What Am I Going To Do Now?

* What am I going to do now? *

Desperate ramblings

What the hell am I going to do now? He thought as he sat in the great hall.  Beside him sat his housemates blissfully unaware of the trauma he was going through and a second thought struck him thank god.  To all those around him there was no outward sign that anything was wrong.  The icy façade he had spent the last six years building was firmly in place, a smug sneer gracing his features as he listened to the pathetic incessant chatter of his fellow Slytherin´s.

He had more things to worry about than petty school problems; he didn´t give a dam about who won the quidditch cup or the house cup for that matter.  His current problem was way bigger.

While his mind wandered the tall blond cast his eyes around the room, scanning the faces of his fellow students.  That was until his gaze finally landed on the source of his current problem and the one person at this moment in time he really did not want to see.  But even so he couldn´t help but survey the changes six years had had on the other boy.

He no longer looked like the runt of the litter, six years of quidditch had seen to that and smirking to him self his personal experiences with that body was testimony to what lay beneath those billowy school robes.  A firm well developed chest, a perfect set of abs and strong smooth thighs.  Eyes refocusing he noted the dark messy hair flopping lazily over those vibrant green eyes that he had seen flash with passion and lust.  Watching him talk to his friends he wondered what they would say if they knew what that mouth that at this moment was smiling innocently at that was capable of doing.

He couldn´t believe it had been six years and to think he didn´t even know whom he had been talking to the first time they had met in Madame Malkin´s the summer before first year.  May be things would have been different if he had known but then again probably not.  Thinking back he realised he had truly been his father´s son in those days but something had changed him in the last six years or was it just in the last six weeks that he had changed.

As always it had come down to upholding the family name, his bloody pride was going to be the death of him, either that or the fact that his so called friends were bloody incompetent idiots.  Why he had agreed to help them with the charms homework they had been set was beyond him but again the answer was pride.  He couldn´t face the look on McGonagall´s face as she grimaced at the sub standard offerings of his fellow seventh year Slytherin´s.  If he had known they would make such a bungle he would have hexed them into the next century but now he was left to pick up the pieces.

The appearance of dessert brought his mind back to the present and the instinctive need to eat as much strawberry cheesecake as he could.  It had to be the hormones that were raging around his body because under normal circumstances he wouldn´t have touched it with a ten-foot barge pole (if he ever knew what one of those were).  Fortunately not only were his housemates idiots they were also totally unobservant when there was food around.

He wondered if he could get his father to persuade the headmaster to give him his own room, if only he had been made head boy instead of quidditch captain and this wouldn´t have been an issue.  Quidditch was something he just couldn´t think about right now, that was something he was going to have to worry about later, according to the schedule he had another two months before their first game and it was against Hufflepuff so he should be ok, god he hoped he would.

As he spooned the last of the dessert into his mouth his eyes wandered over to the other table yet again.  Eyes flickering over the face first they slowly descended to the badge on the boys school robes.  He just managed to suppress a groan as he thought he just had to be a bloody Gryffindor. 

It was bad enough he had got him self into this quandary in the first place but with a bloody Gryffindor to boot it was beyond believable.  Oh god the school gossips were going to have a field day with this when it finally got out if it got out.

He just couldn´t help him self he had to have another look at the dark haired boy but to his horror he was caught staring.  Blushing he quickly averted his eyes back to his own table, grabbed the attention of Blaise Zabini and started up a conversation on this year´s quidditch team.

As dinner came to an end he rose from his position and nodding to his friends rolled his eyes as he watched them quickly stuff any items of food they could lay their hands on into their pockets.  It still amazed him that even though they had eaten enough food to feed a small nation that they fell on what remained on the table as if they had never eaten and this was their last meal.

Slowly descending into the depths of the castle, he wondered if his current predicament would get him thrown out of Slytherin altogether.  His head of house was not going to be best pleased and that was a bloody understatement he would be lucky if the man didn´t behead him on the spot when he found out.  But then again once his father found out that wouldn´t be a problem.  That was one conversation he was not looking forward to and another thing he just didn´t want to think about right know.

Entering the common room he mumbled at them about needing to finish some potions homework and went straight up to their dorm.  Once ensconced in the safety of his bed, curtains closed and charmed shut his mind wandered back to an earlier question.

What the hell am I going to do now?