Out of Control

She was in the bathroom now. The water was running.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head buried in his hands. What had he done? In his mind, he saw everything happening again.

He had pushed her. Nothing more, just pushed her. And then, it had gotten out of hand. Ginny had lost her balance and fallen against the shelf behind her, but she had been able to catch herself on the shelf. She had yelled something at him; she was scared. She had never seen him like this. But he did not notice; he heard her scream as if it were miles away. Instead, he started hitting her and didn't stop. Ginny put her arms above her head, trying to protect herself.

His anger weakened with every blow, just as Ginny's attempts to defend herself.

She was not his girlfriend anymore, she was not human. She was just a dark something, everything that had gone wrong, every piece of his misery - and he had to get rid of that madness.

Harry suddenly stopped. He did not know why - maybe it had been the blood?

***

He got up and looked into the mirror - the man he saw in there was not him. It could not be him. His lips were small and pale, his green eyes were staring furiously back at him and his hair was as untidy as he had never seen it before.

"Go on, lad, smash me too, like you did your little girlfriend," he heard the mirror say.

His right fist hit the mirror even before he could really think about it. The mirror burst into lots of pieces and some parts of the sharp-edged glass cut his skin. His hand was covered in blood now, both in his and Ginny's. A few drops dripped on the floor. Harry did not feel the pain. No, he even felt better, free. But he heard her sobs coming from the bathroom, even though she had the water running, and the feeling of guilt returned. Or did he just imagine he still heard her?

***

It is his last year at Hogwarts. The previous two years, Slytherin has won the Quidditch Cup. He does not even want to think about his sixth year, where Gryffindor had an almost completely new team and everything was just chaos. Even the Ravenclaws had beaten them that year.

This year, Harry is determined to win the Quidditch Cup and not let the Slytherins get it again. Draco has apparently received private coaching, as he has become a fairly decent Seeker, compared to his first years on the team. And the Slytherin team have always had the newest broomsticks. 'The only way to win is to give everything and we need new and brilliant tactics,' Harry had told his team at the beginning of this year.

Today, his team will finally win the Quidditch Cup again. They are good, and they have practiced hard for it. All they have to do is beat Slytherin. They did it before, they can do it again.

The sun is shining and there is no wind. All he has to do is catch the Golden Snitch and they win. The sun is making it hard to look for it and he flies from one part of the pitch to the other, trying to find it. The Chasers are giving their best, but Slytherin is always ahead of them.

They have to win this match if they want to win the Cup. The whole team is trying to give its best. They have practiced as much as they have never before.

In his sixth year, they had had to get a lot of new players, as mostof the team had graduated. Now, in his seventh year, they are finally a real team again and not just a lot of single players on the pitch.

"Watch out!" he hears Baxter screaming. Harry turns around just in time to see the Bludger coming towards him. Flying upwards, it misses him by a hair. He has concentrated too much on finding the Snitch that he has forgotten to look for Bludgers.

Draco is searching for the Snitch at the other side of the pitch. Has he seen it? Harry does not want to risk losing and decides to stay close to Draco.

"And another goal for Slytherin! 80 to 50 for Slytherin House!" he hears Colin announcing. He missed Lee's comments.

A stream of sunlight is blinding him for a second. Where does it come from? He assumes it could be the Snitch and flies to that direction. Draco has seen it as well. It is in the middle of the pitch and they are both equally far away, but Draco has the better broomstick. Harry is speeding up, trying to reach the Snitch before Draco does. It is now or never. He will never have the chance to play for his team again. He will never be able to fight for Gryffindor again. Maybe he will never have the chance to win against Draco again.

Just when he gets closer, the Snitch flies away. But now he can see it.

For this short moment, he sees nothing else but the Snitch. Its little golden wings move so fast they are not visible anymore. But the sunlight is reflecting on it and that gives away its position. Harry clutches his broomstick and speeds up even more. He just has to be faster than Draco. His eyes are fixed on the point where the Snitch is, nothing else is important at the moment.

Draco is right behind him, trying to get next to him so he can push him aside and get hold of the Golden Snitch. But Harry will not let that happen. Not again.

The Snitch is hovering in the air for a very short moment and just when they are getting close enough, it flies away again. Draco seems to have lost eye-contact with it but Harry can still see it. Once more he clutches his broomstick.

Suddenly, the Snitch changes its direction and is now above Harry's head. He looks up and sees the Snitch flying away. Draco sees it as well now and is coming over. There is not much time left and Harry turns around, speeding up, trying to be faster than Draco.

He had not seen Baxter. Baxter, a 5^th year, Beater for his team, was right behind him trying to defend Harry from the Bludger that he had not seen either.

Baxter sees a Bludger flying into Harry's direction. He speeds up and is right behind Harry, ready to beat the Bludger away. Then Harry turns around.

Harry cannot react fast enough to prevent the collision. He knocks Baxter off his broom.

Simultaneously, Draco catches the Snitch.

***

To Harry, it seemed like no time had passed. He could still remember every little detail of that day. Of Baxter falling off his broom. Madam Hooch had immediately come running over to them. Harry had been able to stay on his broom and was not hurt. But Baxter was unconscious. They had brought him to the Hospital Wing and nobody had been allowed to come inside. Harry had been sitting in front of it all day long, waiting for someone to tell him about Baxter. Hermione and Ron had been by his side all of the time, trying to tell him that everything will be alright. But Harry knew it would not.

Professor McGonagall had been inside of the Hospital Wing for a very long time and when she came outside, she was looking rather pale and her voice was very silent when she talked to Harry. Baxter had landed on his head when he had fallen off his broom and that had led to a serious head injury.

He had not woken up for days. But when he finally did, he had lost his magical abilities.

And Harry had never flown again after this. He had tried to and several Quidditch teams had offered him tryouts to play for them. But nothing had helped.

His love for Quidditch and his will to win the Quidditch Cup had ruined someone else's life.

After that day, everything had been different. He had already been used to people pointing at him and accusing him of being the Heir of Slytherin, or of having put his name into the Goblet so he could participate in the Triwizard Tournament. But those had been false accusations and this one now was true. He had destroyed someone's life.

Of course, his friends were backing him up, telling him it had been an accident. But Baxter's friends did not. They blamed him and made no secret of it.

In all those years at Hogwarts, he had wanted to become a Quidditch player. He had never spoken about it to others but in his head this will had formed itself and had become so strong that even now he could not see himself in any other job than as a Quidditch player. And wasn't that just ironic? A Quidditch player who was afraid of flying?

"Now, whom do I see there? The infamous Potter! Probably searching for another person's life he can destroy! Wasn't it enough already to turn that Baxter into a Muggle?" he heard Draco exclaim. Some of his fellow Slytherins were snickering and he even saw some other students smirking at that remark. Others were just looking shocked, waiting for Harry to react. But he knew Draco was right this time.

His friends kept assuring him that it had just been an accident. But he knew what others called it - it was his fault because he had been ruthless. All he had wanted was to win the Quidditch Cup. And he had not wanted to win it for his House, but only for himself. Because of his selfishness, a wizard had become a Muggle.

***

It had been over a year since he had graduated from Hogwarts and he had still not found a job. At first, Hermione had tried to help him and encourage him, but not even her stubbornness had helped. Harry was drowing himself in self-pity. The fortune he had inherited from his parents had almost been spent and he desperately needed a job.

Ginny - She had been there for him all of the time. She had not said anything and he had had the feeling that she was the only one who would never blame him... until today...

"Yes, Baxter is a Muggle because of you - but don't destroy your own life as well, Harry."

***

The door was opened, just as much that she could slip into the room. Her eyes were avoiding him. Carefully, she went to her dresser. He did not dare moving at all for he knew she would run away if he did.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

She slowly started to pack. He got up and handed her a few of her things with his uninjured hand, then sat down again and just watched her. The bruise on her cheek got darker with every passing minute and his guilt became stronger as well. He knew he had no excuse for his behaviour. Her eyes were red and swollen.

She left the house and he knew he could not hold her back. The only thing he could do now was letting her go and hoping that she would give him a second chance one day.