Laughing Again

Laughing Again

Hermione Granger's dream to fly saved her life. She was left alone with nothing but herself, she'd given up magic and lived her life by a window. A simple dream can lead to so much more...

Hermione Granger has always wanted to fly. She dreams about it every day and night. As she sits on the chair staring out the window of her home she can see the decline of the hill she lives on and all the houses in the distance. The houses rise up on yet another hill and she can see everyone colour of those houses and their roofs. She can even count the windows on some and she wonders if they can see her. Her eyes travel further and she sees a taller hill, covered in beautiful green trees and the only things that stands out are six red radio towers, with red blinking lights, that stand proud and tall against the pale blue sky.

Hermione sighs and turns away from the mountains. She looks left but all she sees is a distant horizon, red roofs poke up between the trees and even on the horizon can she see a small red roof. Hermione frowns as she sees a shape on the horizon and as the clouds drift apart the picture of a mountain confronts her. To her it is only a centimetre high at the most but it is the prefect shape. It's the sort of shape you would draw and then colour in a bright green. The clouds part further and amongst the misty, white blur she can see tips of more mountains. Together with the greater mountain Hermione thinks they would make up the prefect sanctuary. They stand tall and no one will dare try to hurt them. They will not crumble by words and they will not move. They will stay the same: proud, peaceful, beautiful and endearing. Hermione wishes she could reach the mountains and spend forever in their sanctuary, where she could escape all the pain and suffering in her life. But deep down she knows she will only reach those mountains in her dreams.

She puts her head on arms and stares out the window, not really seeing anything just taking in the view. A cry of a crow reaches her hears and she sees the black bird take off from a near by tree, spread its wings and glide down the hill. She watches it as it levels out and starts to ascend, so not to hit any houses or trees. She is still watching as the crow takes up into the sky soaring and flying in graceful lines. Hermione watches the simple animal until she can no longer see it and her heart aches. She wishes with every fibre of her body that she could have that freedom or at least that ability. She wishes she could jump of her backyard fence and soar above all the rooves and trees. She wishes she could reach the far houses and get the sensation of flying up with the ascent of the hill. Hermione wishes that she could fly away from all her troubles and fly to the distant mountain, fly through the trees and feel the wind on her face as she soars above the clouds. Hermione imagines the feeling of jumping off the fence and instead of flying she would feel the sensation of climbing into the sky. With nothing under her feet and only the view of her house as it slowly just becomes one of the many red roofs. Then she would fly down the hill, Hermione could only imagine what it would be like but she dreamed of it so often in the end it became a fake reality.

She didn't have anything else in her life to do but dream. Hermione was a graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and now had no homework and no assignments to worry about.

Another thing that aches Hermione Granger's heart and makes her want to escape is that she also has no friends to worry about. The girl that is staring out the window once had two of the greatest friends anyone could want. But one man took them away. Voldemort was pure, insanely evil and during Hermione's last year at Hogwarts he finally cracked. He launched an unplanned, unthreatened attack on Hogwarts. He took the school totally by surprise. No one knew what he was going to do and neither did his own followers. The battle ended up with Voldemort dead and the remaining Death Eaters were captured. But Hogwarts wasn't without its own causalities. Hermione's two best friend's Harry Potter and Ron Weasley had both been killed as well as all the people in her house. Harry had killed Voldemort but even as the happiness was appearing on his face a Death Eater took that away. The Death Eater killed Harry from behind and he was buried, still with a small smile of happiness on his face. Ron had been killed shortly afterwards when he tried to avenge Harry. The same Death Eater took them both. Hermione counted herself lucky to be alive but some days she wished she had died along with her friends.

The magical world went shortly into celebration. But instead of celebrating Hermione found herself numb inside. She felt no happiness and she felt no sadness. Tears would run down her face when she thought of her friends but she never showed any emotion apart from that. That's how she came to be at this window, thinking of flying. She would stare out the window all day until she got hungry and finally went for food. She would then return to the window. She wouldn't speak to anyone and she locked her wand away forever.

Hermione Granger, the smartest witch of her age, had given up magic.

The sights before her on the day the attack happened still haunted her and the memory of her friends still plagued her. Hermione thought of flying to relieve her mind of the pain but in a way she only locked it up.

This day is no different. Hermione wants to fly but knows that only magic can help her. She knows this but ignores the fact. She hung up her robes and wand years ago and doesn't want to get hurt again by putting them back on. She gets some visitors from the wizarding world who tell her the latest news but apart from that she knows nothing.

Hermione stares out the window when a flash of pure white catches her eye. Hermione thinks its part of the cloud that covers the top of the red radio tower. But as it descends the hill, the brilliant white stands out against the green of the trees. It flies over the hill closest to Hermione and starts flying over the houses. The owl is fast. Hermione knows this because those hills aren't small and any normal owl would not be as quick.

All through her life Hermione has been curious. That is why she was always in the library, she knew there was always something she didn't know and every book she read more questions came up and they nagged her until she found yet another book to find the answers, but only more questions were asked, and so the process went on.
So when this owl got close enough she was curious. Hermione made a promise a long time ago not to feel but curiosity is not an emoticon so she tells herself she isn't breaking a promise. So Hermione wonders who still has contact with the magical world apart from her.

The owl is rapidly approaching the hill Hermione lives on and within minutes it was sitting on Hermione's windowsill. Trying to not feel shock or surprise Hermione studies the owl as it catches its breath. It is a pure snowy white owl. It doesn't have one single grey or brown feather on it, it is purely white and its eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue. They remind Hermione of the sky at Hogwarts during dusk, but she quickly squashes the memory. Her memories only cause pain after all.

The owl has caught its breath and is staring at Hermione as if it is daring her to the take the letter. But Hermione has lost her Gryffindor bravery and stands up and starts to walk away. The owl doesn't give up so easily and it flies past her and lands lightly on the ground in front of her. Looking up at her, it is daring her to take its cargo. Hermione turns left and the owl follows, she turns right and the owl follows again. Giving up Hermione sighs and walks back to her seat near the window. The owl flies back to its original spot and sticks out its leg. This time its eyes are telling her to take the letter. The parchment is slightly yellow and doesn't look like it contains much. Her eyes catch the writing when the owl adjusts its foot:

Ms Hermione Granger

House on the hill

Seat by the window.

She wants to cry because it reminds her so much of the first letter she ever got. But she doesn't allow herself the luxury.

With trembling hands she reaches out and unties the letter from the owl's leg. Seeing its free, the owl takes off and Hermione watches it as it takes its course back over the mountains until once again its apart of a far away, white cloud. The thought of flying once again comes unbidden to her mind.

Ignoring the urge to fall back into a peaceful daydream, she turns over the letter. But what she sees cause her to scream and drop the letter, like it burns her. She hurriedly gets off the chair and takes two steps away from where the letter lies. Resting on the ground the letter is harmless but stamped on the back is the crest she knows so well.

The Hogwarts crest of the Badger, Snake, Raven and loin is clearly printed onto the back.

She tries to regain herself but fails miserably. Hermione is shaking badly. She is allowing herself one emotion, she knows she will pay for it later but this feeling has taken over her mind and nothing else seems sensible.

The emotion is fear, pure, terrifying fear.

It is amazing how one tiny letter can cause such a strong emotion, but this is one of the things Hermione fears most. The letter means that a special someone, somewhere wants to talk to her. To bring her back to the world she belongs. Many have tried before, they have offered gifts and promises but nothing can change her mind. There is only one person who succeeded in something and that person convinced her that leaving the world of the living is not the right path. That person was Albus Dumbledore. Hermione's mentor and one of the greatest wizards alive. He convinced her to stay alive when no one else could and the Hogwarts seal could only mean he had kept the promise he made.

The memory came to Hermione before she could stop it:

"Ms Granger, death in many ways is just another path to adventure, but it is not the right path today. You have survived for a reason Hermione. Do not cause the pain you have felt on those that love you. That it one of the greatest pains one can experience. You have many things to live for; you have a life ahead of you, full of joys and triumphs, celebrations and adventures. You have a brilliant mind that could take you anywhere you could want to go. You could help millions. Just think, Harry, Ron and your parents would not want you like this. They would have encouraged you to go ahead and live. It would tear their hearts more than you can imagine to see you die on the inside. If that doesn't get to you, remember your dream, the dream to fly."

"I have nothing to live for Professor. I will join Harry, Ron and my parents and we will be together. I do not care for my mind now; I have no use for it. My friends and family are gone, no one left in the world can love me so I will cause no one pain. What joys and celebrations do I have to look forward to when I have no one to share the joys with? You can't understand what I'm going through, every time I wake up the memories are there. Even in sleep, I see that day. I relive it every minute of every day. My choices are insanity or death, and frankly death is looking pretty good. You can't imagine how I feel when I know that I will never see another present with "With love from Harry/Ron/Mum and Dad. I can't stand coming home to an empty house everyday. I can't stand the looks of pity everyone gives me, like I'm asking for it. But above all can you imagine what its like to know you will never laugh or joke with your friends again or hug your parents and tell them you love them just because you want to? And my dream? It is just that, a dream."

"Ms Granger...Hermione. I know of at least one that will miss you if go. This person will shed tears for the young lady that is gone and for what she could have been. A wise witch one said, Hermione, that the deepest pain one can have is to remember the future. Especially when that future was for someone else. Please do not leave the world of the living Hermione. If even if you are to give up magic, do not make the biggest mistake of your life."

"But Professor...I...maybe... you're right. The greatest pain is to remember the future. I may die on the inside today, but my body will live, but I want nothing to do with magic anymore. Magic is only a path to pain and suffering and I don't want to walk down it anymore."

"Very well, Hermione, I can't pretend I'm not sad at the loss of a brilliant young witch but I would rather you be alive. But I do not believe you are making the right choice. I promise to you and myself that one day you will return to the world you belong and you will laugh again Hermione. I promise that one day you will be happy again and you will fly."

"Oh Professor...?"

"Yes Hermione?"

"You said someone would miss me if I'm gone...well... who would that be, please?'

"That would be me, Hermione. I would miss you."

The memory stopped at those words. Hermione remembers that was the very day she locked away her wand and started to dream of flying. From then on she also wondered if Dumbledore would keep his promise or if he could fulfill it.

Now Hermione is standing in front of the thing that will destroy the quite peace she has slowly created for herself. A part of her always hopes that Dumbledore will keep his promise, now the proof is right in front of her.

Hermione remembers how happy she felt to know that at least one person cared for her. At the time she didn't believe his promise but she did believe when he said he cared. Dumbledore wasn't known for lying when he didn't have to.

Hermione knows it's the time to ask herself if she wants to go back, or if she's happy dreaming, always dreaming. The letter is more than just a mere object and Hermione knows this. She knows that if reads the letter she can never go back to the life she has created. She will accept her old life. She thinks it's amazing how much a small letter can mean to her future.

She slowly bends down and picks up the letter. It's fairly light. She sits back down in her chair. It's now or never.

But a small voice that tells her what to do and how to live, has been in her head since the attack. This voice that Hermione on a stroke on insanity called Night, tells her not to open the letter. It tells her it will only release the memories she so carefully locked away. Hermione knows the letter will probably mean everything and will mean that her life will have to change again to suit the magic but then again it could mean nothing. But Night reminds her of what magic has done to her life, of the pain she has suffered and the friends and family she has lost. It asks her again if she wants to go back to that. The voice is firm and its winning, without knowing what she's doing Hermione is slowly putting down the letter.

But a new voice arrises. It's the voice Hermione knew once. It's the one she's familiar with and the one she had before the attack and before Night took over. Hermione decides to call the new voice Day to rival the voice called Night.

Day doesn't remind her of the hard times, it reminds her of the best times of her life. The ones she had because of magic. The ones she unconsciously locked away with the bad. Day reminds her of the good times with Harry and Ron, when the two would scheme about getting back the Slytherins and playing pranks on everyone, the joy of watching Harry catch the snitch, the delight at hearing Ron make a joke or a stupid comment, the smell of a new book and the feel of it between her fingers, but most of all Day reminds her of the sound of laughter. Her laughter.

That sound hasn't been heard since the attack. Without knowing it Hermione allows herself a small smile at the sound and she feels her heart lift. Somehow the letter is back in her hand and she is playing with the seal.

Night is fuming with the emoticon she feels. It has worked too hard convincing the girl that not having emoticons will keep her from pain. It doesn't like that Day can come so easily and demolish the walls around the girl's heart. It has lived happily since that day and without this girl's aspects on life it would cease to exist. Night reminds Hermione of the promise she made to herself. Day comes back easily and reasonably tells Hermione that she made that promise when she was insane with grief and that Dumbledore was right when he said Harry, Ron and her parents would want her to life to the fullest.

Night feels its grip loosening on Hermione; she is swaying towards the more reasonable voice, Day. Day can feel the Night is worried so brings out the one tool that Hermione will listen to. Day tells her that if she accepts the letter and with it the ability to feel and magic she can finally get her wish.

She can fly.

But Night does not give up so easily and will not give up the girl who had the prefect mind to mould to its own thoughts. It was so easy to put thoughts into her head and make her the way it wants. She already had the thoughts forming and all it had to do was nourish them. But the return of the letter has caused the older voice to come back. Night decides there is only one way to keep what it wants. It must unlock Hermione's worst memory, the one she locked away for a reason.

It unleashes the memory of the attack. The blood red sky, the jets of green, the bodies on the ground, the screams of pain suddenly cut short when the pain is ended for ever and most of all the minutes showing the death of her two best friends. Hermione sees all her friends crumple to the ground one by one, she remembers all the spells thrown at her and the ones she cast herself. She sees the people she killed and the ones who died standing next to her. She sees person after person screaming as Crucio is used. She turns to where Harry is duelling Voldemort but turns back quickly, Neville is shooting curses at her, and his eyes are blank and unseeing. She knows he is under Imperio but she can't find the wizard responsible. She knows what she must do and she closes her eyes and yells. Neville crumples to the ground, his eyes are back to normal except now tears blur Hermione's, for the friend she had to kill. She then turns to Harry again and sees Voldemort crumple, she sees a Death Eater creeping up behind Harry, she tries to yell to him but he is too far away. She starts running as she sees the Death Eater raise his wand. Harry is smiling and when he sees her running his smile grows larger. But she is still too far away and the jet of green light is already reaching Harry.

Day stops the images. That memory is too painful to watch. Without knowing it the two inner voices of Hermione start to argue, both refusing to let down. A mental war rages in Hermione's mind.

But somewhere along the way Hermione stopped listening and stopped watching the memories, she had seen them before after all. She was still concentrating on the three words Day had said before.

She can fly.

Hermione sits there and contemplates the very real reality of it. How she didn't see it before she has no idea. It was there right in front of the whole time.

As she now looks out at the sunset she remembers the letter. It's back on the floor and she realises she must have dropped it at some point. Ignoring the two inner voices she picks up the letter with trembling hands and carefully breaks the seal.

With her large brown eyes she reads the words on the slightly yellow parchment and for the first time in a long time a sound erupts from her mouth.

The sound causes a crow to fly from a tree.

Hermione Granger is laughing again.