Overheard Confessions

"Padfoot? You okay?" James asked his best friend with concern. The other boy's eyes blinked and turned to focus on James.

"Wha?"

"Are you okay?" James repeated.

Sirius' usual grin spread across his handsome face. "Fine, Prongs," he said heartily.

James, though, wasn't convinced. Sirius had been doing it a lot more often lately: spacing out. It was unlike him. Usually, Sirius needed to be the center of attention. He wasn't satisfied until all eyes were on him. But as of late, Sirius seemed to be drawing inward more and more each day.

It was mid-November in their seventh year at Hogwarts. A month ago, Lily Evan had finally given in and let James take her out on a date. Needless to say, his charm and good looks had won her over. The Marauders had been quick to adopt her into the group. Even Sirius watched his manners when she was around. And, truth be told, James was happier than he'd been in years. Except for Sirius' odd behavior, everything was perfect.

Maybe he's in love, James thought suddenly. Or just depressed. The thought made him chuckle. Neither emotion would suit Sirius. The day Sirius settled on one girl would be the day Hell froze over. And as for depression, Sirius was the most carefree person James had ever met. No, something else must be getting to him. But what?

That night, James was almost asleep when he heard rustling from Sirius' bed. Footsteps silently walked to the door. The hinges squeaked as the door was slowly opened and then closed.

What's he doing? James wondered. Curiosity, and concern for his friend, overwhelmed him. Why was Sirius acting this way? And if he had a problem, why hadn't he told James about it? Determination intact, James climbed out of bed and followed Sirius down into the common room. But Sirius didn't stop there. James hid in the stairwell as Sirius glanced over his shoulder quickly then slipped out of the portrait hole.

Sirius woke suddenly, his breathing coming in short pants. The nightmare again, he sighed to himself. He silently pulled open the curtains to his four-post bed and saw that Remus' curtains were still open and the bed was empty. He must still be in the library. Sirius got up and tiptoed to the door, making sure it squeaked as little as possible as he pulled it open.

The common room was empty, which wasn't a surprise. It had to be one in the morning at least. What the bloody hell is Moony doing? He shouldn't be up this late. Sirius looked over his shoulder out of habit more than caution before he climbed out of the portrait hole and into the quiet corridor. By now, sneaking to the library was something Sirius could do in his sleep. A small smile formed on his lips. Since he and Remus had started dating, almost a year ago, nightly trips to the library were quite common. And for some reason Sirius would never understand, Remus led him just as frequently to the broom cupboard.

Of course, that he and Remus were dating was also the problem. They had gotten together around Christmas time last year. And in all ways, Sirius was happy. He knew that what he had with Remus was special. But Remus was the type to fear rejection. And due to that fear, Remus had begged Sirius not to tell anybody about them. It was becoming unbearable for Sirius to keep this from James, his best friend. Guilt filled him and that's what started the nightmares.

The nightmares were becoming steadily worse. Sirius shuttered as he remembered the one he just had: "How could you keep something like this from me?" James had yelled. " I thought we were best friends? How could you betray my trust like this? I guess it's true what they say about you, huh?" A cruel smile formed on James' face. "Filth! Blood-traitor! You're nothing but a bastard!"

Sirius was sure James would never say most of that. But some of it was true. He was betraying James' trust. But Remus was the most important person in Sirius' life right now. Whatever Remus wished, Sirius would do. Eventually, Remus would be ready to tell James. I just hope it's soon.

James, keeping to the shadows, followed Sirius. The other boy suddenly stopped in front of the library and went inside. The library? James crept towards the door so he could just see inside the room. Sirius walked over to the first table and sat down beside... Remus! I didn't even notice he wasn't in the dormitory, James admitted guiltily. He must be studying. Because of Remus' lycanthropy, Dumbledore gave him permission to be in the library after hours. But that didn't explain why Sirius was here. James pulled his head from view, just in case they looked in his direction, and strained to listen as they started to talk.

"What are you doing up so late, Moony?"

When Remus answered, James was surprised to hear a different tone in his voice. It was softer than normal and was lacking its usual cynical edge. "I was working on the Astronomy essay. It's due on full moon, so I thought I had better finished it by then so I can turn it in early. What are you doing up so late?"

"Nightmare," Sirius said. That statement shocked James quite a bit. Sirius has nightmares? That's hard to believe. What's going on here? Why is everyone acting so strange?

"Oh Sirius," Remus spoke with sympathy. "I'm sorry. Was it really bad?"

There was a sound of someone standing, probably Sirius, followed by the shuffle of footsteps. He was pacing. "They're getting worse, Remus. I... I can't go for much longer like this..."

"I know," said Remus softly with a sigh. Another chair scraped against the floor. Remus must have gotten to his feet as well. Sirius' pacing stopped.

James, being very confused, was just about to step into the library so they could explain what was going on when Sirius' next words froze him to the spot.

"I love you, Remus," Sirius said. "I love you so much, but this is killing me."

James' eyes bulged below his askew glasses. L...l...love? Sirius loves Remus? His mind felt numb, like he had just fallen off a broomstick from fifty feet in the air.

"I know it is, Sirius. It's hurting me too. But... I just... can't... Please just give me more time..."

After a short pause, Sirius chuckled a bit. "Okay, but now you owe me."

"Oh," said Remus in a caressing tone, "and what exactly did you have in mind for payment?" The room went eerily silent. Oh my God! They're snogging! James cautiously looked back into the room. Sure enough, they were kissing quite deeply. Remus' arms were around Sirius' neck and Sirius' were on Remus' waist, pulling him closer. Knowing that he didn't want to see what happened next, James ran like hell back to the common room.

He collapsed into an armchair, out of breath. He sat there for a few moments as the night's events sunk in. Sirius and Remus are dating? They're in love? But... Why haven't they told me? They never acted as more than friends in front of him. None of this made sense. Why would they keep something like this from him? Unless... they were afraid of rejection. Unless, they thought James wouldn't accept their relationship. James was suddenly very angry at them. He was their best friend. Of course he would accept them no matter what. They were Marauders till death.

James didn't sleep much that night. He lay awake, his brain feeling fuzzy and dazed. He heard Sirius and Remus enter the dormitory about an hour after James had overheard their conversation. They didn't say anything, just went to their separate beds and were asleep within minutes.

James tossed and turned for a good portion of the night. He was torn between feeling hurt and angry. He didn't mind that they were dating. If they were happy, what else mattered? But why did they keep it a secret? Why didn't they trust him enough?

Eventually, he fell asleep.

"Wake up, Prongs!" came a rude voice, pulling James from peaceful dreams. He had been kissing Lily.

"What?" James snapped, sitting up in bed and putting on his glasses. Lack of sleep mixed with disappointment at being woken up--not to mention he was still furious with Remus and Sirius--made James' mood darken.

Sirius looked a bit taken back by James' harsh tone, but it didn't faze him for long. "Sorry, mate. Did I interrupt a pleasant dream?" His lop-sided grin widened as James glared silently. "It's time for breakfast. We need to build up our strength if we wanna survive Herbology with the Slytherins this morning."

James groaned. Was it really only Tuesday? Herbology wasn't a bad class, but having it with the Slytherins was the worst. Especially that damned Snape. His temper worse than before, James climbed out of bed and began to dress.

Lily met him in the common room and the group walked down to breakfast together. James noticed, as Sirius and Remus walked side by side, that their hands brushed against one another a few more times than necessary. He glared at their backs.

"Are you alright, James?" Lily asked, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

"Fine, Lily," he forced a smile. "I just didn't sleep well last night."

Breakfast passed by like normal, but it defiantly wasn't normal. James began to notice other little things that Sirius and Remus did. Slight actions he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't overheard their conversation the previous evening. When Sirius passed Remus the syrup, their fingers touched a second longer than when Remus handed it to James. They would send each other small, secret smiles when they thought no one was looking. And he was pretty certain they were playing footsie under the table.

Watching them so closely, James suddenly knew why he hadn't known they were dating. Their declarations of love were so minute that James barely noticed them, even when he knew what to look for. A pang of envy pierced him. How did they do it? James couldn't keep his hands off Lily when they were in the same room. Even at breakfast, their hands were locked together and resting atop the table. Were Sirius and Remus really so afraid? What a horrible thing to be afraid of, James thought sadly. His anger dissolved into sympathy.

Herbology seemed longer than normal. By the end, James and Sirius had lost twenty House points between the two of them. Remus and Lily both frowned their disapproval. Next class, History of Magic, Sirius started flicking wads of paper at Remus in a very flirtatious manner, and Remus was forcing a scowl. A sudden smile came to James' face. They were kinda cute together, now that he thought about it. In fact, they seemed to be perfect for one another. How could he have missed something so obvious?

After a quick lunch, the group sat around the library till Potions. Remus and Sirius wandered towards the back of the library. Peter went to look at the Quidditch books. James and Lily sat at a table enjoying their alone time.

"What's been bothering you?" Lily asked James with a smile. She was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He loved how her green eyes sparkled just for him. And her fiery red hair demanded to be touched. James gave into the temptation, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger.

"I... I overheard Sirius and Remus talking last night." He paused and she nodded for him to continue. "Well... Sirius snuck out and I followed him. He's just seems so distant lately and I was worried. So I followed him to the library where Remus was studying." Lily didn't know about Remus' lycanthropy but she knew he had special privileges because of an illness. "And... they said..." James cautiously looked around to make sure no one was in hearing distance. He lowered his voice anyway. "They said they loved each other."

Lily smiled at him. "I know that." James' eyes widened in shock. "It really is obvious, dear."

"But why haven't they told me? I'm supposed to be their best friend."

"James, you know them better than anyone else. You know why they haven't told you."

She was right; he did know. "They still should have told me," he added sulking, feeling like a five year old child.

"I completely agree. There shouldn't be secrets among friends, especially not the four of you. You four," she shook her head and rolled her eyes fondly, "you four are what everyone aspires to be. Though I haven't got a clue why," she added with a smile. "Just give them time to get comfortable with themselves. Then they'll tell you. Or you can confront them. Let them know you know. Let them see you're still their friend."

"You're so smart, Lily." James leaned in to kiss her but Madam Pince's voice stopped him.

"No kissing in the library!" she shrieked. James heard a book drop from behind one of the shelves. Remus' head popped around the corner and looked that the librarian. He seemed to sigh in relief when he saw she was shaking a finger at James and Lily. He disappeared behind the bookshelf again.

That evening, James lay awake in bed as the others fell asleep. Should he confront them? Yes, he had to. He had to let them know he would always be their friend. No matter what. A sudden noise from Remus' bed caught James' ear.

Remus woke up knowing it was late. He heard the sound of even breathing coming from his roommates. With a yawn and a stretch, Remus quietly climbed out of bed. He tiptoed across the room to Sirius' four-poster and pulled back the curtains. "Sirius?" he whispered.

"What is it, Moony?" came Sirius' slurred response.

"Are you awake?"

"I am now," Sirius yawned. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Remus climbed into Sirius' bed. Sirius, knowing the drill, lifted the sheets so Remus could crawl under. They snuggled close to each other, Remus pressing his head against Sirius' chest. Both sighed happily, lost in the other's embrace. Remus could feel Sirius' chest rise and fall evenly. He was falling back asleep. That must not happen.

Gently, Remus ran his fingers across Sirius' chest. This bolted Sirius strait awake. But Remus didn't stop there. His fingers continued up to the buttons on Sirius' pajamas. He quickly undid them, giving his roaming fingers access to Sirius' bare chest. Lips following his fingers, Remus sent warm kisses up Sirius' chest, to his neck, and finally to his waiting lips. They kissed deeply for several minutes before Sirius pulled away.

"Remus, sometimes you're worse than I am," Sirius said, but Remus could tell he was smiling.

"Yes, I know," Remus replied with mock gravity. "Would Mr. Padfoot fancy a stroll to the broom cupboard?"

Sirius chuckled softly. "Actually, I think you're worse than me all the time." Remus smiled as Sirius entwined their fingers and lead Remus out of the dormitory, out the common room, and to his favorite broom cupboard.

James waited a few minutes after his friends had left. Then, he went down to wait in the common room. He'd tell them he knew. He'd let them know he's still their friend, even if they did fancy one another. Then he'd make them promise to not keep any more secrets. He hated being the last one to know. So James settled into an armchair that faced the portrait hole, and waited for his friends to return.

Which they did. Two hours later.

James woke up as the portrait hole opened. Sirius and Remus climbed into the room, hold hands and laughing. Remus saw James first and froze. The smile slid from Sirius' face as he turned and saw James sitting there. They looked stunned; too stunned to even let go of each other's hands.

"Well," said James, his voice light, "first, you ought to know that I don't mind that you two are in love. We're Marauders; we're friends; I'll accept you no matter what. Second, I am very, very angry with both of you. Why would you keep something like this a secret from me? And Peter," he added.

They seemed to overcome their shock enough to take a few steps into the room. Their fingers were still entwined.

"It's my fault," Remus said, his eyes lowered to the floor. "It's just so hard for me to trust people. Even you, James. I love you like a brother, but I was still afraid you would reject me. I was even more afraid you'd reject Sirius. I didn't want our group to fall apart. I... I'm sorry that your angry, you have every right to be. But don't hold it against Sirius. He wanted to tell you from the beginning."

"When was the beginning?"

"Last Christmas," Sirius answered. His eyes weren't downcast. Instead, he met James' stare with a look of determination. James had always admired that about his best friend: he never backed down from what he believed. "Before Holiday."

"Almost a year?" James was shocked. "You've been together for almost a year?"

Remus' head hung even lower. "I'm sorry James."

"It's alright, Moony. I'm not nearly as mad as I should be. Instead, I feel terrible that you had to keep your feelings hidden. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. But it doesn't matter anymore. I know and I'm very glad you are happy now." Remus lifted his eyes and James gave him an encouraging smile. Remus grinned and so did Sirius. "Well," James continued, "I dare say you've had enough fun for one night. Why don't we get some sleep now?"

The three of them made their way back to the dormitory. When James pushed open the door, the light was on and Peter was sitting up in bed.

"There you are! I woke up and everyone was gone. I was worried. What's been... going... on..." He trailed off as Sirius and Remus entered the room, their hands still clasped together. "Wha... what?" Peter stuttered, his eyes glued to the couple.

Remus blushed bright red, but Sirius grinned at the smaller boy. "Remus and I are dating, Peter."

Peter looked at them in shock for a few moments. Finally, in an unsure voice, he uttered, "Umm... congratulations."

"Why the long face, Wormtail?" James asked.

"Well," Peter said somewhat shyly, "now I'm the only one without a girlfriend... or boyfriend... or whatever." Peter's face flushed as the others laughed.