Confessions

Confessions

Harry stared blankly out of the Burrow's living room window.

The land was shrouded in complete darkness. Once again he had woken from sleep before the sun had risen. His mind would not shut down for long since it was filled with a million thoughts that refused to be ignored. One thought in particular continually nagged at him: Where do I go from here?

The war was over. Voldemort was defeated. Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts was completed.

Ever since Harry had learned about the prophesy, he had not allowed himself plan very far into the future, just in case he had no future in store for him. Once again the thought of becoming an auror entered his mind, an idea he had briefly entertained in his fifth year at Hogwarts, before he learned about the prophecy. The idea did not fill him with excitement like it once had. He had seen too much darkness already. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life surrounded by that darkness?

Harry quietly stood up and walked to the front door thinking that some fresh air might do him some good and maybe help clear his head a little. Once outside he headed toward a small hill to the left of the house, and when he had reached the top, sat down facing the little town of Ottery St. Catchpole.

He looked over his shoulder at the Burrow and thought of the people still sleeping inside: Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, who thought of him as their own son; Fred and George, who never failed to make him laugh no matter how terrible he felt inside; Ron, his best mate who had shared all his hardships for the last seven years... and then there was Ginny.

Harry's heart started to flutter as Ginny's face appeared in his mind. Nothing caused him more confusion than how he felt for Ginny. He quickly forced himself to think of something else and turned away from the house to once again look out on the lights of the small town.

The Weasleys were his family now, but he knew he couldn't stay at the Burrow forever. There had to be something out there for him. If he only knew what.

The sky had started to lighten as the first rays of sunshine peeked over the horizon. The sound of flapping wings made him turn around again just in time to see Hedwig approaching from the Burrow. She landed lightly on his shoulder, a thick envelope clutched in her beak.

"Who's this from, girl?"

It seemed strange that Hedwig would have a letter since she had just come from the Burrow. Harry patted her head affectionately, took the envelope and pulled out the parchment.

Ginny....he would recognize that handwriting anywhere. Filled with curiosity he began to read.

Harry,

Before I explain what this is all about I want to apologize. I know being a Gryffindor means that I'm supposed to be brave, but I couldn't find the courage to tell you this face to face. I knew that if I tried to talk to you about this, the words would come out all wrong or you'd try to stop me from talking.

Harry was taken aback. What in the world would Ginny be scared of talking to him about? Ever since that night at the Department of Mysteries two years ago, Ginny was always the one person unafraid to challenge him when he unfairly took his temper out on his friends or when he tried to distance himself from them. She always knew what to say to him.

Harry continued to read.

You may have noticed these last few years that I've dated several different boys. I know you've heard the rumors that I've been trying my hardest to date every boy in Hogwarts before I finish seventh year (rumors started by ignorant jealous cows but that's beside the point). There is a reason behind what I have been doing. Through all these relationships I was trying to convince myself of something. During my first three years at Hogwarts I acted like a moron, mooning after you, and I was ashamed of how I acted.

Harry smiled thinking about the valentine Ginny had sent him in his second year. At the time he had been mortified, but looking back he now found the memory highly amusing.

Finally, I decided that enough was enough and I was determined to move on. But all the time I was deceiving myself because I still had feelings for you that go beyond friendship. I have tried to push these feelings away for years now, but every time I try to ignore them, it feels like I've thrown away part of myself. You see, I've had these feelings for so long that they have actually become part of who I am. If I pretend those feelings aren't there, I might as well pretend I don't exist all together.

As Harry read these words his heart began to beat faster and faster, a feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. Eagerly he read the next paragraph.

I've been lying to myself for too long and I couldn't stand it anymore. I am finally able to admit to myself that I still have feelings for you. They haven't gone away with time like I had hoped they would. They have only grown as I've watched you go through so much and conquer every obstacle put in your way. But the only way I could think of to make sure that I would continue to be true to myself and not fall back into the lie was to admit how I felt to you as well.

At this point Harry had a huge smile on his face and he could hardly contain all the feelings that these words created inside of him. But as he continued to read, that smile slowly faded.

I know that you don't share these feelings and I don't expect this letter to change that. This is just something I had to do for myself. I'm sorry if this confession makes you feel uncomfortable. I promise to act as though this letter never existed when I'm around you, unless you bring up the subject first. I will act around you the same as I have for these last few years so there is no need to feel awkward. I just needed to be honest to myself and to you.

Yours,

Ginny

Harry was stunned. How could she expect him to act as though he did not know how she truly felt? How did she think acting like this letter didn't exist was being true to herself and her feelings?

He angrily re-read the last paragraph and as he did so his anger began to fade. She didn't realize how he felt about her. She didn't know how his heart leapt every time he saw her. She didn't know that whenever he looked at her he had to force his eyes to look away, because if he could he would stare at her all day long, memorizing every enchanting freckle on her face.

The sun had fully risen bathing Harry in warm light. The smile had completely returned to his face.

His life was still full of uncertainties but of one thing he was very certain: this letter would not be ignored.

Harry stood up and quickly made his way back to the Burrow to find Ginny, his heart truly happy for the first time since the war had ended.

Life was full of wonderful possibilities.