take this woman?"

"I guess... Ow! Yes."

"Do you take this man?"

"Yes I do."

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes Sirius!"

"But..."

"Do it!"

I see her smiling triumphantly as she stands on the very tip of her toes, and I on mine, so as to keep as much space as possible between us. Our lips meet briefly and when we break apart there are sparkles on the collar of my father's dress robes and bright red lipstick smeared on my lips.

I always wanted to be a husband.

I see her head poking from behind the door as she pushes it open. She stops when the door screeches suddenly, but recovers quickly and grins up at me. She then closes the door at an agonizingly slow rate. When the door finally clicks into place she turns to me, giggles, and takes a running leap for my bed.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I came to see you." She bites her bottom lip and narrows her eyes. It's the look she gets when she's up to something and I'm suddenly not as excited as I was when she'd first knocked on my door. "I'm hungry."

"Now? But we just ate a couple hours ago. Besides, Father's downstairs with some associates. We'll get into trouble."

"Oh Sirius, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Fine, but if we get caught I was sleep-walking and this was all your idea."

She chuckles. "Why Siri, how very Slytherin of you."

I see her go back to the door and peek out, making sure the coast is clear. She's wearing the same white nightgown she'd worn three years earlier at our 'wedding.' I can't understand why she still has the thing, but I shrug and let it pass. Who cares about a nightgown when you've got a food mission to worry about?

"Come on," she says and waves for me to follow her.

Our bare feet pad across the floor and I silently thank all the gods I've ever heard of for floor-heating charms. When we reach the stairs she signals for me to go down first so she can act as the lookout. I quickly tiptoe down the stairs, avoiding the left side of the fourth one and completely skipping the sixth because they squeak, and safely arrive at the bottom of the staircase. I look around, decide there's no danger, and beckon her to follow.

Just as she reaches the middle of the staircase the door to my father's study flies open. Lights and shouts spill out and she freezes on the staircase. She looks like a stunned pixie. Neither of us dare move. Lucky for us, my father and his associate don't notice the two children on the stairway and they stalk past us.

I see her lips curve upwards and know that it will only be moments before she cracks up completely. I take the chance and sprint up the stairs, grabbing her arm as I do so, and back down the corridor to the safety of my bedroom.

"We were this close." She hops on my bed and holds her fingers an inch apart. She lets her giggles escape.

"Can't we just get the house-elves to bring something up?"

"Eh, I'm not really all that hungry after all. Do you mind if I sleep in here tonight?"

"Fine," I say. "But you know you'll just be in trouble in the morning. Young ladies aren't supposed to sleep in the same bed as young men."

"Well that won't be a problem," she says with a grin. "I see no young men here just a little boy."

I roll my eyes and climb into the bed. She snuggles into the covers and curls up against my chest and whispers, "I love you Siri."

I see her eyes flutter shut and kiss her softly on the forehead. Then I turn off the lights and listen to her deep breaths until I fall asleep myself.

I always wanted to be the one she turned to.

I see her looking into that same vanity mirror, although now it belongs to her. She's older and more sophisticated but she's just as joyous and carefree as she was when we were small. This time I don't even hide that I've come into her room. I just walk right over to her four-poster bed and sit down on the end of it.

She smiles at me through the mirror and continues brushing her golden hair.

"Are you excited?"

"Of course," she says and throws the brush on the vanity. She likes things like that, thrown about with no order to any of it. She says it makes her feel passionate to dump things on the floor and free when her things are in disarray. Walking from her older sister's rooms into hers is like walking from one universe to the other and it's just the way I've always liked it.

"We have to leave in twenty minutes," I tell her as she sets herself on the bed next to me. "Are you sure you've brushed your hair a thousand times or whatever?"

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "A hundred. And yes, I'm finished."

We sit in silence for a little while, but we're staring at each other in the mirror trying to make the other laugh with funny faces. She finally gets me when she simply raises one eyebrow and puckers her lips at me.

"You always lose."

"It must be because your face is so funny looking," I say and punch her lightly in the arm.

"Is not."

"Is too."

She shakes her head again, but laughs anyway. She suddenly pulls me from the bed and flips on the new Kneezel's song. I bow and ask her to dance.

"I guess I won't be able to come to your room when I visit in the middle of the night anymore. They say the stairs turn into a giant slide when you try to go to the boys' dormitories."

"Who says? Because I happen to know for a fact that only the girls' stairs that do that."

She raises an eyebrow and shimmies.

"That's not regulation ballroom dancing procedure," I say and bend her backwards for a dip. "As for the stairs, I think they do that because they trust the girls more than the boys or something. I don't know why..."

She laughs. "Well I guess that's good for us then. You'll probably have a visit from me tonight."

"Why not go to one of your sisters' rooms?"

"Why not go to yours?"

"Good point."

"Twirl me."

"You're the boss."

I see her eyes light up as I raise our hands in the air and twirl her over and over again. By the time we're done with our impromptu dance lesson it's time for us to catch the carriage. She hums the Kneezel's song all the way to the train station.

I always wanted to lead her away.

I see her watching me from across the Great Hall. She's smiling and her eyes are unfocused. I never want her to stop looking at me like that. Just as she's noticed that I'm watching her too, Head Boy Lucius Malfoy stoops over her and whispers something in her ear. She giggles and it makes me green with envy that he has that effect on her.

I see her blush as Malfoy pushes Severus 'Snivellus' Snape out of the way so he can sit beside her. But just as he's finally sat down she pushes away from the table, stands, jerks her head at me, and strides out of the Great Hall.

I mumble a quick excuse to James and follow. I'm looking around the halls when I see her head poke out from behind the statue of the One Eyed Witch. She waves me over.

"There's a secret passage here," she tells me.

"No there's not."

"Yes there is. Would you like me to show you?"

"Yeah, okay."

"My my, aren't you a brave little Gryffindor." she says and the two of us start down the stairs leading to the tunnel. "Who knows where I could be taking you. The evil Ice Queen of Slytherin taking Gryffindor's Golden boy through dark tunnels in to places unknown. What would people say?"

"You're not an Ice Queen."

"That's what your -duck- friends think."

"So?" I say and hop to the right just as a vine reaches for my leg. "It doesn't mean that I feel that way. Don't forget I've seen you naked."

"What does that have to do with anything?" She laughs and starts to slow.

I start to open my mouth but she places one delicate finger on my lips and points to the ceiling. I think that if I had one happy moment in my entire life, this was it, right here and right now. The wispy smile is back on her face and her finger is still on my lips. I can't help but see how truly beautiful she is, especially when she's bathed in wand-light. Instead of licking her finger in a truly disgusting fashion as I usually do, I flick my tongue and softly kiss the pad of her finger.

"Siri," she gasps and yanks her hand away.

"I- I'm sorry," I stammer out an apology.

"What was that for?"

"Look, can we just forget about it? I said I was..."

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"Wh... What?" I can't seem to talk properly.

"You heard me," she says and takes a step towards me.

I see her eyes sparkle in the dimly lit tunnel and then close as her lips fall onto mine. They're soft and warm and suddenly she's lightly biting my bottom lip. I open my mouth and her tongue and mine are moving with each other. My hands are on her back and hers are on my cheeks.

When we pull away it takes me a moment to catch my breath. And then I take one look at her and it's gone again.

I always wanted a girl who could take my breath away

I see her three years later. She's spending the summer at Grimmauld Place as she usually does. This summer she's been my saving grace. Without her I'd probably have left the family without a second glance and never thought of them again. It's what Andromeda did last year after all.

I slowly open her door, as I have a thousand times before, but my foot stops mid-stride and I'm planted in place. She has her back to me and she's staring into her vanity. Her hair is a crown of curls atop her head and her neck looks deliciously kissable. Her summer gown is a faint yellow with bits of lace along the hem and all I can think about is stroking those beautiful long legs of hers.

I see her face in the mirror and I savor that brief moment before she realizes I'm here. Her blue eyes are shining and her pink lips are upturned. The only time she lets her guard down is when she's alone or during sex.

She turns to me and raises an eyebrow.

"How do I look?" She asks, though she already knows I think she looks beautiful.

I whisper, "Breathtaking."

"You look quite handsome yourself."

"Thank you," I say and look down at my black suit. I smile as she makes her way to the door, and to me.

"You look so handsome I think I may have to take you right here, right now."

"Is that so?" I chuckle.

She nods and reaches past me to lock the door. Then she takes my hand and leads me to her vanity. She tells me to look into the mirror and says she'll stop whatever she's doing if I take my eyes from her for even a second.

I nod my absolute obedience.

I see her smirk as she pulls my hair to the side and licks the outer part of my ear. I moan lightly and almost close my eyes when her tongue flicks my ear and her hand begins wandering downwards.

Somehow I manage to keep my word, and she hers, and when it's all over I guide her to the bed and pull her into my arms. I hear her sigh and see her golden hair mussed and can't help but grin. I did that.

"I'll always love you," she says and snuggles closer to my chest. "Always."

I smile and lay back, pulling her along. "That's nice to hear."

She slaps my chest playfully and giggles.

"Because I'll love you for eternity," I tell her and tighten my grasp on her.

"An eternity is an awful long time," she tells me. "Especially when it's only your seventeenth birthday."

"Oh my!" I joke. "I've forgotten your birthday"

"Shut up Siri." She smiles contentedly.

I wait a moment and then say, "I got you something."

"Really?" Her head pops up off my chest. "What is it? Come on, tell me. Please?"

I laugh as she rubs her hands together in excitement and then reach over the edge of the bed and fish in my suit pocket. When I locate the small box and present it to her she stills and looks into my eyes in awe.

"You bought jewelry."

I nod and place the box in her hand. "Sorry I didn't wrap it."

"Siri you..." She sucks in her breath and her jaw drops. "You shouldn't have. This must have cost a fortune. Not that I don't like expensive gifts but... Wow."

"Let me put it on you," I say and she drops her head so I can wrap the chain around her neck.

"Okay."

I see her hop off the bed the second the clasp shuts and run to her vanity. She fingers the small silver locket and smiles softly. She turns to me and asks, "Is there a picture inside?"

"It's charmed so that only you and I can open it," I say as I stride to her side.

She watches as I take hold of the locket and pop it open. The look on her face almost knocks me off my feet when she realizes what the two pictures are. One is from our 'wedding' eleven years ago and the other is of us, lost in each other's eyes in the restricted section of the library.

We chuckle as our six-year-old selves stand on the very tip of our toes and gently place our lips on each others. And then tears come to her eyes when she watches the picture of us in the library.

"We look so in love," she whispers.

"That's because we are," I tell her and kiss her softly on the forehead. "We are."

"Where did you get these pictures?" She asks.

"Turns out house-elves take pretty good pictures," I say with a chuckle.

"Oh" is all that comes from her mouth. She looks up at me and I can see the love and pure adoration in her eyes. She smiles and I kiss the tears on her cheeks.

I always wanted to kiss away her tears

I see her still two years later. This time she's in her parent's home and I'm standing outside of her old bedroom window, broomstick in hand. I know I shouldn't be here, but I can't stay away. She asked me to come so I did.

I don't throw a pebble at her window as they do in Muggle fairytales or sing to her or do anything at all to get her attention. Instead I stand perfectly still and silent and wait for her to come to her window. I know she will.

Sure enough, she appears. First it's her blond hair and then I catch her eyes. She smiles and waves for me to mount my broom and come to her. I do what I'm told and within seconds climb into her window, close the distance between us, and pull her into my arms.

"I knew you'd come," she says into my shoulder and takes a deep breath.

"I'll always come when you call."

"I know."

She pulls back slightly, takes another deep breath, and smiles up at me. It takes all the self control I have not to take her away from her home and never return her. She chews on her lip.

"I thought this is what you wanted..."

"Siri don't," she says and puts her hand up to stop me. "Just don't. Not now."

"I love you," I almost choke on my words. "I'll love you for all eternity."

"I love you too," she whispers, her cheek once again pressed against my shoulder.

"You look beautiful you know."

"I know."

"You look just the exact way I always knew you would on this day. So perfect," I try to smile but it doesn't work. "I guess I just always thought I'd be the one you were walking towards, not away from... You know?"

"I do," she shakes her head and pulls away from me completely. "God that was ironic."

She manages to make me smile, albeit a sad one.

"Yes," I say, "just a bit."

We stand in silence for a few moments. She fumbles with the chain around her neck with one hand and the ring on her finger with the other. I see her bite her lip yet again and I know she's fighting back the tears that are building up.

"I need to leave," I say finally.

"You mean you won't stay?"

"How could I?"

She licks her lips and whispers, "I need you Sirius Black. At least one more time. I need you."

And so I go to her.

Our kisses are frenzied and our hands are all over the place. We want to touch anything and everything and we don't ever want to stop. When I pick her up and drop her on the vanity she grunts and pulls the white night-gown over her thighs. I take my time sucking and nibbling and listening to her moans of pleasure.

I see her jaw twitch and her eyes glaze over and I then I take her.

She grunts and whispers my name over and over and when we finally release tears are shining in both our eyes. I hunch over her and she throws her arms around my neck. She's sobbing and her tears form small rivers on my shoulder. She clings to me, and I to her, as if our lives depend on it.

But in the end the door is thrown open and we are forced apart by her almost husband and my not-so much of a mother...

You ask what I see whenever the dementors come near?

I see her.