Four Years

September 5, 1976

It is terrible. Just awful. James is too ashamed to even make it down to breakfast in the morning. Everyone knows James loves Lily, but James himself. And everything that he said the day before ruined it. He will never be able to even talk to Lily. He will have to move on. He will have to forget about the perfect woman of his dreams.

James walks sloppily along the path to Potions. He drags his feet along, and he walks without his friends, who are too busy eating their own breakfast, not caring about his own problems. They are great friends, but Sirius never has relationship issues. And Peter... well Peter never even seems interested in girls at all.

James sighs, staring at the tiles on the floor, thinking about how his life just isn't going to be looking up from now on. If Lily isn't in his future like he always dreamed about, he isn't sure what to do.

James eventually winds up in class. He is one of the first ones there since he skipped breakfast, which means he thankfully arrived before Lily. That means she will have to be the one to react to his presence, not the other way around. He is fine with that. All he wants to do is ignore her, but he doesn't know if that is her intent as well.

She comes in a bit later, while he does his best to ignore her right away, turning his head around and fixing upon his book. He isn't sure what they will be making, though he knows she and her partner will be the ones the brew the potion as close to perfect as possible. They are a killer pair. He has Sirius as his partner and though both of them are competent in many areas, Potions is not a set thing for them. It is more scientific and requires more perfection. He likes to make his own mark on magic, and Potions doesn't allow him to do that. Still, he needs the class in order to become an Auror... his professional goal.

Lily seems quite unemotional today, as she sits down next to the brunette boy who is an epitome of a nerd. He doesn't have the glasses like James (though James is most certainly not a nerd), but in every other way his nerdy face and dull-tone expression remind James of a nerdy kid.

James sighs, watching as Slughorn walks into the classroom. Slughorn's expression is smug, and he seems delighted to be there.

"We're going to be working on the Draught of Peace today," he says cheerily. Too cheerily. "You can work with a partner is you so desire. Whomever makes the best potion will get a spectacular surprise."

James, Sirius, and Peter groan. Slughorn never gives away spectacular surprises. It will probably just be that the winner will get a phial of their own potion. And what does James need a Draught of Peace for anyways?

James and Sirius decide to work together because James worked with Peter last time, and it is only fair for James and Sirius to work together this time.

Sirius begins to gather ingredients halfheartedly, while James stands, staring at Lily. She looks awful. Something is most definitely wrong with her. And it kills James to see her like that. He believes he is the cause of her pain and he wants to do something to make it up to her, but what can he do? She'd probably be worse because of anything he'd do. She already hates him enough.

James stares upon his friend, who is just starting to add the first ingredient to the potion.

"Wait!" James tries to stop him, his eyes focused upon the Potions book. "Isn't moonstone suppose to be added first?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius says, bored. "Good catch, James."

James smiles. He knows just how to impress Lily. He will win a Draught of Peace for her. That will make her happy. That will cause her to not be so upset with him. James isn't looking for any miracles. All he wants is for Lily to have a better day. He doesn't want to see her in any pain.

"Okay," James says, ready for action, paying attention to the directions. Moonstone first, then fluxweed. Did you bring that, Sirius?"

"Whoops," Sirius says, displeased by James' sudden interest in making potions. It means he has to do more running around the classroom.

But he does it. James and Sirius's potion soon starts to look relatively good. All they need is the hellebore, which is a key ingredient that needs to be used properly to the exact amount. Luckily, James has used it before (though that's a separate story), and he knows exactly how to calculate it out. Their potion is going to be perfect. Even better than Snivellus's.

What makes it even better is Slughorn's face when he sees Lily and the nerd's potion. He is not so cheery anymore. He is disappointed in something Lily did. Maybe James will even make Slughorn a fan of his work. Slughorn always has held some type of grudge against him, though James isn't quite sure why.

James adds the hellebore and a silvery mist takes place of the scene before it. It is completed correctly. James Potter made a correct potion. Even Sirius has a smile, with glee written atop his face.

Slughorn is moving through the groups slowly, checking to see how everyone is doing. He is currently looking at Snivellus's potion, and he seems quite amused and delighted at what Snape has to offer.

James tries to contain his excitement before Slughorn makes his way to his table. "I can't believe you actually brewed something correctly," Sirius says, at least giving James assurance that he will give credit to James for the correct potion.

James wiggles his toes with anxiousness. He can't even stand still. He realizes though that Slughorn could be planning something different for the winner this time. What if the winner doesn't get a part of the potion?

James decides to take a phial and fill it up with the Draught, while Slughorn isn't looking. He stashes it in his robes, while he watches as Sirius gives him a look of 'oh, that's what this is all about.'

Slughorn moves away from Sirius. James knows he is coming closer and he is staring him down. Then, Slughorn stops his step, turns back to Lily and the nerd, and examines their potion again.

"Wonderful!" Slughorn says with joy, looking over Lily's shoulder to see the correct potion. A large smile appears on Lily's face, though James's face triumphs with disappointment. "That's perfect! Even Snape didn't get it correctly."

Lily's face erupts with even more cheer. James knows she is delighted.

"That's one of the best Draught of Peace potions I've ever seen. For brewing it correctly, I'll give you both a phial of your own potion." Of course he says it before he's even looked at James's potion.

But James sees Lily's happiness. The nerd and Slughorn really truly make her happy. That sucks. It really does. Someone else can make Lily happy.

James takes a root of asphodel, not knowing what it could do, but knowing it will make their potion wrong. He drops it in, much to Sirius's dismay.

In an instant, the potion explores, liquid going everywhere. Sirius's face holds a grin, while James stares upon his feet. It isn't going to work out. He and Lily are over and done with.

Lily looks upon his face at the instant. She is amused, but she seems to be staring down upon him. She really is too good for him.

September 5, 1977

"Don't even look at it?"

"Why not?"

"It'll make you think twice. Keep it hidden and only look at it once you hear about the Auror position," James whispers to his right, barely moving his lips so he will not get caught.

"I don't know," Sirius answers, doubtful. He mimics James so he will not get caught, but his speech is slower. His words come out in more of a slur as a result. "I don't think I'm going to get the Auror job. Too many family problems."

"You'll get it," James reassures him. "They don't care about family anymore. Plus, my dad'll put in a good word for you. You know he loves you like a second son."

Sirius looks down at his book. He wants to not have been such a powerful part of James's life. James is his best mate and a good person. He doesn't deserve someone like Sirius bringing him down. Any reputation with him will cause him harm. Sirius doesn't want to do that to his best mate, the best person he knows.

"Don't," Sirius says, speaking a bit louder. "I don't want to involve your family in this. It's up to me, not my dad." That's not Sirius's only reason. Sirius isn't sure if his grades are good enough to be accepted into the Auror program. He just barely passed all of the required O.W.L.S. to take the courses and N.E.W.T.S. will be even tougher. He won't be able to guess on the N.E.W.T.S. like he did on the O.W.L.S.

"Fine, fine," James answers, though Sirius can tell it's halfheartedly. He's going to ask his father for help anyways. That's what type of friend James is. If only he'd listen properly.

"I'm going to open it," Sirius declares. "After class, I'll open it."

"No," James says, his speech louder this time too. "Just wait until you hear about the Auror position. You know that's our dream, working together as Aurors. This'll make you change your mind."

"I won't know about that for awhile. I want to know I at least have a job right now."

"Mr. Black! Mr. Potter! One more word out of either of you and you will be serving detention with me tonight, even if there is Quidditch practice," Professor McGonagall threatens, her eyes giving them a stare of death.

Sirius and James quiet down, both afraid of her threat. They struggle through listening to the lecture for the next fifteen minutes until class is finally dismissed.

Sirius walks out of the classroom ahead of James, so he can open the letter. He tares it halfway before James catches up with him.

"Well at least if you're going to do it, let me see it too." Peter joins them by the time the seal of the letter is completely broken.

"We are pleased to offer you a position in the Department of Magical Games and Sports," James starts to read out loud. "The Department of Magical Games and Sports organizes events such as... blah... blah. We will need an answer due back by November 1."

"November 1," Peter questions. "That's before you hear back from the Auror department."

"Yeah," Sirius answers, already aware of the fact. When he sent in his applications, he knew he'd have to make decisions quickly. "I think I might do it."

"No," James says, his pace picking up a bit. "We're going to be Aurors together. Remember?"

"I told you I don't know," Sirius says. "I want to be able to weigh in my options. The job at the Department of Mysteries is at the top of my list anyways."

"Just how many job applications did you send in?" James asks.

"Four or five. I'm not sure." Sirius wasn't sure he'd get a job offer at all. At least he now has something to fall back on.

"Come on Peter," James says, walking faster. "We're leaving this traitor until he decides to be brave and fight for the Auror position. I'm not sure what happened to you, Sirius."

Sirius allows them to walk ahead of him. He stops walking, and he holds the letter close to him. It's nice to know that he'll have a job. It's nice to know that he'll at least be doing something. He does want to be brave like James persists... like he usually is, but he knows not to join in a losing battle. He's not going to have the grades to become an Auror, and he doesn't want anyone to push for him to earn a job he doesn't deserve. He wants it to come from his own intuition, even if that means he won't work with James.

September 5, 1978

Today is the day. Really it is. I am going to marry the girl of my dreams. Lily Evans. Me, the nerdy boy. Sometimes life doesn't make sense. I'm glad that it doesn't make sense in this way for me.

She makes me nervous. Waiting for her makes me nervous. If only I could've seen her before this point. At least I'd know that she didn't run off at the last minute. To hell with stupid traditions. It's just a superstition anyways. Like anything will happen if I see her in her wedding dress before she walks down the aisle.

But if she wants me to stay away from her, so be it. As long as she's marrying me, she's going to get what she wants. I'm going to do my best to prove to her that I'm worth it. I don't think that that's even going to be enough.

That's why we're here in a Muggle church, instead of partaking in the typical wizarding wedding. She wants her family included. She doesn't want them to be shocked from a wizarding wedding. Some of our guests will shock them anyways.

My parents are fine with going through a muggle wedding. They just want what's best for me. They would care more if it was my little brother, Silas, getting married in a muggle church. Not that they prefer one of us to the other. Okay, they do.

She begins to walk down the aisle, father in tow, and she looks absolutely stunning. I can barely see her face behind her veil, but it doesn't matter. The way she walks and the way her body moves to me just makes me melt. She is there for me. Me. Never in a million years would I suspect I'd even have a date with Lily Evans.

She approaches me and takes my hand, her father cautiously giving her away to me. Her hand is warm and when it touches mine, I realize my palm is sweaty. But at least we are connected together more, and I know she is serious about this wedding. She has not run away. Not yet.

"You look so handsome," she whispers to me, as the traditional music begins to fade. I realize the ceremony is about to begin and I become even more nervous.

I want to tell her that she's the one that looks beautiful... absolutely stunning, but words cannot form from my mouth. I begin to wonder if I'm even going to find the words to say 'I do.'

The ceremony starts, but I am barely conscious of what is going on in my surroundings. My heart pounds quite rapidly as I concentrate on trying to form words... at least whispers in my head. I really need to be sure that I can say something when it's my time to speak.

Eventually the time does come. I'm supposed to say, 'I do,' something that seems stupid enough. Why would I be here if I didn't want to marry her? There shouldn't be a last chance to screw it all up. Weddings make people nervous enough as it is.

"Remus," Lily whispers to me, trying to urge me on. Her eyes stare upon me forcefully. She doesn't want me to embarrass her in front of everyone. How could she even think I would do that to her? She knows how happy she makes me. She knows how I am with her.

"I do."

Lily says her 'I do' as well, and it is official.

"You may now kiss the bride."

I finally focus on her, veil off, her beautiful eyes in full focus. She places her soft lips upon my own and our lips connect, forming a kiss. I'm not sure how it is with other people, but this kiss feels pretty perfect to me.

The ceremony ends and the celebration soon begins. A whirlwind of emotions come between me and Lily and the rest of the party. I see my parents, enjoying the party, while my brother sits down in a sigh. He has always been jealous and can never be happy for anything I do.

Sirius Black dances along to the music with a blonde-haired girl, one I do not recognize. He is without, Potter, his other half, and I'm even surprised for a minute that he decided to show up. I know he doesn't like me much, but I had to invite him. I realize he probably just came for the party.

Eventually, I see Lily's sister confronting Silas, her blonde hair and pale skin matching perfectly with his similar traits. I laugh thinking that a possible relationship could come from that. They do dance together, but I know nothing further could happen between those two. My parents would strictly frown upon a relationship between their perfect son and a muggle. Even worse than a muggleborn.

Lily and I dance and talk and celebrate. We are married. Mr. and Mrs. Remus J. Lupin. Lily Lupin. How weird that sounds. But how brilliant.

The party seems to drag on for me because all I want is some time alone with my wife now. I've never liked parties too much. But I do see how happy it's making her, and I will let her celebrate as much as she wants. Her friends are mostly the ones that surround the dance floor. I'll let her be happy with them.

Because I am certainly happy with her.

September 5, 1979

The stabbing pains. The constant ache. He killed him. He did it. Or at least it was his fault. And the roaring headache that he has now is not even punishment enough. No, not for killing his best mate. He deserves more than torture. More. That's why he gave in to Pettigrew and let him take him away. He knows his so-called friend is a traitor and is planning on turning him in to that worthless man.

He has a plan. But he was hoping his plan would have included some time to let his head rest from the night before. It is now pounding away at his brain.

"Where are we?" Sirius asks the traitor. He tries to act pleasant around the guy, but it is even difficult to look him in the eye. At least he can claim to be still recovering from last night. That, in fact, is part of his problem.

"Dumbledore's place," Peter reveals. "There's an Order meeting."

"Okay," Sirius says, as Pettigrew leads him to a building that is most definitely not Dumbledore's home. It is huge first of all, and Dumbledore is one for modesty. Its surroundings are brush and bare, hidden amongst a forgotten forest like a secret hideaway. How stupid does Peter think Sirius is?

Pettigrew knocks on the door, still convinced Sirius is under the illusion that Dumbledore will be there to answer.

A tall blonde man opens the door, while Sirius reaches for his wand. "Avada Kedavra!" Sirius says, not caring if it is against the law.

A shocked Lucius Malfoy plunges to the ground his wand falling and eventually rolling on the hard wood flooring to a rhythmic pattern.

"Avada Kedavra!" Sirius repeats, his body now focused on killing Pettigrew. He isn't even going to wait for an explanation from that traitor.

"CRUCIO!" Sirius hears, as Pettigrew's body succumbs to death.

Sirius's body etches with pain, his head wanting to explode, while he wraps himself into a ball on the ground and rocks back and forth. He is finally getting what he deserves for taking a part in killing James.