Perception

Today is gonna be the day

that they're gonna throw it back to you.

By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do.

I don't believe that anybody

feels the way I do

about you now.

The world is gray again today and Ginny sees it all. The horizon stretches in a band before her, but as she stares at it with heavy-lidded eyes the world simply fuses into a monochromatic palette of gray soiled snow meeting blindingly gray sky and steely gray lake. She glances down at the hundreds of feet to the earth.

She feels hollow.

It has been one month, three weeks and five days. One thousand three hundred and forty-four hours. Every single moment she wishes she had been taken with them.

She's been told she has to move on.

But she can't. All she sees, all she thinks is the last day of break.

I wanted to go ice skating. For God's sake, what is there more idiotic than that?

She closes her eyes. She doesn't want to hear it again, see it again, but there it is against her eyelids.

She ran, panting, down the path generations of Weasleys had crushed into the undergrowth. After a couple of minutes, her excess enthusiasm had worn off and she slowed to a walk, savoring the heavy silence the thick glaze of snow had brought. The trail bent and wound through the woods for nearly half a mile before it ended at a small, pretty pathetic but beloved pond. She sucked in her breath as it came into view. A large dark spot was in the center, proving it unsafe. "Bugger," she spat, turning. She took one step back toward the Burrow when a far-off scream ripped through the air.

Ginny froze. "Mum!" she breathed.

She sprinted down the path, the screams growing louder and louder with every step. The trees flew by silently. Nearly there. More voices now, bellowing and screaming and weeping. Just a little farther now. Her heart was hammering in her chest. She stopped a few feet from the yard. One prolonged, tortured scream. And silence.

She closes her eyes and forces the rest of the memories away. Her hands are shaking now, and she tries to cover her face. Harry had been taken away into hiding immediately, of course. Ginny had been sent back to Hogwarts. But there was nothing left for her once all the people who filled her world were gone.

There were those people who tried to break in, full of good intentions and broad false smiles. She is repulsed by the sickeningly sweet artificial concern in their eyes. All they wanted to know was why she was still alive. She wonders the same thing every day.

Eventually, her silence makes them resent her. First whispers in the Great Hall, then open stares in the corridors, and now comments as she passes, all tact abandoned. It doesn't matter. She is deadened to anything they can do to her now. Her mind is flooded with red hair and laughter and smiles forever stolen.

Gray. Everything that surrounds her is gray. Gray like the smoke from her home that mingled with the green skull in the sky.

She hates herself now too; she hates herself for staying. The icy wind sweeps her hair across her face, that cursed hair that reminds her that she is so completely alone. It is cold here, cold enough to chill one to the bones, but she doesn't feel anything through her thin shirt and school plaid.

And she knows they begin to worry now. Anyone can see the change. Those eyes, once so bright and lively are dull and opaque.

Her breath clouds before her as she looks to the iron dome of never-ending sky and back to the frozen stone ledge she stands on.

~~~~~~~

Seamus recognizes the girl on the wall immediately. Long, even red hair whips around a thin figure. Fear grips him as he sees the drop she is suspended on.

"Ginny? Ginny? What are you doing there?"

She starts, her eyes flitting to the black-cloaked person beside her. Damn. She'd forgotten Seamus had taken the grim job of replacing Ron.

"Nothing," she replies quickly, "I'm...I'm...admiring the view."

"You know, normally students are supposed to go to class on Thursday afternoons," he says quietly, looking at the small girl, who is still perched on the ledge.

"Right," she whispers, not meeting his eyes.

They are still for a moment. The space between them seems to stretch. Her muted stare moves back to the grounds.

"Why would you jump?" he demands suddenly, his voice strained with concern.

She flinches. "I wouldn't. I'm terrified of heights."

"Then what in the name of God are you doing out here?"

Silence. Then she stands, and his breath catches in his throat, but she steps back, off the ledge and takes a step toward him. Her eyes finally meet his, darkened holes into oblivion. "I wanted to know if I was still afraid of anything."

"And?"

"No." She swallows hard and her lashes flutter closed as she moves swiftly to the staircase. He shifts between her and the lone exit.

"You don't have to face everything alone, Ginny."

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

They are close now, close enough that he can see every single perfect freckle.

Her head drops and a scarlet curtain conceals her face for a moment, and then she looks up at him again, just in time to reveal a single tear slipping down her cheek. "I am alone."

"No, Ginny, you're not. Not unless you want to be."

And there are many things that I

would like to say to you

but I don't know how...

She looks down at the snow covered concrete for a moment and he tentatively places his gloved hand on her thin shoulder. She takes a deep, shuddering breath and collapses into his embrace. Sobs wrack her body Seamus' strong arms wrap around her tightly, murmuring, "I'm so sorry, Ginny." She cries until all her tears are gone, then slowly lifts her head. He gazes at her, his cobalt eyes full of trust. "I know you think no one can possibly understand, but I love you, Ginny Weasley, and even if you don't ever want to talk about it I'll always be here...waiting for you."

And he makes her feel so sure of herself, for the first time she feels like maybe there are still things worth staying for. Blue eyes meet brown and refuse to look away.

'Cause maybe

you're gonna be the one

that saves me...

"Thank you," she whispers, and kisses him lightly on the lips. He draws her gently to him and she exhales slowly. Pure white snowflakes begin to fall and over his shoulder she can see the world, no longer gray.

And after all

you're my wonderwall...