Inevitable

Chapter Seventeen

James' Game

Losing proves nothing! Except that I'm a loser - Heath Ledger as Will Thatcher (A Knight's Tale)

NEWTs were fast approaching. It was halfway through May, and in only a month the seventh years would be sitting down to write the biggest tests of their school careers. The pressure was building up. Not to mention that most of the Gryffindor seventh years had been distracted from their revising, too anxious about James' recovery to get any real work done.

Lily was swamped with homework. Essays and reports were due. Friendships were strained and people were becoming short with each other. Lily practically bit off a poor third-year's head for dancing about the common room, singing some new song. The fifth year Prefects, about to take their OWLs, were even worse. Lene and Pat had no patience for each other, and were going to great lengths to be overly polite, but very short. As the work load built, so did the tensions.

Propping her elbows on the library table, Lily rested her face in her hands, frustrated almost to the point of tears. She was not going to let a stupid mathematical equation make her cry. It wasn't that she couldn't do it, but - wait, that was exactly the problem. She couldn't do it. But she, Lily Evans, could do everything. Why was this one stupid problem so difficult?

"Page one eighty-two?" a voice asked beside her.

Lily looked up into the face of Garret Doyle, who was just sitting down. Blinking quickly, she nodded.

"I couldn't figure it out either, I came over to see if you had."

"I don't understand it," she said finally. "Every time I come up with the same angle, forty-six degrees, but that can't be right because the angle of the sun at that time of day-"

"-would shadow the wrong part of the ruin. I know, I've gone over it at least five times." He looked over her parchment, filled with equations, crossed out and blotted, with a few circled numbers here and there. "At least you're coming up with a consistent answer, I get something different every time."

Lily laughed, somewhat strained. "The only idea I can come up with is that the sun has changed positions in the last five hundred years, but I don't think Professor Wagner would agree with me."

"No, I don't think so either. Why'd you do this - here?"

Lily looked where he was pointing, and went through an explanation of everything she did. They spent the next half-hour with their heads bent over the parchment in the library, working tirelessly until they had a valid answer.

Lily sighed. "We're done!"

"Finally." Garret threw his hands up in accomplishment, knocking his quill onto the floor beside Lily.

She leaned over to pick it up and-

"Ow!" She looked up sheepishly. They had both gone for the quill, and knocked heads. "Ow," she said again, bringing her hand up to her head. "That hurt."

Garret laughed. "Don't exaggerate. You're fine."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, so maybe I am. But I still deserve to make you feel guilty, right?"

"Ah, but it didn't work, did it?"

"No, not really."

They stared at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Hey, Lily!"

Lily turned around to find James striding towards her.

"Hi," she said.

He came right up behind her and pulled her up. "Come with me for a minute."

Lily gestured to her parchment and books. "I've still got all this to do, and-"

"Please, Lily?"

She rolled her eyes. "Okay." She then turned back to Garret. "I'll meet you here tomorrow, to go over the rest?"

"Alright then. Oh, Potter - good luck on Saturday."

James nodded in response. He helped Lily pack her things into her bag, then took her hand and led her out of the library.

"Where're we going?"

"Nowhere."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I dunno James, I think I've been there before. I don't think I liked it much."

"Smart ass."

She grinned.

"We're going out to the lake."

"That's all I wanted to know."

"That's all I'm telling you."

"Why?"

"Because the rest is a surprise."

"Why?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, would it?"

Lily thought. "No, I s'pose it wouldn't be."

She smiled as he led her through the Entrance Hall and out across the grounds. She had a fairly good idea of what was going on. It was her eighteenth birthday the Saturday approaching, but it was also the Quidditch Final, and so they wouldn't be able to go anywhere to celebrate.

"Here we are!" James announced.

Lily looked around. There was a tree, some grass, and a few rocks. That was it.

"Alright," she said slowly, somewhat surprised.

James sat down under the tree, and pulled her down beside him.

"What are we doing?" she asked, making herself comfortable.

"Watch."

Lily watched where he was pointing, at a spot across the lake. Nothing was happening.

"James?" She turned to him, to see that he was squinting at something across the lake.

"What're they doing?" he muttered.

"What're we waiting for?"

"For - there we go!"

Lily laughed out loud. Quite suddenly there were fireworks of all shapes and sizes whizzing across the water, exploding in trails of colour and sound. She grinned widely as she watched, some spiraling off, some exploding into great stars of glitter.

The show lasted only about five minutes, but Lily loved it. When the last one had gone off, she turned to James, laughing, her eyes shining. "That was amazing, where did you get those?"

He shrugged. "Friend of my dad's, Mr. Filibuster. Swears that he's going to make a fortune off them some day."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Happy Birthday." He leaned over and kissed her softly.

"Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

Lily laughed again, leaning against his side. As she rested her head on his shoulder, his arm looped around her waist. Perfectly content, she closed her eyes.

They had been spending a lot of time like that, she realised, a few moments later, just sitting together, holding each other. She supposed it had to do with what had happened just a month and a half previous, which no one would talk about. They all tried so hard to ignore that it had ever happened. The only time they had spoken about it was when James first saw the scarring on her side, and blamed himself. That had not been fun. Even though they carefully avoided the subject, for the sakes of both James and Lene, he was still unnaturally quiet, and often depressed for no reason.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly.

He turned his head to look down at her. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugged, and edged herself closer to him. "I don't know. It's just... we're so silent all the time. We always act so careful now, since-" she stopped suddenly, seeing the look on his face. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "It's not your fault." He kissed the top of her head. "Merlin, I'm stupid. Can't even deal with it, and it happened a month ago."

Lily shook her head fiercely, and pulled back so that she could look at him directly. "No one's accusing you of being a coward," she said softly. "I mean, I would be more worried if you were fine with it."

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree. After a minute, his eyes sprang open, and he grinned at her. "A year ago, I would have hated me right now. A million perfect lines come to mind..."

She smiled again; thank goodness he wasn't like last year, then. Oh, but he had been horrible for most of their sixth year. "A lot of things have changed since a year ago. I'm happy about most of them."

Smirking, he looked out over the lake. "They're coming back," he said, pointing to where three figures could be seen making their way around the shore. Then he paused, and looked back at her and grinned. "I guess there are a few changes since last year that I can live with."

*

The Quidditch final had been going on for nearly six hours. The hot, unwavering sun beat down, and Lily had the feeling the her nose was going to begin peeling the moment she stepped back into the coolness of the castle. Like all redheads, she didn't tan - she burned. Her hair stuck to the back of her sticky neck, and her voice was harsh from screaming and cheering.

At some point, Remus, Peter, Lily and Lene had bent their heads together and drawn straws, and Remus went running off to the kitchens to get food. He had returned with a platter of sandwiches levitating in front of him, and hungry students promptly attacked him. He had then gone back for more, and returned to his friends, a little worse for the wear.

The Seekers seemed unable to do their jobs. Michelle was glancing around futilely, unable to see the tiny golden ball. The fact that a Bludger had hit her in the head ten minutes into the game hadn't helped much either; every so often she shook her head harshly, as if to wake herself up. The Slytherin Seeker was nearly as useless. He had gone into a dive five minutes previous, but was hit by a Bludger and lost the Snitch.

Gryffindor was up by 130 points. James had been a big part of that. He now flew around, fixated on the Quaffle. He was tired though, anyone could see it.

Lily wanted nothing more than to go back inside, change, and enjoy a cold drink.

Even Michael O'Conner had lost his enthusiasm, and had clearly expressed that he wanted the game to end. "And Potter streaks back up the pitch - passes to Jacobs - passes back - and back, and they're just going to pass it all the way to the hoops, aren't they? Jacobs takes it into scoring area, she shoots and - Stopped by Herinson. Herinson passes to Avery, takes it back to the Gryffindor end - stolen back by

Potter. Potter passes to Thomas, and it's Thomas with the Quaffle. Thomas dodges a Bludger, passes to Jacobs. Jacobs goes 'round the Keeper - Gryffindor score. That's 620-480 for Gryffindor, folks. You'd think with a score like that the game'd be over.

"Becker with the Quaffle. Becker dodges Black's club, dodges Jacobs, and dodges a Bludger. Wait - Potter steals the Quaffle. Potter going up the pitch-"

Lily bit the inside of her cheek as she watched James. She really just wanted this match to end.

"WAIT! The Seekers are going! The Seekers are going, ground level at the Gryffindor end!"

Lily's eyes flashed to where the Seekers were racing, then back to James.

One more shot in and it won't matter...

"Potter still going - Yes! The Seekers are going for it..."

Lily bit the inside of her cheek as she watched James speed down the pitch, flat against his broom. He went round the Keeper, shot - and -

"YES! SLYTHERIN SEEKER O'Reily catches the Snitch!"

The Quaffle went through the hoop.

"Slytherin wins the Cup by ten points, ending the three year Gryffindor rein! Potter scores less than a second too late! The game is over!"

People all around Lily were standing, cheering, screaming in horror.

Lily slumped in her seat. Just milliseconds. James had scored less than a second after O'Reily had caught the snitch. Less than a second.

James would not be happy.

Sirius would not be happy.

Hell, no one would be happy.

*

James seemed to be avoiding everyone for the rest of the day. It was almost time for dinner when Lily caught up with him, on his way to a passage to Hogsmeade for dinner.

"How're you doing?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Just peachy," he replied, with no small amount of bitterness in his voice.

Lily opened and closed her mouth several times before speaking again. "It's not the end of the world, you know."

He turned around and stared at her. "Seconds, Lily. Seconds. And they won. Slytherin won. My year. This was my year, and they won. Seconds." Absently, he ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end.

"I know," she said, reaching her own hand up to attempt to flatten it. "That's only one loss though. No one'll remember one loss. How many years have you played? And you've only lost this once."

"We lost to Ravenclaw in third year," he mumbled.

"See? I'd forgotten that."

"S'not the same. This was my year. My year as Captain, and we lost."

"You were Captain last year and you won."

James pulled back from her. "I know you're only trying to help, but it's not working. I feel like shit. We lost. Because I was too slow. Just leave me alone, or shut up about it and come to Hogsmeade with me."

Lily bit her tongue. He was upset, he was upset, he was upset. He didn't mean to be so harsh. "You're going to Hogsmeade for dinner? Isn't that like running away? Letting the Slytherin's really win? That you won't even go to dinner?"

James frowned, thinking over what she said.

"Imagine the look on Avery's face if you aren't there." Lily raised her eyebrows, knowing that she had convinced him to stay. "Imagine the look on Snape's face."

"Let's go," he said, taking her hand. "We're going to the Great Hall. I'm starving."

"Good. Me too."

James walked purposefully for about twenty metres, then fell back to a sullen step.

"Seconds," he said. "We lost it by that much, Lily. It's not even so much that we lost, but to the Slytherins... I mean, it's one thing to lose to Ravenclaw, at least I know they play fair, and Doyle's a damn good Chaser... but the Slytherins... Arch-rivals and all that, I guess."

"I know," she said. 'We're all upset, but no one blames you, or the team. It's just one of those things. So we lost to the Slytherins, so what?" She paused, realising how much like her mother she sounded. "So they won - but think for a minute, who has the better deal? If they had lost, the team would be shunned for weeks. You guys lost, and everyone still sees you as heroes."

James had a rather bemused look on his face as he listened to her speech. "I guess. You have a strange ability to make everything seem less bad, you know that?"

Lily blushed. "No, I didn't."

"Well, you do now." Stopping momentarily, James kissed her lightly. "Thanks," he whispered.

She smiled, her eyes still partly closed. "You're welcome."

"Let's go."

The Gryffindor table was rather quiet. Everyone was there, but there was almost no noise as people sat sullenly, brooding over the day's events. The Slytherin table, on the other hand, was rambunctious and energetic, throwing cheers across their table and insults across the room.

Lily made a point of holding her head high as they passed the Slytherins, and was relieved to see that the Ravenclaw team and Gryffindor team were talking at the Ravenclaw table. James steered her in that direction, and joined the circle, making space for them between Garret Doyle and Holly Jacobs.

"-damned Bludger, that's what did it for me. That was a foul, too."

"Yeah," Nathan Morrison said sympathetically, nodding at Michelle. "You guys were playing at a higher level, that's for sure."

"Hey - tough luck James. Good game though. You were the best out there." Alice Higgins smiled at James, in an attempt to reassure him.

He scowled. "Yeah, a bit to slow there at the end though."

Michelle sighed. "It wasn't your fault, James. It was mine. I didn't get to the Snitch in time. You guys were doing everything. I should have gotten the Snitch."

"It wasn't your fault at all!" he exclaimed. "They bloody fouled you ten minutes in! You couldn't see jack shit! It's not your fault at all." His energy faded in his last sentence, and he hung his head once again.

"Don't worry," Lily whispered.

He didn't look up.

Lily sighed, she looked around the circle and Garret caught her eye. He smiled at her encouragingly, and she smiled back.

"Aww, what's this? A reassurance circle? Group therapy for the losers?" Bellatrix Black came up behind Lily, breaking up the circle. Her eyes sparkled maliciously; she was clearly enjoying their sullen expressions.

Sirius glared at his cousin. "Leave."

"So, we have some blood traitors, some Mudbloods, and overall failures." She smirked.

James glared down at Bellatrix. "I'm giving you ten seconds to leave."

"Poor little Potter. Losing his Cup to the Slytherins and his girlfriend to a Ravenclaw. How does it feel to lose everything by mere seconds? Or in this case-" she glanced from James to Garret, a smirk forming on her face "- mere inches?"

James' face clouded over in anger. His hands tightened into fists at his sides.

Lily placed a hand on his arm to stop him from doing anything stupid. "I'll see you later," she mouthed to Garret. She then turned to James. "Come on. Let's go eat."

He glanced angrily at Bellatrix.

"James. Let's go."

She led him over to the Gryffindor table. He was scowling, his arms rigid in fury.

"It's okay," she mumbled. "She's just being herself, don't let it get to you."

James glanced back at the Ravenclaw table, then at Lily. "What d'you do in the library with him all the time, anyway?"

Lily was surprised at this. "Study. We're both having trouble with Study of Ancient Runes. You didn't honestly think that I would-"

"No. No, I'm sorry. It's just... Yeah. Stress, I guess. Sorry, Lil."

"S'okay," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I love you, you know that."

He nodded. "Love you too."

Lily gave him a smile, although he couldn't see it, with his head bent. "Don't put so much pressure on yourself," she said. "It'll be fine."

Remus slid over so that he was across from James. Leaning forward, he could almost see James' face, hidden by the way his head faced the floor.

"Not much hungry, eh?"

"Not much."

"In the mood for flying?"

James didn't respond.

Remus caught Lily's eye and they exchanged small smiles. "I'm guessing that that was a pretty stupid question."

"You're guessing right," was the mumbled reply.

Lily moved her hand to his forearm. "It's only a game."

Now both the boys were staring at her incredulously.

"Only a game?" James repeated, astonished that she would even think such a thing.

"Lily," Remus said, "think of who you're talking to here."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Well, it's true! It's only a game, it's not your fault that we lost, and you can't be all upset now because we have to study for the next two weeks!"

James' head was back down so fast that Lily swore he must have fallen asleep momentarily.

"Bloody NEWTs," he grumbled.

"That's the spirit," Remus said. "Speaking of, where's Sirius?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "What does NEWTs have to do with Sirius?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Then why'd you say it like that?"

"I needed to bring my question into the conversation somehow."

"Okay... He's over there," she pointed her thumb over her shoulder, towards the Ravenclaw table where they had left Sirius.

Remus stood up slightly to scan the other table. "I don't see him."

"Oh, he's right-"

Lily turned around, but he was gone.

"I guess he's not there," she said, somewhat to herself. "He's probably just gone to find a way to make himself feel better." She said, glancing at James.

"Yeah," Remus sniggered. "Ten Galleons says he's on his way to the Astronomy Tower with some girl or another."

*

Sirius Black was, contrary to popular belief, not off with some girl or another. Nor was he in a fight, nor was he finding some new way to get himself near-expelled. He was on the Quidditch pitch with his broom, his Beater's bat, and a Bludger. His plan was to whack the Bludger around until he felt slightly better about what had happened.

It wasn't James' fault, he knew. It wasn't Michelle's fault. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just - Just...

That comment Bellatrix had made. "Bloodtraitor."

I won't let them get the better of me again, he said to himself. He would never forget what had happened the last time that he had let a member of his ex-family get the better of him.

"Agh," he grunted, hitting the Bludger with as much force as he could muster.

Bloodtraitor.

The Bludger flew away from him, swinging in a wide arch towards what had been the Slytherin end of the pitch.

They won't get to me again.

Suddenly tired of this mode of venting his anger, Sirius merely ducked when the Bludger came back at his, feeling it skim just above his head.

I won't let them win.

*

Lene lay on her back on her bed, the Evening Prophet draped over her face.

"Anything wrong?" Lily asked, sitting beside her friend's feet.

"Nothing but the usual," Lene said glumly. "We've lost the Cup, and there were two more deaths in London."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "It's a sad state of the world when two more murders is normal."

Lene shrugged. "We can't do anything else till we've left, remember? Blame James."

"Don't worry, I do." Lily lowered her voice. "Just not right now, he's really upset."

"He'll get over it."

"You're really insensitive today, you know that?"

"I've been numbed. I have no feeling. Oh - and your co-Head is an asshole."

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"He said something to me that I'd rather not repeat, and that's that. We're over. Oh, and I'm going to fail all my NEWTs and be resigned to a life of being a shopkeeper."

Lily almost laughed, it wasn't like Lene dumping Greg had been a surprise. They had now been official for maybe three weeks, and they weren't exactly compatible personalities. But the idea of her being a shopkeeper, doing the same thing every day, was laughable. "You? A shopkeeper? Try Auror, Cursebreaker, something exciting. You couldn't be a shopkeeper any easier than you could wear pink."

"Oh yeah, that." She rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"McGonagall has given my dance the boot. She thinks we've got enough to do, what with 'preparing the seventh years for the awaiting dangers of the world' and all."

Lily tried to look sorry.

"It's okay," Lene said, sitting up. "You can gloat."

"I could, but I'm not going to."

"Thanks."

They sat there in silence for a time, both with their own thoughts. Finally, Lily broke the stillness.

"I'm tired. Lots of revision to do in the morning."

"Mmm," Lene agreed. "I'm going to bed too." She paused. "Lil?"

Lily looked up from where she had been bent over her trunk. "What?"

"I - Lil, I'm so confused! Professor McGonagall... she didn't just want to talk to me about my ball. She wanted to talk about my future. They're all worried Lil, they think I'm going nowhere. They think my subjects are all over the map and I don't have a path and they're right! In a month I'm going to have to be out there, and I have no idea what I want to do! You have a plan! Pat has connections! Beth has a plan and Anna has an area of expertise and I'm not interested in anything! They want me to decide, and I have to talk to Dumbledore tomorrow and I don't know. I don't know!" By this point she was nearly in tears, gripping the blanket at her ankles. She looked up at Lily and gave a weak grin. "Pretty stupid, eh?"

Lily shrugged and tried to look encouraging. "You have your whole life to decide what you want, you don't need a plan right off the bat."

"But they're all telling me, and they're right. I need at least an area - and I don't have one!"

"So what if you pick an area, and after a while you discover that you hate it?"

"I don't know."

Lily shrugged. "Don't worry about it. You'll think of something. I'm sure all the employers out there'll be jumping at the chance to hire you."

"Yeah right." She shook her head and looked back at her feet. "Well, I'll see you in the morning. Any idea where Pat went?"

"Off with a Hufflepuff. She's getting over Sirius again."

Lene gave a small laugh. "If only it were that easy."

Before Lily could react to that statement, Lene had pulled her hangings shut.

Well... That's a new development. Actually, it's not, but she's admitting it. Sort of. At least, I think that's what she did. Didn't she? She does like him. Doesn't she? I think... They're so annoying! Both of them. Why don't they just admit it so we can all move on with our lives and stop pondering over whether or not they'll ever wake up. It's driving me insane. And now she's gone and broken up with Greg, not like I hadn't expected her to, but still... There is something seriously and physiologically wrong with this girl. I don't think she'd ever had a real relationship before. She needs to make decisions about other areas of her life, too.

Shaking her head, Lily rolled onto her back and stared at her canopy. She sighed, thinking of the day's events. As if she weren't stressed enough, now she was going to have to put up with the Slytherin's gloating for the next week or so.

Lily hated it when Bellatrix Black got to gloat.