Nothing Like The Sun

Severus Snape was hidden in Remus Lupin's cupboard, watching him make a hash of a very dangerous potion. He pressed his eye closer to the tiny knot-hole in the door, feeling a small thrill of pleasure at this most basic of deceptions. Lupin really was making a mess of those yarrow stalks.

He leant back a little and thought. He could report Lupin to Dumbledore and to the Ministry. That's was what he should do. Dumbledore would be upset, but would be unable to deny that Lupin had broken the law. A faint stab of bitter satisfaction stirred in him at the mental image of Lupin behind bars. One of Dumbledore's favourites. He and Lupin both, after a fashion. He gingerly turned over another possibility, one that was very new and rather surprising. Lupin was becoming interesting in a way that Snape had never suspected. Last week, he'd discovered that certain rare ingredients had gone missing from the potions cupboard. Considering Potter and his cronies were away for the summer, that only left the residents of Hogwarts, and his suspicion fell immediately, and correctly, he'd since discovered, on the newly-arrived Remus Lupin.

The potion Lupin was attempting was illegal and almost certainly lethal if made wrongly. He shouldn't even be making it, never mind making it alone, telling no one what he was doing. Lupin usually made a virtue of good sense. He was spineless maybe, but at least he seemed to be able to think things through. Usually. Snape was beginning to suspect that Lupin's calm exterior hid more than he'd imagined. His actions of the past week were not the actions of a rational man, and Snape was reluctantly intrigued.

Snape peered out once more. He spotted a picture in a frame on the desk, a photograph of Sirius Black. He frowned to himself. What the devil was Lupin doing this for? Black admittedly had had his uses, limited as they were, but he was dead now and Lupin should know better than to go looking for him. There was a reason why the Lethe Potion was banned, which Lupin seemed to be happily ignoring, and that was that it had never worked fully, and it had invariably driven those who took it insane or it had killed them, or worse. Snape wondered how Sirius Black had managed to inspire such devotion, and came up with nothing but his own bitter resentment. It seemed that Lupin was willing to risk everything for Black. His sanity, maybe even his life.

The potion was dangerous. Its main effect was to make a person forget they were alive for a short time, and thus allow them access to the underworld. Creating the correct balance of ingredients was almost impossible, even for a skilled wizard, hence the many deaths, or cases of complete and permanent memory loss. The potion was not something to be made sloppily, or rushed, and it was plain that Lupin was doing both. He was a fool. People didn't take the Lethe Potion and come out of it unscathed. And even if they succeeded in reaching the underworld, found the person they were looking for, and brought them back, from what Snape had read the results of that could be far worse than anything else.

The rich, sweet smell of the potion filled the room, drifting under the door where Snape stood. His eyelids drooped as the vapour drifted through the air, and he shook his head in an attempt to clear it. The potion was obviously too strong, if just the fumes were having this effect on him. He slumped back against dusty-smelling wood and concentrated on taking shallow breaths for a while, until the clank of a ladle against cast-iron brought Snape's attention back to what Lupin was doing. If he didn't stop him, Lupin would do himself permanent damage, that much was clear. The cupboard suddenly seemed too small and rather airless, and he pushed hard at the door, almost falling through it, raising his wand as he did so.

'Lupin! Stop what you're doing!'

Lupin spun round, the potion sloshing and fizzing from its goblet as it spilled onto his hand and dripped to the floor.

'What? Severus!'

Lupin looked shocked, then angry, the lines in his forehead deepening with confusion. He moved quickly to stand in front of the cauldron, hiding it from Snape's view, and his face became impressively nonchalant. He put the goblet down carefully on the table and wiped his hand on a rag. Snape noticed that his hands were shaking badly.

'What were you doing in my cupboard? Spying on me?'

His voice was quite calm and his smile looked only slightly forced. Snape was impressed.

'A nice try, Lupin,' Snape said, shakily. 'Don't bother lying. I know you're making the Lethe Potion. Did you really imagine I wouldn't notice that those ingredients had gone missing? Is this how you repay Dumbledore's trust, by stealing? Going behind his back? I know what you're trying to do - bring back Black.'

He stared defiantly at Lupin, daring him to lie. Lupin gazed back calmly.

'I can try, can't I?' Lupin said, as if it were merely nothing, but Snape noticed that he was clenching his fingers together. He looked down at the books laid open on his desk, potions books, Snape realised. 'It's been done before.'

'Yes, I agree, it has. It's been made before, but it's never worked!' Snape realised he was shouting, and was at a loss to understand why it should affect him so much. 'You might die,' he said, trying to regain his calm. 'Don't you care?'

'No.' Lupin said simply. 'It's worth it.'

'You're insane, Lupin,' Snape said.

Deep lines were etched into Lupin's face, and the smile that looked calm from a distance was stretched too tight. Snape thought that his words might be nearer the mark than he'd previously guessed. Lupin frowned down at the cauldron, and then ran his hands impatiently through his hair.

'How did you know what I was doing?' he asked, after a pause.

'Simple. Potter's not here so it can't have been him. You've just arrived. Black is dead. Everyone knew about you two.'

Lupin turned an angry, cold gaze on him and moved closer. His eyes were in shadow. Snape stood very still, but his fingers tightened on his wand.

'I'm sorry?' he said, in icy tones, 'everyone knew what?'

'At school - you two. You were - together.'

From this distance he could see the tiny gold flecks in Lupin's brown eyes. There was a silence as Lupin stared at him, his brows pulled together in a frown. The potion bubbled away in the background, hissing and popping. The sweet smell was becoming sickening.

'You mean, you think that we were lovers?' Lupin's voice was high with disbelief. 'Why would you think that?'

Snape had no good answer that he could think of, except that he'd watched them as teenagers and had come to his own conclusions. He certainly didn't want to talk to Lupin about that. Then, to his surprise, he realised that Lupin had begun to laugh. Lupin put a hand over his mouth, but the laughter spilled out through his fingers. Tears stood out in his eyes, and eventually they ran down his cheeks. Snape scowled and willed himself to remain calm. It was a natural mistake to make. They had always seemed too close. Through his confusion it registered that Lupin was making quite a lot of noise.

'Lupin. Lupin! Stop this at once!'

But Lupin wasn't a student in his Potions class and didn't seem to want to obey him. Snape was at a loss, not least because Lupin was apparently unable to decide whether to laugh or cry and was currently doing both. He stepped back a little, as though the condition was catching. It was a jarring change from a few moments before. Black's death must have certainly unhinged him. Snape thought of Lupin's tired and careworn expression at the funeral, and wondered if he'd been plotting this even then.

'You fool, Severus,' Lupin managed at last, wiping his eyes and nose furiously on the shabby sleeves of his robe. 'Doesn't friendship mean anything to you at all?'

Snape found that he had no answer to that, again. He watched Lupin's face become carefully blank once more, like someone had worked a memory charm on him. Along with the stench of the potion, it made Snape's stomach churn.

'You'll die,' he said as matter-of-factly as he could manage with his heart racing. 'It's obvious you've messed up the potion, your technique is dreadful. It smells far too strong.'

'I'll just have to make another one then, won't I?' Lupin said blandly. Snape caught his flat stare for a second and something snapped inside him. Lupin was behaving absurdly, and Sirius Black had a lot to answer for.

'All right, have it your way. So Black's worth dying for, right now? You're throwing your life away for no reason. I can't see the point in that, personally, but please, feel free.' Snape strode to the cauldron and refilled a goblet. A cloud of silver fumes wafted into his face. 'Here,' he said, shoving the goblet in Lupin's direction. 'Drink it and you will die.'

For a second, Snape saw that he'd had some effect and then the world tilted and the edges of his vision blurred. He had time to see Lupin stared at him open-mouthed, holding the goblet, and then the room and Remus Lupin were very far away and he was falling backwards into a black pit. His stomach swung with vertigo and he clung on to the arms that had folded around him, digging his fingers in. The soft voice that was saying urgent things in his ear was overlaid by the squeak and chatter of other voices, the speech of things that Snape could only see in the corner of his eye, that flicked away like shadows. He lost grasp of time, but eventually he became aware that Lupin was forcing something sweet into his mouth, and that he was lying down. His hands were strangely numb and cold, and when he tried to speak, to ask Lupin to destroy the potion, his lips wouldn't obey him.

'It's all right, Severus,' Lupin said close to his ear. 'It's just the fumes. You'll feel better soon. I'm sorry.'

'Idiot,' Snape managed to mumble as he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

*

Snape woke up and couldn't remember where he was or why he was lying in the dark on a strange bed. He sat up, quick and alert and grabbed his head as pain exploded in his skull. Wincing, he rubbed his temples as memories came back to him. He remembered now, of course. How could he forget? Lupin and that wretched potion. He swung his legs off the bed, and only when he stood up did he become aware that there was someone else in the room. It was Lupin, sitting in the dark next to the smouldering grate, his pale face lit from underneath with a faint orange glow. He was staring into the fire. Snape realised that he must still be in Lupin's room, and so had slept in Lupin's bed. He glanced back to the rumpled blankets. The intimacy of it shocked him. He quickly looked back at Lupin, whose shoulders were slumped. Snape had no idea what to say. Lupin stared at him mutely; neither did he, obviously. The silence was hideously awkward.

Lupin stood up abruptly, his face penitent. 'I'm so sorry, Severus. I never meant for that to happen. Please believe me. How do you feel now?' he asked tentatively. 'Do you want some chocolate?'

'How do you think I feel, you blessed fool? I can't believe you'd do something this idiotic. I always had you down as the sensible one. Useless, but sensible.'

He snatched a small cube of chocolate from Lupin's hand and ate it. No point in not eating it, it would make him feel better. The sweet taste warmed him inside, and his mind cleared as he ate. He wanted to ask Lupin why he was doing this, but didn't: that sort of thing might lead to some sort of discussion about emotions, and then Lupin might start displaying some again. He swallowed his chocolate, carefully not thinking about Lupin's previous outburst.

'What I don't understand is how could you be so stupid,' he said, as tersely as possible.

'I'm sorry,' Lupin repeated. 'I mean it. I'm truly sorry I put you in danger.'

The gazes met and after a few seconds Snape dragged his eyes away.

'Yes, well. I could report you to the Ministry, you know,' Snape said.

Lupin looked at him and nodded slowly

'Yes, I do know. Will you?'

Snape considered it. He looked round Lupin's room, at his few possessions and then back at his pale face. His robes hung around him like dusty curtains, but his face seemed as hard as stone and there was something in his eyes that Snape thought he almost recognised. He wanted to know what was behind them.

'No.'

Lupin raised his brows. He didn't exactly smile, but something left his face - a weight. He looked younger almost instantly. It was shocking. Snape tried to remember the last time he'd elicited that sort of response in anybody. Probably never. And all through one word. He shifted further away.

'What happened to you? I don't remember you being affected by the potion.'

He wanted to change the subject. Lupin shrugged.

'My constitution. You know already, from the Wolfsbane, it's quite robust. I suppose I could take more of it than you and not be affected.'

'Hmm. It makes sense at least.'

'Then you'll help me?'

Lupin moved closer, peering as though he was trying to read something deep in Snape's eyes. Snape forced himself not to back away any further.

'What? Help you? Why on earth should I do that?

'We were friends. I wanted to - I want to save him.' Lupin's words seemed to float in the air for too long after he'd said them. Snape shook his head.

'You can't save him, Lupin. It's hopeless. He's dead.'

I should know, he thought. He knew more about being saved than most people, but then, maybe Lupin did too. The room seemed very cold all of a sudden. He shivered in his heavy black robes, the wool at his chin scratching him. Lupin's face was pale and strained.

'But nobody knows for sure do they, Severus? And people have tried this before and it's worked.'

'It's never been successful, Lupin! Insanity or eventual death for both parties. No one can say that it works,' Snape said.

'It's the potion. The potion's never been right, isn't that correct?'

'You've been reading up, I see.'

The Lethe Potion was complex and beyond the skill of almost all wizards. He'd never heard or read of it working, although he'd known of wizards who'd tried it, illegally of course. He'd never been asked to make it, but he'd thought about it sometimes, if he could do it. He'd never had the motivation before. Not that bringing Sirius Black from whatever afterlife he was occupying seemed much of a motivation.

'It's not like you've ever done me any favours, or Black either. Just the opposite in fact. Why should I help you at all?' He was surprised to discover that he was actually curious to hear what Lupin would say.

'Because I think you're the only person who could make that potion. We could do it together, I mean, I could help.'

Lupin's expression gave nothing away, but his voice was alive, eager. It was compelling. Snape realised distractedly that he was listening to the sounds rather than the content.

There's no reason why I should do it, just so you can risk your life for that - '

'You'll make it just because you can, Severus - illegal or not,' Lupin interrupted, moving closer, his voice becoming huskier. 'You could make it, and no one need ever know. I'll take the blame if we're found out And it would work, you know it would. Imagine how good that would feel, how satisfying.'

Snape shivered. Lupin was standing close now, so close that he could feel a tiny wave of warmth flowing from Lupin's body. And he couldn't seem to stop looking into Lupin's eyes. He wondered vaguely if Lupin was practising some sort of hypnosis on him. He cleared his mind as best he could. It was the after-affects of those fumes, of course it was, not Lupin at all. That was it. Snape realised their gazes were still locked together. He forced himself to look at the wall behind Lupin's head.

'And what about Black? How are you going to explain him away? If he's discovered Fudge will throw him back into Azkaban, and we'll follow.'

Lupin paused. From the look on his face Snape knew instantly that he hadn't really planned very far ahead with this, despite his confidence. Typical bloody Gryffindor; all glory, no thought. That had been Black all over, and was the reason why he'd died.

'I'll hide him. We'll work something out.' Lupin paused, looking off to one side. 'I can't leave him there.'

The plan was disastrous and foolhardy, but the more he considered it, the more Snape found himself drawn to the idea. He wanted to try his hand at the potion, that was true enough, but there was something else, something about the lost look in Lupin's eyes, as if he was disconnected from reality. It was wrong, Snape realised with a start. Lupin should stay in the world. But if he was determined to do this, which seemed to be the case, than at least Snape could make sure he didn't kill himself outright with a faulty potion. He studied Lupin's still expression and felt an emotion that he hardly recognised for what it was. Lupin's idea was pure madness, but Snape found he couldn't abandon him to it. He was going to help.

*

It was a Tuesday night. He paced the carpet in Lupin's room, waiting for him to show up. Nothing ever happened on Tuesdays, at least that was what Lupin had said, his lips curling into a smile that Snape had realised with fright he liked to see. They'd spent all the other Tuesday nights this month working on the potion, or rather, Snape had worked on the potion and Lupin had hovered uselessly nearby. Privately, Snape had been glad he was there. The task was challenging and, he had quickly realised, only just within his skill. He knew that it would've become an obsession if he'd let it, but he didn't want that, in part because he wasn't sure if he even wanted the potion to work. Sometimes, during the long, quiet evenings they spent together, he'd glanced over at Lupin to find him staring at nothing, eyes focussed on another plane entirely. Snape didn't have to think very hard to guess who Lupin was seeing. Black. Recently even thinking the name made him shudder. It had come to stand for everything dark and dead, everything that was sucking the life out of Lupin, and everything in his own life that he preferred to forget.

He had been half-hoping that when Lupin saw how complex and difficult the potion was, and what the potential risks were, that he'd change his mind, or at least become open to persuasion. But that hadn't happened, not even when Snape had sat him down and gone through exactly what Lupin would think and feel when under the potion's spell. Snape had found new respect for Lupin's stubbornness, but it was respect tinged with a growing sense of desperation, a sense that something was slipping away from him.

'So it's nothing like the Wolfsbane, then?' Lupin had asked. 'I don't just drink it and hope for the best?'

'Certainly not. Once you've taken it, the potion acts in several clearly defined ways. You'll fall unconscious almost immediately. In effect, the potion robs you of certain parts of your memory. You'll know who you are, and what your purpose is, but you'll forget you were ever alive.' He had paused, to give weight to his words and to let Lupin really hear what he was saying. 'You might never remember; that's one of the main dangers. If that happens, you're as good as dead. The conscious part of you will be heaven knows where, and your body will be left here, still alive but inanimate. Eventually it will die a natural death. And then there are the other dangers. Many people have returned insane, driven mad by the things they've seen and the forces at work on their minds.' He stopped again, and took a deep breath. 'And then there's the risk of anyone you bring back with you being...different.'

Lupin had nodded and raised his brows, inviting Snape to carry on. Snape had sighed, and tried not to think of a Sirius Black warped and altered by his time beyond the Veil. All those years in Azkaban, and now this. It was almost possible to feel sorry for the man.

'How will I travel?'

'The part of you that the potion acts on won't be bound by the normal rules of space and time, so you'll move great distances very quickly.'

'So I'll be able to find the Veil easily?'

'Oh, yes. By all accounts the Veil will find you.' Snape shivered. 'After that, you're truly on your own. No one has ever been able to describe the journey itself, or what they did there. It's unknown.'

Lupin had nodded again, apparently unconcerned.

And now it was the last time they'd meet. He was late, which was fairly unusual, but that was the least of Snape's worries. Lupin was out on Order business, but he should be finished now. As if on cue the door swung open and Lupin strode through it.

'Severus,' he said in greeting. 'Sorry I'm late - I got held up, you know how it is.' He avoided Snape's eyes.

His voice held only the hint of a tremor, but he looked worried and nervous. Snape himself was experiencing a curious tightness in his chest. Tonight Lupin would take the finished Lethe potion. It was all arranged. Snape had declared it finished yesterday and Lupin hadn't wanted to wait, not even a day. Coldness filled Snape's stomach at the thought. He wondered for the hundredth time what he thought he was doing. They must both be mad. Spending time with Lupin must have rubbed off on him. Fear sparked in his stomach and he took a deep breath.

Lupin approached, his hopelessly scruffy robes and mussed hair making him seem younger than he was. Snape had the vivid sensation that he was one step removed from this whole thing. Lupin was driven by something he couldn't begin to understand, and even though Snape thought that the potion would work, he knew that Lupin had no idea what he was doing, or how he hoped to find Black once he was through the Veil. Lupin had blanked over that part whenever he raised the subject, to the point where Snape had given up trying to talk to him about it.

'Lupin, listen to me.'

'Yes, Severus?'

Lupin turned to him. He took off his cloak with shaking fingers and laid it neatly over the back of a chair.

'Even if the first stage of the potion works, which I'm sure it will, and you forget you're alive, you have no idea what you'll be facing, or any clue what to do.' The fine hair on Snape's neck rose as he remembered the voices and the engulfing darkness. 'And even if you come back, even if Black comes back with you, you don't know what effect this will have had on him, and it may change you permanently, for the worse.'

'Yes, thank you. I know that.'

'Don't do this, Lupin,' Snape urged.

He surprised himself. It was Lupin's life after all, and there was no reason for him to take notice of anything Severus Snape said. Sirius Black was waiting. Lupin looked at him carefully.

'I know the risks. We'll come back, I'm sure. I trust you, and your potion.'

We'll come back. The phrase rung sickeningly in Snape's mind. But what as? he wanted to ask, but didn't. Lupin's bland expression was firmly back in place, like a mask. It was Lupin's decision, of course. This really had nothing to do with him. After a few moments he stalked over to the desk and picked up a goblet.

'Here. I made enough for one journey.'

Lupin took the potion from Snape's hand and looked at it wonderingly.

'Thank you, Severus.'

He said it gently, turning his dark gaze on Snape and smiling. This could be the last time he ever spoke to him. In Lupin's hand, the potion fizzed and sparkled; delicate silver strands of vapour rose up into the air, partly obscuring his face. Its sweetness stank, more than the Wolfsbane ever had. The scent began to fill the room, and Snape felt his stomach turn over. The very faintest suggestion of shadows played around his vision, and Snape was sure he could hear the susurration of dead voices, just behind him.

'Well, here goes.'

Lupin dropped down onto the battered old couch. His eyes were wide and bright and they weren't focussed on anything in the room. As if from far away, Snape considered that he never had found out about the man behind them, not really. Now he supposed he'd never get the chance.

Lupin pulled a face as he raised the potion to his lips.

'How am I ever going to get this down?'

Typical Lupin, trying for even the slightest stab at levity. How ridiculous. Snape's heart froze.

'You're not,' he ground out, and with one swift movement slapped the goblet from Lupin's hand. It crashed to the floor and the potion flew in an elegant yellow arc across the room, splashing uselessly onto the rug, where it soaked in and disappeared. Lupin stared at him in disbelief, then he leapt up with an angry growl.

'What are you doing! Are you insane?'

'No, not me!'

Snape's head swam and he couldn't quite work out what he was doing or why, but it seemed right. Lupin would've have died. He'd saved him. That was how things were supposed to work. Locks of silver-streaked brown hair fell into Lupin's eyes as he stalked nearer. Hard hands gripped Snape's shoulders and Snape found himself pressed painfully up against the desk. Lupin's fingers were biting into the skin on Snape's upper arms, and it hurt, but Snape didn't throw him off. Lupin's face had crumpled, and the lightness he'd seen there earlier had gone. Snape wanted to make it come back.

'Why did you do this? I was ready!' Lupin was shouting. 'I know you hated Sirius, but I never thought you could stoop so low as to-'

'I'm not letting you take that potion!'

There was silence. Lupin stared at him.

'Why?' His tone was wondering.

Snape sighed irritably. Why was Lupin being so dense? Snape thought that it must be perfectly obvious by now. Maybe he wasn't very good at this sort of thing after all. Nearly letting someone kill himself wasn't the best clue to give them, now that he considered it.

Pain flared in the backs of his thighs; the sharp edge of the desk was digging into the back of his legs. Lupin hadn't relaxed his grip on his shoulders either, but his gaze had softened and he looked merely puzzled. Snape found his eyes drawn to the strong pale curve of Lupin's mouth, and when Lupin opened his lips to speak, Snape let his hands fall lightly on Lupin's shoulders. Lupin's eyes widened Snape as curled his long fingers round the back of his neck, pulled him close and kissed him.

At first Lupin was frozen, then he gasped. Snape didn't move away, but kept on kissing him with a steady, light pressure. Lupin's mouth was soft and this close Snape could smell the night air still clinging to his skin and hair. Lupin moved his lips very slightly, and even that tiny movement sent a jolt to somewhere in Snape's lower stomach. Lupin's lips yielded a little more, and Snape thought that he'd have to sit down very soon. Instead he slid his arms round Lupin's waist and pulled him closer, and after what seemed like a terrifyingly long time, Lupin relaxed against him and kissed him in return. His hands moved over Lupin's back, feeling the muscles there flex as Lupin lifted his arms and slid his hands into Snape's hair and cupped his face.

Lupin pushed him gently away and held him at arm's length. He looked intently into Snape's eyes and Snape had the impression that Lupin was seeing him for the first time, that Lupin was really here. He held his breath in the quiet room, wondering disjointedly why he'd never noticed that their eyes were on the same level before. Lupin was as white as a ghost, seeming to float in the gloom, and his lips were stained cherry red by the pressure of Snape's mouth. Snape thought he looked beautiful.

'This is a terrible idea,' Lupin whispered.

His eyes were glittering eerily and the half-light of the room caught the angles of his face, curving round his cheekbones and the hollows of his eyes. A smile crept over his lips, and, even if it was slight and rather sad, at least it was a real one, one that lit his eyes and face.

'Yes,' Snape agreed, 'terrible.'

Lupin leant in and kissed him, softly at first and then harder. His hands found their way in under Snape's robes and slid round him, untucking cotton to find bare skin. They kissed again for a long time, slowly, with pauses where they drew back and looked at one another in wonder. Time slowed and his senses narrowed down to the moment and to Remus Lupin. His smell, the soft skin on the back of his neck, the feathery brush of his hair against the tips of Snape's fingers. He was aware of the way their bodies touched and the way Lupin had one leg pressed between Snape's thighs.. There was the soft slow heat of his hands as they slid across Snape's back. His legs were still pressed to the sharp edge of the desk, but for some reason he didn't notice the pain any longer. There were so many things to take in that he seemed unable to think about the one thing that lurked in the background: that part of him that was watching coldly, the part that said, don't do this, not now. He ignored it, wantonly, wilfully. Lupin was too warm, too alive, to want to stop. He never wanted to let go. Their teeth clashed and their noses bumped and neither of them seemed to be able to find the right angle, but the heat from Lupin's body where it was touching his made him want more of every sensation. Their kisses became fiercer, more desperate, until Lupin drew back, flushed and breathing heavily. Their lips were inches apart, and Snape had to stop himself moving forwards to kiss them again.

'Not here,' Lupin whispered, studying Snape's face intently for a few seconds.

Snape nodded, and Lupin drew back and held out a hand. Snape took it and let himself be led through the door in the corner of the room. The room beyond was dark, but Snape could make out the bed where he'd slept once before, draped with hangings. His heart suddenly beat much faster.

'We can - if you want to - I mean.'

Lupin let go of Snape's hand and stood next to the bed, suddenly hesitant, as if the sight of the bed had made him realise what an enormous act of folly he was about to commit, with Severus Snape, no less. Snape strode forward.

'Please,' he said, not caring how he sounded.

Lupin didn't seem to need a more elaborate answer than that, and Snape was glad because all he wanted to do was put his arms round him again and kiss him. Snape lifted his fingers to the buttons on Lupin's shirt and slipped them open, one by one. Lupin watched every move as though entranced, and it seemed to take forever until Lupin lifted his own hands and shakily undid the rows of tiny buttons on Snape's clothes. That seemed to take even longer, until Snape leant in and kissed him, and Lupin decided to just pull at them instead. The rest of their clothes came off haphazardly and were left in a tangle on the floor. It had been a long time since he'd seen another body apart from his own. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him like that, or pulled him down onto the bed with such eagerness.

They lay down together and Lupin kissed him again, then leant above him. He ran his hand over Snape's skin, over the planes of his face, down over his shoulders and chest and then lower until his fingers curled tightly around Snape's erection. Snape arched with pleasure and reached out, his hands meeting smooth skin. Snape could feel Lupin pressed hard against his leg. With each of Snape's touches he made small, unbearably intimate sounds of pleasure that sent a wash of heat the entire length of Snape's body. Lupin wore an expression of intense concentration, his mouth half-open, showing his sharp white teeth. Hot breath gusted across Snape's face.

Lupin was so gentle, but his hands were strong and seemed to know exactly what Snape wanted. Snape couldn't ever remember being caressed so much; he was drunk with it, and it was wonderful. Gently he pushed Lupin off him and rolled over so that Lupin was beneath him. He liked the way his hair fell in a curtain around Lupin's face, cutting them off from the world. Lupin raised his hand to touch it, a smile on his lips, then his strong fingers hooked round the back of Snape's neck and pulled him into a kiss.

'Severus,' Lupin whispered into his mouth, sending shivers all over Snape's skin.

Snape slid his hand between them and Lupin made another of those husky moans, grabbing Snape so tightly that he was sure he wouldn't be able to breathe. Blood thrummed in his temples, and the look in Lupin's eyes was almost too much for him to cope with. He gasped for breath. Lupin was clasping him tight, pushing his erection up into Snape's hand. He pushed back, amazed at the dizzy rush of sensation that came with each movement of Lupin's hand. Sweat glistened in the curve of Lupin's neck where it met his shoulder and Snape caught the delicate scent of salt. He buried his face there, touching his lips to hot damp skin. Sharp pleasure grew in him, from a pinpoint to something bright and enveloping and in the middle of it all was Lupin, gasping his name, holding his face and kissing him. In his last vaguely rational moment Snape looked down to see Lupin with his head thrown back and his pale neck exposed, his hair splayed across the pillow like a shadow.

It was a long time before either of them spoke. Lupin lay on his side, one hand on the hollow of Snape's hipbone, the tips of his fingers stroking in lazy circles. The darkness in the room was almost complete, and Snape wished he could see Lupin's face. He worried about this until he realised that he could just ask Lupin to do something with the lights. It was hard to remember if sex had always been this debilitating, or anywhere near this good. Perhaps it depended on the partner. He turned to look at Lupin. A reasonable assumption, he thought, reaching out a hand to brush his fingertips over Lupin's face. Nothing was visible except the pale curve of his cheek and brow bone. Warm breath blew on his face and the pillow dipped as Lupin moved closer.

'I haven't done that with anyone, not for a long time, ' Lupin whispered close to his ear.

His voice was soft and intimate and Snape closed his eyes, letting himself concentrate on the sound. It raised the small hairs on his arms and on the back of his neck and, knowing Lupin couldn't see, he let himself smile. He fished for Lupin's hand and drew it up over his chest, stroking along it, his fingers stopping now and then to follow the tracks and pits of old scars. He only just stopped himself from saying something silly and sentimental.

'That explains the semen in my hair, then,' he said, after a moment's thought on what might be an appropriate response.

Lupin shifted in his arms, trembling. Quickly, Snape pulled back and groped for his wand, casting a gentle glow over the bed with a word. He looked at Lupin, who was only laughing to himself. Snape frowned and lay back down, relieved. It wasn't like before, which was good. Snape watched him, until Lupin stopped. After a while his warm lips brushed against Snape's neck where long black strands lay tangled and sticky.

'You'll have to wash it now,' he murmured.

Snape smiled to himself.

'Maybe,' he said, slowly.

He heard Lupin laugh again, a soft vibration against his chest. He thought of Black, dead but not buried. Where the door stood slightly ajar he could see the goblet lying on the floor of the other room. If he looked really hard he could still see a few drops of the Lethe potion clinging to the rim. If Lupin had drunk it, Snape would be in there now with who-knew-what for company. Either that or he would be alone, waiting with Lupin's body for its owner to come back, never knowing what had happened. But he didn't want to think about that anymore. He shivered and inched closer to Lupin, slipping his arms more firmly around his waist. He wanted to soak up his warmth, to make sure that Lupin was really there with him. He leaned in and kissed Lupin softly, just because he could, because Lupin was safe and whole and living. And here.