It Is You

There is something that I see
In the way you look at me

James stared at Lily's retreating back, unable to believe what just happened. Lily, his love, his life ... she was walking away. She turned to go up the stairs, and didn't look back.

* * * * *

Lily paused as she was heading up the stairs. Tears welled in her eyes. Of course she was in love with James. But giving into him would be too easy. And she didn't know if she still loved him ... He had hurt her too deeply. She leaned against the wall, and broke down in sobs. She didn't know what she was crying about. She just crouched against the wall, and let everything out.

* * * * *

Sirius watched as Lily walked away, and didn't move a muscle. He watched James' dumbfounded face pale as he watched her. Something had gone wrong ... but what. Lily was not a cruel person, ... yet she must have know what this would do to James. He got up, and didn't go to comfort James. He walked slowly and quietly to the foot of the stairs, seeing what he had expected to ; Lily was crouched in a little ball, sobbing her eyes out. People at the top of the stairs were staring down at her, shocked. They didn't know whether to come down the stairs or not. A little first year girl, Belethena Bogushart or something like that burst into tears too, for no apparent reason. Soon the head Girl, Linda Child , was torn between comforting Belethena and trying to reach Lily through the throng of people. Sirius didn't help her. This was between Lily and James, it was an issue of finally realizing what they both wanted.

There's a smile
There's a truth

James got up. He pulled himself off the chair, and headed for the stairs that took him up to his room. There was a crowd mulling around the bottom of the stairs. They were all looking very confused.

"What is it?' He asked a fat boy named Will Wilfred.

He pointed up through a gap in the people. James blanched. There was Lily, sobbing her eyes out in a little ball, crouched near the wall.

"Oh my GOD ! Look at her ! Doesn't she know that every one is watching her ? I bet she just wants the attention." Giggled Lucinda Baguette.

James slapped her hard across the face. ( I know, I know. Yes, James was told by his mother not to hit girls, but ... he was mad. )

"Don't you ever say that again." He growled. Lucinda looked taken aback. James had just gone out with her a couple nights ago.

"Oh Jamsie." she said, touching his arm, and pressing herself right up against him, "you don't mean that, do you?"

"Yeah. I do. Don't be daft." And he pushed through the crowd. He reached Lily, picked her up in his arms, and carried her to her bedroom. He kicked the door open with his foot, and lay her down on her bed . ( Well, it might have been Daniella's, for all he knew. ) Lily looked up at him, her eyes blurry. Then they started to clear. When he supposed she could see who he was clearly, she turned away, and wouldn't look at him.

"You know what you are ?' Said James coldly. "You're Frosty the Snow Bitch. And emotional iceberg. Jesus, Lily. Why do you have to be so cold ?'

"James ... I-"

But by then he had already stormed out the door.

In your eyes
But an unexpected way

Lily turned, and let out the full water works. How could she have been so stupid? So ... unbelievably daft ? And now James was completely hacked off at her ... Dizzily, she got up. She wobbled over to the door, and opened it, to a crowd of people.

"Get away ! Get out of here before I ... before I Avada Kedavra every single one of you !" She screamed. They all ran, in case she was actually serious. She couldn't see James any where.

* * * * *

"Sirius ! Sirius ! Do you know where James is?"

"No, I don't, and care to explain why you might be look for him?"

"Not now .." She said snappily. Then she remember the whole frosty the snow bitch thing, and gave Sirius a huge hug. "Thanks for the help Sirius !"

And she turned and walked away, leaving a very confused Sirius standing there, scratching his head in bewilderment.

* * * * *

James stormed along the third floor corridor, until he reached the statue of the hump backed witch. He pulled out his wand, tapped it, and climbed inside. As he ran down the passage, thoughts flooded his mind. What the hall was wrong with Lily? Did she always have to be so cold ? It's not like he did anything that horrible ! He admitted that he loved her ! And that everything else was just a crazy mistake. And Lily left. Shouldn't it be himself who is mad ? Not the other way around ? UGH ! Women !

* * * * *

"Ah ... Ms. Evans. How are you doing to day?"

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, I'm looking for James. I need to find him. Do you have any idea where he is ?'

"No, I am sorry Ms. Evans. The last I saw of him, he was storming off down the Third Floor North Corridor. You look quite upset, Ms. Evans. May I suggest, as you are our top student, and you can no possible way focus like this, that you take a trip down into Hogsmead ? I will tell all your teachers that you were in the Hospital Wing."

'Excuse me ? ... I can't just ... Not go to class."

"I demand you must." And his eyes started twinkling very brightly. "I will not have my top 6th year student making a fool of herself in class, and getting worn out. I will not stand for it. So .. Off you go !"

And he herded her out the door, and slammed it behind her, leaving a very confused Lily standing in the hall. Well, top student she may be, but idiot she was not. Why waste a time like this ? She ran up to Gryffindor Tower, yelled the password ( bubblilciohjefs ), and grabbed her money bag. She walked out the door, ( everyone was staring at her ) and soon found herself out on the grounds. She began the long walk to Hogsmead.

* * * * *

James walked into the Three Broomsticks, and waved hello to Madame Rosemereta, and walked up to the counter. '2 Extra Large Butterbeers."

'Why, James!" She laughed. "I only see one person!"

"Like I said, 2 Extra - Large Butterbeers."

"Alright then!" She filled two huge mugs, and handed them to him.

"How much will that be?"

"It's on the house. I can see you have something wrong with you. Don't worry. I'll collect sometime."

And she grinned and walked off. James went to a solitary table in the corner, and sat down.

On this unexpected day
Could this be where I belong ?
It is you
I have loved all along

Lily peered around the corner, and then remembered that she didn't have to worry about getting caught. ( Yes, our hero had sneaked into Hogsmead many a time ). She saw the sign for the Three Broomsticks, and walked towards it. She opened the door, and was sucked happily into the familiarity of the place. Old wizards, Hagrid - Like people, Hags, trolls, everyone congregated there. She walked up to the counter, and she could see into the mirror behind the counter. Her hair was trussed up and messy, her face was pale, and her eyes rimmed red from crying. She looked like a complete wreck.

"Lily ? Lily Evans ?"

She turned around, and there was Madame Rosemerta.

"Ya, it's me."

"Oh no, not you too ! What is going on at Hogwarts ?"

"What do you mean ?"

"Well, I had someone order their drink just 3 minutes ago or so, and he looked just as bad as you did !"

" Well, as far as I know, I'm the only one Dumbledore let out of class."

"Well, I hope you take advantage of it. Looks like you need it. What'll it be?"

" 2 Extra Large Butterbeers."

Made Rosemerta just stared at her open mouthed, and, after a few seconds had passed, she left to get the drinks.

Hmm ... What was that all about, Lily wondered.

* * * * *

Sirius sat in class, at a table all by himself. Lily and James were both supposed to be sitting with him, but he had no idea where either of them were. The teachers didn't seem too worried, however, they didn't even ask if any one knew where they were. Well, students just didn't skip class at Hogwarts, so they must have figured that they had a pretty good reason. But, he was getting pretty bored here. He hoped that, wherever James and Lily were, that they were having fun. And making up. And hopefully out ... he thought with an evil grin.

But all through our story
It is finally clear to me

Lily sat in her booth, 8 Extra Large Butterbeers later, feeling very sleepy. She put her head down on the soft velvet of the cushion, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * * * *

James sat there, about 10 Butter beers later, feeling thoroughly pissed, though he was sure he wasn't, you just can't get drunk off butterbeer, though, in truth, he hadn't exactly nursed them. He raised his hand, and called for another 2, when he heard a sound ...

* * * * *

Lily's dream wasn't making much sense to her at all. First, she saw herself with a baby. They were sitting in a room ... The room was white, the furniture was lived in, but it was a very nice room. She was singing to the baby, which had her eyes, and a mass of black hair. In a flash, she saw herself in a wedding, promising eternal love and loyalty. Then, in a flash, she saw a tiny whit house in the bottom of a valley, trees surrounding it. Then, in a flash of green light, she saw herself screaming. She saw someone yell.

"Lily ! Run ! It's him ! Go !'

"No ! I can't !"

"You must ! Harry must have a chance to live !

But then something happened, and the volume started changing like a Gramaphone gone bad.

" ... Can't ... If it were only us Ja ..."

"I know ... I know Li ..."

She heard someone fall to the floor, could feel herself blanch, and then she saw herself running into a different room, grab the baby from his crib, and bring it out. She could hear herself pleading.

" Not Harry Please ! Please .. Take my life instead !"

Then she saw herself smiling at someone, who's black haired back was to her. Then hugging that person, kissing that person, sitting, watching TV with that person. A multitude of memories. And, then, right before she woke up, she saw James, the black haired persona, lying, crumpled, dead, under huge cinder blocks, his glasses lying beside him.

* * * * *

James, now thoroughly pissed, thought he could hear some weird noises coming from behind him. Naturally, the booths were designed for privacy, so he couldn't just look over and see who was there, so what he did was got up and walked around. Lily was lying there, screaming about someone called Harry. Occasionally she could smile, and then she would start screaming. She was banging her fists on the cover, in sudden outbursts. All of a sudden, she started sobbing. Well, 2 instincts kicked in, inside of James, once his head cleared. One, was to follow the typical teenage boy state of mind, and flee. The other was to be brave, and manly, and all of that, and to comfort her. Well, first he started to flee ( Give him a break, he's 16 ), but then, he thought of what had happened earlier that day, and how this would be a good opportunity to get back on her good side. He stepped up to her, and just as he reached out to touch her, she jerked awake. Blurrily, she stumbled up and out of her seat, and crashed right into James. Of course, she probably didn't know it was James. She lay there, crying her heart out, until the sobs resided to crying, the crying to tears, and the tears to gentle hiccuping, until she stopped completely. When it was done, she looked up into James' face, and she went ashen. She looked away immediately.

"Uh ... I'm sorry ... I ... I had a weird dream, that was all ... please don't be mad ..."

James just shushed her.

"Don't worry about it Lily. And ... I'm really sorry for last night. I truly am ..."

"So am I, James. So am I." And she turned and got up.

You are the hope my heart searched for
So long

O h ... why had she done that ? She should have seen an apology when it came. And from James. She hadn't expected him to keep chasing after her ... She had known James forever, and he just wasn't like that. He firmly believed that if someone was mad at you, they weren't worth crying over. But here he was ... trying so hard ... But Lily didn't know if she could forgive him. She knew she was being stupid ... even immature. But there was something about giving into him, when she knew that every girl gave into whatever he did ... She just didn't agree. Best friends or not. Come to speak of it ... that was probably how they became best friends. They were both so alike ... proud ... stubborn ... Obnoxious ... couldn't forget that one ... and they loved to have fun. It equaled into the perfect relationship. But something went wrong. Something always does.

* * * * *

James put his head in his hands, now feeling worse than ever, But he made up his mind. He had chased after her long enough. He would stop. I mean ... what's stuck up her butt ? It made him sick. He had tried. Really. But some people just can't accept apologies ... And James certainly wasn't one to apologize.

* * * * *

When lily arrived back in the Gryffindor Common Room, classes were over, and so was supper. She had been there longer than she realized. Daniella jumped on her as soon as she walked in.

"Lily! You're alright!'

"Of course I'm alright! Don't be daft! Dumbledore gave me the day off, he didn't kill me!"

"Oh ... but we didn't know that! Well ... how was it ?"

"It was ... something."

"In a good or bad way?"

"When my hangover goes away, I'll let you know."

It is you I have loved all along
There were times I ran to hide
Afraid to show the other side

"James, Buddy ! Where were you !'

"In Hogsmead. At the pub. Lily was there."

"Did you apologize?'

"I tried."

"Oh, that doesn't sound very good ...'

"It wasn't intended on good. In fact, it was downright horrible."

"What did she do now?'

James related the tale.

'...and then I apologized ... and said I was sorry ...And all she said was 'So am I James, so am I. I mean, I can't keep chasing her forever ... I have NEVER done this ! I don't even see what's so special about her." He said grumpily.

"See James, that's where you're blind."

And he walked away, leaving James scratching his head in confusion. Stupid dog. He grinned. Sirius' dog brain must be affecting his human one ... he laughed, just thinking about Sirius licking water out of a bowl in thirty years.

Alone in the night
Without you
But now I know just who you are

Lily decided that this was getting stupid. She couldn't keep on fighting James forever. She wanted so badly to be with him, for everything to be right between them again ... but every time she had a chance she just kept messing it up. The number of times she could have hit herself over things she had done ... she had prided herself on having no regrets ... but even this was being tested.

* * * * *

James made up his mind. He was not going to chase after her anymore. And if she apologized ... she would feel the wrath of James ... haha ...

* * * * *

"James? Can I talk to you?'

She looked over at James, who was reclining comfortably by the fire, his long legs spread out in front of him. He was listening to his friends chatting by the fire, and once in a while, she could catch something he said. He smirked, and got up. She brought him over to a lounge in the corner.

"James ... I just wanted to say that I'm really, REALLY sorry for everything that has happened. In the past week or so ... you know what I'm talking about ... and you know that I really like you ... and I was wondering if we could just forget everything ... and start over. The rest is just a crazy mistake."

"Ha .. I knew you'd come crawling back soon ...' He said with a smirk.

Her mouth opened in surprise, but she quickly shut it. But then she turned on her heel and left the room. As James watched on with a satisfied look on his face.

* * * * *

And I know you hold my heart
Finally, This is where I belong
It is you I have loved all along

"This is getting kind of pathetic James." Came a voice from behind him.

He turned around to find Daniella standing there.

"Seriously James. All you do is stamp all over her feelings."

"I'm sorry ... Daniella ... but she walked all over my heart with stilettos ! She hasn't exactly been a little victim here.'

"Don't you think it's just about time that you both forgot about it and moved on? Fights happen ... you two are practically married, a major fight was bound to happen sometime ... and sometimes, people just have to make sacrifices and move on ... you can't always get what you want."

"Practically married ?! TO HER?!"

"Think about it James ..."

He thought about it. The midnight chats ... pillow fights ... baking cookies at her house ... the little tiffs ... trying to teach her how to fly ... watching the sunrise together ... .laughing at Sirius ... The day when she kissed him ...

It was impossible to get her out of his mind. But he had too. He swore to himself that, by this time tomorrow, he would no longer be in love with Lily Evans.

* * * * *

Lily lay in her room crying. How could James be so cruel ? Were all guys like this ? She had to wonder. She thought she knew James so well ... and then he had morphed into some kind of ... monster. Would all guys turn into this once they knew that you were in love with them ? She hoped not. But she had known James so well ... apparently not. If he had turned on her like this, he couldn't be worth it. She swore to herself that, by this time tomorrow, she would no longer be in love with James Potter.

* * * * *

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"It's Dani."

"I knew that!"

"Ok ... I just came to see if you were alright."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"O you know ..."

"No, I'm afraid I don't. Care to explain?"

"Oh you're stubborn! Ahh ! You're gonna give me a Hernia! Fine ! If you insist on being like this ... I know what James said to you ... And I know how you feel about James ..."

"No you don't."

"What?'

"I've sworn to stop loving him. We can meet now as ... friendly and indifferent acquaintances."

"O my God Lily ... all you and James do anymore is fight. It's getting kind of redundant don't you think ?"

All through our story
It is finally clear to me
You're the hope my heart has searched for
So long

Lily let her friends words sink in. Maybe she was right. Maybe she should apologize to James. But she felt so overwhelmed by everything. She loved him so much she couldn't have him, if that made any sense. She loved him but she hated him. But now he hated her.

And it is you I have loved all along
All through our story
It is finally clear to me
You're the hope my heart has touched for
So long

"Look James ... I'm really really really sorry. Could you find it in your heart to forgive me? Maybe? I'll even get down on my knees ... I love you, I've realized that. I hope it's not too late." Lily looked around the empty room. She was practicing what she would say to James. She hoped it would be enough. She heard someone cough. She abruptly turned around and found herself staring into the smiling face of James Potter.

it is you I have loved
It is you I have loved
It is you I have loved ...
All along