Letting Go

I loved him. Correction, I still love him, even though he is no longer living. I remember when I met him, such a long time ago, in my fourth year at Hogwarts, when I still believed in fairy-tale endings and love conquering all. I wish I were still that girl.

"Cho, hurry up! We're going to be late to Potions!"

I sighed, picking up my book bag and running after Marietta. In my blind rush down the stairs, I tripped and would've fallen if not for him. He was walking up the stairs and had caught me. I muttered a hurried "thanks" and was about to leave, when he called after me, "Wait! I don't know your name..."

I turned around. I had not taken notice of who he was before, but now I realized it was the fifth-year Hufflepuff Prefect. I looked up into his beautiful, grey eyes and might've fallen again.

"I'm Cho, Cho Chang," I whispered, silently cursing myself for sounding so awkward. Where were my charm and wit when I needed them?

"I'm...going to be late to class," although it didn't matter; I would be late anyway.

"Oh, all right, I guess I'll see you around."

I ran off to Potions. He'd forgotten to tell me his name, but he hadn't needed to. The whole school knew of Cedric Diggory.

I arrived at Potions, finally, panting and out of breath. It would be the first and only time I would ever be late to a class.

I remember feeling giddy all day; my friends asked me what had happened, but I only replied with a "nothing," the same nothing that I tell my friends now when they ask me what's wrong.

I'd made the Quidditch team as a Seeker that year. Cedric was the newly instated Captain of the Hufflepuff team, and whenever we were outside practicing at the same time that Hufflepuff was, I'd enjoy watching him flying around, effortlessly, ordering his own team around, catching the Snitch. Sometimes, so much that I'd lost all attention on my own practice, resulting in Roger Davies yelling at me.

And so my fourth year passed by, in a blur...passing all of my classes with brilliant marks, a not-so-excellent but not-so-disappointing Quidditch season, and Cedric.

I'd begun dating Cedric by the end of my fourth year, to the majority of the girl population at Hogwarts' envy.

My fifth year arrived before I knew it, the year I would have to take my OWLs. But a surprise lay in store for me, the Triwizard Tournament, which had not been hosted in a century, had been brought back with Hogwarts being the first to host.

I knew Cedric would try to enter the tournament.

I also almost was certain that he would be chosen. The shock came when Harry Potter was chosen as well. No one in the school really believed he'd entered himself into the tournament, but because it was more exciting than any other tale they could come up with, the majority of the school liked to believe so.

I was, of course, pleased for Cedric...and at the same time, I was upset, nervous, scared...but I wouldn't ever tell him that. I could not help but remember the summer, when the Dark Mark had appeared in the sky, glowing an ominous green at a site of innocent bystanders.

Yule Ball...

It was probably...the most beautiful night I can ever remember. The castle was so gorgeous, decked in frozen ice glaciers along with the normal, festive wreaths and decorations, gigantic Christmas trees and holly.

...And dancing with Cedric. We were the center of attention...floating around the other couples. I knew people were sighing over us and how gorgeous we looked.

I loved that night, not just because it was beautiful or perfect, but because it had been the first night in a long time that I had forgotten to worry, forgotten about the danger that lay ahead.

And I remember right before the Third Task, when I had looked into Cedric's mesmerizing grey eyes, and whispered to him, "Promise you'll return?"

And I remember how silly it had sounded, but I was grateful that he didn't laugh.

"I promise."

He broke his promise...he never returned.

It was completely dark, long past the time that all four champions should have returned. Fleur Delacour and Viktor Krum had not finished the tournament, but Harry and Cedric still should have returned by now. I told myself not to worry, Cedric had promised, hadn't he?

But then...a commotion, Harry was back...

...Everyone around me was whispering...

"He has Diggory's dead body with him."

"Someone call the Headmaster!"

I could barely keep from screaming, but I refused to believe it...at least not until I had seen so for myself.

...But when I did, when I had seen his dead body lying, soulless, on the ground...that was when the world came crashing down around me. My heart had torn into a million shattering pieces, which would never be mended again.

I learned that the Dark Lord had been the one to kill him. I wondered what he'd thought in those last moments before death...any last regrets or hopes...?

But life mercilessly, cruelly wore on...and my sixth year came to pass.

The year I went out with Harry Potter. I don't really know what I was thinking. I supposed I liked Harry; he was sweet, caring, and brave. ...But it was never more than that. As much as I had denied it, the truth sank into me eventually; I was only trying to replace the gaping hole in my heart.

And now, it is my last year...the night before I will graduate.

I look back at my time at Hogwarts...in these seven years, I have experienced so much. But it is on tonight of all nights that he is on my mind the most. I cannot think in the stifled darkness of my dorm room...

...And so I pull a cloak on and sneak outside. I know on the last night before we leave, the professors will not keep close watch over the hallways past curfew as they would on all other nights.

I stand underneath the huge oak tree on the edge of the lake, the tree that I had always thought of in my mind as ours, Cedric and mine.

I close my eyes...and remember.

I remember how we had carved our names into this tree as countless others had done before us...

...how he used to sing me lullabies at night and kiss away my tears when I couldn't sleep due to nightmares

...how we had snuck out so many times to dance in the wind with no music but the stars around us.

And I realize...that all this time, I haven't let Cedric go. I was too afraid to.

In my world of false perceptions and fake masks, he had been the only one to really know me. He was my love, my best friend.

And on tonight of all nights, his memory haunted my mind, shattering clear, crystalline visions of him.

And I wish Voldemort had never lived...and I hate him for what he has done, for ruining what could have been.

And even more than that, I hate Cedric...for leaving me, for breaking a promise. I hate him for shattering my illusions of love, my blind worship of it, and I hate him because I love him so much.

Because in the end, it is nothing but the stars that are aligned and I stand beneath them staring at the brightest star of them all. The wind whispers in my ear and kisses my lips. ...And I know that Cedric is standing beside me as he once had such a long time ago on a beautiful night not unlike this one.

Suddenly, I can feel his hand on my shoulder and I cover it with my own, but I do not dare turn around for fear that it is only my imagination. But then I hear...I love you. And a rush of wings...and I cannot take it anymore; I fall to my knees, crying, for it is now, that I know, as I have never known before...that he is really gone, that he could never be back, that he is lost forever...

...And the time has come for me to move on...