Balanced

James was never, ever going to speak to Sirius again. He couldn't believe he had to miss the Quidditch match! It was all Sirius' fault, and the puffskeins, the bloody puffskeins. James would seriously enjoy jumping on top of every single puffskein he could find and killing it. In fact, he would happily stomp on Sirius too, if that wouldn't have meant acting like a Gryffindor.

Callaway had not been pleased when James had told him he had detention.

'What did I tell you about messing about, Potter!? That doesn't just include practices! I'm seriously considering chucking you off in favour of the reserve. I'll sort it out next term, but don't get your hopes up.' He'd then told James to go away and come back when he'd forgotten; James was tempted to try a memory charm but decided he didn't want any more trouble.

He was spending more time with the Slytherins again; they thought that this fight probably wouldn't last, as James' and Sirius' last one hadn't, but nobody mentioned it. And it was going to last. There was no way in hell he would ever forgive Sirius. He wasn't talking to Remus or Peter either, they thought he was making too big a deal about it.

Severus seemed rather happy that James wasn't playing.

'You do have to act like such a Gryffindor, don't you?' he sneered, while James was busy with homework. 'Idiots like Black are bound to make something like that happen.' James whipped out his wand.

'Expelliarmus!' he snapped, and was pleased to note Severus flew backwards five whole feet before landing.

'So you are still defending your Gryffindor friend?' asked Julian.

'No. Severus just seems too happy and Hufflepuff-ish to be allowed.' The others snorted with laughter and Severus pulled himself to his feet, scowling, and red with humiliation at being beaten by James. James threw back his wand, hoping that it wouldn't result in him being cursed.

'You know,' said Marian, who was sitting near them with her friends, looking quite surprised, 'I've never actually seen you hex someone properly, James, usually it's just sparks. I'm impressed.' James grinned and bent his head over his work, aware that he'd gone slightly pink at the compliment.

On Saturday, when the rest of the school headed out to watch the match, James had to stay inside for his detention. Sirius was working with Verdied, and James, to his disgust, was to be with Filch. He just had to do cleaning, as usual. James guessed that Verdied thought separating him and Sirius would annoy them; it was nice to know that Verdied wasn't completely all knowing. He got to work.

The match was finished by the time he got out of detention and he avoided the common room, heading to the library instead to get another book on animals. He wondered if he was being stupid; he hadn't spoken to Sirius, Remus or Peter in days. He opened the book at a random page.

It fell open on a page about penguins. Was it a sign? James doubted it. All the same, he read the description and decided that even if a penguin was the only animal in the world, he definitely wouldn't want to become one. He opened it on another random page.

A squirrel. Interesting... or not, as it happened. Being a squirrel looked rather stupid, and not suited to him. Opening it again, he found a tapeworm. He didn't even feel the need to read the description, as he wasn't a parasite and that wouldn't be practical on the full moon. Next was a yak. James just looked at the picture (fortunately there was one) and decided that would be far more suited to Sirius because the yak looked as stupid as Sirius was. Poor yak, he wondered how it managed. The next was a pigeon. James closed the book; that was enough.

James was still avoiding Sirius and the others during their next Hogsmeade trip; the fuss over him not playing in the Quidditch match had died down fairly quickly and very few people seemed to notice, but James didn't care. He'd missed it and it was Sirius' fault, him and the stupid Puffskeins.

It was close to the end of term and had been snowing in the night. James was there with Severus, Julian, Michael and a few of the girls. The group wandered around the town, first buying some sweets and then going into some shops to find a few Christmas gifts.

'I'm going for a drink in the Three Broomsticks,' said James, after a while. 'Anyone else coming?'

'I'll come,' offered Marian, but no one else was bothered. James was rather conscious of the fact that he was on his own, with a girl, as the two of them headed to the Three Broomsticks.

'Er... do you want a drink?' he offered, when they'd found an empty table.

'Yeah... OK... Butterbeer would be nice, thanks, James.' Rosmerta was talking to Sirius, Remus and Peter, who were sitting there, but she didn't take long before coming to serve him.

'Aren't you James Potter?' she asked and James nodded. 'My memory for names is fairly good. Why aren't you with Remus today?' She gestured over to the small group. James decided the best thing to do would be to ignore the question.

'Two Butterbeers, please,' he said, and dropped the coins on the counter while she poured it. 'Thank you.' He glanced at Sirius and the others out of the corner of his eye and saw that they were looking at him.

'Thanks,' Marian said to James as he sat down and handed her a tankard. 'So, are you staying or going for Christmas?'

'Staying. No family except Muggles, remember? Are you...?'

'Staying too,' she finished.

'Marian,' he said, wondering how she'd take the question. 'What exactly do you think of a Slytherin, like me, being friends with people in other houses?' OK, so he wasn't friends with them, but he had been. She looked at him thoughtfully.

'I don't know,' she said finally. 'It's odd, but then, so are you. And you can take that as a compliment if you want. It doesn't happen, well, not often. I think it's just because it's different that you'll be moaned at, as well as the fact that you lose points.'

'That wouldn't make a difference if all of us were Slytherins though. Do they care that Peter's a Muggle-born?'

'I think that doesn't help,' she said carefully, 'but most of us are used to it by now.' She fell silent and sipped her Butterbeer. 'Basically, James, if you're after popularity, get rid of them. If you don't care, then don't.'

He and Marian chatted for a while about less serious things, like homework, and how horrible the teachers were.

'I'm heading back up to Hogwarts now,' said Marian, after a while. 'Thanks for the drink.' She got to her feet.

'Bye,' said James. 'I think I'll be coming back soon, but don't bother waiting.' She stood still for a few seconds, before swooping down on James and kissing him on the cheek, then dashing off. James felt himself turn bright red and lowered himself down to hide as much of his face as possible behind his tankard. Could he hear Sirius sniggering, or was he imagining things?

Definitely sniggering.

He sat still for a bit, waiting for the red in his face to go down. Then he got to his feet, and headed over to the three boys sitting at the back.

'Hello,' he said brightly, as though he had never stopped speaking to them. 'Having fun?' He took a deep breath. 'Sorry I stopped talking to you for a while. Could I have another butterbeer please, Madam Rosmerta?' He sat down next to them, and paid for his butterbeer, well aware that all of them, particularly Sirius, looked absolutely astounded. He looked around.

'James...?'

'Before you ask, no, apologising is not going to become a habit. I was just a bit bored, all the others have gone back to school.'

'Even Marian Wilkes...' murmured Peter and James felt his colour rise again.

'Shut up,' he muttered. The other three exchanged delighted glances.

'Girlfriend of yours, is she, Jamesy?' asked Sirius, a grin on his face.

'I notice you haven't got one yet,' replied James, snootily, although Marian wasn't a girlfriend. She was anything but a girlfriend. Well, she was a girl, who was a friend, but apart from that...

'Glad you remember us, Jamesy,' said Sirius. 'I was beginning to worry you wouldn't. Done anything nice since we last spoke?'

'I made Severus fly backwards ten feet in the common room, because he was being annoying,' said James. OK, so it had been five feet, big difference. 'Have you done anything nice?'

'Didn't Snape tell you about the Dungbomb?' asked Sirius. 'It was rather funny, pity you didn't get to see it. I think you were at dinner and I had the misfortune to run into him in the Entrance Hall, so I Dungbombed, ducked and ran.'

'Is "Dungbombed" a word?' asked Peter.

'Yes,' insisted Sirius. 'Er... James?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you want to come to my place over the holidays for a "family Christmas", with a few friends thrown in? Remus and Peter are going.'

'OK,' replied James. 'I'll tell Brauhum that I'll be on the train.' He guessed Sirius had invited the other two while he'd been avoiding them, but he still didn't think it fair; he was their friend, even if they hadn't been talking. Brauhum didn't seem to mind too much about James' change of plan. He promised James that he'd sort it out. McGonagall was less pleased, she came over to tick off the names of the four boys before they left and told James he should have thought ahead better.

'I thought ahead brilliantly,' replied James, 'as I'm sure Professor Trelawney would tell you.' McGonagall narrowed her eyes, but didn't take any points.

The train journey was fun; the four played a variety of card games with a pack of Exploding Snap cards. James found he wasn't too bad at most of them, and won quite a few hexed Chocolate Frogs before Sirius got out a chess set. James remembered, with fondness, his father's old chess set; somehow it was fixed, by some sort of magic, so the black side was far more likely to win.

James played Sirius and ended up winning, this, however, was mainly because Sirius liked to see the chess pieces smash each other, so would often sacrifice his own just to watch this.

Mr Black met them at the station. He was tall, with brown hair and eyes, and was wearing robes which, although they weren't that shabby, were nothing James could ever imagine his father wearing. He gave the boys a tired smile, most likely relieved that his son hadn't yet been expelled, and then enchanted the trunks so they weighed less for the boys to drag and lift up.

'Hello,' he said quietly. 'Your mother's at work, she's doing overtime again.' James noticed a slight scowl on Sirius' face, not because he expected his parents to always be there for him, but because his mother always seemed to be working.

'There hasn't been a murder for ages,' he whined, although very quietly to stop Muggles from hearing. 'Why does she have to do all this stuff?' Mr Black sighed.

'Muggles have been killed, Sirius, by the same person. He's not gone, but the Ministry just don't put it in the papers. Come on.' They got an ordinary Muggle taxi back to the Blacks' house, which didn't take too long, and the four then went up to Sirius' room.

When Mrs Black arrived back that night, James didn't think he'd ever seen her looking worse, although he didn't dare tell her. She was obviously exhausted, with bags under her eyes, and she collapsed in her chair. Sirius did something James had never seen him do willingly: he went up and hugged her.

'You need to sleep occasionally, Mum,' he told her, in a slightly embarrassed voice.

'Hello, Sirius,' she said, a little surprised. 'Hello, boys.' She placed her hands on her son's shoulders and looked at him seriously. 'Just listen to me, Sirius, just for a bit. This isn't really all that simple. I can't just give up all the extra work I'm doing. It's more dangerous than the Ministry will tell you, it always will be. Muggles are being killed regularly, the press will find out sooner or later, and then we'll be screwed, OK? I want all four of you to be careful, and I mean careful. I know it's Christmas, but none of you are going out after dark, and you're not to head away from the village in the day. Do you understand me? Can you all promise me that?' She looked around at the other three, too.

'We promise,' said Remus.

'Yeah, OK,' agreed Peter. James glanced at Sirius and the two nodded slowly, in unison. Mrs Black appeared very relieved at this, and she relaxed slightly.

In the week before Christmas, the four occupied themselves by decorating the house, with holly, tinsel and several large trees, planning new tricks and charms to use and discussing their potential Animagus forms. Remus had to leave for a couple of days to transform, but he got better fairly quickly, as was usual. Mr Black was on holiday, but Mrs Black was at work almost every day. She even seemed reluctant to take Christmas Day off, but the combined forces of her husband and son and several hexes on the front door and fireplace meant that she remained at home.

Apart from Mrs Black's insistence that Christmas was the time when the Ministry was most vulnerable, they all enjoyed Christmas Day. The trees were completely covered in tasteless decorations, both magical and Muggle. The largest one, in the living room, had a huge pile of presents beneath it, which Sirius insisted on distributing the huge pile of presents beneath the tree, a job that he was welcome to. James was pleased to note that those in his dormitory hadn't forgotten him, as he'd sent them each something small.

From Sirius he had the usual sweets and Dungbombs, Peter had got him a book on flying and Remus had got him a book on Quidditch fouls, and had written in the front: "Here are some ideas for tactics on the Slytherin team. I know most of them have already been used, but there are a couple that I haven't seen yet on the field." From Severus he had a strange wooden box, with a note that said: "Found in Knockturn Alley, probably cursed, but I don't know. Try sticking Black's hand in there, might be funny if it is cursed."

'You mean...' said Sirius, looking upset, 'that Sevvie doesn't like me!' he sniffed loudly. James slipped the box back into its wrapping paper before either of the Blacks looked over. Fortunately, they were both reading a letter from a relative and hadn't noticed.

'I think,' muttered James, 'I'll open the rest of these upstairs.'

'That might be smart,' muttered Remus.

Later, James found, to his relief, that there were no other possibly illegal items from those in his house, only some more stuff on curses. Peter picked up a quill from Sirius' desk and stuck it in the box from Severus. It completely disappeared, much to Sirius' annoyance.

'I liked that quill,' he moaned.

'Count yourself lucky James didn't take Snape seriously and stick your hand in it,' Peter reminded him. 'We don't know where that's gone now.' James tightly sealed the box and stuck it in the bottom of his trunk. He doubted he'd use it until he found out how it worked and where the things went.

'I'll stick Severus's hand in it when we get back,' he offered.

'Eurgh!' said Sirius. 'You're actually going to touch his hand?' He shuddered, and James chose to ignore him.

Two days later, a witch and her five-year-old son were killed. It was reported in the Daily Prophet and shocked everyone. Although James hadn't been expecting the murders to just stop, it still seemed strange. He didn't know the family of the victims, but he couldn't help feeling scared. He might not have a family, but he didn't want Aunt Susan, or Simon, or any of his friends to die.

Sirius went right up to his mother when she came back from work and said: 'It's Voldemort, isn't it?'

'How do you know about...?'

'You've mentioned him,' replied Sirius. 'He's been around for a while and you used to tell me loads of stuff about your work. You said that there was a dark wizard, and you said he was called Voldemort. It's him still, isn't it?' Mrs Black looked nervous.

'I spoke about him when you were only six,' she told Sirius. 'I needed someone to talk to who wouldn't blurt out confidential Ministry matters to everyone. And you were good at keeping secrets then.'

'I still am,' said Sirius, sounding offended. Mrs Black's gaze flicked to James, Remus and Peter, who Sirius had told everything.

She'd also assumed that he'd forget. What was it with adults? They always seemed to think that children wouldn't remember a thing.

'I didn't tell anyone except these three. It's him, isn't it?' She nodded, finally. 'Why don't the Ministry tell people his name? He's just a nameless killer now, when you know what he's called.'

'The name,' said Mrs Black. James was confused. 'I suppose you four know too much to just ask you to forget?' They nodded. 'Do you know a lot about magical theory? About names?' The four shook their heads; James vaguely remembered doing some rather boring and basic stuff about theory in various lessons, but nothing about names. 'When you direct a curse at someone, or any charm, for that matter, you will not only be concentrating on your wand and the incantation, but on who you wish to curse. It's the same with rituals. This is just simple stuff, but knowing the identity of the person you're cursing increases the power. It's used a lot in Dark magic. Someone's name may also be used in the actual incantation.'

'Then surely his name should be told,' said Remus, slowly. ''To increase the power of anything people use against him.'

'Which is exactly what he doesn't want. For a start, no one knows his real name, before he became Vol...Voldemort. And he doesn't want anyone to use that name either, we think he's cursed it, somehow, because no one will say it. Why did you make the connection between these murders and what I told you ages ago?'

'I er... just assumed, as there's been no one else you mentioned,' James noticed Sirius' eyes flick towards him, but Sirius didn't tell his mother that James remembered his parents' death and how it had been the same person. Mrs Black looked around at the four of them suspiciously.

'Look,' she began, 'you four just keep this quiet, OK? Don't tell anyone. Is that understood?' They nodded.

The next few days of the holidays passed quickly, although Sirius' mother and father both went to work after the murders.

*

'Oh joy of joys,' muttered Sirius, under his breath. The four boys and Mrs Black, who had been persuaded to take a few hours off work, were at King's Cross, going back to the Hogwarts Express. They were also running quite late, as the Muggle bus they had taken had got stuck in traffic.

'Stop your moaning,' said Peter. 'We all know how much you love school when you're there.'

'You sound scarily like my mother,' replied Sirius. 'And the only bits I enjoy are throwing Dungbombs at... er... acquaintances, and friends.'

James felt his heart almost stop when he heard someone scream.

He stopped in his tracks, as did the other three. Ahead, a group of cloaked wizards had appeared and surrounded someone.

'Hide!' hissed Mrs Black and shoved all four behind one of the walls in the station. 'Keep quiet. Don't talk. Don't move. Get your wands out, but not visibly.' James slipped his hand into his pocket and felt his wand there; it was comforting to be armed. He listened carefully; the station was very quiet.

'What's going on?' asked a loud voice, probably one of the guards. James glanced worriedly at Sirius; he knew that Muggles could be stupid, but the poor man could be killed.

'Why do you care, Muggle?' asked a low, menacing voice.

'What? What's the problem? I'm going to call the police.' James could easily detect the panic in the man's voice.

'No you won't, Muggle. Crucio!' The Muggle yelled, and screamed. James closed his eyes, even if he could see nothing with them open. He had no idea what the curse did, but it sounded awful.

Sirius carefully peered around the wall, before being pulled back by the collar of his robes by his mother, who glared at him furiously, but didn't speak.

'There are about ten of them,' he whispered, as quietly as he could, which, unfortunately, wasn't very quiet, and his mother hissed for him to shut up. He ignored her, as he always did. 'They never saw me, or our trunks. They've got one of the guards, but I can't see who else.'

'Be quiet!' Mrs Black snapped as quietly as she could. 'They'll blast your head off.' She was silent again, and then she said: 'I'm going to Apparate to the Ministry. I'll be ten seconds and then I'll be back. Do not move. Do not talk.' She disappeared, and the four remained silent. James clutched his wand tighter, and tried to block out someone's screams, and the yells from others.

Fortunately, Mrs Black was gone a very short time. She hugged Sirius tight when she returned, as though she had been expecting him not to be there when she got back.

James stared up at the sky, trying to block it all out; there were still shouts, and piercing screams, and they brought back memories that he didn't want. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like to have a memory charm done so he didn't remember the murders, although he didn't want to forget, not really.

'Stop!' yelled a voice. 'You are all under arrest. Stop what you're doing!' James couldn't help marvelling at the stupidity of the Ministry, before loads of curses, hexes and spells sounded, almost all at once. James glanced at his friends; Sirius clearly wanted to see what was going on, but his mother was holding him firmly in place; Peter looked worried and both he and Remus were pressed hard against the wall behind which they were hiding. Remus had his eyes shut and his fingers in his ears.

Soon, there was silence, and James breathed a sigh of relief, assuming that if the Death Eaters had won then there would be havoc.

'Round up all the Muggles,' croaked a voice, 'close the station and don't let anyone in or out; no trains are to leave or arrive.' Mrs Black got to her feet and looked at the four boys.

'You four can stay here, I'll get someone to send your trunks over.'

'Has the school train left?' asked Remus.

'More than likely, but don't move anyway.' She peered carefully around the corner to check all was well, dusted herself off and walked away.

'What happens if we have missed the train?' asked Peter, nervously.

'We might Floo there,' said Sirius, shrugging. 'Or maybe a Portkey, I think those are the best ways.' He looked around the corner. 'There are loads of Ministry people, talking to Muggles and stuff. Our trunks have been moved to just round here. I can't see the dead people.'

James stuck his head around the side, underneath that of his friend; the scene was far more chaotic than Sirius had described: a lot of the Muggles were in hysterics and the Ministry wizards and witches were desperately running about trying to stop anyone from leaving. Mrs Black was right in the middle, questioning a wizard, who would occasionally give an order. Remus and Peter also peered around, to look at what was happening.

A Ministry wizard saw them and strode towards them, an annoyed look on his face.

'We're wizards,' said Sirius, before the wizard put some sort of charm on them. 'Has the Hogwarts Express left? Because we're supposed to be on it.' The wizard looked even more annoyed at this; apparently, finding random Hogwarts students was even more irritating than trying to shut up hysterical Muggles. 'My mum is Melissa Black, she's over there.' Sirius pointed to his mother.

'Wait here,' instructed the wizard, and went over to talk to Mrs Black. James sat down on his trunk and Sirius sat next to him; both boys avoided looking at the scene before them.

'You OK, mate?' asked Sirius, trying not to sound too worried. He probably thought James would freak out, like he'd done last time he'd seen an attack

'I'm fine,' said James, quietly. 'I just wish this hadn't happened.'

'Don't we all?' said Remus.

'We are safe at school, aren't we?' said Peter. 'Dumbledore's always telling us that.'

'I don't think he'd lie,' said Sirius. 'He's got nothing to gain by lying, he'd be better not saying anything, if we weren't safe.' The Ministry wizard came back over.

'The train has left and you four will have to get a Portkey up to Hogwarts,' he told them. 'Obviously you can't wait here while we prepare it and contact your teachers. We've got a Ministry car coming, to take you to the Ministry building. It hopefully won't be long before everything's sorted. Say goodbye to your mother, because you might not get a chance to see her again, and follow me.' Sirius gave his mum an embarrassed hug and the others thanked her for letting them stay before the Ministry wizard shepherded them and their trunks out of the station.