The Release

Some time later, Severus Snape stood, buttoning his shirt, looking even more morose and nervous than normal. Padma was still seated on the edge of her professor's desk. She finished with the last button on her own blouse and moved to wrap her blue and gray striped tie around her neck. She pushed a strand of her hair off her face. Snape bent down to pick up his robes, his movement cool and calculating, despite his obvious lack of comfort.

Padma sighed and tied her tie, then reached around to do something with her long hair. It was sticking out in practically every direction. Making a face, she marched to the back of the room and reached for her bag, pulling a hair tie out of it and gathering her hair in a sloppy bun at the base of her neck. As her hand brushed the spot where Snape had bit her, she winced.

The Potions Master pulled his robes on, straightening them and then fell into his desk chair, slumping down into it. Padma cast a glance back at him, rubbing at her neck. She looked away again and went in search of her own robes. She soon found herself standing behind her professor's desk, and she spotted her robes peeking out from underneath him on the chair. "Eh, Professor?"

He blinked, despondent. "Hm?"

"My robe, sir," she said. "You're sitting on it."

"Oh," he stood, picked up the robe and handed it to her.

Padma reached for it, their hands touching briefly before she ripped hers away. "Thanks," she whispered. Snape seemed almost shocked - literally - by Padma's contact with his hand. He startled a bit, and then he sat again. She slipped her robes over her shoulders. "Professor, I..." her voice trailed off as she stopped and walked back to her bag, reaching for it.

"Yes?"

She took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders. "Do you want me to do anything else this evening, sir?"

Snape didn't know whether he either wanted to laugh or have a nervous breakdown. "You have done...quite enough for the evening."

Padma blushed and looked away. She let out a deep breath and clutched her bag tight against her chest.

Snape looked up quite suddenly. "Miss Patil," he looked down again. "Would you - would you like me to perform a memory charm on you?"

She let out a dismayed gasp. "What?!"

He shook his head, still not looking at her. "I cannot believe that - that you would truly wish to go through the rest of your life," he frowned, his own self-loathing setting in. "I will most likely drink some kind of memory potion myself within a few days."

Padma's face lost all its color. "Oh, I see," she said, taking a deep breath and trying to bite her tongue. "Well then," she started again, her voice shaking with subdued anger. "Professor...I'll be leaving. If that's all."

He scowled, almost knowing what she was thinking. "You must think that this is easy on me Miss Patil. You are wrong. Do you realize that I am twice your age? Do you realize that I will go through every day of class with you wanting to request that you stay after and feeling sick about it at the same time?"

She looked up at him, obviously surprised, but still upset nonetheless. "Age doesn't matter professor, you know that. And...about class...I don't know what to say about that except that I'm sorry. I won't ever do anything again to warrant myself a detention with you, if that's what you'd prefer," she said, swallowing hard. "I will come to class, sit in the back, do my work - silently - and then leave."

"Perhaps age does not matter to you, or to I, but it would matter to those who care about you," he spoke quietly and calmly. "I would be the monster, not you. You will never be sullied by this, Padma."

She shook her head. "That's not true. My grandmother was almost twice my grandfather's age," she argued, looking up at him and hoping he wouldn't look away. "And you're not a monster, no matter what you continually tell yourself."

"Padma, in some places, were anyone to discover what has happened, I would be put in jail and called a..." he struggled with the word. "...a pervert," he sighed finally. "I would not wish for your attitude in class to change. You know more than you believe you do."

Her eyes widened at the use of her first name once again. It sounded so natural rolling off his tongue. Plus, she was surprised at his compliment. "I - if it is going to bother you this much, then my attitude will have to change."

Snape offered her a small smile. "If I do not recall what happened, there is no problem, is there?"

She sucked in a breath. "Then you're really going to use some potion to forget it ever happened," she said quietly. Padma wanted very much to call her professor a coward or to use some other insult as his 'taking the easy way out,' but she managed to refrain herself.

He knew what she was thinking once again. "You think I am a coward. Miss Patil, I have been one all my life. Do not chastise me for wishing to remain sane."

She shook her head. "You're taking the easy way out. I can't understand why you'd want to forget it ever happened Professor - Severus. It did happen. A lot of things happen that we can't change. But with just one swallow, or flick of your wrist, it'll all be forgotten. Erased. Right?"

Snape scowled. "Then what do you suggest I do? Live with severe guilt and self hatred, no matter what you will insist, for the remainder of my life? Never be able to look my wife in the face again? Want this again for the remainder of my days, which, must I remind you, will be awfully long?"

It had never occurred to her, but she nodded anyway. "Fine, do whatever you want," she spat, dropping her bag to the floor and walking directly in front of him. "Perform whatever bloody charm you want," she glared at him. "If you don't want to remember it, there's not much point in me remembering it either, is there?"

He glared back. "What then do you suggest I do?" he hissed very slowly. "If this is all so simple for you."

"I don't care," she said back, firmly, through clenched teeth.

"That, Miss Patil, is an outright lie."

"Maybe," she admitted. "But if you don't care, why should I?" she whipped her wand out and thrust it toward him. "Perform the charm then Severus. The only reason you agreed to any of this in the first place was under the pretense that I wouldn't remember a thing, so what's the problem now?"

Snape pushed her wand away. "I do care, which is why I know this will haunt me," he sneered. "Do not be so self deprecating," he was beginning to get angry, and he straightened his back in the chair. "You only started any of it because you were under the impression that you would not remember it."

Padma took a step back suddenly. "I know the smell and taste of potions, professor, like you said, and that one had neither nightshade nor cannabis in it - the only two ingredients that would have caused a memory loss," she explained quietly, the guilt evident in her voice. "It was you who needed the reassurance," Padma looked away.

The realization that it had not been him taking advantage of her but really the other way around set in. He wasn't exactly sure how to deal with the concept. "Excuse me?"

Padma bit her lip, not looking at him. "You heard me," she said quietly. Then, taking a deep breath, she continued. "I didn't think that you would do anything with me unless you knew I wouldn't remember any of it." Tears began building up in her dark eyes. "I'm a horrid person, Professor, I know that. I did such a horrible thing," she handed him her wand again. "You might want to use this then. It'd be for the best, eh?"

Snape was utterly and completely confused, and he tried to piece all of this together in his head. He failed miserably. "So you...purposefully and knowingly..." he searched for the appropriate word. "Seduced me?"

"Yes," she nodded, speaking quietly. "Yes I did."

Padma took a deep breath and stood up as straight as she could, putting on a confident face. Snape's own face twisted into something resembling a mixture of confusion and shock. "WHY?!"

With her mouth agape from surprise herself, Padma struggled to find an answer. "Well -" she opened her mouth, then closed it again.

"I apologize. I merely have...difficulty...understand your motivation."

She looked at him, just as confused as he was, though for the opposite reason. "Why?"

He scowled yet again, a tad embarrassed, but still stubborn. "I am not what would be described as desirable. It remains a mystery to me as to why, suddenly, this year I have been flooded with such...innuendo."

Padma's eyebrow shot up. "Not desirable," she blurted out, blushing. "I hope I proved that wrong this evening..." she continued, a little more quietly. "Professor, you're brilliant, and mysterious, and -" she blushed again. "Sexy and - I don't even know!"

"I apologize for not entirely agreeing."

"Don't apologize. It's true. Why are you so critical of yourself?" she stepped closer to him so that she was right in front of him.

"I see no reason not to be," he frowned.

She frowned as well, then sighed. "So, are you going to get this over with or not?" she offered him her wand once more, hoping that he'd decline for a third time.

Snape almost reached out and took the wand, but he paused, curious. "Why do you not wish to forget this?"

Padma shrugged. "It was amazing. You made me feel - wanted. And I don't regret anything at all...why not just cherish it, you know?"

He smirked. "But cherish it as what?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, fingering his wedding band. Padma stared at his hand, still confused. Finally, she tore her gaze from the glint of gold and looked at him. "I don't know what you mean."

Snape looked up at her, his black eyes sad. "I fear...I fear becoming obsessed with the thought of being with you again..."

Padma let out a sudden gasp of both shock and surprise. "Professor, I've never felt that way with someone before - that want for contact and that need and the entire intoxicating feel of it. I just couldn't get enough," she looked down at her shoes. "I know, I'm not making any sense," she shrugged. "I just - I just cherished the attention you were giving me. At home it's always 'Parvati' this and 'Parvati' that...and here it's always Harry and Malfoy and Hermione," she confessed quietly.

"And you feel as though no one cares for you," he stated flatly. "That would make two of us."

She looked at him strangely. "But you have Dr. McKarrick and Kaya and all your students - I don't understand."

"My students?" he snorted. "Heh. That is a joke. Have you ever heard one of my students speak well of me? In or out of class?"

She nodded. "Yes, yes actually I have." Snape was obviously surprised. "You're a brilliant man, Professor. Wonderful, really. You don't give yourself near enough credit. We all respect you, even those who won't admit it."

He 'hmph'ed. "Mr. Potter is convinced that I am consistently trying to do him in, and all of his little lackeys agree," he argued. Padma shook her head, searching for the right words but finding none that could possibly satisfy him. He sighed. "I suppose that," he shook the thought away. "Well, that is not your concern."

She looked up. "What?"

"It is petty and childish."

Padma spoke straightly and directly, though her voice was quiet. "So naturally you do not wish to talk about it. How surprising."

"To tell you would only result in you respecting me less," he said, looking away. "Though I find it hard to believe that you do not think less of me already."

Padma opened her mouth the ask something, then thought better of it and stopped. Then, she changed her mind. "Why would I think less of you now?" she reached out to touch him, but she pulled away before making contact.

Snape gave her an exasperated look. "Because I, as a thirty-eight year old man, was not able to stop myself from..." he stopped for only a moment, disgusted with himself. "From having sex with you, a seventeen year old student. I have a responsibility to you and to myself as a professor. Part of that responsibility is to keep our relationship out of the realms of sexuality. I have failed at that."

She looked down again. "Actually, I'm sixteen, but that's not the point," she muttered. "Need I remind you that I was the one doing the seducing? I didn't leave you much choice - plus you responded, I think, as any normal thirty-eight year old man would."

"Not a responsible one. Not one concerned with your welfare."

She glared at him. "I am perfectly fine right now. My 'welfare' had not been tainted in any way that I can see."

"What if I had been just slightly more lax and had failed to utilize a -" another pause. "A protection spell?"

"You mean locking the door, right? Because I never heard you saying," she stopped, staring at him, her eyes growing wide. "Did you ever say a contraceptive charm?" Her professor looked as though he wished he could apparate out of the room at that exact moment. Padma paled. "Professor...Severus...you didn't ever say one, did you." It was more of a statement than anything else.

"Oh, of course that is entirely my responsibility," he snapped.

She jumped. "That's not what I meant. I just assumed you would, so that is why I didn't - plus by then my wand was halfway across the room. And Merlin knows I can't pull off wandless magic," she backed up suddenly, as if finally realizing the importance of what they were discussing. Her back hit the desk, and she slowly sunk to the floor, burying her face in her hands.

Snape grew a little frantic. "There are ways to correct - er, to fix this."

Padma was appalled. "No!"

He was left dumbfounded. "What?!"

"When - no, if that were to happen, Professor, I would never do anything to, as you say, 'fix' the situation."

He rolled his eyes skyward, wondering why, of all things, Padma chose to be pro-life.

"I am assuming that's what you meant, of course."

"Of course it is!" he snapped again. "What did you think I meant?"

Padma shuddered. "I'm sorry. I knew that's what you mean - but you did look at me as if I had grown another head when I said no," she sneered, looking away.

"Do you think that by any stretch of the imagination that it would be good for you to be," he shuddered slightly. "For you to be pregnant you last year at Hogwarts? And because of me?"

"If that were to happen, Professor, I think the decision would be ultimately up to me," she said quietly, looking up at him. She was still sitting on the ground, hugging her knees up against her chest. "We shouldn't even be having this conversation right now. There's just as much a possibility that nothing happened as there is that something did."

He groaned. "Feminists," he muttered, shaking his head. "You are correct. Best not to think of it. Though you have, indirectly, gotten your way."

Padma rolled her eyes, not hearing him. "Yeah, and while your at it, perform a memory charm on us both so when I wake up and empty the contents of my stomach into the nearest toilet, it'll be like 'oh, surprise! you're pregnant!'" she glared at him, his comment sinking in. "What the hell do you mean?"

He took a deep breath, trying to contain his anger. "We cannot exactly perform a memory charm now, can we?"

"You were going to before the topic had even been brought up," she retorted. Snape almost said 'bite me,' but thought better of it. Padma lifted her head and looked away from him, staring straight out into the middle of the classroom, not speaking at all.

Snape slumped, his head in his hands. "Oh Merlin..."

She didn't respond to even that. Instead, she let a tear slip down her cheek as she bit her lip. Suddenly, Snape grew very angry, and he jumped to his feet. "Bloody hell!" he yelled, punctuating his words by throwing his chair backwards. It clattered loudly against the floor.

Padma made no move; she just sat there silently. Then, she stood up, snatched her bag from the floor, and made a run for the door. "I'll let you know if anything unexpected comes up, Professor," she said softly, not even turning to look at him. He was unable to think of a retort. He just stared at her, his eyes hollow.

She stopped at the door, one of her hands sliding up the frame. "Professor..." she said meekly, slowing turning around for fear of what she'd find when she did so. "How long does it take to brew a fertility potion? Or do you already have some bottled up? I think that would solve the problem quickly, wouldn't it?"

The Potions Master shook his head, dejected. "Not long. An hour maybe? I may even have some now."

Padma quietly slipped into a chair in the back of the room next to the door. "I can wait then."