Stubborn As Sin

Chapter Four

Four weeks had gone by since that fateful day in the forest. Four weeks of silence between her and Salazar, with the frustration originating from Rowena and Salazar. It had been a hard time for them all, Helga's incident had shaken their world in its foundation in a way it shouldn't have. Everything had changed, and it showed in the strain on their friendships. But in the end, they came out of it closer than they previously had been. With the exception of the relationship between Helga and Salazar.

Ironically enough, the weeks that had been so hard on their hearts and souls had been utterly productive when it came to 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'. The planning was all finished, invitations to the wizard families within their realms had been sent, and classrooms and dorms had been finished up. Everything was ready to be used, and the four founders revelled in the sense of completion it gave them. But as everything else, that feeling was not perfect.

Helga had spent these four weeks in deep contemplation of Salazar's words. Why did she really dislike him, fear his invitations? It wasn't only because of Rowena, that was actually a very small part of it all, Helga decided. Actually, it lay more in the fact about her virginity. Or rather the lack of it.

She had not even been nine years old when she first was taken to one of the warrior's bed. It had been painful, and afterwards, she had cried long in her mother's arms. But already the day after, she had gone to search for the herbs necessary to ban a child. For she did not delude herself in such a way to not think the warriors would spare her in the future. Rather the opposite actually. And so, she had not experienced the joy of sharing her body with another ever, even though she had experienced the act itself more times than she cared to remember.

When the Hufflepuffs' had taken her in, she had been safe for the first time in her life. In the castle, she knew that no one could make her do anything she did not agree to, and she revelled in the feeling of not having to endure the act she had come to associate so completely with pain and humiliation. She soon had become fearful of it and what it would do to her. Even as she learned that lying with a man was not always painful, quite the opposite.

When she met Salazar for the first time and found herself attracted to him, she became scared. Scared of her reaction, scared that she would have to endure everything once again. For to her, Salazar seemed to be just the sort of man she had been forced to lie with before. When her opinion started to change, she got even more afraid. Could she share her body with someone else again, or would he think her tainted? Virginity was a big issue these days, and she knew that many men required it from their lovers. What said Salazar wouldn't think the same?

Now, after four weeks spent in thought, Helga had reached a decision. She was attracted to Salazar, might even like him in a way, and so, she wanted to perform this act of intimacy with him. But she knew that he might not agree, especially when it came to the 'Virginity Issue' as she had come to call it. And so, she decided to put all her cards on the table. And then, it was for him to take it or leave it.

* * *

When Helga arrived to the dining hall, no one was there except Salazar, who seemingly was waiting patiently for her to arrive. Clad in a simple, black robe of silk he looked more attractive than he'd ever done before, and it sent a new herd of butterflies into her stomach. Helga had never been so nervous before.

"Where are Rowena and Godric?" she softly questioned.

Salazar looked at her, his face unreadable where it bathed in shadow.

"They have both requested to have their meals sent to their rooms," he replied.

Helga shivered. She missed the softness his voice used to have when he talked to her. These last weeks it had been toneless and impersonal when he was talking to her.

"Oh," she simply said, nervously pattering to her seat on bare feet.

Lowering his gaze to her bared hands as the food appeared, he frowned and tensed up.

"You are frightened," he stated. "Would it be me that frightens you?"

Deciding it was no use to push it up any further, Helga put down her eating utensils and looked squarely into Salazar's blue eyes with her green ones.

"Yes," she truthfully said. "I am afraid of you. But not in the way you think."

Looking at her intently, Salazar put down the things he had for hands as well.

"In what way do I frighten you then?" he almost whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Helga opened her mouth to answer as the house elves relieved them of the food again.

"I am not a virgin, Salazar," she simply said, her voice quivering. "I have not been one since a very early stage in my life. I am not a stranger to the happenings between a man and a woman behind closed doors. But I can also say that I have never received any pleasure from the act. Do you understand what I am saying, Salazar?"

She could see that he had gripped the armrests on his chair so hard that his knuckles had whitened, but she could not see the cause of it. Whether it was caused by the revelation that she was no virgin or the admittance that she had been taken without consent on her part multiple times in her life, she did not know.

"Yes," Salazar grounded out. "I understand."

"Good," Helga rose and started walking towards the door. Salazar needed time to think, and so did she. She had made the first draw. The next one was now in Salazar's hands.

* * *

She was not surprised when he came knocking on her door that evening. Nor was she very shocked when he said that he wanted to talk to her. Instead, Helga just showed him into her living room and took a kettle with tea off the open fire, pouring the content into two cups, giving one of them to Salazar. He suspiciously sniffed at the substance, and seemingly satisfied with what he found, he sipped on it.

"Simple green tea," he commented. "Why not your usual?"

Helga shrugged, relaxing into her worn, green armchair.

"I am quitting it," she offhandedly answered.

Salazar nodded, looking down, fiddling with his cup. Then he looked up, looking seriously at Helga. Sensing that this was the beginning, Helga put down her teacup and looked back at Salazar, waiting for the man to speak.

"I am attracted to you," he quietly said, "as I am sure you understand. Partly on a purely physical way, but mostly because of the person you are. And even if I do want to bed you, that is not the most important want I have concerning you, Helga. I also want to be your friend. It is as a man however, that I say I do not care that you are not a virgin. And it is as a friend I tell you that I will not push you into anything you are not ready for."

Helga smiled a little and shifted to put her hand on Salazar's.

"Salazar," she softly said. "I'm not afraid to let you into my bed, nor do I deny that I am attracted to you. The reason I told you this, are that I do not want to deceive you by letting you believe I have not been with a man before. For me, the past is the past; I do not consider the loss of my virginity an issue anymore. It was long ago; I have learned how to live with it. There are scars of course, but they are healed."

Hesitantly reaching towards her to touch her cheek, Salazar looked imploringly into her eyes.

"So you do not mind me touching you?" he softly asked.

Smiling back, Helga touched his face in response.

"No," she answered. "In fact, I yearn for much more than touches."

Suddenly, his breath was hot against her lips as he leaned over her.

"May I?" he huskily breathed, his face less than an inch away.

Closing the distance between them as an answer, Helga kissed him.

* * *

It felt strange yet wonderful to lie in the arms of another human being. She felt indescribable safe with Salazar's arms around her as he slept, it made her want to snuggle up to him and never let him go. A feeling she had given in to just until now, she had woken up herself just a few minutes ago. But it was to be expected after their activities, and Helga had not been surprised when she found that they had spent the five hours after their lovemaking sleeping.

Making love had been nothing like Helga had expected it to be. Her only experience in the matter was a hurried sex act with no foreplay and large amounts of pain on her part. She had never had a partner who cared for her and her pleasure before, but it had been one of the best experiences in her life. Never more would she associate sleeping with someone with only pain, and for that, she had Salazar to thank.

Turning gently within his arms, she watched his sleeping face. Sleeping, he looked nothing like the scarred wizard he was, but he did not look like an innocent either. He rather looked like a normal man with a normal life with no other worries than how his harvest would go. Tracing his handsome face with her fingertips, Helga briefly wondered how he would have turned out to be if he had not been a wizard, if she had met him in her home country as a free woman...

Helga stilled, her thoughts freezing as she realized something, remembering something. Salazar would never be what she had fantasized him to be in her mind, even if he was a squib or a muggle. For he had his origins in a powerful wizarding family living in Rome, living in symbiosis with the muggles. He had grown up in Rome in fact, not coming to Britain until he was in his early twenties. And in Rome, slaves were as common as dogs. It was even said that he had brought a large amount of slaves with him from Rome.

Slipping a finger underneath the bandage she carried to cover the scarring which marked her as a slave, Helga realized that she and Salazar could never be. Not as long as she carried this mark, not as long Salazar was a protector of the feudal system. Not when she faced being taken back to the jarl when revealed.

Helga quickly made the decision to not risk this and slid out of his warm embrace. Not even her feelings for Salazar could make her go back to living as a bondswoman. Never! She gathered one of the fine quilts around her slim body and rose, waking Salazar in the process.

"What is it, Hel?" he drowsily said, reaching for her with his muscular arm.

Helga steeled herself for what was to come and turned around, a blank look on her face.

"This was a mistake," she simply said, walking over to her cloths.

That woke Salazar up. He came to his feet with remarkable speed, striding over to her.

"What do you mean?" he sharply asked, gripping her arms gently.

Helga stepped out of his arms and dropped her quilt to slip on a simple robe in indigo before starting to braid her hair.

"I cannot do this," she calmly answered, biting down a small sob. "I like you Salazar, but this can never be, I realize it now. Too much is at stake for me to indulge in this."

His eyes were pained as he reached out to touch her face gently. Dropping her eyes as he looked at her face, Helga felt herself shiver.

"What is at stake?" he softly said. "Maybe there is a possibility that it can be solved."

Helga stepped back and looked squarely into his eyes, letting a tear escape from her eye.

"My freedom," she whispered. "If I let this go on, you would trap me, Salazar. You may not know it, but every time you come close to me, you risk my life, my freedom. The gods may know I like you, might even love you, but this is not meant to be."

And with that, she ripped her eyes from his and slipped out of the room.

TBC