The Letter

Harry,

I've lost my faith in everything now. The one thing that I ever had faith in, the thing that could transport me away from emotion, has caused me the most pain I have ever felt.

I would always come to this beach. When Father would beat me, when Mother died. This was my safe haven. I could sit here forever, watching the waves crash upon the shore, letting them carry me away as if I were nothing. I came here when I realized I was in love with you, Harry. I sat here, crying my very heart out, knowing I would never have you. I was wrong, and from the day you told me you felt the same, I counted on being yours, and yours alone.

What I didn't count on was Ginny. She was hell-bent on ruining our relationship, but I was too blind, and caring to notice.

You remember when we bought our place; that was right by the beach? No one knew where we were for months. It was heaven, just the two of us. But that all changed when you had to go away with Ron to visit a place in America that he was thinking of buying, and he wanted to go the Muggle way, so the two of you went together. Hermione and the others had to be told where I was, in case you couldn't get a hold of me, and so they could make sure I was okay. If I'd known what would have happened, I'd never had let you go.

The first week without you was the hardest. I told them all to keep away from me, but, one night, Ginny came over, crying, because she'd broken up with Neville, and she needed to talk to someone. I let her come in, and we talked. She seemed a little calmer, but it might just have been the Fire whiskey. She said she was going to go so I walked her to the door, and she started talking stupidly, saying she loved me, and that you were lucky to have me. Then she kissed me. I didn't know what to do, but I ended up kissing her back. I knew it was wrong, but I missed you so much, and we had been drinking. The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur, but I woke up next to her, with hardly anything on. I got up, and quickly dressed. I knew what had happened, and I couldn't believe I'd done that, but I didn't regret it.

She stayed with me that week, and we were inseparable. It was like having you there. We were having our final meal together before she left to go back to her place, and we ended up in bed together, again. We didn't even hear you open the door, or hear you come in the room. I heard your scream of shock. Jumping out of bed, I tried to explain, but you told me to shut up. Ginny lay there, laughing, content that she'd broken us up. I looked at her, lying in our bed, disgusted with myself. I followed you to kitchen, still trying to explain, and you hit me. You'd never hit me until then, and I couldn't think. You told me you were going to stay with Ron and Hermione, and you'd come back when you were ready. I agreed, albeit reluctantly, and set about getting 'her' out of our bed.

For the past week, she'd slept beside me, night after night, and I'd let her. I threw all her stuff at her, and told her to go, and she told me she'd done what she came to do. I grabbed her by her shoulder, and marched her to the door. What had I been thinking? Letting her spend a week in our bed, with me...I made myself sick. I slept with her; I'd made love to her, and for what? To loose the best thing that ever happened to me? I threw her out, and slammed the door behind her. I leaned against it, sliding down, tears streaming silently down my face.

I sat and cried for almost two hours before I realized what I needed: to go down to the beach. I wish I hadn't now. I took my razor blade with me. I needed to feel the pain of my skin being sliced open, and the blood slowly flowing from me. She was gone, thankfully, when I opened the door and walked down to where the road meets the beach. I saw a shape by the water, a familiar shape. I ran down to the waters edge, and you were there, a Muggle gun clutched in your hand, and the side of your head bleeding. I couldn't bear to look. In one night, I had lost everything I had ever had.

I lay myself beside you, clutching your already cold hand. It was then I knew what I had to do. I came back inside to write this letter to you, even though you'll never read it. Harry, you were my world, and now, because of Ginny, and my stupid mistake, I've lost you for good... I'm sorry I hurt you Harry, I didn't mean to... I've been looking up spells in the books Father left me, and I've found the one I need. Concedere Vita. It's a suicide spell. I don't want to live if you aren't with me, Harry.

I'm making my way down to the beach in a moment, and uttering the two words that will let me be with you once again, forever this time.

I love you, Harry James Potter, and I always will.

Yours eternally,

Draco Lucius Malfoy