Rating:: PG-13
House:: Astronomy Tower
Genres:: Romance
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Order of the Phoenix
Stats:: Published: 06/28/2005

Updated: 06/28/2005

Words: 2,712

Chapters: 1

Hits: 246

Alive

LupinLovesTonks

Story Summary:: Tonks hears music in the dead of night and goes to investigate and shares more than casual philosophy with Lupin. NT/RL Lupin/Tonks

Posted:: 06/28/2005

Hits:: 246

Author's Note:: This was written after I formed a fondess for the song mentioned in the fic.

Tonks sighed and removed the pillow from over her face. It was the third night in the row that Hank William's I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry had been playing practically non-stop from somewhere downstairs. It wasn't that she minded the song, it's just she was wondering why whoever it was decided to play it after everyone had gone to sleep.

She hadn't minded because it made her think of her dearly departed cousin. Her heart clenched as Sirius came to her mind. She hadn't said anything to anyone yet, because she didn't want them to think her weak for missing someone she barely knew -- or, rather, someone she had barely started to become re-familiar with.

He'd actually been one of her favourite cousins growing up, even though his mum didn't exactly allow him to come over often. He would usually come over during the holidays while he was at Hogwarts, usually he had James or Remus with him, because he never felt going home was an option.

She smiled slightly remembering how she had trailed along behind her cousin and his friends when they visited. Then suddenly it dawned on her; there was one person in the house that knew what it was like to lose him. It was someone that would rather keep to themselves and hide their feelings behind slightly tattered robes and mysterious hazel eyes.

She crawled out of the bed and pulled on a bathrobe before padding down the stairs quietly; narrowly missing the umbrella stand she usually crashed over. However, since Sirius' death, she had barely blundered or even stumbled over anything. She hadn't even once broken a dish or cup. So missing the umbrella stand hadn't come as such a big surprise since everything else about her clumsy nature was off.

The song had already started over once again and was getting louder as she approached the study. She slowly pushed the door open, the music getting clearer and louder as she did so.

The room was dark with only the almost full moon providing light. She stepped into the room, her eyes on the shadow of a man standing in front of the window, gazing out at the moon with a bottle in his hand. Tonks quietly closed the door behind her and cautiously walked toward the man.

She could tell by the way the moonlight reflected off the streaks of grey that her assumption had been correct. It was, in fact, Remus that was the source of the old sad song. It was playing over an old, bewitched record player that added to the almost ghostly sound of the song.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Remus asked, taking a drink from the bottle in his hand.

Tonks jumped slightly. She had been careful to be extra quiet so not to disturb him. How had he known? "Is what beautiful," she asked quietly, standing still in the middle of the room.

"The song. The moon. Everything, really," Remus replied in an almost dreamlike tone, his back was still to her. "I find it amazing how things look different in certain situations or certain frames of mind." He paused for a long moment. "I apologize, I tend to be somewhat more philosophical when I've been drinking. Well, more than I usually am."

Tonks pulled the shoulder of her bathrobe up after it slipped down her arm slightly. "I came down because I figured it was you playing the song every night. Because you miss... Sirius."

"Actually I listen to it almost every night leading up to the full moon," Remus commented. "Though the loss of Sirius has somewhat altered my interpretation of the song, I still find it soothing and relaxing when the werewolf part of me wants to be aggravating. But since Sirius left us, I remember him teasing me for this being the only song that could sooth the beast within. I apologize for waking you."

Tonks walked closer and stood next to Remus. His eyes looked tormented and dull, hardly any of the sparks she had loved to see in those eyes was there. "You didn't wake me, I couldn't sleep anyways." She took the bottle out of his loose grip and took a long drink. Almost instantly she started coughing and choking on the amber liquid.

She heard Remus give a slight chuckle as she handed the bottle back to him. She looked up at him after she managed to stop choking; he was looking down at her with an almost cocky and amused look on his face. "I've never seen your hair change colours so many times. Yellow, pink, purple, blue, and then a multi-colouring. The mix of colours looks rather fetching I must say," he commented, and then looked back out the window. He set the bottle on the windowsill and turned to her. "Care to dance?"

A slow smile went to Tonk's lips. Though it wasn't exactly the song or the situation in which she had imagined him asking her such a thing, she couldn't help but accept his offer. She removed her bathrobe, leaving her in just her thin nightgown, and took his hand. He pulled her close, holding her somewhat firmly against his frame as they swayed to the echoing music. In the dark, hallow house, it added an even more ghostly tone to the already wistful tune of the song.

"Do you miss him," she asked after a long moment.

"Of course I do, he was my best friend," Remus murmured, his chin resting against her forehead. "The important thing is not to dwell upon it. Death is something that is inevitable and comes to all of us eventually in some form or fashion. We should celebrate the fact we're still alive especially when even those that have immortality find it's not as much as it's cracked up to be. To be immortal is to lack one of the defining qualities of being human."

"I wish I could be immortal." Tonks whispered, using the moment to inhale Remus' scent. "To never die. To live forever."

"To watch everyone you love and care for wither away into nothingness? To watch your friends grow old while you retain your youth," Remus asked. "To watch your children grow old and die."

"Oh." Tonks blinked several times. "Since you put it that way, it doesn't seem so glamorous after all."

"Exactly." She could hear a smile in his voice. "Isn't this song beautiful," he asked after another long silence.

Tonks smiled and nodded. "Yes." For some reason, since he was holding her so intimately in his arms, she didn't think she'd ever be able to look at the song the same. She used to think it was sad, but it didn't seem as sad as it sounded like simplistic beauty to her ear. And it was all because of the dance. She pulled her head back to look at him in his eyes. "Until tonight, though, I thought it was sad. But, now I find it rather beautiful and almost romant---"

She was cut off as Remus' lips softly touched hers. Warmth spread over her face as she felt Remus' hand slowly trail down to her rear end and the other slowly ran over her hip, side, and back. They had stopped dancing as their lips slowly and teasingly brushed over each other's. Remus gently bit her bottom lip and deepened the kiss, making Tonks start going weak in her knees.

She slid her hands up to his shoulders and held on tightly so not to melt onto the floor in a multicoloured puddle. She had just come down the stairs to show Remus she was also grieving over losing their friend. She hadn't counted on nearly choking on some whiskey, slow dancing to Hank Williams, and kissing Remus while his hand ran through her multi-coloured hair.

But she wasn't going to complain. Some little part of her mind had actually been hoping for exactly what was happening to happen. Though it usually only "really" happened in her dreams. She had never given any thought that such a refined gentleman like Remus Lupin would actually kiss a clumsy little punk like herself.

For the first time she she'd lost her cousin, she felt alive. She felt something other than the deep emptiness in her chest since Sirius' death. Perhaps Remus was right, they merely needed to celebrate the fact they still existed and were still alive for the time being.

And nothing was saying "alive" in her mind like the small jolts of excitement coursing through her body because of Remus' hands and lips upon her. Her bloody was rapidly pumping through her veins, making her feel as if she really were truly alive.

She heard it said that soldiers from wars would often "engage in relations" with someone they love, or even a stranger, just to make sure they were still alive and that their survival hadn't been a illusion to keep them from the truth of their own deaths. Perhaps it was time for both of them to make sure they weren't lost in some post-death illusion.

They had survived. The least she should be able to do is tell Remus how she'd been in love with him since the first time Sirius brought him to her house on Christmas break in his third year. Maybe she could even tell him how, since she'd found out he was in the Order, she had secretly been hoping for him to realize she was no longer the five year old that had worshipped him and Sirius when he graduated from Hogwarts.

After all, they could both very well be gone come morning.

She inhaled deeply as Remus tore his lips from hers. "Are you real?" he murmured against her lips, something that sounded almost like desperation in his voice. "Is this really happening?" His eyes looked deeply into hers. "You should have died in the Death Room. All of us should have."

"But we didn't," Tonks smiled.

"Are you sure you're not just some figment of my imagination sent to torment me for never telling you how I felt because I was so afraid you wouldn't feel the same or thought I was too old or was afraid of my... condition?" He kissed her again, this time much more softly and sweet than before.

"I'm real Remus," she murmured against his lips.

This time when he pulled away, his eyes looked sad and tormented. "No one ever drinks out of a cup I've ever used, but you snatched that bottle from me and drank from it. You kissed me and didn't try to push me away. You have to be a dream..."

She took his fingers in her hands and squeezed them gently. "We survived. I'm not a figment of your imagination. But, if you're still not convinced, I was doing some research once and I found about this ancient ritual -"

A small smile played at the corner of Remus' lips. "You wouldn't happen to mean the ancient warrior ritual of bedding their lovers when they come home would you?"

The smile that had been teasing the corner of Remus' lips spread to the point he almost looked like he did when he was in his teens. He seemed young and alive and free of care and loss. His eyes were asking her so many things, but they all boiled down to one question... Did she feel the same way about him? She answered his wordless question with a kiss.

"Tonight, let's just celebrate," she whispered.

"In honour of those who lived and in deepest honour of those who passed on to the next realms of existence," Remus concluded.

888

They had both intended the night to be their night for celebration of them still being able to live their lives and celebrate they had... several times. They had celebrated four times in the study alone. They had then celebrated on the stairwell but had to quickly retreat to her room when they woke Mrs. Black. After celebrating five times in her room, Remus had given her one last kiss before retreating to his own room.

However, finding herself unable to get to sleep without him, Tonks had only laid in her bed long enough to finally catch her breath and tiptoed down the hallway to Remus' room where they celebrated even more until the sun was trickling through the heavy curtains. Then they had finally collapsed and fell asleep in a tangle of arms, legs, and bed sheets.

It was only a few hours later when she woke up to the smell of coffee and chocolate, the only two scents she could know from anywhere. But it was rare that she got to smell the two combined and it was heavenly. A smile went to her lips as she stretched, keeping her eyes closed just so she wouldn't have to wake up and discover that the previous night had only been a rather realistic feeling dream. She winced when a stab of pain shot from her hips and through her body.

Okay... she thought. Perhaps the dream affected her more than she had expected. Or perhaps she had just slept wrong and the position she'd slept in had affected the muscles primarily in her crotch area. She stretched again and pulled a pillow close to her face as she yawned. Inhaling deeply, she smiled. For some reason her pillow smelt of Remus.

With a sigh, she rolled over onto her stomach and sighed, "Remus." What she hadn't expected was a reply.

"Yes?"

She jumped slightly and opened her eyes against the will of her nerves wanting to savour the idea that maybe one of her dreams coming true and hadn't only been a dream. Instead, she saw him knelt down beside the bed, chin resting on the arms he had folded on the mattress, watching her curiously.

"I was the same way this morning," he said quietly. "I almost didn't want to pull away from you. I was so scared that you would disappear and not be here when I came back with the coffee." He gave her a faint smile and stood up.

She smiled at the fact all he was wearing was a pair of pants that hung slightly past his hips. His feet made a small patter as he walked over to the small table that held two cups of coffee. He picked up the two cups and pattered back over to the bed and knelt back down by its side.

"Lupin Coffee," he smiled, he brushed his hair from his eyes after handing her one of the cups. "Hope you don't mind it, I sweeten mine with chocolate."

Tonks slowly sat up and sipped at the coffee. "Mmm. Perhaps you could open your own line of coffee shops," she hummed, savouring the taste of chocolaty coffee. "This could be your house specialty."

Remus grinned broadly as he sipped at his own coffee. "I'll keep that idea in mind after Voldemort is annihilated again." He gave a soft chuckle. "At least then werewolves could find a job there and I wouldn't mind them taking the full moon night off." His gaze flickered to her. "How are you? Are you... alright?"

Tonks took a long sip from her coffee, gazing at Remus over the edge of her cup. She recalled all the times they had "celebrated." Each moment had been different, ranging from soft, slow, and gentle to hard, fast, and rough. A smile was firmly set on her face when she lowered her coffee cup.

"Oh I'm fine Mr. Lupin. I just had the greatest night of my life with a man I've had a crush on since I was five." There, she had admitted it and Remus had actually look rather surprised at first, but then grinned broadly. "How about you? How are you feeling this morning?"

His reply had not been what she had expected. The reply had brought them to another round of celebration that had almost gotten them both burnt by coffee and caught by the youngest Weasley when she was sent to wake Remus for breakfast.

He'd simply smiled and said, "I've never felt so alive in my entire life."

Author notes: I have a part two to this fic. If anyone is interested in me posting it, owl me or send me an email to [email protected] or [email protected]