A Life in Spells

1. Lumos

Severus walks into the dark Astronomy tower muttering, "Lumos."

He sees the form of Lily Evans crouched down against the far wall. As he gets closer, he can tell she's crying.

He sits down next to her.

"What's wrong?"

Lily chokes back a sob. "I don't think I should be here."

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't get a single spell right today! I couldn't do anything!"

"It's just the first day. It'll get better."

"I wish I was in Slytherin with you."

He places a hand on her shoulder. "I'll always be here for you. No matter what."

2. Erecto

"What are you doing?" Severus asks.

Lily smiles up at him from the pile of large sticks she had been gathering.

"I'm making a fort."

Severus smirks. "Aren't you too old for that?"

Lily scowls at him, "Twelve is not too old for building forts"

"That'll take you all day," he complains. "Erecto!"

Lily watches unhappily as the sticks form themselves into a structure.

"We're not supposed to use magic outside of school!" Lily yells. "Besides, it's not fun that way." She pushes the fort over. "Help me do it right."

"I don't know how," he admits.

"I'll show you."

3. Wingardium Leviosa

Severus sits, staring in loathing at the book in front of him.

"Wingardium Leviosa," he says again, nearly shouting this time.

"It'll never work if you say it like that."

He looks up to see Lily smiling down kindly at him.

He scowls and gestures toward the book. "I can do every other spell thrown at me, but this stupid first-year charm only works for me half the time."

"You can't be so aggressive. Try to be gentle."

He just looks at her.

"Here," she says, sitting down beside him and taking his wand hand in hers. "I'll help you."

4. Alohomora

"Alohomora," Severus mutters, pointing his wand at the locked door.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Severus can tell that Lily is starting to get nervous about breaking into the restricted greenhouse. He smiles at her and takes her hand.

"Come on, Lily. You'll want to see this."

He leads her inside, down one of the paths. Lily gasps when they reach their destination.

"Don't get to close," he warns. "It's dangerous."

"It's beautiful," Lily murmurs, wide-eyed, hair gleaming in reflected starlight

Severus has eyes only for her, saying softly, "It's the most beautiful thing in the world."

5. Levicorpus

It's the look in her eyes that is the worst part. Not hanging upside down, not being humiliated, not the cruel laughter from those stupid gits Potter and Black.

He regrets the words the instant he says them, but there is no taking them back. There is nothing he can say, nothing he can do, to ever make this right again. He knows this, even as his mind reels, trying to construct the perfect apology, the perfect excuse to tell her later on.

There is hate in her eyes and it will haunt him for the rest of his days.

6. Crucio

Severus thinks of her before he uses the spell on a person for the first time.

She would hate him for using it. She would despise him. She would think him evil. She would think him cruel. To her, it would truly be unforgivable.

She was always so gentle. She could yell and scream and insult with the best of them, but physical harm? No, it simply wasn't in her.

And she would hate him for the fact that it was in him.

But she hated him already. Was lost to him years ago. So what did it matter?

"Crucio!"

7. Expecto Patronum

She is always the thing he focuses on when he casts the spell. Lily is the cause of every happy moment in his life. Her smile, her laugher, her friendship. She was everything to him, in those days before he lost her.

She could have loved him, he believes.

If he hadn't said those horrible words...

If he hadn't given in to all the darkness within him...

She could have loved him as he loved her.

He wonders what she would think if she knew his Patronus took the form of hers. He suspects it would just make her sad.

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