Open Letter

Chapter Nine

A few weeks after our N.E.W.T.'s were over, Severus invited me to his chambers for a private dinner. I only picked at my food while I was in the Great Hall and as soon as I could, I excused myself with the lie that I was going to bed.

Severus had prepared a little meal for us. He could cook quite well, but wasn't one to cook from practice. He always followed the recipe exactly. I suppose it was a habit from the preciseness needed in potion brewing.

The meal was extremely pleasant. We simply talked and enjoyed the closeness of one another. It was nice to be able to let our guards down for a bit and not have to carefully monitor our interactions.

At the end of the meal, Severus presented me with a little velvet box. I thought I knew what was inside but I didn't dare to let myself hope. It was actually even more beautiful than I could have imagined. The ring was moonstone and the setting was one of delicate silver filigree. I caressed the ring with the tip of one finger, almost afraid to touch it, as if it would break or turn out to be an illusion.

Severus cleared his throat and said, "I love you very much, Hermione. I desperately want your answer, but I can't let you give it to me until we talk about our situation."

I nodded my head. "I've thought about this a lot recently." I paused to reach out for his hand. "I don't want to have to hide this anymore, but I know that we will. I can't jeopardise your life by selfishly demanding that we make our love public. You can't have a Muggleborn wife and still serve the Order as you have been."

Severus gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "I hoped that you would understand. I should have known that you would consider everything in making your decision. You did overlook the biggest factor in my cautious approach to a proposal: I don't want to put you in danger by making you a target. Even were you pureblood I would not endanger you by letting the Dark Lord and his supporters know... how important you are to me. Being a Muggleborn friend of the Dark Lord's greatest enemy puts you in enough danger as it is. I would not add to that."

I set the ring aside and lead Severus to our special place in his room. We knelt together in front of the fireplace and I put my arms around his neck and held him close. "I can endure the secrecy. I want to be as close to you as I can be. If that means that only those in the Order know of us, then I will gladly accept as much of your life as I can have." I looked into the face of the man that I loved. I saw the lines of his face, the hardships that he had faced and knew that there would be more yet to come.

"I want you. I don't need anything from you, I simply want it. That makes for a more powerful emotion I believe. I will treasure our time together instead of coming to expect it as my right and due. I want to be your lover and your wife, but I don't think that you owe it to me. You owe me nothing. You have made me so happy, Severus. I love you because I want to love you. I choose you and no other." I held his face in my hands and kissed him hungrily, almost violently.

Severus pulled away from the kiss and spoke to me in that tone of voice that never ceased to send chills up my spine. "Wanting you has changed me. I felt that I could never deserve someone like you, now I know that I don't have to. I don't have to work for your love, I only have to work for myself, work on being the person that I want to be and if I am that person then you will love me. You will love me and want me because I did not do it for you. You'll see that strength of spirit necessary for someone to live solely for themselves. I live for myself now, but Hermione, you're the one that makes it worth living."

I was crying by this time. Crying warm, salty tears of joy. I held Severus tighter and wept upon his shoulder. I felt as though I would die from this exquisite feeling. He gently pushed me back from him so that he could see my face. I noticed that he was crying as well, thought not with the force that was wracking my body. He ran his hands through my hair, most likely making a horrible mess of my bushy hair, but I didn't care about that. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and then kissed what remained away.

It seemed both an eternity and an instant as we shed our clothes and held each other's warm bodies close. Severus removed the ring from the box and showed me the inscription on the inside of the ring. Vivamus Mea Hermione Atque Amemus. "Let us live, my Hermione, and also let us love." He whispered as he slid the ring onto my finger.

We were truly wed that night through the vows we spoke and the vows of our bodies and souls. Any other ceremony we might have would pale in comparison to this night of eloquence.