Romeo's Confession to His Dying Angel

second part

Draco's point of view

I cringe as the door shuts with a click - it's as if the small sound is but a light switch for my brain and now my thoughts have returned to me - and, oh, Merlin, what I have done?

What have I done? What have I done? Sprung from my only hate - an unhealthy obsession - becoming only Merlin knows what! (Some sort of loving-hatred mixture.)

And - everyone had seen how fast he had sprinted from class - head down eyes seeing past. So maybe I had only imagined those emeralds glancing up and maybe I had only imagined the way his eyes pleaded when they met mine.

Conquer him.

Comfort him.

But what right had I to follow him at all? What right did I have to let my heart seize in my chest when his eyes were locked with mine?

And when my eyes came to rest on his form, pity filled me - pain gripped me still so that I could only watch as his fingers trace that marred part of his beautiful flesh. I could only stand stupidly, my eyes wide with what he might do. So anger filled me, overriding my fear for him - that he could have such power over a Malfoy - inconceivable! My mind had become firm; I would show him what he was up against.

But yet why? Such whys - did I pick that way which to conquer him? Why a thousand times? I hate him not so much - and yet still I do; but between this and that emotion I foind fearingly love.

So why - my voice shouts, if only in my head - would I hurt him, then if love this be - even if misplacen?

My back hits the door with a silent thud; I turn up my face to the ceiling above - though it I do not see.

Tears cloud my vision and I can swear - mayhap imagine - that I can see some angel looking down on me with an unproven glare.

I deserve it - oh, Merlin, do I ever - Malfoys don't regret - by law - yet here I was regretting every touch to him unkind.

And that I had taken him so cruelly - in a fit of anger - God, I deserve what blows you wish to commit to me - I would be happy with them; they would be just.

For I had always hoped - subconsciously - though now I see plainly - that it be mutually masked by hate and from it we'd made love.

But this I'd royally screwed. My lip trembles even now. Another rule broken Malfoys don't ever cry - never.

And he had felt so good and right in my arms, his head thrown back as if maybe I could chase some of his darkness away. Through his eyes sparkled as if it might have been - his body trembled as if to say that it never would again and that again had brought my anger on. Anger that grew in me so strong that I might have strangled him - instead though I drove into him harder - as though I might find some comfort deep inside him - heedless of the blood that pooled around me - heedless of his tightly shut eyes then - heedless of his nails that sought to claw my back to shreds.

And, oh, Merlin, how he spoke my name - and all I could do was gasp. His voice so rasped, so stretched and all I wanted was to be surrounded by it, surrounded by his tongue.

My hands go up to cradle my head, digging the heel of my palms into my tightly shut eyes as if to force my tears back into my sockets.

Why these feelings? These feelings of miserable guilt? I should wish to cut out my heart that belonged to Harry - no, to Potter - and have it over with. And what is this other feeling? This need to control him - dominate him?

Oh, Merlin, they hurt so bad! That I would go back in time - I can only wish - and wishing, that's only for fools and lovers.

You'd like that, pretty, wouldn't you.

I cringe - lovers... lovers... what I would give to be his - but now it is too late to tell what I would give. Only know now that I rip my heart out - because it will never be because of me. But I'll never rip my heart out the way I must have torn his.

Yes, yes, good boy! Tear it out! Rip it to shreddies! Potter's heart in your hands - now that's power!

My eyes widen - "I don't want that!" I whisper to myself.

Regret. I hate this! I should just go. And I'm trying to - I've been trying to since I closed the door, but my feet suddenly are weighted.

Yes, yes - leave, pretty! Leave him far behind, in your dust!!!

My teeth are clenched as I try again - and I swallow forcefully.

No, you can't leave him! Harm you have done and left undone - and must make amend.

...Maybe - maybe if I was just to say I'm sorry... just one word... then maybe there'd be some relief for me?

No! No sorry - you no know this word!

But Malfoys - they don't have that word in their vocabulary. And, yet, I feel I must add it, or I will never move, and Har - Potter will find me a wrecking shame when he comes out - then he'll have a story to tell.

I swallow hard and realize the lump that's formed in my throat won't go away.

Trembling, my hand seeks the knob before my mind registers... and the door creeks open. Slowly I slip in, not facing him until it's closed again.

My breath is gone - eyes unbelieving, heart in my throat.

"Oh, Merlin, oh, god, no!" My voice is weak, trembling, and for once I don't give a damn about my Malfoy reputation.

"Harry, no... no...."

For he's there, before my eyes... lying on the tiled floor... blood still growing around him - he stares at the ceiling - eyes glazed - face pale - deathly so. But his hand is clutched loosely to his wrist... completely red and his lips turned up in the beginning of a smile. Glasses askew.

"It... doesn't hurt... so bad..." no more than a whisper.

How I got to his side, I haven't a clue - but his head is in my lap - and the room - it's flooding - with blood and tears.

"Harry - I'm sorry!... I'm sorry!!" I can barely hear my voice.

"Draco?"

How can I not answer it? It's like death calling ... only with his voice... sending shivers up my spine.

"Yes - it's me."

"Draco?" His eyes are unseeing.

"Yes," my voice is almost unwilling, yet eager at the same time.

His emerald eyes turn to me, but I can't be sure whether he sees me or not. But he speaks again after a moment of hesitation, " Thank...thank-you, Draco..." And he bites his lip.

"For what?" My voice trembles, and he shifts uncomfortably in my tight grasp. I force my hands to loosen their grip as I await his answer - my breath stilled - his cheeks ... ashen.

"For giving me the courage to do it for Cedric - For making me - take his place."

For giving him courage! Laughter.... Fills my ears.

My eyes widen - what does he babble? This about taking Cedric's place - and that he thanks me? I don't want him to thank me - if I caused this - his life pooling around us.

"I... I don't want your thanks, Potter," I hissed through a choked sob. "I don't want - didn't mean for that to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

"Never?" His voice is skeptical, sarcastic, and I cringe at it. He coughs.

Tell him, pretty.

"Potter - Potter - I ... I ... never... I -" And my tongue is thick in my mouth - the words stuck to the roof, like peanut butter. My temper's rising with his feeble smile and the inability of my force. And -

"Why the hell should I have to explain to you?"

"Why the hell -" he echoes - and I immediately regret myself, he's the one who deserves the anger - yet, here he is - plainly at a loss for it.

"Potter - Harry," My voice is shallow now - as I deserve to be. "Forgive me - no," I pause, not for him to say something, but for me to collect my thoughts. "No, don't forgive me - just know that I never meant to hurt you - never, because" - here I swallow thickly - "somewhere along the lines it turned from hatred - it turned from hatred to - to - Harry, I ... Iloveyou-" My words become one in a rush to get them over and done with.

"Draco, Draco -" His brow is slick and his eyes glazed. "I can - can take his - place now - his mother - she - no - ... tears of sorrow, Draco, no tears of pain." He somehow sounds so strong as he says the words, yet he's faint in my hands.

Yes, yes - he's leaving - just like you planned! You conquered him - you won!

"No, Potter, what have I done? You can't take Cedric's place! You can't! Do you think by dying that you'll bring him back!? That's not the way the world works, Potter, and you know it!" I stress the words as though my life depended upon them - and oh, how they do!

He looks to me now - as if perhaps I told him that Voldemort had risen to power and I had just asked him to join us Death Eaters - and while we were at it did he mind, very so much, us getting married?

And I cringe, to feel his eyes upon me so and to feel his heart skip and slow - he's slipping between my fingers. What is there for me to do?

Save him!

I grasp at him tighter and he yelps feebly. Should I just humor him? Did he even hear my confession? My shoulders shook with unshed sobs. Malfoys don't cry!

"Harry, is that what you want? To take his place?" I bite my lip, looking down at his helpless form.

He nods, so happy.

You can kill him now - so easily...

"No, but I don't want to," I mumble, not even anger abiding in me anymore as I stare at him with blurred vision.

"What?" His voice moves away from me - even as he speaks the word.

"Harry - please - Cedric - he's okay - and if you were to go -"

It'd be wonderful!

"Everyone would die! I'd die -" I'm shouting - so loud it hurts, burns my throat.

With you...

"Without you!"

He blinks at me as if tired - as if it's a struggle just to do that.

"Dra-koh..." My name sounds haunting upon his ghostly white lips. "They..." he's shivering. "You said... they... they don't... care." His eyes fight to keep with mine.

That's right, boy! Feed him lies!

"I lied!" I'm choking - how does he do this to me? What is this spell he casts on me? Guilt most likely... but could I go so far as to really consider it lov -

It's your hatred for him - your wish to see him dead, that's what it is, pretty!

But it's not true - I would more rather see myself dead before him - alas, I fear it shan't be so.

"Lied.... It... must be a... Malfoy... thing," he grins... coughing -and blood from his wrist splatters my face - but I don't wipe it away.

"No, Harry, don't you listen?!" I hiss. "Malfoys don't repeat themselves."

He looks at me desperately - curiously - but frailly... I could break him with a blink of my eye.

I smash my lips urgently to his - fervently trying to show him - trying to fix my horrible mistake. And for a moment he's responding... but then he's failing...fading.

I pull away. "Harry, I'm so sorry - I never meant to give you the courage. I never really hated you! Harry, I..."

"No, I understand." His features were oddly twisted in thought. "Sure?" His lips turn up faintly.

All I can do is nod feebly. How can he be so understanding of someone like me? I quiver with him in my arms - I know he feels it.

"It's a little late - and... many... mistakes... but," with a hiss, and a clench of his jaw - tightening of his hand around his wrist he lifts up, capturing my lips with his own.

Sweet, gentle... heavenly... and weakening - paling - so fast that before I realize it there's an emptiness against me and inside me.

I pull away - tears sting in the corner of my eyes, begging to be let out - to hold him against me.

Isn't it great he's gone; Father will be so proud.

Oh, Merlin - no it's horrible. Cradling his head I rock back and forth, my tears coming now. At least for him, Merlin - won't you send Cedric back so his life won't be in vain?

Malfoys never say it - never say the word, but...

"Potter, I love you."