Sleep

SLEEP by LeeWeasley

[[ CHAPTER 1 : ]]

I close my eyes
And I feel myself start to rise
Then I cry
As I realize that I can't fly
Why am I in that position
Where everything is an illusion?
I need something to hold on it,
I need something real
I need to come back to life.

My mind just started to work as I felt a cold shiver run through my body. I pulled up my sheet and hugged myself to keep warm. I had a sudden reminder that I am supposed to be doing something. I chose to ignore it. It's still cold. Why won't it be warm?

School.

That's what I'm supposed to be doing. I forced my eyes open and looked at the same old four-posted bed that I have been sleeping in for the last 6 years. There was no one else around. I was alone in the dormitory. A usual sight for me. No one ever bothered to wake me up to get ready for class. No one even acknowledges that I am here.

Don't just give me an idea.
I want something clear.
Hit me with darkness,
Shine me with light
Anything to open my true eyes.

I forced myself out of bed and the cold rush was colder than ever. I hated being cold. I stared at myself in the mirror and I didn't even recognize myself. It's been like for months now .... I don't even know who I am anymore. I never really did find myself too attractive. Still, everyday I looked worse. I looked dreadfully tired. My eyes were sunken in my socket and the heavy purple bags dragged and weighed my eyes even more. My once rosy cheeks were pale and my smile .... The one and only thing that I used to love about myself .... Was gone. My lips were chapped, dry and white. I tried to smile at myself and I realized I didn't know how. It's a foreign gesture to me now. I don't even understand the purpose of it anymore.

I don't know what I need.
Love, strength, will ..
I need it all.
I'm willing to take it one step at a time
Just give me anything
Because I've had nothing for so long.

I really want to sleep. That's all I want right now. Sleep. That word sounds so good to me but I seriously lacked it. It's been months since I got a decent sleep. I was lucky if I could get at least two hours of sleep a week. It started off being a full day's rest until the numbers lessened and lessened leading to a day where the number became a hollow zero. I can't remember how it was to have a nice sleep. I just can't. I guess it's that condition that they call insomnia. No matter how tired I am I just can't fall asleep. Besides, even if I did finally fall asleep it's never pleasant. Maybe it's better that I stay awake. It takes me away from the nightmares.

I need to smile again
It's nothing but a foreign gesture to me.
I don't even understand why we do it anymore.
All I know is loneliness, despair, confusion

I never understood why I am this way. Actually, I still don't. My mind just thinks too much. It thinks too much about my life. My life .... Pathetic and non-existent. I am practically non-existent. No one knows I'm ever around. It's been so long since someone has even said "Hi" to me. My own family doesn't even know I exist anymore. They all have lives. Percy is in love with his job at the Ministry of Magic. Fred and George have their own jokeshops. Bill and Charlie have jobs too and they are now married. I was hoping Ron could be my saviour but no. He's too busy with Hermione. He rarely talks to me. I remember every time he would ask to hang out with me, he would just end up hanging around Hermione forgetting all about me. And Harry ..... that's a joke. For so long I have been in love with him and he just pushes me aside like I am still a little girl. He has Cho Chang to keep him company anyway. Dammit. I'm the only one is a complete loner. I don't deny that. Never. It's true. I'm like a shadow that no one notices. I am alone in this world and there is really nothing I can do about it.

Life, don't start to fade on me.
I need you to hold me steady,
Hold me down,
Before I go down that road again.
Make me right
As I close my eyes again.

You think I would cry right about now. I don't even know how to cry anymore either. I have become so immune to my solidation that I have become a person that bears no emotion. All I feel is depression. No one knows that I feel this way. They don't know I am even on this earth anyway. No one knows or even tried to comprehend that there is something seriously wrong with me. I am just outcasted and lonely. For so long I have been looking for comfort but no one will give it. I just want a shoulder to cry on and talk to. I only have myself. That doesn't really help.

Even myself I am despising.

[[ CHAPTER 2 : ]]

It didn't take me very long to get ready for class. I don't put on any make-up and I don't even bother brushing my hair properly. What is the point? Nobody will notice anyway. I decided to leave my sweater. It felt warm all of a sudden. I thought that was strange. I'm always cold.

I walked to class late. As usual, Nobody gave me any dirty looks and I didn't hear any whispers. That's how invisible I am. I hated going to class. I never did anything. No one would ever want to be my partner. I always had to do things myself and most of the partner work was difficult. I always had to sit alone at my desk watching everyone have fun. I was the only one who sat on a desk that was connected with another desk. It's a perfect desk for two. How ironic. It's all just for me. That seat was so empty. Everyday I stare at it and I don't know why. It's such a waste of space, that's why. Much like me.

I was on my way to my desk until I stopped right in my tracks and I nearly dropped my books. The usual empty desk next to mine was occupied. Was I in the wrong spot? I just stood there not knowing what to do. The person in the seat turned around and my heart, I think, made beat. It was a boy in the seat. A boy. He looked at me and did something that I didn't understand. Oh. He smiled. A strange sensation ran through my body and I couldn't understand it.

"You can sit you know," the boy said with a sweet laugh. I hesitated and quickly sat down on my seat not looking at him. I felt awkward. I had to keep myself from falling off my seat because I was sitting at the very edge. I wasn't used to being a few centimeters away from somebody. I could feel his eyes on me. Why is he staring at me? I looked at him and he was still smiling. Why?

"My name is Aiden," he said and stuck out a hand. I remained silent and was a little confused. He started laughing. "This is the part where you shake my hand," He whispered. I stared at his hand and slowly stuck out mine. I hesitated and finally spoke.

"I'm .. er ... Ginny ... Ginny Weasley," I said quietly, sounding a little hoarse.

"Wow! She speaks," he said jokingly. I stared blankly at him.

"It was a joke."

"Oh .. sorry .." He laughed again.

"Don't worry about it. You're just the quiet type." I didn't reply. I looked away. I felt really bad somehow. He's trying to be so nice and here I am barely being able to even say hi and shake his hand. I am really not used to this though. I don't remember the last time someone actually trying to make a conversation with me.

"Uh .... Er .. I'm guessing .. You're new," I said quietly, still not looking at him.

"Actually, yeah I am," he said, "Brand new." He looked at my cloak. "Oh good! I'm in Gryffindor like you!" I actually did something that I haven't done in a long time. I smirked.

"Wow," Aiden said quietly.

"What?" I asked surprised.

"I think that's the closest thing to a smile I'll get from you huh?" he said sweetly. I looked at him and kept the smirk on my face.

[[ CHAPTER 3: ]]

"Ready for some project time?" Aiden asked as he entered the Gryffindor common room with a pile of books from the library. Ginny beamed and nodded. She couldn't help but feel excited. She finally amitted to herself that she loved spending time with Aiden. As a matter of fact, since they met, all they do is spend time with each other. They are good friends now but still, Ginny is quiet. Aiden likes to talk and liked to listen. It all works out. What do you want to start with Gin?" he asked with a grin. Ginny pondered.

"Well, I still don't understand the concept of why it's so hard to transfigure a human being," Ginny said.

"That's because it's all about mind control. It takes a lot of energy to do something like that," Aiden happily explained. He sat closer to Ginny. He was so close it made Ginny blush. He continued explaining and Ginny listened attentively. She couldn't help but notice how good-looking he was. The light of the fire just brought out the best in him and he shone out a perfect profile. She quickly looked away. She shouldn't be thinking about this at all. She forced herself to concentrate on Transfiguration. "You get it now Gin?"

"Yeah ... Yeah I do," Ginny lied. She really didn't know why she lied.

They worked on their project for an hour and decided to take a break. No one spoke for a minute. All that could be heard was the crackling of the fire.

"You know what I've realized Gin?" Aiden started with a smile on his face.

"What?"

"I don't know much about you," he continued. Ginny was caught offguard. Why would he want to know about her?

"You don't want to know about me," Ginny said quietly. Aiden raised an eyebrow.

"Why is that?" Ginny fought hard not to get defensive. She's not used to being asked many questions.

"I'm boring. Really. I don't have much going in my life. I would only make you fall asleep," she replied very quietly. She couldn't look at him.

"Tell me anyways," Aiden said as he turned to face her. It took a while for her to start. She really didn't know how to say it or where to start. She thought hard and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Feeling uneasy, she quickly stood up and stood by the fireplace. She felt cold all of a sudden.

"Where can I start?" She said with a nervous laugh. Aiden watched her. He made sure he was listening. Emotions were getting caught in her throat now, but she pushed them aside and spoke.

"I'm a loner. I don't have any friends. The 'friends' that I do have don't even talk to me anymore. They have lives. They have experiences and all they do is hide things from me. Secrets is my life, whether it's about me or I don't have the chance to know any. What else? I'm always shafted aside for everything. I am physically emotionally deprived. No one cares if I'm sad, not that anyone even notices. Even if I say something about it they don't do anything. I've never had a decent conversation with anybody. I haven't had a decent hug of comfort in a very, very, very long time. I don't have a love life. Guys don't seem to like that way. I am an insomniac. I think too much about my self-pity that I don't sleep. That proves why I look the way I do. I have no self-confidence. There was a point in my life where I was happy and I didn't care about anything now it's all turned around on me. My friends now neglect me and I have nothing. That caused me to be a non-people person. My first impression on people are really bad. They just don't like me. Basically, I am alone," Ginny said fighting the tears that were swelling up in her eyes. She looked at Aiden and turned around. She didn't want to see his expression. "There is so much more but most of it I can't put into words." She still didn't turn around. Aiden must be bored out of his mind right now.

Again, silence.

"I understand if you don't wan -" Ginny spoke but got cut off as Aiden held her hand. She turned around to look at him, confused. She was sure he would have walked out by now.

"Let me show you something," Aiden said quietly, squeezing her hand gently. Ginny didn't know why, but she couldn't say no. Something about him was so trusting. She felt safe with him and she felt comfortable. She nodded to go with him.

He led her out of the common room and she followed him through a couple of corridors until they both stopped at a small passageway. Aiden looked at her and smiled sweetly.

"This way Ginny," he said. They walked until the end and entered the door. They were suddenly at an outside balcony. It was one of the most beautiful sights Ginny has ever seen. They were so high up that it felt like Ginny could touch the clouds. She closed her eyes and inhaled the cool air. She was enchanted.

"I didn't have a lot of friends either," Aiden said as Ginny opened her eyes. She looked at him and he was looking across the horizon with a solemn look upon his face. She joined him on the railing and decided to listen to him now.

"I've moved around over 30 times in my life so far. I never stayed long enough to make friends. My parents are not at home much so they don't know that I'm a loner. It's not like they care. They are too consumed in their careers to pay even an inch of love for me. They sometimes even forget that I'm in the same room as them. I don't sleep either. I get dreams of death sometimes. I always die in my dreams. Although, nowadays, every time I sleep, I want to give in to them more and more." Aiden looked at her and gave a small grin. "That's why at every place that I stayed at, I find myself my own haven. This balcony is my most favourite one I have to say. It's my place to be free. I forget everything. " Ginny couldn't believe what she was hearing. Someone actually understood her loneliness and neglect. She didn't know what to say to him though. This is the first time anyone has ever confided in her.

"My dream is to be able to fly from this place, just because it's so high," he smiled at Ginny and she smiled back.

"You have any other dreams," Ginny finally spoke. Aiden nodded.

"To sleep. To sleep forever. I'm sure that you would want that too," he laughed. Ginny didn't know what came over her. She found herself longing him. Wanting him. She held out her hands and touched his face. Aiden wasn't surprised though. He welcomed it. He held both her hands and cupped them on his face, kissing them. He drew his face in closer and their foreheads touched. Ginny wasn't sure what was happening. This has never happened to her before. All she knew was that she loved this moment.

"Ginny ... I finally found someone who understand me," Aiden whispered. Ginny looked into his eyes and they were so sincere.

"Me too," she said as their lips drew in closer, "me too." Their lips touched. The both kissed each other gently as the breeze blew their hair with their robes flailing behind them.

"Ginny," Aiden said. Ginny ran her fingers through his hair and he caressed her cheek. She waited for what he had to say.

"I love you."

[[ CHAPTER 4: ]]

Ginny woke up with a start. Her mind was blank, but she had a smile on her face. She looked around to find her dormitory empty once again. This didn't bother her though. She got out happily out of her bed and was excited to see Aiden again. Her smile grew. She couldn't wait to spend time with him. That kiss and those words ... she couldn't stop thinking about them.

She looked at the mirror and loved what she saw. She was finally happy. Seeing herself smile would be the next best thing to kissing Aiden.

She quickly walked out of the dormitory after she got ready and entered the common room. He wasn't there but Ron and Hermione was.

"Have you seen Aiden?" she asked them cheerfully that it surprised them. They looked at each other puzzled.

"Who's Aiden?" Hermione asked.

"You know ... the boy Gryffindor in my year. The boy that I have been hanging around with for the past two months. I'm sure you've met him before!" Ginny answered.

"Okay ... I think you're delusional. We haven't had any new students Ginny," Hermione said with a strange look on her face. Ginny gave an annoyed look. "I know because I just spent my time yesterday helping Professor McGonagall with the school records. It was a special task she asked me to do. It didn't say anything about new students," Hermione said in a as-a-matter-of-fact kind of tone.

Ginny didn't want to listen to this. She didn't need it. They wouldn't understand what she has. They don't care.

"Whatever. He's here and I know that for a fact. He's probably in the great hall," Ginny said, irritated, as Hermione and Ron ignored the last bit she had to say.

She ran to the great hall and her eyes searched the room thoroughly. He wasn't there. Where is he? She saw the professors up there and approached them.

"Hi," she said a little out of breath.

"Hello, Miss Weasley. What can we do for you?" Professor Dumbledore asked.

"I was just wondering if you know where Aiden is," Ginny asked nicely but was really getting impatient. Again puzzled looks. Now Ginny is even more irritated.

"I'm sorry Ginny, but there is no Aiden in Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall said.

"But ... in your class Professor! He even sits next to me! He came to Hogwarts two months ago!" Ginny said not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry," Professor McGonagall said, "there isn't a boy who sits next to you. Maybe you're dreaming." She gave a small laugh.

Ginny turned around and ran out of the great hall. Why are they all saying that he doesn't exist? She was starting to cry. She was confused and frustrated. If he didn't exist then ... we don't exist. It hurt her to think about her relationship with Aiden disappear.

"It can't be," she said out loud. Then she started to think and think and think ...

Her tears were flowing now. She realized what the problem was. They were all right. She clenched her fist tight and shut her eyes at the same strength. She didn't want to believe it but it's true.

It was all a dream.

She dreamt it all. The class where they met, the common room, the secret place .... Wait. She started to run but she wasn't thinking at all. She just knew where to go and by the time she knew it she was the same passageway that Aiden took her too. She stared at the door as she walked towards it. She didn't know if she wanted to go through it. What if there is nothing through that door? She'll be alone again and have nothing to remind her of what she had. But what if that beautiful horizon is still there right on the other side of that door? She had to try. She walked through and she felt the breeze blow her hair away from her face. She opened her yes and smiled. It was the same beautiful scene. She walked to the railing where she and Aiden stood and smiled. She inhaled the air again and it was the same feeling.

She wasn't crying anymore. Her tears were dry. She thought about all the things they did together and that kiss they shared. All that is gone. It actually did not even exist. Someone was finally there for her. Someone finally understood her, cared for her, made her smile ... some one finally loved her. Now all of that is nothing more than air.

She hugged herself. She could still feel him. But she didn't want to let him go. She could never let him go.

"Aiden, I never said it to you but I love you too," she said out loud. The breeze blew harder. "I still remember you hopes, your touch, you dreams." She closed her eyes and fought hard not to cry again. "I want to make your dreams come true Aiden. Just for you," she continued. She looked out to the view and felt herself smile like she's never smiled before. She took a big step forward, closed her eyes and pointed her face to the sky feeling the heat of the sun.

"I will make your dreams come true," she whispered as she took one last step.

The rushing air hit her face, not shaking the smile off her face. She did not open her eyes. She just let the wind take her and soar until she reached her end.

She made his first dream come true and will fulfill his last.

She flew and now ... she sleeps.