Inevitable

Chapter Seven

Different Impressions

As Subtle As A Grand Piano Dropped From The Fourteenth Floor- Will Ferguson

Lily stood just inside the door as she waited for her eyes to adjust. The room slowly came into focus around her, looking more full of stuff than in had during the day. The floor was covered in shadowy objects, just waiting for her to trip over them. Through the gap in the curtains came a solitary ray of moonlight, illuminating a stack of Which Broomstick magazines on the floor. Lily stepped over as many of the things on the floor as possible as she made her way over to the sleeping lump that was James.

She perched on the side of the bed and pondered the best way to wake him up.

"James," she whispered, "wake up." Nothing happened. "Potter," Lily tried again in a slightly louder voice. Still nothing. Biting her bottom lip, Lily poked him, hard.

"Uuuuggghhh." A groan emitted from the sleeping lump. "What the... Lily?" James squinted as he looked up at Lily, in disbelief. He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Here," she said, thrusting the letter at him before she changed her mind.

James picked up his wand from the side table and lit it, then put on his glasses. He squinted at Lily confusedly for a few moments before taking the letter. Holding the wand tip close to the parchment, James' eyes scanned down the page. His eyes then flashed back up to the top and reread the letter. His mouth widened into a grin as he put the letter down to hug Lily.

"Did you see this! Did you read it! They want me to go along, just me!" He was practically jumping up and down, and Lily fought back tears as she tried to look happy for him. "They think I'm ready Lily, they think I'm good enough!"

"That's great," she said in a voice that didn't belong to her.

"What's wrong?" James held her at arm's length and studied her face. "What is it?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Lily, if you have something to say -"

"How can they do that? How can they just ask you to go, as if it's perfectly safe!" Lily burst out, and she started trembling. "How can you just go? What if you die? What am I supposed to do if you die? I love you damn it, and now you're going and you'll die!"

She clapped her hand over her mouth, she hadn't meant to say that. To be sure, she hadn't even known that she loved James, but now that she had said it she knew that it was true.

James froze, then pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly.

"I love you too," he whispered. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

They sat there for a long time, James holding Lily until she stopped shaking. She breathed deeply, trying to calm down. She didn't like appearing weak about anything. Pressing her face into the nape of his neck, she felt much calmer. Yet she couldn't help but feel extremely shocked. Finally she pulled back, smiling weakly.

"Really?" she asked, her voice sounding oddly high-pitched. "You love me?"

"No," he said sarcastically, "I just said that to traumatize you. Of course I love you."

He tilted her face up and kissed her cheeks, wet from her tears.

Conflicts of emotions were flying around in Lily's mind. He loves me! But he's leaving. But he loves me! But he could die...

"Promise me you won't die," she said.

"I won't die," James said matter-of-factly. "If I do, you never have to speak with me again."

"Deal," Lily replied. She hugged him again, suddenly feeling better.

Somehow, hearing him tell me he'll be fine makes me believe it. He'll be fine. He has to be. He loves me and I love him and everything will be fine.

Lily sighed. Christmas really was the most wonderful, magical time of the year. She smiled to herself, banishing all thoughts of the raid and focussing on James. She had realized some time ago that she could tell what he was thinking by looking in his eyes. They were wide and sparkling, he was really happy.

"Lily," he said quietly, "if you don't want me to go, I won't."

Lily inhaled quickly. She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay away from this raid.

"Go," she whispered.

James beamed. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her. It was completely different from the thousands of times he had kissed her before. This time Lily knew he loved her, and she loved him. She kissed him back, melting completely, letting her hands creep up to the back of his neck as his tangled themselves in her hair. Stroking his cheek, she didn't object when he guided her gently down onto her back.

*

"You've done it now, Prongs. Just feel lucky that I came in to wake you up instead of you mother."

Lily turned her head into the pillow, trying to block out the talking coming from beside her bed.

"Well, you're not going to tell either of them, are you Padfoot?"

"No." There was laughter. "I mean, good job, but still... Lily Evans. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't! She just showed up at three in the morning."

"Don't try and blame her - she's waking up."

"We'll meet you downstairs, okay?"

The voice started sniggering as it walked away.

Lily opened her eyes, squinting against the light, just in time to see Sirius go out the door. Then remembering what had happened the night before, she opened her eyes wide. She wasn't in her bed, she was in James'. She felt her face heat up and turn red. James was sitting at the foot of the bed, facing away from her. He was putting on a sock, and she didn't think he realised she was awake.

"Morning," he said suddenly.

"Hi," she replied. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Don't worry about it. We're lucky Sirius came to wake me up." He snorted. "If it had been either of my parents I'd be four feet under ground already."

"I'm sorry." Lily crawled up behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"For what?" James turned his head. "Come back here when you're ready to go down, okay?"

"Okay," Lily smiled and kissed him gently. "Love you."

James grinned. "Love you too."

Lily glanced up and down the hall before running back to her room, very much aware of the fact that she was only wearing her favourite giant T-shirt. She flung open the door and danced over to the bed, where she jumped up, landing on her back. She was smiling so hard her face hurt, but she couldn't stop. She curled up in a tight ball, giggling as she tipped onto her side.

James loves me! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me! Wow...

She got back up and changed into Muggle clothes, still grinning. For the first time in her life, Lily didn't curse her hair as she looked in the mirror. She was too happy with life to worry about something as petty as her hair.

When she was ready to head down for breakfast, she picked up her bag and went back to James' room. She knocked this time, but bounded in as soon as James opened the door.

"Hello again," she said happily.

"Here," James handed her a small package and guided her to sit down on the bed again. "Merry Christmas, Lily. I was going to send it to you for Christmas Day, but..." He shrugged.

Lily glanced from the gift to James' face several times before beginning to open the package. Inside the wrapping paper was a white box. Lily opened the top, and almost dropped it when she saw what was inside.

"Oh my... James it's so beautiful," Lily gasped. Inside the box was a silver necklace with a small diamond pendant. It was beautiful, the diamond in the centre of a small eight-pointed star. She picked it up gingerly. "Thank you," she whispered.

"So you like it?" he asked.

"I love it. Help me put it on," Lily said, holding it out to James. She turned around and held up her hair as James fastened it around her neck, struggling with the clasp. The star rested in the hollow at the base of her neck as if it was made for her. It felt cool and heavy for such a small piece of jewelry.

"It looks good," James said as she turned.

"Thank you," she said again.

Lily crouched down and dug through her bag until she found another package. She handed it to James silently.

He was much faster about opening things than she was. He ripped off the paper and opened the box, letting the lid fall to the floor. Inside was a watch.

"Thought it might come in useful," Lily said.

"Thanks," he said, putting it on. "Now I guess I don't have an excuse for being late all the time."

"That's the idea," Lily said lightly. "Plus I remembered you didn't have one. Merry Christmas, I love you." She savoured the last sentence, something she had never really been able to say to anyone before.

"Love you too." James took her hand and stood up. "Let's go get breakfast. I'm starving."

"Okay," Lily agreed. As she stood up James hugged her tightly and spun her around. Laughing, she picked up her bag and they went down to the kitchen.

On their way, they stopped underneath every sprig of mistletoe. They must have looked either very strange or very romantic, Lily thought, stopping at every doorway. She loved life, she loved Christmas, she loved this house, and she loved James.

Aromas of cinnamon buns and coffee drifted through the main floor of the house. Lily had dropped her bag at the front door, and was momentarily taken aback when she saw the array of food out for breakfast. Sirius sat at the table with a heaping plate in front of him. Across from him sat Mr. and Mrs. Potter, each with a cup of tea and a scone. In the middle of the table were platters of scones, cinnamon buns, and bagels. A plate of bacon and a large bowl of scrambled eggs were there as well. A teapot, a pot of coffee and a pitcher of juice were also each sitting there, each at least half empty.

Lily felt her face flush as Sirius grinned at her mischievously.

"Good morning," Mr. Potter said.

"Morning," Lily and James replied together.

Mrs. Potter smiled at the sight of her son and his girlfriend, coming in for breakfast holding hands. Oh, she had met her son's girlfriends before, but he had always treated them like people he got along with, but was always bored with. With this girl it was very different.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked Lily.

"Yes," Lily replied, avoiding looking at James. "It's a beautiful room, I loved it."

"That's good," Mrs. Potter said while passing the scones to James. "When will you be leaving?"

"We're going around eleven," James said, piling his plate with eggs and scones. "I'll be back around eight tonight."

"Are you Apparating?" Mr. Potter asked curiously. "Won't the Muggles notice?"

"There's a wooded area near my house," Lily explained.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter stood up.

"We'll be back around dinner," Mr. Potter said. "It was nice meeting you Lily. Sirius, please, don't break anything. James, behave at the Evans'."

Lily laughed, and Sirius rolled his eyes so all you could see were the whites of his eyes. She scooped some of the scrambled eggs onto her plate and began eating.

"So what're you going to do all day?" James asked Sirius.

"Dunno," said Sirius, an expression of mock thoughtfulness dawning on his face. "I suppose I'll sit here in the dark, brooding on how alone I am in the world..." He shoved more food in his mouth. "O-owe-wah-rahy-gop-rshah," he said, his mouth so full no one could understand him.

"What? Open your mouth a little wider, we can't see the waffle in the back," James said.

Sirius swallowed. "You owe me really good presents, abandoning me like this."

"You can come if you want," Lily said with pity.

"Ha!" Sirius perked up immediately. "I knew you would cave. Didn't I tell you she would cave Pr-otter? When do we leave?"

Lilly smirked. They had been planning this for a while. She flicked a piece of egg at Sirius, then continued eating her breakfast.

"Okay Lily," James said suddenly, "what are Muggles like?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"What do you talk about in front of Muggles? What don't you say? How much do they know about us, because I know absolutely nothing about them? I've never talked to a real Muggle before."

"Just talk to them the same way you would talk to anyone," Lily said. "Muggles are still people. Just um... don't say anything about the Order, okay?"

"That goes without saying," replied Sirius' here. He paused, looking thoughtful for a few seconds. "Do you have any idea why all of us but Pat were chosen?"

"No," she quietly.

"Pat isn't as talented as the rest of us,' James said truthfully. "Plus, she doesn't take the war seriously. She thinks it's like a chain of break-ins, not worth bothering about. She wouldn't take the time to operate in secrecy, she wouldn't focus on assignments, and she's too trusting."

"Thanks Potter, thanks a lot." Sirius said sarcastically.

"What?"

"Don't you think you could have been a little subtler?" asked Lily. "She's my friend, don't talk about her as if she's useless."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, although without as much enthusiasm.

So maybe he doesn't like her that much...

"So," James continued, changing the subject back, "what can we talk about with your parents? Do we get to watch a tellyvision?"

"Do we get to use a fellytone?"

"No, I asked her that yesterday."

"Well I didn't know that, so do we get to see a frigerater?"

"Do we get to use a watchstop?"

"How about the postman? Do we get to see a postman?"

"What happens if a postman is a woman? Is there a postwoman? They should really just use owls, so much simpler. Or what happens if it's a dog? Is there a postdog?"

"Or a postcat?"

"Or fish."

"Or hippogriff?"

"Don't be stupid, Muggles don't have hippogriffs."

"They don't?"

Lily tipped her chair back, trying not to laugh and to think of a topic that would be appropriate. "Avoid asking Petunia anything, she'll blow up in your face. My parents are pretty good about the magic thing. They ask a lot of questions, just don't go into too much detail with anything. They also think Quidditch is dangerous."

"Quidditch?" Sirius looked up from his plate in disbelief.

"They've never seen it before," Lily tried to explain. "Think about it, flying really fast up in the air, knocking into each other, two mini cannon balls trying to knock you off your brooms..."

"Well when you put it that way..." Sirius shrugged. "You must be bad at describing stuff."

*

Anyone who happened to be looking out of their front window that morning was in for a strange sight. Lily Evans, that girl who went to boarding school up north, that girl who was such an odd child, who was never home anymore, was walking merrily up the street with two boys. Between the three of them they carried a large bag easily, singing Christmas carols as they tramped through the snow.

"I feel stupid," Sirius remarked as yet another pair of eyes vanished from a window.

"It doesn't matter, they all think I'm odd." Lily sped up at the sight of her house at the end of the street.

"We're in a neighbourhood full of Muggles, and they're all staring at us," Sirius muttered.

"So what?" James asked. "Are we almost there, Lily?"

"Yes," she said, "it's that one, with the yellow door."

As they marched up the front walk, James and Sirius began another hearty rendition of 'Jingle Bells,' causing Lily's face to turn red in embarrassment.

"Okay," she said, pausing before opening the door, "here we are. Please, please don't do anything... you know what I mean."

"Are you ashamed of us Miss Evans?" James asked in mock horror.

"Do you not believe that we are perfect gentlemen?" Sirius straightened his posture.

"Just behave," Lily said, failing to suppress a grin.

Inhaling deeply, Lily looked the door from top to bottom before entering slowly. Her mind was flooded with memories and emotions: she was home.

"Mum! Dad! Petunia!" she called, letting go of her corner of the bag, leaving James and Sirius to support it alone.

There was a sudden bustling noise from the living room, as if something was being put away to quickly, and suddenly Lily's mother had burst forth to greet her daughter.

"Lily! You've made it alright, thank goodness," Mrs. Evans opened her arms for a hug, then held her daughter out to examine her. "First time you've been home for Christmas in years. Was the train all right? And who are these fine gentlemen?"

Sirius suddenly coughed, fighting back a bark of laughter.

"Mum, this is James Potter, and Sirius Black." Lily gestured to each of them.

"It's very nice to meet both of you," Mrs. Evans said slowly. "Although I must say, I've never heard of you before, Sirius."

Sirius gasped in his famous outraged expression. "You mean Lily, my good friend Lily, has never before mentioned my wonderful qualities in our seven years of acquaintance? How could she fail to tell of her boyfriend's best friend? I'm horrified, you owe me really, really good presents now, Lily."

James and Lily both laughed. Mrs. Evans, recognizing some sort of inside joke, smiled.

James stuck out his hand. "I'm James," he said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Mum," Lily began when the introductions were complete and they were seated in the living room, "where're Dad and Petunia?"

"Oh, Petunia is just getting back today. She was off visiting her fiancé in college, they only got engaged last week, but we've never met him before. Your father's gone to pick them up at the station."

"Oh," Lily exchanged worried looks with James and Sirius.

"Mrs. Evans," asked Sirius, "does Petunia's boyfriend know about... us? I mean, that Lily's a witch?"

"Because," James added, "combining our knowledge of non-magic things, Sirius and I know almost nothing, except about fellytones and postpeople. Pretending to be a - pretending to not be magic could be a problem."

Mrs. Evans exchanges a glance with her daughter.

*

Petunia arrived sometime later in a whirl of Petunianess. The second she walked through the door she was fixing her makeup, then introduced her fiancé. His name was Vernon Dursley (James hastily turned snickering into a cough) and he was studying business. He was rather large, with no neck and one of those mustaches grown in attempt to make the wearer look older, but failing completely.

Lily introduced her sister to James and Sirius, expecting the worse.

"Petunia," she said timidly, "it's nice to see you again."

"Yes," Petunia said, incredibly fake. "How was school, little sister?"

"It's going wonderfully," Lily said, with just as much contempt and sugary sweetness as Petunia. "This is my boyfriend, James Potter, and our friend Sirius Black."

James and Sirius greeted Petunia somewhat warily. Upon hearing the 'little sister' comment, James's hand had made to take out his wand, stopping just in time. Sirius stuck out his hand cordially, and didn't seem to notice as Petunia looked him up and down.

When all of the introductions had been completed, they all sat silently. Sitting between James and Sirius on the sofa, Lily could tell upon looking at then that neither of them had any idea of what to say. The arrival of Vernon Dursley had shut them all up, no one could think of a conversation starter.

It could be a first for both of them, she thought.

It was certainly an uncomfortable moment. Lily racked her brain, looking for something they could discuss without revealing that her guests knew nothing about the Muggle world.

"What school is it that you all go to?" Vernon asked, in a grunting voice.

"St. Peter's, a boarding school in Scotland," James responded automatically.

Where did he get that? St. Remus' probably didn't sound convincing enough...

*

The day had not gone well.

When it was time for James and Sirius to Disapparate back to the Potter's, Lily felt somewhat relieved. She walked with them back to the small wood around the corner from her home.

"I'm sorry," she said, hugging Sirius goodbye.

"For what?" James asked. "It wasn't your fault. We were fine until that Dursley got there. Don't like him, personally."

"Me neither," Sirius added. "I'd sabotage the relationship, if I were you. I'll see you later, Lily. In five, James." He Disapparated, leaving Lily and James alone to say their goodbye.

"I'll see you when term starts," Lily said, smiling up at James.

"Nah, I can't wait that long," he replied. "Why don't you Apparate over sometime, for the afternoon?"

"Okay," she agreed readily. Then, with sudden inspiration she added, "We should get together for New Year's. There's a celebration in Diagon Alley, isn't there?"

James grinned. "Yeah, we should do that. I'll owl you tomorrow and we'll figure it out."

Lily nodded. She kissed him lightly, as he pulled her towards him and spun her around. When they separated Lily pulled away, knowing that she should be getting back home.

"I'll be waiting for your owl," she said.

"Bye," James said with a wave. He then Disapparated, leaving Lily feeling oddly alone.

She turned back and headed for home, dreading the confrontation with Petunia which, after the disastrous afternoon they'd just had, was very likely to ensue.