Inevitable

Chapter Sixteen

Always

Ah-un - Japanese word meaning "the unspoken communication of old friends and of lovers"

The window had been small, but not so small that Lily had difficulty getting in. She slipped in the tiny window, lowering herself onto a table, and swiftly hopped to the ground.

The room was dark. Not the kind of dark where one cannot see, but the kind of dark that leaves a foreboding feeling in the pit of one's stomach. Lily gritted her teeth and stared around. This room was a library of sorts. There were books lining two of the walls, the other two were made of stone. Books that were not allowed at Hogwarts, and if they were they were most certainly in the Restricted Section. There was a large desk, the table she had lowered herself onto, with a very ornate inkpot and quill off to one side. An overstuffed chair, in a heavy, dark blue fabric, was in front of the desk, its high back and wooden arms commanded respect and authority and fear. Lily shivered despite herself.

The door opened silently, just a few centimetres, so she could poke her head into the hall, her wand drawn. The hall was dark as well, and thankfully, it was empty. It was made completely of stone, like a dungeon. A Death Eater's choice of décor, and Lily cringed at the thought of how her feet might echo.

Lily went over what she had to do in her mind. There was a side door, somewhere up and to her left, on the other side of that wall, which she had to open. Everyone was waiting outside that door. She had to find that door, without being discovered.

She had thought it mad, at first, that someone would think to put up wards alerting them of magic being performed, but nothing of people simply skulking around the property. Which was more likely? Aurors to barge in, shooting spells every-which way and bellowing hexes, or a smaller force stealthily approaching in the dead of night, silent and unseen? Sirius, of course, had quickly informed her that Aurors were much more likely to do the former, and to shut up before someone heard her.

She heard a rustling sound overhead, and jumped a foot in the air. Cursing herself silently, Lily slipped out of the room and down the hall, as illusive as the shadows on the wall, stepping carefully to make as little noise as possible. The floor she was on appeared to be deserted, except for the occasional rustling above there was no sign of anyone: captive, Death Eater or otherwise.

Lily came to the end of the hall and turned in the direction she believed the door to be in. This house was a labyrinth of hallways and corridors, and she was sure that there were several secret passages, if one knew where to look.

A room up ahead of her, on the left, had a light on. Yellow light spilled from the slightly ajar door, illuminating an area of the hall that was otherwise quite dark and grey. Strange, muffles sounds came, like fabric rubbing against fabric.

Lily crept closer, passing in and out of the grey shadows and silver bands of light. Something was telling her that she did not want to look in that room. The same something was drawing her to it.

I can't waste time. I have to open the door. She shook her head. A little peek won't hurt. I just want to know what's in there.

In the end, her curiosity won. Standing against the wall beside the doorway, Lily leaned slightly to her right and peered into the room. And nearly fell over in shock and disgust.

There were five wizards and a witch backed against a wall as though they were being held there by invisible bonds. And second from the right was James. Lily had to look away, but she could not tear away her eyes.

He was hardly recognisable. His head lolled grotesquely to one side. There was a great deal of dried blood on one side of his face, black and brown and red blood. He appeared that he had been beaten, not to mention he had most likely been subjected to the Cruciatus Curse. His arm was hanging oddly, as though it wasn't connected properly with the rest of his body. His glasses were gone, his robes were ripped; he looked like he had been in a car crash, he was so bruised. And some of the others looked worse.

At the middle of this line stood a man, dressed in a long black cloak with a hood, his back to Lily. He muttered to them, one at a time, then cursed them. Lily realised that he must be questioning them, and would curse them if they failed to answer. When he reached the witch, she looked up at him defiantly, and spat in his face.

"Enough!" she yelled, her voice ragged. "You can't make -"

And then she began to scream.

Lily found her hand covering her mouth as she stared, feeling as though she was going to be sick.

The screaming was so loud.

She stared intently at James as she began to shake, as if he would sense her there and look up. Then, miraculously, he did.

His head rolled up and for one instant, their eyes locked. James' eye - the one that wasn't caked over with dried blood - narrowed, as if trying to focus, then widened. He mouthed, 'No,' and his head had dropped back on his chest and Lily was fighting the shivers of fear that were running down her spine, and through her entire body.

The man in the centre had noticed his movement, and turned his wand. As he muttered a curse, small jets of light shot out at James.

Lily turned from the room just as another scream filled the air, and in blind terror of what she had seen she sprinted down the hall, nearly crashing into the wall at the end. She sunk to the floor in the dark corner and retched.

The screaming had not stopped. It had become louder, filling every one of her senses, making her want to faint, tremble, retch, and begin to scream herself. She could feel the magic, she could feel the power and the cold and it was horrible.

Shaking silently, she curled into a ball on the stone floor. Thankfully the house, and that spot in particular, was so dark that someone just in passing would not realise that there was anyone there. Lily screwed her eyes shut and tried to calm her breathing.

The screaming.

The screaming had become louder.

That had not been the boy who teased her, the boy who she kissed in the rain, the boy who asked her for chocolate. That was not James. That was someone else, someone who was suffering. She tried not to cry.

"...you do not have the strength of character to continue on after something tragic has happened."

The memory of Dumbledore's statement resounded in her ears. Taking a final deep breath, she opened her eyes and stood, shaking.

"Yes, I can," she whispered desperately.

I can't save him on my own; there are more Death Eaters in the house. I need to let the others in as fast as possible.

The screaming had stopped, and yet the tense silence was even worse, if possible.

Looking back, Lily saw the same yellow light spilling from the doorway, looking as innocent and intriguing as it had before she looked at what was inside. It was deceptive, that yellow light.

Carefully peering around, Lily crept down the hall, hoping that she was still going in the right direction and hoping that no one could hear her.

Thump.

Lily jumped. It sounded as though something heavy had hit the ground above her. Something heavy had fallen. In the back of her mind she pictured a dead body, but told herself that it was probably a book.

That's it. A book.

Her hands were shaking, her breathing was uneven, and her feet seemed unwilling to obey. Tightening her hands into balls, she forced herself to keep walking.

Someone was walking above her. Lily began walking faster, desperately looking down halls. The footsteps above her stopped. She walked even faster, keeping close to the wall with her wand drawn. Round a corner, up a small flight of stairs, down a corridor.

She needed to find the door. She rounded a corner and -

There!

At the end of the hall was a door. A door beside a staircase. The footsteps could be heard overhead once more, someone lazily walking along another corridor. Lily ran to the door, not caring about how her footsteps echoed, and began trying to open it.

There must have been ten different locks on the door, both magical and Muggle. The Muggle ones, of course, were easy for her to open. Twist this, take the chain out - it took her all of fifteen seconds, even with her shaking hands. The footsteps came closer, and Lily fumbled with the magical locks, wondering if she could risk an Alohomora charm.

"Open, damn it," she whispered urgently at one brass contraption, which was decidedly stuck in its position.

Deciding that Frank and Sirius and the others were just on the other side, she bit her lip, then risked it. She muttered the charm and the door sprung open, and suddenly a wailing filled the air.

She gasped, springing out the door. The wards against spells. But that Death Eater - he had used powerful curses - This is no time for that!

"Frank!" she called softly, yet urgently.

They appeared out of nowhere, wincing at the high-pitched wail that was the magic wards.

"What did you do!" Frank yelled.

"I - I just-"

But then there was crashing.

"Crucio!"

A red light past just over Lily's shoulder, she whirled around and pointed her wand. "Stupefy!"

"Stupefy!" Sirius repeated her curse, running past her with his own wand pointing outward.

"AH!" A burning went up Lily's side, and she staggered forward in pain.

Death Eaters filled the hall. Curses flew, people dodged, and Lily found herself being shoved against a wall by Sirius.

"Lily get down!" he yelled, awkwardly trying to stand in front of her.

Lily would have pushed him over, would that not mean taking out someone on her side. Instead, she stood up behind him and cursed as many of the black-robes figures as she could, from behind him.

"Black! Callaway!"

This seemed to confuse the Death Eaters momentarily, as Sirius and another wizard rushed off down the hall, shooting stunners over their shoulders.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Lily yelled, knocking over a wizard who looked as though he was going after Sirius. Her entire side felt as though it was on fire, she was forced to stay against the wall for support.

"Go back, Evans! Stupefy!" Frank yelled as he pushed her out of the way of a curse, and shot his own back.

"No! Impedimenta!" Lily, determined to prove herself, ducked under his arm and sent out her own curse, still clutching her side.

"Evans - Go back!" He dodged to the side.

In such a confined space, it was pandemonium. Jets of light were everywhere and voices couldn't be discerned from each other.

Lily conjured a shield, deflecting two separate curses aimed at Frank.

"That's an order, Evans!"

In a case such as that one, it would be stupid not to follow orders; Lily knew that, as much as it enraged her to be sent away. Dodging yet another beam of light, she Disapparated.

*

Back and forth. Back and forth.

It took seventeen big strides to get from one end of the large meeting room to the other. Lily had counted. Several times.

She had been at Headquarters for nearly half an hour. They still weren't back. She was furious at Frank for making her leave, and at herself for listening to him. What if something horrible had happened? What if they had needed just one more person to get through? What if the Death Eaters, in their desperation, had killed the captives? There were so many things that could have gone wrong.

Lily paced the length of the room again. Only sixteen strides this time. She stopped at the end of the table, leaning on her hands and staring down at the grain of the wood.

"Why aren't they back?" she demanded of the air. "Where are they? Did they forget about me?"

She slammed her fist down when there was no reply. Not that she had expected one, but she was getting desperate. No one would let her do anything!

Alice had been there when Lily first got back. She had helped Lily put ointment on and bandage her side, but had also told her that there would be scarring, as it was impossible for her to go to St. Mungo's for proper treatment. So Lily was resigned to the fact that she would never wear a bikini again, that a part of the skin on her side would have a lighter, pinkish hue.

Alice had left soon after, thinking that the others would be back soon for Lily. She was used to her husband being off on raids, he was an Auror. She didn't worry.

Lily worried. She worried about James. She worried about Sirius. She worried about herself.

Seventeen big strides.

*

"What are you doing here still?"

Lily was shocked awake, Frank Longbottom was watching her from across the table.

"I thought I told you to go back to school."

Lily narrowed her eyes as the memory of the night before's events returned to her.

"You" she said shortly. "You told me to come here. And then you never showed up. Where were you! What happened! Where's James! And Sirius! Why didn't you come back!"

Frank stared at her. He didn't say anything. Finally, he beckoned for her to stand up and follow him.

She did so, and found herself being led into another room, in front of a large fireplace.

"Where are we going?"

"You're going back to school."

"No! I want to know what's going on! Tell me!"

"Go, Lily. I have had a very long night, and I need to be at the Ministry in an hour, and act like I've had a full night's sleep."

Lily was desperate. "Please! Please, just tell me what happened. Are they hurt? Is - is he...?" She trailed off, not wanting to voice her fear, in case it was true.

Frank gave a small smile. "He'll be fine. Just a lot of bruises and blood. And a few broken bones. And a lot of bad memories. But aside from that he'll be fine."

Lily nodded. After what she had seen, she found it difficult to believe that he would be fine. But she was too tired and scared to say it out loud. She took some of the Floo Powder in the pot on the mantle and tossed it into the fire.

"Professor Dumbledore's office. Hogwarts."

Professor Dumbledore looked up, startled at the sudden appearance of a student in his fireplace.

"Lily," he said, sounding mildly surprised. "I had assumed you would stay at Headquarters today, I sent Marlene and Remus away just twenty minutes ago."

"Professor, where are they?" she demanded, striding up to his desk and looking much more confident than she felt.

"Lily," he said again. "Calm down for a moment. Everyone is fine."

"So why'd he send me away? Why'd he send me back? Why won't you tell me where they are? Where are they!"

"Would you like to sit down? Have some tea? I dare say you have not yet had breakfast, have you?"

"Where are they!"

"James and Sirius are both in the hospital wing. They will both be fine."

"Why isn't James in St. Mungo's? I saw him - he looked horrible! He shouldn't be in the Hospital Wing!"

Professor Dumbledore sighed "Lily, we cannot send him there. We have no valid reason why a student at Hogwarts would be hurt so badly."

"You could say he got hit by the Whomping Willow."

"The Whomping Willow cannot put the Cruciatus Curse on someone."

Lily supposed that that was true. She didn't like it, but it was true.

Professor Dumbledore beckoned for her to sit. She obliged, she felt like she was going to faint, anyway.

"I am sorry that you were sent away," he said. "They felt that they were doing what was best."

"They were wrong," she muttered. "Why can't I ever do anything important?"

"Lily, you do many very important things. You have your final school year to finish, your NEWTs to take, and Head Girl duties to attend to. You should not expect to begin your life outside school until you have finished. You will not get bigger assignments with the Order until you are ready. Until you are able to make the commitment to them."

"James and Sirius-"

"Will not be going out again. It was foolish for me to allow them. Perhaps it was also foolish for me to involve you all in this so soon."

Lily hung her head. "No," she said softly, "it wasn't."

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "Go to Gryffindor Tower, rest for a while, then go and eat. And then, Lily, you may visit them. I will inform your Professors that you will not be in class today."

Lily nodded. She should probably find Lene, anyway. She stood and turned to go.

"And Lily?"

She stopped.

"Remember, you should stay young while you are young. Do not worry too much about what's going on outside of these walls. I fear you have done enough of that already."

"I'll see you later, Professor."

Lily, for the most part, did exactly what Professor Dumbledore had advised her to do. She went back to the Tower and changed her robes, trying to erase any signs that she had been gone the night before. She brushed out her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail, and even applied some make-up to hide the circles under her eyes.

She looked for Marlene, not very hard, and did not find her. She did, however, find a dorm that only one person had slept in, and that all Lene's books were in her trunk, although not her cloak. Someone else was not in class...

By the time Lily got to the Great Hall, it was empty. Everyone else was in class, unaware of the goings on of the night before. Unaware of the death, the injuries, the memories. Blissfully going about their lives, their biggest worries being trivial things, like whether McGonagall would hand back that test today, or whether Victoria was really going to Hogsmeade next weekend with John.

She ate quickly, not worrying what she was putting in her mouth. She washed her breakfast down with what she assumed was pumpkin juice, as her taste buds didn't seem to be functioning very well.

The Hospital Wing was very calm. The sun streamed through windows on one side, giving the whole room a pale, golden glow. There was no one to be seen, but there were curtains pulled shut at the far end, where Lily assumed James and Sirius were. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen, and there was no sound to be heard.

Lily walked softly across the floor, biting her bottom lip, fearing what she might see.

She picked one of the blocked off beds, pulled back the curtain and looked in. It was Sirius. He was sleeping, not very beat-up looking, with a bottle of Dreamless Sleep Potion on his bedside table. Lily gave a small sigh of relief, and turned to the other curtain.

She hesitated before pulling this one back, the image of James being tied to that chair, bloodied and close to unconsciousness, haunted her. She closed her eyes tightly, yelling at herself internally. Then her eyes sprang open, and she quickly stepped into the curtained off area, before she could change her mind.

He too was asleep.

Lily smiled in spite of herself. He looked much better, propped up against pillows so that he was in a sitting position. Most of the blood was gone, although there was heavy gauze on the shoulder closest to Lily and over his temple, and his face was very badly bruised. She stood at the foot of his bed, watching him. She finally stepped forward, pulled a chair up beside him and sat.

Lily had no idea how long she sat there. Perhaps ten minutes, perhaps an hour. She didn't know, and she didn't particularly care. All that mattered was that after a time, his eyes opened, focused, and he smiled at her.

"Lily." His voice was strained and husky.

"Hi," she said softly. A tingling went through her body as she smiled.

"Hi."

They just looked at each other, not saying anything, yet saying so much. James tried to raise his arm to her face, but managed only a few inches before he winced and dropped it again.

"No," Lily said quickly, taking his hand in both of hers, "don't make yourself worse."

"I'm not that bad."

"Yes you are. You looked even worse last night."

His gaze dropped. "So it was you. I thought I was hallucinating."

"It was me."

"Why'd they let you go? It was too dangerous."

"If it makes you feel any better, I got sent back to Headquarters before anything really started."

"No, not really."

"Okay then. Didn't make me feel better either, just annoyed."

James paused. "He promised," he whispered.

Lily gave a small smile. "I know."

They fell silent again. James watched her silently, as she gazed down at their hands.

"What happened?" she asked finally.

"There was a trap. We walked right into it. Moody got away, I guess, as always. I guess McKinnon did too, and the rest of us got captured."

"James? He was killed. Charles McKinnon was killed." She squeezed his hand gently.

"No," he whispered. "No."

Lily shivered. He sounded so helpless, so lost.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"So it was all for nothing."

"Hm?"

"Nothing. Just - just... It's not fair, Lily."

"I know."

His eyes searched hers. "No, you don't know. I hope you never do know. That was without a doubt the worst thing that ever happened to me. The very worst thing, Lily." His voice cracked. "The fear, the pain - and I thought I'd never see you or Sirius or anyone ever again."

She lowered her eyes as his hand clutched hers tighter, so tight that it almost hurt. "I thought you were going to die," she whispered.

James gave a half-laugh. "I thought I was going to die. I'm... I'm glad I didn't though. I wanted to, every time he cursed me. I wanted to die so that it would be over." He met her gaze. "I wanted it to stop. I wanted it so bad. I'm glad I didn't."

"Me too." Not. Going. To. Cry.

There was a very long silence before he spoke again.

"So, why'd they let you go?"

"I whined a lot," she said, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Really?"

Lily smiled. "There were wards up so any magic could be detected. I was the only one small enough to get through a window to open the door from the inside. Of course, I also screwed up royally when I unlocked the door and set of the wards."

"They shouldn't have let you."

Lily rolled her head back. "Why does everyone get so protective over me? You all act like I can't take care of myself!"

"No offence Lily, 'cause I love you and everything, but you just have this 'protect me' quality about you. No one wants anything to happen to you, that's all."

Lily sighed. "I don't want to be protected."

"I know that. I'm not going to listen, but I know."

Lily put her head in her hands.

"Hey."

She looked up.

"You're not allowed to act sad around hurt people. It hinders our getting-betterness." He smiled at her.

Lily returned her smile, knowing that he would be alright, in time. "I'll try to remember that."

"Good. I want to get out of here as fast as possible. Big Quidditch game coming up."

"And it would be just horrible if the game had to be delayed!"

James nodded gravely, then winced and stopped. "It would. Besides, it wouldn't be delayed, just a reserve would play instead of me and you wouldn't be able to cheer for me."

"And that would be a tragedy," she said sarcastically.

"I know."

They both smiled.

"I'm glad you're alright," Lily said softly.

He nodded, knowing what she really wanted to say. "Lily?"

"Mmm?"

"McKinnon's dead?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"His daughter's supposed to start Hogwarts next year. His wife's pregnant again. Lene's little cousins."

Lily bit her lip, to stop her eyes from welling up. She wasn't successful, and she hung her head to hide her tears.

"Lily?"

"Yeah," she said to the floor, barely audible.

"Promise me something?"

"Yes?"

"We'll always be there for each other?" His eyes met hers as she looked up, completely serious.

Lily gave a small nod. "Always."