Hopeless

The Memories

I could feel the fear that everyone was feeling. I could feel the cold all around me. I could hear people everywhere screaming, lights flashing all over the place. I was shaking like mad; I didn't know what to do. Harry was dead and I was left alone in a strange room. I was too afraid to leave, too afraid of death. I could call myself a coward for not standing up to fight. Ron was risking his life, God even Ginny! I guess I, Miss Hermione Granger, felt too important to fight.

I heard the voices coming towards the room I was in. I did my best to hide, afraid that it was the Death Eaters coming after me. But they turned away, the voices died a few moments after.

Harry come back, we need you here, I need you. I kept repeating in my head. I couldn't face the fact that he was really gone, that the Dark Lord actually killed him. Now I knew there was no way we could stop him. There was no point in trying, but that didn't stop the other's. God, I felt so selfish.

I managed to get my ass off the ground, but I couldn't walk. I was just standing there, looking at the door. I couldn't really see anything, it was too dark. I heard Ginny scream in pain, I couldn't take it. It was too much for me to handle.

When she screamed again I decided to go after her. I turned the door knob and slowly opened the door. There was no-one anywhere to be seen, so I started walking down the hall. Ginny's cry became closer and I could here the voice of the one cursing her. I took out my wand, ready to attack. When I went through the door, I saw the Order of the Phoenix trying to save Ginny but couldn't because they were fighting off other Death Eaters. I had no choice but to save her myself, if she died, It would be my fault after all.

"Hermione, Hermione wake up," I heard someone say;" you have to get ready."

"Ready for what?" I asked my mom in a tired voice.

"We have to be at the train station in two hours honey, now get ready!"

That's right, I was going back to school today. I completely forgot. I don't want to go back, it's going to be weird without Harry. Harry.... God I miss him so much. I wish he was still here with me. I loved him so much, I still do, I just wish he knew how I felt.

Am I ready to go to school? Am I ready to face Ron and Ginny? I haven't seen them since the battle. I wonder if they'll even talk to me. What if they can't forgive me for being such a coward?

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked so dreadful. I had bags under my eyes and I've never seen myself so pale. It must have been because of my dream. I turned away in disgust. Not wanting to look at the girl I'd turned into. A selfish girl that didn't care for anyone but herself. If I wasn't like that, maybe, maybe Harry would still be with us. Maybe I could have stopped Voldemort some how to save Harry. To save my best friend.

I put some clothes on and went downstairs to eat breakfast. Well, I didn't eat much, but I didn't want my parents to worry. When I arrived downstairs, my dad looked at me and then smiled. It was the fakest smile I've ever seen.

"Good morning sweetheart," he said cheerily.

"What's so good about it?" I smirked.

My parents exchanged a look with each other and then my mom sat down beside me, putting her right hand on my shoulder.

"Sweetie," she said, "It's going to be fine. It'll do you some good to get out of the house and see your friends again."

I turned my head to look at her, pushing her hand off and I said, "What friends? Did anyone write to me the whole summer? Is that a friend? Someone who doesn't care how you've been, someone that didn't even bother to say a quick hello? I don't think so. "With that I left the yellow kitchen to go back in my room.

I could hear my mom following me but I didn't say anything. I felt bad for the way I talked to her. I hope she isn't too mad at me...

I dropped myself on my bed and started crying. It was the first time the whole summer that I allowed myself to cry. It felt so good.

"Oh honey, I know it's hard but it's your last year at Hogwarts. You can get through it, I know you can." I heard Mom telling me.

"I know Mom, I know." I replied, "Let me get ready and we'll leave as soon as I'm done."

She looked at me in hesitation, but then smiled and left me alone in my room. I stayed in my bed for awhile and then decided I should get ready. So I got up to go fixed my hair.

When I was done, I went down and brought my school stuff with me. It was so heavy but I managed to get it all down the stairs.

"Hermione! You should have told me, I would have helped you!" my dad told me.

"Yeah I know," I simply said.

I got in the car and sat in silence. I took a look out the window, and got lost in my thoughts.

I hear Harry scream the loudest he possibly could. He was in so much pain and I was just standing there, looking at him. I couldn't move a single muscle. Tears were streaming down our cheeks. He was dying and I couldn't do anything about it. The next thing I knew, he was staring in my eyes, his green eyes fixed on mine. It looked like he wanted to say he was sorry for bringing me there, but his eyes kept giving me the idea that he was accusing me for what was happening. Then before I knew it he screamed again and fell to the ground. I knew, I knew but I didn't want to believe. He was dead. That scene just kept coming back to haunt me.

"We're here," my dad said..

I got out of the car, took a look around to see if Ron or Ginny was around, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would come and see me. But they were nowhere to be found