Butterfly Kisses

You are my life,

You’ve always been.

I know that-- even as I’m standing here.

In the Oceanside

With a sharpened knife.

Directly over my heart.

 

 You are my soul

You know you are.

I’ve always known that-- even now,

As I’m drawing my final Breaths

As death as my final goal.

 

 You are my love.

That- I’ve always known

Even now

Especially now

As I plunge a knife

Into my heart.

With only one thing left to say--

 I love you.

* * * * *

Hermione Granger, witch extraordinaire, brilliant sorceress, book-smart ‘Mione of the Hogwarts musketeers. The girl has everything, doesn’t she?

No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t have the person that she loves most in the world. I should know- I’m Hermione.

* * * * *

The stars glittered like diamonds in the night sky. I sighed peacefully, closed my eyes, and held onto Harry tighter, waiting for his butterfly kisses to engulf me, for his touch to make me shiver, for him to run his hands through my hair, to kiss that tender part of my neck, to feel his lips against my own swollen ones....

The butterfly kisses never came. I opened my eyes to find, disappointed, that it was all a dream. A memory with him that I could never have....

I never knew that my logic would be my downfall. My logic is what kept me from his inviting arms; my logic is what unknowingly caused his death.

The sky had changed from a brilliant blue to a serene reddish orange hue. The sunset was lovely in its own right, but I couldn't help but think it was that too good to be true. No Death Eaters attacks that day, Sirius was finally recovering from his illness, and Harry was to come back! Nothing could be better.

The Astronomy Tower is known for "Saturday Night Snog Sessions". Everyone used to go there to snog as sunset came, and shag till dawn sometimes, as well. Now, everybody was busy with the war, and nobody bothered to climb up the tower.

I still climbed up there, not to snog, of course, but to look at the stars at night and wonder when Harry would come home. I remember being excited that night that my Harry would finally come back from the battlegrounds.

Everyone either went to battle or stayed at Hogwarts and helped. I went to the battlegrounds at first and stayed for a few months, along with Harry and Ron, but it was rough and both the boys begged me to leave, I would get hurt.

No sooner had I left than a whole regiment was caught in a surprise attack. Among those who died were Ron, Remus, Seamus, and Cho.

I grieved, but held my head up high and buried myself with the war efforts, figuring out strategies for our side, sometimes working with the intelligence. I was more useful at Hogwarts than in the actual battlefield, so I stayed, grieving privately, and waiting for Harry to come back, for me to confess my love to him and be in his arms.

Someone grabbed my neck suddenly, choking me.

"One false move, Granger..."

I kicked the death eater anyway, and after struggling, escaped out to the War room.

"Attack!" I gasped. Professor Dumbledore and the others left to fight, and I was about to follow....

"Hermione, wait." I turned to find Harry holding my hand with his own. The same ebony hair, the same statement of fondness, concern and something else I couldn't quite place in his emerald eyes....

"Harry, we have to go help! I'm happy to see you and all, but this is important!"

"Hermione, this is more important..."

"Harry, whatever it is, it can wait!"

"No, this can't wait. The others can take care of the attack, its only one Death Eater, you said so yourself..."

"Let go!"

"Hermione, for the longest time I have loved-"

I never heard the end of that sentence; my logic told me that this was not the time for love declarations, that I had to help. If I told him of my love right then and there, then there was no going back. We would have shagged right there in the midst of an attack- no, that was not the time.

I left and hurried off to the Astronomy tower. Harry was right, the others had it under control, in fact all I did was sit back and watch, literally.

What I didn’t know was that there was that there was a whole horde of Death Eaters in the War room. They had been waiting until Harry was alone, following him for months, to murder him. And I had left Harry alone and given them the chance.

I’ll never forget finding his body surrounded by a pool of his own blood an hour later in the War room, his hand- his hand holding an engagement ring with both our names carved into the band. I had left my love to die, right when he was about to propose to me.

I’m on the Astronomy Tower again. Sitting on the edge with my hands clinging to edge. It’s been barely a week since his funeral, yet I can’t take it anymore. The guilt, the dreams, all these emotions running through me. I didn’t even bother to write a suicide note, who would miss me? All that matters is to be with my Harry.

I’m wearing the ring he never had the chance to give me on my finger. My heart is pounding, Goosebumps rising on my arm, inhaling my final breath on earth.

Whispering, "I love you Harry," I jump.

It surprised me when my friends back in the living buried my body next to Harry’s. Somehow, they knew. Few tears were shed, somehow they knew we were together and they gave us their blessings.

This time, the butterfly kisses came

Here in heaven, I can finally be in his arms. I would cry out of sheer joy, yet I can’t.

Death was my salvation. Finally, I’m with my love, my angel.