Dearly Beloved

Dearly Beloved

Saturday. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. The grass is green and the trees are covered in strong, healthy leaves. It's the perfect day for a wedding. My two best friends, together since their school days. Today they are going to become husband and wife.

I'm the best man. Of course I am. They're my best friends. I should be happy. Privileged, excited. But how can I be happy when I am about to be witness to a marriage that is going to change my life forever?

It's complicated, you see. I'm in love with one of the people who is, in less than ten minutes, going to dedicate their life to somebody else.

We were lovers. I didn't see it coming, neither of us did. But things change...life changes.

I have had a stressful life. I grew up an orphan, forced to live with relatives who didn't care if I lived or died. Then I was brought into a world of magic and excitement. I was happy for a while. But dark clouds were always on the horizon. I didn't ask to be the Boy who Lived. I didn't want to be hailed as the saviour of the wizarding world. The war against Voldemort and the dark side was a long and bitter one. People who I loved were hurt, killed. The final duel with the Dark Lord came down to me. I succeeded. I won. I was the people's hero.

Well, I didn't want that. I don't want it now. I want to be with the one I love, hide away where nobody can find us. Live my life as Just Harry.

I can't have that. Priorities change when there is so much death and pain and destruction around you. My best friends decided that life was too short, and that they should make a commitment to each other. Can I really spoil that for them?

When the war was over, I had nowhere to go. I was a man by then, a graduate. No need to be looked after by relatives or a godfather. Old enough to make my own way in the world. But I was battle-scarred and my heart was heavy, and I took refuge in the only place where I had ever felt like I belonged, felt safe, happy.

The Burrow, half-destroyed by Death Eater attacks, but rebuilt over the past six months. A depleted number of residents. I was a Weasley now, Molly told me. Their home was mine for as long as I needed it. Three of the Weasleys were dead, Arthur and two of his sons. Molly needed me. I was strong, I was brave. I helped her and her remaining family through her grief.

I didn't feel strong or brave inside. I cried myself to sleep every night in that bright orange bedroom, until one night I felt warm hands slide under the covers, soothing hands rubbing at my back, caressing away the hurt and the pain.

The warm hands and the slender body that they were attached to came into my bed every night after that, and the thrilling tingle of the hot kisses working their way around my neck and down my spine, the soft touch of those fingers and lips that made me gasp and cry out, the loving caresses that helped me through the misery, are just sweet dreamlike memories of sensations I know I will never feel again.

Oh gods, it's time. The minister is looking at me expectantly. The rings, where did I put the rings. I fumble in my pocket numbly until my fingers close around the cold hard metal bands. So stuck in my reverie, I already missed the part where the Minister asks if anybody objects to this marriage, I realise. Speak now or forever hold your peace. It's too late for that, I know. I'm not selfish enough to ruin lives that have already been battered and bruised enough. So I'll forever hold my peace.

I think back to the conversation we had three nights ago. You both wanted this, you told me. You need stability, commitment. You love me, but we can't be together any more. Can't we just be friends? I nod numbly. Of course, I murmur. It was good for a while. You were good for me. But I understand. Go and get married. We'll always be friends.

I lied. To you, to me. I don't understand. But I'll try.

The wedding went well, people are happy. Smiling, laughing. Emotions and expressions that people haven't used much these past few years. But today is a day for joy. The smile on my face is fixed. The laughter is forced. I know the happiness doesn't reach my eyes. But maybe nobody will notice.

I see you now, walking across the lawn of your family home. Red hair and freckles, the Weasley trait that I love so much, walking slowly on strong legs towards me. Your smart grey wedding robes match mine. Your happy just-married smile doesn't reach your eyes either, I notice. You take me into a corner so we can talk. The groom and the best man having a little chat.

"Harry," you say. "Are you...okay?" I nod. "Of course," I say smoothly. "I'm really happy for you both. Really, I am." You smile and nod. You believe me. Prat. Gods, I love you. "It's a special day," you say. "The best day of my life. I'm just so glad you could be here to share it with us." I nod again. "It was bound to happen one day," I say. My voice sounds strange and hollow, but you don't seem to notice. Maybe it's just me.

"You've been together since our school days. You love each other. You belong together. It's only right."

The smile fades from your face. "You are okay, aren't you? I mean...you said you understood. We had...good times together, Harry. I'll always love you. But my place is with my wife." Those eyes of yours, the ones that can melt my heart with a single look, are full of anxiety.

I smile at you. How can I keep on feeling angry at you for wanting to live your life the way you want to? I'm a selfish bastard. I'm sorry.

"Everything's going to be fine," I say to you. "I'll be fine." I reach out, take your hand. Not a lover's caress, but a firm handshake between friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I see your new wife walking towards us. She looks beautiful in her wedding gown, her long curly brown hair cascading down her shoulders, sparkling jewels in her headdress glittering in the sunlight. I kiss her warmly as she reaches us, and she embraces me. "Congratulations, Mrs. Weasley," I say. Mrs. Weasley giggles and covers her mouth, her new golden wedding ring reflecting a spot of light onto my robes.

"Oh, I can't believe today is our wedding day!" the bride says happily, and reaches up on tiptoe to kiss her new husband. She looks at me. "Thank you so much for being our best man, Harry. You've been wonderful." I nod. "It's my pleasure," I say. "You two are my best friends, after all."

The new Mrs. Weasley looks wistful. "Yes," she says. "Who'd have believed it?" She looks at me sadly. "Oh, Harry. We've all been through so much. Arthur, Fred, Ron. I can't believe they're gone." Tears now shine in her eyes. "Hermione too," she continues. "You, Ron, Hermione. The three of you were so close. I don't know how you've managed to stay so strong this past year." I shrug. "I'll never forget them. They'll always live in my heart."

Ron and Hermione. The pain of their deaths at the hands of Voldemort will live with me forever. But I know that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I smile at you both. When the killing was over and the pain set in, you set aside your own grief to listen to me, hold my hand, be my shoulder to cry on, put up with my crap. You're my best friends now. You always will be.

I look at Penelope and Percy Weasley, happy and beautiful on their wedding day. You'll have gorgeous children and I will be their uncle Harry, and take them to the park, and buy them ice cream. Because I'm your best friend and that's my job.

I love you, Percy, but I can let you go now. It's the least I can do.