Inevitable

Chapter Fifteen

Captured

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare - Japanese proverb

James Potter.

The words reverberated in Lily's head. Lene's whimpering from the floor tuned out as a rushing noise filled her ears.

The other three have been captured...

James Potter.

Captured.

James Potter.

James.

Captured.

A hand was laid on her arm, and she jumped in the air, startled.

"Lily?" It was Remus.

"Did he say - did he say captured?"

Remus nodded.

Dumbledore's voice, which had faded into the background behind the sound of Lily's heartbeat, came forward once more. "- be organising a rescue as soon as we know for sure which area they are being kept in. Are there any volunteers?"

He tuned out as the rushing came back.

Sirius' hand shot into the air faster than anyone else's did. Professor Dumbledore nodded in his direction.

Lily's mind seemed to be frozen. By the time she had processed what he wanted, people to rescue the three captured, it was too late for her to volunteer. She felt as though there was a weight in her head - a weight without thought or circumstance, but just something heavy that she should be thinking about. There was something... something.

"Lily? Lily?" It was Remus again.

She looked up at him. When did he get so tall?

"They've all gone," he said, gesturing around.

Lily's gaze followed his hand, revealing that all but Dumbledore were gone, and the Headmaster was watching her curiously.

"Thanks," she whispered. "I'll meet you down there, okay?"

He raised his eyebrows, but nodded and went to the door.

Professor Dumbledore conjured a chair for her and bade her sit. "I'm afraid I cannot let you go, Lily."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "How did you know? I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. Your face can be read like a book. I know you only want to help, and I respect that, but I'm afraid that I cannot, in my good conscience, let you put yourself in danger."

"You let James go."

His eyes sparkled, as if she had said something amusing. "Yes," he said, "and now I am paying the consequences. I allowed one of my students to go into a dangerous situation, and now he could be gone forever. Think for a moment Lily; if he cannot be rescued soon then we will have to contact his parents. What do I tell them? They know the power that Lord Voldemort has. Think of what would happen if something happened to you. Your family would not understand. They couldn't. You have to understand this."

Something clicked in her mind. "You're lying. Sirius is going. You let him. You don't think I can do it. You're trying to protect me." She looked into his eyes for confirmation.

He sighed. "Lily, you must understand, James Potter and Sirius Black are - well they're James Potter and Sirius Black. It isn't a matter of trust and protection; it's a matter of character. No matter how wonderful a person you are Lily, you do not have the strength of character to continue on after something tragic has happened. You could not watch someone be killed beside you and keep fighting."

"Yes I can," she said, not entirely sure if she was being truthful with herself. "I was at the attack at New Years, I was fine."

Dumbledore's gaze softened. "If it were three random people, three people you had never heard of before, would you be this adamant to go?"

Lily set her face. I don't know. Maybe. Probably not. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

No. "Yes."

"I am not going to tell you that you cannot go, but only that I feel you should not. Talk to Frank Longbottom and to Sirius. Frank is in charge of this operation. But Lily, I want you to think hard of whether or not you can do this. Do not think of your pride, but whether or not you will be able to do your best and rescue these people."

Lily nodded, her eyes clouding over in frustration, then turned for the door.

*

When she came to the bottom of the stairs, they were waiting for her. Lene's head was hung, Sirius' arm over her shoulder, supporting her.

"Lene, I'm so sor-"

"Don't." Her voice was hard.

"Lene-" she tried again.

"Don't say it, Lily!" Without warning, Lene spun away from Sirius and burst intro a sprint down the hall.

"Lene!" Remus called.

"No!"

*

"Why not!"

"Because he'd kill me!"

"That's the stupidest answer I've ever heard - including the time you said that mandrakes should learn to knit."

"Well too bad for you. I'm not changing my mind. Besides - mandrakes should knit! Think of the sweaters that could be coming out of those greenhouses instead of them all just-"

"Don't try and change the subject!"

"You. Can't. Go. He'd kill me."

"You think I would be so bad a rescuer that I'd let a Death Eater kill you?"

"Not a Death Eater - James!"

"You're so sexist! Just because I'm a girl!"

"I'm not saying no 'cause you're a girl. I'm saying no 'cause you're his girl."

Lily gaped. Her face hardened as she stared down Sirius Black.

They - Lily, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lene, once Sirius had caught up with her and somehow convinced her to come with them - were in the boy's dormitory, because of the useful silencing charm around it, talking about what was to be done. Sirius was as determined for Lily to stay as she was to go.

"Take that back," she whispered.

"Is that a threat?"

"Black!" Lene spoke up now, her voice a razor edge that cut through the staring contest. "That was the most sexist, piggish thing I have ever heard you say. If you don't want Lily to go, you'd better as hell have a better reason than, 'because she's James' girl.' Sorry to tell you this, but Lily's not a pet. She's not something you can go to the store and buy for ten Galleons. You had better find yourself a better answer or I swear I will make your life a living hell."

Sirius looked taken aback. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Lily hid a smile. Lene had much more of an effect on him than either of them would admit.

"You had better be," Lene stated. Despite her loss, or perhaps in spite of it, she had been rather touchy for the past few hours, determined to remain strong.

"So?" Lily asked.

"No! I won't let you kill yourself!"

"Why is everyone so protective of me? I'm not a twelve-year-old! For Merlin's sakes, Sirius, I'm just as powerful as you are!"

"I don't care!"

"Let me go!"

"No!"

"You don't have a good reason not to let me!"

"Too bad."

"Give me a real answer!"

"No!"

"Sirius Black if you don't tell me in the next five seconds I will hang you upside-down and submit you to the Chinese Water Torture!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "What's that? Is it something we could do to Snape?"

Lily glared.

Lene, sensing the looming danger, took both Remus and Peter by the arm and backed them out of the room.

Now Lily and Sirius were alone. Lily wasn't sure if she liked this development or not.

"Sirius please," she sighed, now that Lene was out of the room she could use her other - usually more effective, although completely contradicting feminism - approach. "I want to be there. I - I just - Sirius I love him so much and I need to be there. I can't wait back here - I'd go crazy. Sirius, I need to do this."

Sirius exhaled. Why did she have to say that? He was winning, he was getting what he wanted, and then she had to go and say that. She had to go and act all sad.

"I don't know," he said finally. "I sort of... well... I kind of told James that if he got captured or killed I'd make sure you didn't do anything stupid."

Lily's eyes narrowed once again. "When did this happen?"

"'Round Christmas."

She rolled her eyes. "Sirius that was something completely different!"

"I promised."

"So what?"

"I promised, Lily."

"So break your promise."

"I couldn't break a promise to James."

"Why not!"

"Could you?"

The two people who cared the most for James Potter, his best friend and the girl he loved, stared each other down from opposite ends of the room.

Lily hung her head. "No. But Sirius-"

"Lily, I'm sorry. But I promised."

She felt defeated. "I know, I know. Isn't there anything I could do?"

"I don't know. Listen - I have to go. I'll talk to you when I get back, alright?"

Lily nodded.

*

It was fortunate that Hogwarts was abundant in magic, for if it had the Muggle version of a water system there would be no hot water in the entire school.

Lily had been standing in the shower for nearly two hours, as hot as it would go, despite the fact that it stung her back and turned her skin bright red. She stood in one place, the water drumming on her back and head and running down her neck and over her shoulders, trying desperately to not care.

But the problem was, she did care. She cared a lot. On one hand, she was touched that James would make Sirius promise something like that, and that Sirius would keep his promise. But on the other hand, she knew that she couldn't stand being left behind to wait and worry.

The steam rose around her, the moist air was heavy to breathe. Her hair was plastered to her back. There was no particular reason why she stood there, but moving would take effort, and she had none to give.

James is captured. He could be dead.

The realisation hit her hard. James could be dead. She had feared that. She didn't want him to go on the raid because he could die. And now he was dead. Or, if he wasn't yet, he would be soon. Voldemort had no use for eighteen-year-old students. Especially when they were guaranteed to talk back at him.

Her eyes closed slowly, picturing James when she'd seen him last.

It had been Saturday afternoon, on her way back from getting chocolate for Pat.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Chocolate," she answered shortly.

James sidled up beside her. "C'I have some?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because your best friend has made Pat absolutely miserable."

James snorted.

"What!" Lily stopped, turning to face him.

"Well... it's just... it's better that he did that than keep going out with her when he doesn't like her, right?"

"I s'pose." He wasn't supposed to tell her something like that. It made too much sense.

"You wouldn't tell me you liked something if you didn't, right?" he continued.

"Depends."

"On?"

"On what the thing is. If you gave me something, I'd probably pretend to like it even if I hated it, but if you're just asking my opinion on something, I'd tell you what I think."

"What d'you think of Quidditch?"

Lily smirked. "I love it."

"You realise I can tell when you lie, right? You do that funny little eye thing where you look up and to the left."

"You can tell when I'm lying, can you? I'm in love with Sirius - was that a lie?"

"Hopefully, as you just yelled at me because he broke up with Pat. So if you're in love with him that means it's more your fault than it is mine that she's upset. Plus, that means I can't be in love with you anymore, and I don't think I'd like that."

"Ah - but was it a lie?"

"Yes. Now can I have some chocolate?"

"No! You little mooch. You can go down to the kitchens and get your own."

"Nah, don't have time."

"Where're you going?" she asked.

He lowered his voice, even though the hallway was empty. "Meeting Moody. I'll be back by morning, but I'm going to be late if I don't go soon."

Lily smiled. "Alright then, good luck. See you." She handed him a piece of chocolate, and continued down the hall.

That was the last thing she said.

See you.

Not 'I love you,' not something meaningful.

See you.

Like she didn't even care.

And now he was dead. Or close to it.

The water drummed around her. The rhythm that was usually so comforting had turned into a war chant, a death chant, beating repetitively, counting down the time until death would strike.

She opened her eyes blearily, hung her head and turned off the water.

*

"Remus?"

He looked up from his book, which he had been reading without absorbing for the past few hours.

"Can I sit?" Lily asked, gesturing to the seat beside him.

He nodded.

Lily bit her lip, not sure how to begin. "Listen, I know I've been... avoiding... you. Lately, I mean, and, well... I'm sorry, Remus. I'm really, really sorry."

He nodded again. "It's okay Lil."

"No, it's not!"

"It's okay. I'm used to it." His eyes returned to his book.

"Remus?"

"I said it was alright, Lily. If this hadn't happened you wouldn't be talking to me, anyway."

She felt like crying. She knew that she fully deserved it, what with how she had been avoiding him lately, but it still hurt. "I'm so sorry," she said again. "Of all people, I should know how it feels to be prejudiced against. I'm sorry. I really am." She paused. "Do you think you could forgive me?"

He looked up again, this time with a small smile. "Lily, I said it was alright. Thanks for apologising, but it really is okay. We all have bigger things to worry about right now."

She nodded. Feeling as if he had just dismissed her, in a way, she stood up to leave.

"Lily?"

She turned around again.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Perching on the arm of his chair, Lily rested her hand on his shoulder. Suddenly, inexplicably, she began to cry silently, and darted away, towards her dormitory.

It was there, on the floor at the foot of her bed, that Pat found her.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

Lily shook her head, but didn't speak.

Pat sat beside her. "Lene seems really upset too," she said, almost to herself. "She practically bit my head off when I asked if everything was alright between her and Greg..."

Is everything about that?

"Just stuff," she said quietly.

"Where's James today?"

It was all Lily could do not to hit her. She knew that Pat had no way of knowing what had happened, that she was only trying to make Lily feel better, but could she have picked a worse thing to say?"

Thankfully, it was at that moment that Lene came in. She shot Pat a look before kneeling before Lily.

"Hey."

Lily looked up at her. "Why am I upset?" she said, trying to sound lighthearted. "I haven't lost anyone."

Lene closed her eyes. "I'm fine. I was... expecting... something like this."

Lily nodded. With the McKinnon's being so politically connected, it really had been only a matter of time before one of them was killed.

"Why do I break down like this?" Lily asked. "You're going through so much more, and I..."

"You're just upset," Lene said tonelessly, hiding her own grief so well that she couldn't show any emotion. "Besides, you need to go downstairs, Sirius is looking for you."

Lily looked up. "Sirius?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" Lene gave her a mischievous, but unsure grin.

Lily pushed past her and bolted down the stairs, forgetting her still soaking wet hair.

As she rounded the bottom turn, she could see Sirius Black standing at the bottom, waiting for her.

"Lily?" His voice was tired, defeated sounding.

"Yes?" She dared not hope...

"How tall are you?"

Lily was confused. What did her height have to do with anything? "Almost five foot six," she responded inquisitively.

"So, like five five and a half?"

"I suppose."

Sirius made a raspy sound in the back of his throat. "I'm sorry Prongs," he said. Then, looking Lily in the eye, said, "Come on, then."

Her eyes lit up, then became clouded once more as she followed Sirius, a very small smile playing on her face.

They were silent as they walked through the halls. In the back of her mind, Lily wanted to know why, but dared not say anything at the moment. Sirius had that look in his eyes, and it would be best for her if she remained silent.

They were in Dumbledore's now deserted office before he spoke.

"We're Flooing to Edinburgh."

Lily dared to ask the question. "Why'd you come back?"

His shoulders fell. "You're small enough," he said. "They've got spells up, so we can't use magic to get in. You're small enough."

Lily wondered vaguely if she looked and sounded as tired as he did, but put the thought to the back of her mind.

Sirius pulled out a drawstring bag and held it out to her. She took a pinch of the Floo powder and waited for him to go first.

Sirius lit a fire, then, without another word to Lily, stepped into the flames. "Eighteen Kestrel Lane."

He disappeared with a whoosh.

Lily tossed her own Floo powder into the already emerald flames, stepped into the warmth and said, "Eighteen Kestrel Lane," as clearly as she could, what with the ash in her face.

Suddenly, Lily was spinning, glimpsing hundreds of rooms before stumbling out the correct fireplace into the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix.

*

The room was large enough, but was almost completely taken up by the huge rectangular table in the centre, with close to forty chairs around it. Lily felt completely dwarfed by the sheer size of everything as she sat, along with the other five members of the rescue team, at one end on the table.

"So they'll be somewhere in this area," Frank said, pointing out a section of a house on the blueprints someone had scrounged up.

Lily had to admit, the Order was professional. In the mere six hours since the news of the capture, they had discovered where the prisoners were being held (and tortured for information), organised a rescue team, and were now going over the details of the operation.

Her job was clear. The house of William Mulciber had ridiculously complicated wards protecting it, so powerful that it would take even Dumbledore hours to break through them. Since they didn't have hours to spare, they would have to sneak in the Muggle way. There was a basement window near the side door that would be easy to break into.

That was where Lily came into the plan. No one else was small enough to even consider getting through, and if they used magic the wards would be set off. Her job was to get in, find a specific door, and open it from the inside.

"So, any questions?" Frank looked around.

No one moved.

"We can't afford to mess up here," he said. "These are people lives - our friend's lives. We can't mess this up. We have to be perfect."

Lily nodded. She sensed Sirius, beside her, tense. Glancing over, she saw his game face. The face he had on before every Quidditch match, only more intense. More mature. More desperate.

Frank sighed and stood up. "Let's get going."