The Letter Never Sent

HARRY POTTER FICLET:

"THE LETTER NEVER SENT"

"GET OUT, GET OUT, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN THIS OFFICE EVER AGAIN!" The words still echoed in Severus Snape's office, along with the sound of breaking glass. He had sat at his desk for over ten minutes, with his face in his hands and fingers covering his eyes. His greatest shame, his ultimate loss, seen in its entirety by the last person he'd ever want to see it. Harry Potter was worse than his father ever thought about being. James' abuse was always on the outside, but Harry managed to get deep inside, where the pain really hurt.

He sat back in his chair, feeling dejected. Would the little monster tell his little friends? Would the entire school be laughing behind his back tomorrow? Not that he hadn't been laughed at before, it's just been a very long time since anyone dared. He needed to be planning some damage control for what would inevitably happen tomorrow, but instead his mind flew back to that horrible day and its consequence.

"I DON'T NEED HELP FROM FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOODS LIKE HER!"

He opened a side drawer and pulled an old envelope out. Carefully he removed the letter, which was lined and yellowed with age. Once again, he read it.

My Dearest Lily,

How strange this must seem, to be coming from me after what I said today. I could say I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, but that wouldn't begin to convey my shame. For I have loved you from a distance all the years I have known you. You are like a diamond shining brighter than all the stars in the sky. Your laughter is like a cool, gentle breeze on a hot summer day, and yet I was so cruel to your compassion. How could I be so stupid?

I would beg your forgiveness on bended knee, but alas, you will never see this letter. I fear your rejection, but even worse I fear your pity. It was that fear lashing out at you, the only one I love. Such a feeble excuse! I wonder what you see when you look my way, perhaps a sniveling nothing. True, I'm neither handsome nor athletic, but I know what I'm capable of. Someday I will have power and influence beyond my wildest dreams.

Yet I know this will not win your love. As much as I desire these things, if I could have one hour of your love before I die, it would be worth having nothing else. My life would be complete. I have destroyed that chance with a few callous words. I have broken my own heart, and I shall be a bitter and miserable man for that mistake. I know you would forgive me, but I would rather have your love than your pity, so I will not ask.

Snape refolded the letter and returned it to the envelope. He wondered why he'd kept it all this time. Perhaps this was his penance, and Harry Potter was his punishment. He could only hope that Potter was too stupid to figure it all out.